| I give up...
Posted: 4/13/2008 12:34:50 PM | What am I doing wrong?
I am a good guy, I support my children, I fought for this country for 17 years as a marine
I am supporting my 2 children by myself ( i am a single dad) i dont lie, cheat or steal
I treat women as best I can but for some reason the same crap happens every time...
I met someone from here on Friday. I went to her house she didnt
have a car so i took her to the grocery store even gave her $5 to help
when she was short on her groceries.
We went back to her place, watched movies, played trivial pursuit and cards,
hugged each other a little kissing, no sex and at end of night i left. I called
her afterwards, thanked her for dinner, she asked me to come by the next day
which i did, we watched more movies, talked, i bought her dinner at the end
of the night i went home again with the understanding we would get togther
on sunday
Sunday morning i wake up to these text messges...
1. Morning! About us. I'm not ready emotionally 2 go fast as u seem. I cant
commit. 2day i need 2b alone. No talk 2day pls im overwhelmed
2. I thought was ready 4 something more peerm but now i know im not ready for
anyone. I wont change mind on this one. Thankyou for amazing company
3. I dont want to talk bout it by phone or face to face call me a coward im sorry
4. You did nothing wrong. Im not ready 4u. Im retarded emotionally. Serious and
sadly. makes me ashamed. I want it but i dont FEEL it
Is there no women out there who want a good man who takes care of his responsibilities
treats his lady with the utmost respect
I swear im starting to understand why some men just swear off women!
Advice Please | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/13/2008 12:45:45 PM | While it's good you take care of your children and all that you are acting like you are doing something extraordinary and special when really there is nothing extraordinary about it. Lots of people support their children without a spouse. Lots of people are kind and caring. This behaviour does not insure that you will get the person you want.
The woman was just not interested. There is nothing you can do to force that. I have no idea why she was not interested so i am not going to make a list , but do you really want to know the exact reason why she was not interested? I know i wouldn't want to know. A simple sorry but not interested is fine for me. | |
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Posted: 4/13/2008 12:52:05 PM | FIrst of all i never acted like i was doing something extraordinary
and number 2 i came here to get advice not get preached at
have you ever heard if you dont have something nice to say
and as far as her not being interested i know you are wrong
because I am STILL getting messages I am not asking if she
is interested my question is about women who don't know what
they want and run from strong men.
Next time read the entire post before jumping to snap decisions please?
thankyou | |
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Posted: 4/13/2008 12:58:04 PM | Dude the problem is your post comes across as winey,(not very USMC)
And thousands of men go through this same thing.
Maybe go to the profile review and get some free advice on your profile so it more clearly attracts the kind of woman you want and don't be afraid to go S-L-O-W
It sounds like you were moving prety fast ( Normal for a go to guy) but maybe overwhelming for her?
Don Quixote | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/13/2008 1:01:38 PM |
Next time read the entire post before jumping to snap decisions please?
Next time, read the forum posting rules, that's why this thread's up for deletion.
The other poster responded totally appropriately, I agree pretty much with what she said. When you post a thread, it's up for discussion, not for you to critique or whine about someone's response.
Your opinion of yourself only matters to you. Everyone else, including this woman, will make up their own mind. If you're mature you accept that.
She wasn't interested, for whatever reason. You picked this woman so maybe you ought to think about what type of woman you're attracted to.
You want to do something noble, volunteer, donate blood. Dating a woman isn't a noble gesture, you enjoyed being with her and only got upset when she didn't want to see you again. | |
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Posted: 4/13/2008 1:02:26 PM | Sounds like she may have become scared. Maybe it was too much too fast. Of course, she should have said so first date ... let's take it slow kind of talk.
Don't give up. The right woman is out there. Scratch her off as being "the wrong one" and say "good ridence" of her. :-)
Viv | |
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Posted: 4/13/2008 1:03:13 PM |
treat women as best I can but for some reason the same crap happens every time...
Not all women are like these women you're meeting, but you're the one picking them. Therefore, you need to figure out why you are choosing these women, over the others.
If it's a consistent pattern? The only common denominator is you. The women are all different people.
Completely aside, thank you for serving! | |
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Posted: 4/13/2008 1:04:46 PM | thannkyou viv and nicky for the kind words
i appreciate it!
ill take your advice and thanx again for having the
common decency to treat me as a person instead
of looking at the negative
kaedyn | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/13/2008 1:06:46 PM | > I swear im starting to understand why some men just swear off women!
Yea, go with that. The common denominator is, as you suspect, women.
“If we could survive without a wife, citizens of Rome, all of us would do without that nuisance.”
- Quintus Caecilius Metellus Macedonicus (131 B.C. - Roman general, statesman, and censor) | |
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Posted: 4/13/2008 1:11:31 PM | | Put in your profile that your ready for a commited relationship...your sane and willing to be there for someone nice lady that is also ready for a good solid relationship.. | |
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Posted: 4/13/2008 1:12:19 PM | I just wanted to say that sadly there are people in this world, both male and female that don't know what they want. They might verbalize it in their profiles, to friends and even to someone they meet, that they are looking for someone like you. But when it comes to holding up their end of the relationship of being the right person to be in a relationship they don't or can't do it. It takes lots of work to be in a relationship with another human being, and sometimes for whatever reason people will run from it. Sometimes people like to see how willing the other person is willing to tolerate crap or bs without bailing. There are so many reasons and too numerous to list.
If you know your side of the street is clean and you are being the best person possible, then the right person will show up in your life. I believe as long as you are being as geniune as you can be, that is all you can do. Have faith that your Ms. Right is looking for somone just like you and that your paths will cross when the time is right. My best advice is don't try to make Ms. Text massage your Ms. Right because you have been the best person you can be and she isn't responding to that. Let go and move on and be open to the right person.
Hope that makes sense.
Blessings to You | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/13/2008 1:15:55 PM | What does anything about you have anything to do with her not being ready and not being able to talk about it?
Just because you may be a good guy, or pretend to be, that doesn't mean she should be ready. You have no idea what she has been though and she thought she'd give it a go but wasn't ready what's wrong with that? Its not like she strung you a long for a long time drained you of all your money and told you to buzz off.
Your lack of sensitivity is probably more revealing then the being nice to her. Amazing how things can be perceived differently by different people eh? | |
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Posted: 4/13/2008 1:16:01 PM | her576 is right on the money ... honey :-)
Viv | |
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Posted: 4/13/2008 1:18:06 PM | | yeah, go'head. Give up. That will teach'em. All those women out there with lives of their own, problems of thier own, ways of their own. Who do they think they are, not making you the the center of everything after a ride to the store and 5$ worth of grocries. | |
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Posted: 4/13/2008 1:18:56 PM | she isn't that much into you... she's meeting other guys or has some to meet in mind and she wants to pass on you.
thats how it goes sometimes.
Seems your looking for kind words and not the truth... as some of the previous posters have pointed out. | |
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Posted: 4/13/2008 1:24:49 PM | hey good lookin .. I just read your profile.. even though you were into this gal .. she obviously has issues about some other emotional attachments and she was honest enough to tell you the half of the truth.. the rest is not pretty and she did not want to cut too deep.... anyway
Your profile is amazing... you are just gorgeous inside and out ... just one piece of advice .. take another few pics of the real you and although you are extremely proud of your babies ... please take their pics off the site.. you should only let people in who deserve the priviledge of knowing your children when they have proven that they "love and respect" you ... they are much too precious to reveal on a date site.. they deserve to be included when your love deserves that inclusion..
You will have no problems meeting a great gal... cause you are a great guy and these kindah guys can spottem .. fo'sure... you won't be on the meet market long... guaranteed... | |
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Posted: 4/13/2008 1:25:27 PM | Nicky nailed it.
I have been saying it for months, but apparent it bears repeating:
Have you stopped to look at the quality of the woman you pick?
You can be the best man on the planet, but if you keep choosing women who are going to do this, then obviously your choices need to change.
Now, mind you, there are sometimes no way to tell until you get to know them and spend time with them. In that case, you suck it up, move on, and enjoy the adventure of looking for someone else, and enjoy your own life. | |
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Posted: 4/13/2008 1:26:46 PM | Hi OP, there is no need to swear off women, but you may want to take a break and figure out why you keep choosing the same type of women. Once you figure that out you will learn to read the 'red flags' early on, and know who to avoid dating.
Your date did you a favor by the way........or would you have preferred it if she strung you along, then dumped you?
Good luck with your search.
Brandie
PS: Thanks for serving our country | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/13/2008 1:30:21 PM | Seems to me a bit like she may have just been using you for some material stuff. It's a problem these days in the US as many other countries. Most people don't really have an idea of what love is, and wouldn't really know if it jumped up and bit them. They have parents teaching stuff who don't most of the time don't know any better because that's what they were taught, mainstream western religions tend to teach it wrong like how God unconditionally loves you yet the next minute suddenly the infinite mercy has dried up and God is suddenly genocidal..., and all sorts of other avenues that the teachings come in society...
Then you see the effect of their teaching... 50% divorce rate with 49% of marriages having at least one partner cheating on the other. Bunch of people running around both male and female trying to see how many notches on their belt they can get for sexual encounters wondering why they are not satisfied moving onto the next encounter. People wondering why when they do get married to that someone with a ton of money, that they are not happy. And the list keeps going... so maybe those beliefs in what's important in a relationship may need to change for an actual successful relationship or keep following the same beliefs in a viscious circle wondering why it's not working...
I wouldn't give up if you truly want to be happy. You have many people out there that say up front that they are happy... how they have more time for themselves, etc... yet inside when they know they truly feel miserable without the significant other in their lives. Someone to look upon them without conditions, because life is always changing and we all have to change with it. So many also go into a relationship and base it on past experiences.... which is a mistake with that being a different person all together. We are not exactly the same... So due to past failures, they are expecting the relationship to fail in a similar manner. Finding themselves seeking out anything that could justify their beliefs on being "right" that the relationship would end in a similar manner which eventually does end it in a similar manner. Don't base everything on past experience, expecting everything to always be the same way no matter what or that will end up being your experience.... unless you decide to take a chance and change those beliefs to treat it like a new experience then it will turn out differently for you... | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/13/2008 1:47:43 PM | two dates in two days and you wanted the next day too?
WAY TOO FAST
WAY TOO MUCH
WAY TOO SOON
There's no rush.. and getting to really know someone takes time... I suspect you scared her being too clingy, moving too fast, and expecting too much (as in time and intimacy)
She could also have decided it wasn't the right time for her to get serious, sometimes people don't knw this until they try it.
Relax... have some fun, get to know people. Everything is so much easier when the pressure is off.
good luck | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/13/2008 1:49:57 PM | Women need chemistry, "attraction". And usually they need it right away, like first date or so.
Now the level of attraction may change during the"get to know" period. Depending on your "personality" and your "compatibility with her".
She already said it. Want it but dont feel it. To me this means " I know you're a great guy (nice guy) and everything BUT there is NO spark...nothing ...NADA..even though I tried to create that SPARK...didnt work....sorry "
So, being a NICE GUY dont mean anything if she doesn't feel ATTRACTED TO YOU...physical attraction that is.... | |
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Posted: 4/13/2008 1:50:17 PM | Hey OP,
I am sorry you are getting hated on a little bit and I hope this thread doesn't get deleted. I have read more whiney ones than this...and although you did challenge a poster, you tried to do it nicely... I think. For future, though that's a bad idea...
Anyhoo, on to your OT. I don't think you were asking for a medal when you mentioned you are a single dad. The mentioning of that was, IMO, a way to give credibility to yourself as a stable, rational, reasonable, non psychopath looking for love. I'm not sure why it was interpreted as something other...but nevertheless...
If you are like other military types I know and you are ready for a LTR, then my guess, because I surely do not know, is you may have scared her a bit with knowing exactly what you want. Now, you said you met her on Friday and spent that day and Saturday with her. You did not indicate when first contact was made, so I don't know how long she's had to ruminate on the entire scenario. However, she has made her decision. She was honest with you and didn't string you along, for that you can be happy.
I would add, giving up is the worst thing you can do. Like the lottery your chances are, well, whatever they are but you have to be in it to win it. If you need some cheering up...pop over to the Testimonials and read about the lady who married her man from POF. Quite a lovely story, that one. Maybe next time, it will be you. You will never know if you quit now.
Good luck in your continued  | |
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| I give up...
Posted: 4/13/2008 1:54:44 PM | | I have been on this site fore about three weeks now just in the last two weeks have met 2 or three ok gals the rest were gold diggers or nut cases. believe me they are a lot of them out there not just on here either. The 2 or three i talk to and do things with are ok who knows were it will go but at least i have met a few good people here friends if nothing else. | |
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Posted: 4/13/2008 1:54:54 PM | | ______________________________ | |
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Posted: 4/13/2008 1:55:07 PM | the very nature of these forums allows any and every POV. period.
sorry, but, an OP can NOT dictate the responses. if you need/seek validation for your POV, then don't ASK for advice or opinions.
good luck. | |
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