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Posted: 4/13/2008 12:27:32 PM | I am new to this site and well I just cant believe My eyes... I am seeing ALOT and I mean ALOT of single people on here and I dont understand why ? I know that everyone has " their Type" and of course there are always " stipulations and conditions" but what is that people Really want , What are you looking for in someone? what is Acceptable and Not Acceptable? Is there a Happy Medium where people can Accept others for Who and What they are?
Now I can only speek for the guys ( being one ) and one thing that I have always heard and hated to hear is this " All Men Are All The Same" you know what ladies this is soo not true. We are just as different as you women are to Us and you ladies dont make things easy for us guys either , women are very confusing people , always changing your minds on the spur of the moment and cant keep things simple , its always a complication when there doesnt need to be one.
Men are simple creatures , we like things simple , because its less confusing , its less of a hassle and its alot less work. This doesnt make us Lazy or Not interesting its just that .. for example .. if a guy goes grocery shopping .. we go in get whats needed and leave .. we dont waste time looking for stuff we havent seen before , we know right off what we want and go and get it and go home ... again Simple
But it seems that this is not what women want ... so the big question is ..
WHAT DO WOMEN REALLY WANT IN A MAN ?
In MY OPINION (yeah everyones got one ) going to throw Mine up ... Im going to make a list of what I think women want from a man.
1. Must Be Employed ( gotta make that money guys )
2. Must have a House or Home ( yeah you kinda need that roof over your head )
3. Must have Wheels ( well guys you need to have a car or truck or bike to get to the women you want to see ).
4. Must be Honest and Truthful ( yeah I know this ones a tough one but you know if we just blatently told women what they wanted to hear it would all be lies anyways .. cause we all know that the Truth Hurts , its hard to Accept and if it is Told straight up .. then your an A$$hole ) example ... woman: does this dress make me look fat ? Man : well yeah it kinda does dear Im sorry to say <<5. Must look Decent ( whoever says that Looks Arent Important is a Liar ) One MUST BE ATTRACTED TO THE OTHER and well if a guy looks good but is broke and has that one good outfit that makes him look like a million bucks well when she finds out that your not that Good Looking Guy who looks like hes got money .. well Im sure that most of you know the answer to what happends next ... lets just say there probley WONT be a 2nd date. Cause we all know that Jeans and a Tshirt just aint gonna cut it, and if your breath isnt smelling like Listerene and you got 5oclock shadow well you can kiss your next date good bye .
6. Must Be In Shape ( yeah this is a good one ... All Men Have to Be In Shape these days ... we all gotta be 200 or less and wear a size 36 pants ) they seem to forget that we get BIGGER as we get Older , and we all know its ALOT of Work to Stay in Shape these days.
7. Must Like Kids ( this one is for the Parent ) Being a parent Myself I have no problems with liking someone else's children , but when it comes to women its Mandatory that you HAVE TO get along with their kids .. this is not an easy thing , its hard enough to make a good impression on the woman but now you gotta make another good impression on the kids too ... this is easier said than done, and if that woman happends to have teenagers its even harder cause their influence is far greater than you think and its sooo hard to impress teenagers these days. My suggestion to this is so ... when you start talking to a woman online , ask about her kids and what they do and what they like to do and what intersts them that way you atleast have an idea as to how to get on the kids " good side " for boys its easy VIDEO GAMES and SPORTS ... for Girls ... SHOPPING is about the only thing I can come up with .. less the daughter is into some sort of school activity that you can relate to and take somewhat of an interest in in order to pull off a good impression.
8. Trust ...When do you actually feel comfortable with the person your seeing from dating where you can Trust them and Know that they are the One and that your not going to have to worry about being Cheated on or Dumped after the first month of dating ( IF IT LASTS THAT LONG). When do you decide to make the choice to Settle and start your relationship with the one that your dating?, whos choice is it to make ? The Guys? the Woman? is it going to be Mutual Agreement ... these are questions that we have all asked ourselves .
9. Likes and Dislikes are you compatable with the one your dating ? this one is a tough one cause of course we go to sites like this one to see what is out there and try to find the ones that have simular interests , but not everyone has the same interests. Is this a problem ? can there be a comprimise? does someone have to change themselves in order to make things work? and this brings Me down to the Last and Final Question
10. Acceptance : Can You Accept a Person for Who and What they Are? Woman are looking for a Nice Guy , an Honest Man , a Faithful Person , but can you Really Accept someone with these traits if they dont meet other areas of your interests... example .. a woman has been talking to a guy online for a while now , she seems to like his honesty and knows that he has a child and is looked upon as a Nice Guy , they make their first meeting .. the guy is a bit over weight and doesnt own a mansion or a bmw and does not look like Brad Pitt .. does this make him a Not So Nice Guy now cause of the way he looks ... what if the guy looks nice and sounds nice but doesnt have a job or a car but still proves that he can take care of himself .. does this make him a Not So Nice Guy ... what if a guy has had some bad relationships in his past where most of the women that he has been with have all cheated on him though he has never cheated on any of the women hes been with ... does this make him a Not So Nice Guy ?
These are questions that we all ask ourselves and we struggle with the answers in order to find that happiness that we all seem to want in our lives. What are we to do ? What does it take to make the " click or spark " happen? How can you make the other person happy and not make yourself miserable in trying to make the other happy?
My answer to these questions is this .. Acceptance : you must be able to Accept the Person for Who or What they are , you must see the good and the bad in people and learn to comprimise a way to make a Happy Medium in order to make a relationship work , we cant subject ourselves down to Conditions and Stipulations and make mandatory decisions as to What HAS to Be and what Should or Could be , we cant base a person on Looks , Job , Money , a Car , we must go by how they Treat Us as a Person and if they CAN Accept the Good and the Bad and go from there and make something Together as a TEAM , or Partnership , Both Sides must come to Equal Grounds and View the good and the bad and if some changes need to be met and are willing to make these changes for a better relationship to work then I say Go For it . But dont base things on Looks or if they are Working , or if they dont have the nicest Home .. a person can be dirt poor but be the most selfless person on the planet, a person can be big and not look like a supermodel and have the biggest heart full of love to give , a person can be a loner and not have any children but is willing to sit down and play video games with a child or take a girl out shopping just because they know it would make them happy.
All I am saying is this , as the old saying goes " Dont Judge a Book by its Cover" for you never know if the book is going to have a happy ending or not. If we can look at people for Who they really are and can see the Inside and not just the Outside appearance then I think that is a good start in making a relationship work.
Again this is only My opinions and it is not meant to Offend or Upset anyone , I just wanted to make this lil post to see what can be answered with the questions asked . | |
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Posted: 4/13/2008 2:32:35 PM | You tell me why we are all single.
Are these my requirements:
1. Must Be Employed ( gotta make that money guys )
answer--will not support another man
2. Must have a House or Home ( yeah you kinda need that roof over your head )
answer-he can rent, I don't mind.
3. Must have Wheels ( well guys you need to have a car or truck or bike to get to the women you want to see ).
answer--living in a rural area, there is no public transportation
4. Must be Honest and Truthful (
answer--he is looking for the same
5. Must look Decent ( whoever says that Looks Arent Important is a Liar )
answer--tell he that he's not looking for the blonde fantasy woman
6. Must Be In Shape
answer--he wants me to be, why shouldn't he?
7. Must Like Kids
answer--love kids, but they will be grown and gone eventually
8. Trust ...
answer--guys have been dumped on, they want a woman they can trust
9. Likes and Dislikes are you compatable with the one your dating ?
answer--there has to be something to talk about in the morning
10. Acceptance : Can You Accept a Person for Who and What they Are?
answer--yes, I can accept him for who he turns out to be as long as it is who he represented himself to be on his profile.
How can you make the other person happy and not make yourself miserable in trying to make the other happy?
answer--Not my job to make him happy. Happiness come from within.
It is a two way street. | |
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Posted: 4/13/2008 3:42:02 PM | agree with both posters......... especially that number SIX goes BOTH ways.
6. Must Be In Shape ( yeah this is a good one ... All Men Have to Be In Shape these days ... we all gotta be 200 or less and wear a size 36 pants ) they seem to forget that we get BIGGER as we get Older , and we all know its ALOT of Work to Stay in Shape these days.
6. Must Be In Shape
answer--he wants me to be, why shouldn't he?
I have to add to my "list" of deal breakers,...... MUST be a non smoker and drug-free. | |
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Posted: 4/13/2008 4:01:08 PM | Now remember ladies I was merely speaking from a Guy's point of view now , yes I am fully aware that it most certianly does indeed Go Both Ways , and thats what I meant for the Happy Medium for it to be a Two Way Street and work as a Team or Partnership .
I merely posted this because I wanted to see what other people felt when they were confronted with these kinds of questions and to use these posts to better oneself in having some bit of solutions to these many questions , especially if we wish to achieve our goals wich is to eventually get into a relationship.
I wanted to see if I could give people an idea as to how people think these days , a bit of a perspective from one's point of view ... wich seems alot of people share these same views.
Internet dating can be a scarry thing , the other person is a total stranger and people take a risk and a chance to see if they can find the person that they wish to match up with .. alot of faith and trust and caution come from the people who do these sites .. so in trying to find " the right one " we have to set up boundaries and limitations as to what we are looking for and what we want . We ask ourselves alot of questions but the answers arent always easy to see .. hence why I threw up the post. To give one persons view and perspective and to see what other perspectives would follow in order to proceed with the right decisions that need to be made in order to achieve the goal "to find the right one ". | |
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Posted: 4/13/2008 6:02:27 PM | Being as all men are not the same then you certainly don't speak for all men. Actually we are all the same as are the women we are just constructed differently. We still ultimately share the same dreams and aspirations we just differ on the content and context of these.
Why are there so many single people on here? My guess is because it's a dating site. I am not surprised to find married people here why would you be surprised to find single ones? | |
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Posted: 4/13/2008 7:53:59 PM |
10. Acceptance : Can You Accept a Person for Who and What they Are?
answer--yes, I can accept him for who he turns out to be as long as it is who he represented himself to be on his profile.
That is the biggie, too many fish I have met are 15 years older and 60 pounds heavier, while my photo shows me within the last 8 months. | |
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Posted: 4/13/2008 8:12:18 PM | How can you make the other person happy and not make yourself miserable in trying to make the other happy?
answer--Not my job to make him happy. Happiness come from within
So does that mean there is no need to provide all the little gifts and compliments etc that add to the ambiance of a person's life? Just wondering if we can stop doing that stuff now as apparently it is not important anyway.
To the OP if you are with someone who makes you happy does she not return that feeling? My happiness in the relationship comes from bringing her happiness and those around me actually it doesn't have to be a love interest. Is not being able to supply the happiness to the other people in our lives what brings our own happiness? Who knows these things? Maybe the anchients will tell us one day. | |
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Posted: 4/14/2008 7:27:49 AM | How can you make the other person happy and not make yourself miserable in trying to make the other happy?
this question was a trick question so to speak .. . I will give an example : Woman: hey I need to go shopping care to tag along . Man: sure why not ( now guys we all know that shopping with the girl is going to take a long time , its not really fun for us , and its usually a long wait ... but we do it anyways ... Why ? to make her happy .. this is what I meant about making someone happy and being miserable . I will give another example ... Your girl is sitting on the couch and looks all depressed and sighs alot ... the guy will get up try to be nice , brings her a cup of tea , she declines , the guy ponders , then leaves and comes back with flowers , she says thank you but doesnt seem very excited over them , the guy leaves again , comes back with tickets to an event , she looks at them and smiles in kindness but just puts them on the table infront of her , the guy asks what the problem is , shes not in the mood to talk about it ... and come to find out maybe a day or two later ... her cat fluffy got hit by a car , or her best friend is moving out of state ... this is the kind of situation and example was meant for this question : How can you make the other person happy and not make yourself miserable in trying to make the other happy?
I hope that clears things up and you can understand what I was meaning now. | |
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