| Too intense to orgasm.....possible?
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:12:15 PM | | I asked a similar question a while ago but now the situation has changed so I am hoping to get some help from you guys/gals. Whenever I am performing oral on my current girl, she stops right before I feel like she is going to have an orgasm. Before she said she felt like she was going to pee but I explained that I didn't mind if she did and I doubt she would. Now, she says the feelings are too intense and it feels to good so she makes me stop. She has never had an orgasm either alone or with someone else. It's been about a year of the same thing, so i am not sure if it is something that will happen with more time. I have suggested she get a vibrator and try to orgasm alone, but she doesn't want to. Is this something common? I am wondering how I can get her to relax enough to be able to orgasm. Any help would be appreciated. | |
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| Too intense to orgasm.....possible?
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:43:29 PM | Not to be judgemental or anything, but it sounds that she may be a bit uptight...is she quite young and inexperienced? How old is she?
My advice, if she were the one asking, would be for her to definitely use a vibrator and figure her own body out. I think that one of the best things a woman can do for herself and her partner is know her own body.
It sounds as if you may be bringing her to a g-spot orgasm...if she is getting a sensation that feels like she will pee...classic signal. Or...she could be getting ready to pee, who knows. Bless you for being open-minded enough not to worry about that, though.
I know that the feeling can be so intense that it can almost be painful, and it may be scaring her to have these feelings. I think she needs to loosen up a bit. Unfortunately, how can you tell her that without using those words and offending her?
You seem open-minded and I'm glad that you're asking this rather than just dumping her. Of course, I wouldn't blame you for moving on eventually because of this...it seems that it's affecting your sex life too much.
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| Too intense to orgasm.....possible?
Posted: 4/11/2008 11:06:01 PM | | If she doesn't want to, she won't. It's a tremendous trust issue. Giving up control in that most intimate of moments might be more than she's emotionally ready for. Give her time, show you accept her, and don't place too much emphasis on her big O. Maybe she'll learn to relax and let go in time. | |
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| Too intense to orgasm.....possible?
Posted: 4/12/2008 12:23:21 AM | Not to be judgemental or anything, but it sounds that she may be a bit uptight...
You think she’s uptight now!…..wait and see how uptight she gets if she happens across this thread…….
Me thinks role lasrever will be lucky if he can ever orgasm again, after she gets done …….. | |
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| Too intense to orgasm.....possible?
Posted: 4/12/2008 2:11:29 AM | If she feels like she's going to pee, that's normally a sign she's close to squirting. So she doesn't want to relax for fear that she might. And if she's never even had an orgasm before, she's bound to be absolutely terrified of that happening.
You're going to need to establish a LOT of trust to get her through this. By a year, you should really have that trust. | |
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| Too intense to orgasm.....possible?
Posted: 4/12/2008 7:20:27 PM | | I realize the trust issue, I have ben trying to get her to relax to the fullest to no avail. Anyone have any ideas? | |
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| Too intense to orgasm.....possible?
Posted: 4/12/2008 8:28:13 PM |
If she feels like she's going to pee, that's normally a sign she's close to squirting Is that true? I've never ever heard of that before. . . nor has that ever happened to me..
Most of not being able to have an orgasm is psychological. Maybe she's not 100% into you, maybe she's got other things on her mind, or maybe she's just self-conscious. There are a million different reasons. If she doesn't mind, and doesn't want to do anything about it it's her own problem. You get off right? End of story. Don't make her feel pressured when it doesn't matter to you in the end. | |
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| Too intense to orgasm.....possible?
Posted: 4/12/2008 9:32:55 PM | OP: There isn't a lot you can do to make her be more secure. Sorry.
Have you ever had a relationship where you were always telling the other person that they were good enough? It starts to wear after a while and you begin believing them. This is the same thing.
I will make a few suggestions, but I honestly don't know if they'll work...
-Buy her a vibrator.
-Take her with you and ask her to help you pick one out for her.
-Talk to her and tell her that you're feeling like she may not be comfortable with you and ask her what you can do (or both do) to help her.
Of course, the best one is to give her a HUGE orgasm to show her what she's missing...but that obviously isn't going to be too easy.
Don't put too much pressure on her to orgasm...I'm not saying that's what you're doing, but could this be part of the problem?
I had an ex who would tell me that he wouldn't do something I liked until I had 15 orgasms...he'd sulk if I didn't make the quota...nothing ruins sex faster than sulking, pouting and making demands (unless you're into that sort of thing).
Remember that for women, an orgasm is not necessarily needed...we don't always need an orgasm to be satisfied...of course, it helps!
Also, don't take it personally...a lot of men do. | |
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| Too intense to orgasm.....possible?
Posted: 4/12/2008 9:59:51 PM | Hmm I'll give my 50 cents on this one.
I have a lot of friends that are self conscious about their weight. I have girlfriends that are self conscious of what will happen if they 'let go' and have orgasm because they are out of control, and might do something embarrassing to themselves, or alter their image. Some women really just don't like oral sex but will bear through it just because they think YOU like it. Personally, sometimes there is a little over eating----if its starting to chaff and get over sensitive, it can become very uncomfortable and very unsexy fast. I've also been in a position of the 'so close but so far' and sometimes its just worth giving up on the orgasm than trying to go for it, usually with the reasons above with being uncomfortable. Every lady is very different.
Something I noticed though: you said "she stops right before I feel like she's going to orgasm..... do you actually know she was going to be close?? or is this just an assumption or does she tell you?? do you think she could be lying for the fact she'd have to fake it to make you happy or give in to let her be?? I don't mean to be rude or judgmental-I'm not, I'm brainstorming ideas here :)
This being said, it doesn't sound very convincing she's good at communicating what her needs are, whether its less or more or some form of comfort level.
Maybe she needs to learn more about her body, and understand what happens during orgasm and prior. Maybe she has more psychological issues than you could imagine for self image and her sexuality that you don't know of, or maybe she just lacks trust.
Does she want or like having sex??? I want to hear the rest of the story :)
Whew, that was actually more than 50 cents. | |
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| Too intense to orgasm.....possible?
Posted: 4/12/2008 10:27:30 PM | | I think when she gets to that point try intercourse. It worked for me. Remember that an orgasm isnt as important for the woman. Everything else is. | |
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| Too intense to orgasm.....possible?
Posted: 4/12/2008 11:24:39 PM | Hmmm I would be careful generalizing about that; that may be the case for you.
Although its not important every time that I orgasm, it certainly is important that I have them. Everyone is so different, and everyone wants different things. For you it seems, orgasm isn't important to you, and whatever 'everything else' may be.
But since a lot of the imaginable 'other things' usually happen before orgasm, maybe those things could be done a little better so that orgasm could be more enjoyable-- to the point that it could be a priority, if it were presented? Just a thought. You can have your cake and eat it too!! | |
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| Too intense to orgasm.....possible?
Posted: 4/13/2008 12:33:25 AM | | i don't want to make you feel bad but i think you're doing it wrong. the feeling is probably too intense because you're making direct hard contact with the clit. try going lighter | |
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| Too intense to orgasm.....possible?
Posted: 4/13/2008 2:14:10 AM | I hope I might lend some gentle advice without intruding on this covertsation ... it's just that something occurred to me that might possibly help.
This might sound silly or trivial at first but you might consider trying this on a relaxed night when you have plenty of time and make certain that she feels no possiblility for distractions. Turn off the television and phone, eat early, a light meal nothing heavy, and without making a big deal out of it, draw a hot bubble bath for the two of you, with soft music and candle light of course. Maybe a nice merlot. As you help to undress her, tell her you think she's beautiful, call her whatever pet name she likes most, kiss the back of her neck and shoulders, or whatever parts of her that might be either neglected or unexpected, not specifically sexually so, but just as small tokens of your affection. Put her in the bath, wash her back, be playful and tender. Let nature take its course.
So, basically I'm saying to seduce your girlfriend in the bath, and if she seems receptive, try it there.
I said it might sound silly at first but there are a few reasons why this might help.
First is that water is the female element, the bath and the water will help her to become completely relaxed, plus everybody looks sexy with water droplets glistling on bare skin under candle light.
Now for the un-romantic.
This fear she has of peeing, while you may have reassured her, she might still fear completely letting go out of dread for the anticipated mess, and be mortified at the possible embarrasment. My point is the bath is much different than a bed ... no matress gets wet, no laundry to contend with, no vision in her head of peeing uncontrollably as she imagines your dread of witnissing her leaking all over the bed. In her mind she's thinking how embarrassing and un-romantic this would be, which is really a projection of an anticipated fearful outcome.
My second point is that this is all most likely in her head ... this fear ... but even were it to occur ... its easily dealth with, just stand up and turn on the shower head and everybody gets squeaky clean, lickety split.
And if you do this right you will not even need to say a thing.
Of course, all of the other rules of romance apply, which in my experience boil down to kindness, affection, and attentiveness, applied liberally days in advance. Remember romance to women is very different than to men, they think its romantic that you pay attention, and do helpful little things, which can be anything from changer a wiper blade, to bringing her favorite candybars, to taking out her trash.
And the practical considerations need to be attended to for things like getting candles and cleaning your bathroom before attempting to stage a seduction.
Well, you might think about it ... with all the water makes me think of that Zepellin song ... "When the Levy Breaks".
Luck.
Caw | |
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| Too intense to orgasm.....possible?
Posted: 4/13/2008 2:43:50 AM |
I realize the trust issue, I have been trying to get her to relax to the fullest to no avail. Anyone have any ideas?
This isn't about trust...you're on a quest...you want to put a feather in your cap, and all you are really doing is putting pressure or her for your personal satisfaction!!!!!!
It's not going to happen until she feels ready, and the more pressure you put on her the longer it will take……… | |
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| Too intense to orgasm.....possible?
Posted: 4/13/2008 7:52:36 AM |
i don't want to make you feel bad but i think you're doing it wrong. the feeling is probably too intense because you're making direct hard contact with the clit. try going lighter Excellent point! Some people think that rubbing the clit like you're trying to light it on fire is effective...most of the time, I would say it's not. If anything, you will oversensitize it and then it will get to the point of being painful.
Don't pull on it either! For the love of God!
Biting on it? That could earn you a kick in the head.
Some women might do okay with this, but I think, generally it's not good. | |
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| Too intense to orgasm.....possible?
Posted: 4/13/2008 8:35:45 AM | How old is this chick??? How experienced? Young girls have some stupid ideas about sex...such as anything but actual intercourse is not really sex and saves their virginity for their future husband. So, could it be that maybe she thinks she doesn't have an orgasm then that also keeps her virginity in tact? I may have missed it but did you mention penetration or just oral sex?
It also may be some deep seeded religious thing...i had a catholic friend who thought anything other than missionary was wrong. Who knows? sounds like some sort of hang up. | |
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| Too intense to orgasm.....possible?
Posted: 4/13/2008 9:08:27 AM | Mind over matter.....she has to relax HER MIND...
Yes, there is such a thing as you mentioned...getting right to that point of orgasm and then not being able to. She needs to relax and unwind, esply her mind.
And some "alone time" practice will help. | |
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| Too intense to orgasm.....possible?
Posted: 4/13/2008 9:42:07 AM | Knowing or trying to find out what gives her pleasure before the oral. A kiss on the neck, or shoulder...something which you can tell is getting her excited. Capitalize on that as you begin your lovemaking, and leave the oral for later. Amazingly, using your fingers and other body language to try and map out what gives her pleasure, can be very rewarding. Use this new found knowledge to slowly bring her to a peak. Gently, but firmly approach the orgasm in a way where you intermittently touch her clitoris, making the whole area a focus with finger penetration being included. I find, a woman will give out many signs which will point you in the right direction...just try to recognize them and continue the learning process.
Once you can bring her to orgasm, then incorporate the oral part.
...just my two cents... | |
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| Too intense to orgasm.....possible?
Posted: 4/13/2008 10:52:24 AM |
Hmmm I would be careful generalizing about that; that may be the case for you.
Although its not important every time that I orgasm, it certainly is important that I have them
I actually used the phrase not as important, and certainly I meant not as important everytime. but if there are times maybe when im too tense for whatever reason, that it sometimes helped to switch sexual activity. | |
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| Too intense to orgasm.....possible?
Posted: 4/14/2008 1:47:38 AM | Adding my Texas Two cents a bit late...
I have been the lucky recipient of a lover who professed having that feeling shortly before saturating the sheets. Or was it after, hmmm? And fortunately for me I had the presence of mind to pull my face back and keep quite and continue with the ministrations. In my situation it turned out it was not urine at all. But vaginal fluids. YES! I know because I received a face full before I realized what was happening.
Now many will claim it is not possible. Especially with videos capturing it, and whole web sites dedicated to it.
Best advice would be not to panic, or stress over it. Which it sounds like you are on top of. Second thing... and maybe this was stated... lay down some towels beneath her or have them on hand should she reach that place once again.
And finally tell her go with it, encourage her to explore her sexuality, relax, take a deep breath and enjoy that ride!
"CowboyEnuff"
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| Too intense to orgasm.....possible?
Posted: 4/14/2008 3:17:10 AM | P.S.
one additional thought that works with all the ladies. Is she the type of person who reciprocates? I ask this simply because if she is "kind" to you in that fashion. Then look her deeply in the eyes and tell her...
"Baby! Here is your chance to get even for all those times I did this in your face." Then reassure her you are rather looking forward to it.
Note: it is very important to keep a sense of humor, but sincerity at this time. Because you can come across as pressuring her with that statement, as well.
...and most importantly, do as the previous ladies probably suggested and I reiterate...
"DO NOT DRONE ON ABOUT IT"
let her take it at her pace and at her time...
"CowboyEnuff"
Good  ahead! | |
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