| Why bring up another woman on 1st date?
Posted: 4/13/2008 6:21:43 PM | | After numerous e-mails, daily phone calls for a few weeks, the guy came to town (he's moving here). Two nights before he asked me if I was writing/phoning anyone else. I said no, he said 'ok, that's good..." so I asked him if he was, no, he wasn't either and we were both really looking forward to meeting etc. etc. He even mentioned going out both nights he was here. Twenty minutes into the date, he decides to inform me that a "49 yr old woman" had contacted him and wanted to meet him and he was going to meet her. Ok, guys, needless to say, that didn't go over well in my min. But what I want to understand is why would someone be so crass and and insensitive to bring that up? Would you do that and then call the same woman the next day and tell her how much you enjoyed meeting her, had a great time etc. Needless to say, I had a few things to tell him but just curious as to whether or not my impression that he was rude and arrogant and not interested is how you would see this scenario. Mainly I want to know Why he found it necessary to say that, he could have just said, sorry, we don't seem to hit it off but I'm glad we met... | |
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| Why bring up another woman on 1st date?
Posted: 4/13/2008 6:44:31 PM | Either incredibly inconsiderate, or...was his way of excusing himself from the date.
Either way is bad form. And then there is always the possibility that *gasp* he lied about talking to others?
A,B, or C... take your pick
No matter the choice, he's a loser. | |
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| Why bring up another woman on 1st date?
Posted: 4/13/2008 11:43:19 PM | Yeah, that's a profoundly bad idea... I do feel it's a little unreasonable to expect that on your first meeting you're not seeing anyone else. Until you've made a solid commitment to one person that the two of you are in a relationship, neither of you have an obligation to not see other people. But with that said, there's tactful and tactless ways to deal with the situations that can arise when you've got scheduling conflicts between suitors/suitorettes.
I'll let you guess which this is. | |
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| Why bring up another woman on 1st date?
Posted: 4/14/2008 12:49:14 AM | Hard to say without having been there for the conversation, BUT...
Sounds like some weird combination of him being a little socially retarded and/or feeling obligated to tell you about it since he made a point of asking you about other people and/or because he wasn't as interested after meeting. | |
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| Why bring up another woman on 1st date?
Posted: 4/14/2008 4:17:38 AM | "But what I want to understand is why would someone be so crass and and insensitive to bring that up?"
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You didn't ask, right? Then he's a little bit arrogant. I don't know what-all makes people arrogant, but I sure would not stand in the way of his next exploit. Not at all. | |
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| Why bring up another woman on 1st date?
Posted: 4/14/2008 4:40:26 AM |
After numerous e-mails, daily phone calls for a few weeks, the guy came to town (he's moving here). Two nights before he asked me if I was writing/phoning anyone else. I said no, he said 'ok, that's good..." so I asked him if he was, no, he wasn't either and we were both really looking forward to meeting etc. etc. He even mentioned going out both nights he was here. Twenty minutes into the date, he decides to inform me that a "49 yr old woman" had contacted him and wanted to meet him and he was going to meet her.
much you enjoyed meeting her, had a great time etc. Needless to say, I had a few things to tell him but just curious as to whether or not my impression that he was rude and arrogant and not interested is how you would see this scenario.
^^^^^^^^OP......I will make it short and sweet..
That guy was a wanker....IMO
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| Why bring up another woman on 1st date?
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:12:57 AM | I would say your lesson learned is never say you aren't talking/chatting/dating with other men. I think until one is committed there is no reason why not to meet others. I some men like the idea to have a woman waiting, but on the other hand also can freak them out too.
I've got a policy that yes I may be "interested" in one person, but if someone asks me out other than him then heck yes I'll go out and date multiple people until its time to commit to one person. | |
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| Why bring up another woman on 1st date?
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:26:52 AM | | That's just rude. Whether it be a date, party, or event which is not "floating your boat" there's no need to excuse oneself by saying "i gotta go, i got a better offer elsewhere!". | |
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| Why bring up another woman on 1st date?
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:39:13 AM | | I don't know, I have dated a few women who wanted total honesty and total disclosure about things and do so themselves. Stating that they can't feel friendship and honesty until you talk about things like this. Maybe this is what he is use to. In reality without a commitment I don't really see that you have anything to be angry about. Asking someone if they have any other people they are seeing is not the same as a being in a relationship. | |
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| Why bring up another woman on 1st date?
Posted: 4/14/2008 8:15:15 AM | | Thanks for the responses, I just do not feel I needed to know he was going to meet someone else which he had every right to do, that is not the point. It was that there was absolutely no reason for me to know about it and how he presented it with the reference to her age, ("a 49 yr old" contacted me which was said in a conceited manner) since I am 57 - by the way he had lied about his age-said he was 55 but was really 65. He did not end the date, nor did I- we had dinner, talked but obviously it wasn't a really pleasant experience. I do not call what he did honesty, I call that being rude and arrogant and game playing. I would never tell someone on a 1st date that I was going to date someone else two nights later, that is crass, rude and just bad manners in my opinion. But that is why I am throwing this out there for a discussion...I'm just curious as to how others see it. Thanks. | |
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| Why bring up another woman on 1st date?
Posted: 4/14/2008 8:20:13 AM | | Maybe you should have ended the date if he lied about his age. I am so strong when it comes to lying to someone. A lie is a lie no matter how small. In fact, you should have ended the date. You don't want someone who lies in the first place. | |
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| Why bring up another woman on 1st date?
Posted: 4/14/2008 9:04:33 AM | Yep, I would say the lie about the age was a deal breaker.
As for the other date, are you saying that him having the other date was ok, but telling you wasn't? He did tell you earlier that he wasn't talking to anyone else. He might have felt like having said that to you, he owed it to you to tell you he was now indeed going to see someone else. People should err on the side of being open and honest.
This age thing, however, not good. | |
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| Why bring up another woman on 1st date?
Posted: 4/14/2008 10:03:50 AM | I see this as being insensetive, but honest. However the honesty of his statement was however mitigated by his lying about his age!!
You do seem to be suggesting that if he had had the date but hadn't told you it would be ok. But imagne if you had ended up in a relationship with him, and then some time later you had found out about this second date. In that case we'd be reading a post about "how come he lied about going on a second date". | |
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| Why bring up another woman on 1st date?
Posted: 4/14/2008 10:09:31 AM | | Today's world being polite, Owning up to ones mistakes, Doing the right thing for most is not even on the mind and the last thing they would even consider. Were not all like this guy. Hope you find someone that will appreciate you... | |
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| Why bring up another woman on 1st date?
Posted: 4/14/2008 10:23:12 AM | great another reason why I'm not sure about this site. You dont know and what happens if you decide to get exclusive and hes goign on the site and talking to girls still. grrrrrr
Whatever hes a liar in your case and I woudlnt bother with him.
Its just toooooooo easy on here to not focus on one at a time. | |
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| Why bring up another woman on 1st date?
Posted: 4/14/2008 11:09:14 AM |
You do seem to be suggesting that if he had had the date but hadn't told you it would be ok. But imagne if you had ended up in a relationship with him, and then some time later you had found out about this second date. In that case we'd be reading a post about "how come he lied about going on a second date".
No, what I am trying to say is: if he didn't wish to see me again, all he had to do was say "I enjoyed meeting you but I don't see this being anything other than a friendship..." or something such as that. I don't see the reason to tell me about the 2nd date except as a boastful way to boost his ego, I didn't need to know that. And yes, the lie along with the 2nd date comment was the straw that broke the camel's back. | |
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| Why bring up another woman on 1st date?
Posted: 4/14/2008 12:35:30 PM | | Seems like he was trying to make it sound like he's a big catch for other women as well to keep you around. Although it dosen't sounded like it worked. Either that or he could have been straightforward honest and oblivious to the effects of what he had said. | |
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| Why bring up another woman on 1st date?
Posted: 4/14/2008 1:01:55 PM | Let me get this straight: You aren't in a relationship, you've had one measly date and the guy is forbidden to speak of / to other women?
Wow, that's a problem alright.
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| Why bring up another woman on 1st date?
Posted: 4/14/2008 2:15:14 PM | So hang on just a minute here.
You said that he asked you if you were seeing anyone else and you asked him if he was seeing someone else. So he gave you an affirmative statement that he wasn't seeing someone else, THEN that fact CHANGED, and in the interest of full disclosure he UPDATED you with the TRUTH and you flipped out on him?!?!!? Ok, the rude and insensitive one in this instance is you. He told you that he wasn't seeing anyone, and then that changed! What if you had found out and caught him in a lie? He would have been screwed. Now, he did lie about his age and that, for anyone, should be an automatic deal breaker. Lying is no basis for a relationship and this guy is a liar, so yeah no big loss there, however, if a guy updates a response he has given you, that should be expected and NOT something that should earn him disrespect. He didn't want to appear to be a liar, so he informed you of the truth! Sheesh, he seemed interested to me. Calling up the next day = interest. Just thought I'd give another perspective. Try not to be so sensitive next time and if something he says bothers you, ask him about it! Perhaps if you had, he would have explained that he just wanted you to know since he had already told you that he wasn't seeing anyone! | |
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| Why bring up another woman on 1st date?
Posted: 4/14/2008 2:20:58 PM | I have to agree with aspiring angel on this one, and add, that while he may have handled it poorly, he was being honest with you and telling you that while he liked you, there was another person we wanted to meet as well.
It was a first date and if he would have said nothing and met this other woman and you would have found out about it, he would have been labeled a player. Damned if he does, damned if he doesn't . . . .
~tb~ | |
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| Why bring up another woman on 1st date?
Posted: 4/14/2008 2:30:14 PM | | I believe in honestyu but the fact he felt compelled to tell you the woman in question's age makes me wonder if he subtley wasn't saying something entirely different. | |
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| Why bring up another woman on 1st date?
Posted: 4/14/2008 4:15:00 PM |
I have to agree with aspiring angel on this one, and add, that while he may have handled it poorly, he was being honest with you and telling you that while he liked you, there was another person we wanted to meet as well.
^^^^^^^^Yep.....the guy was honest from the OP right from the start....telling her that he was 55 years old and in fact 65 years old....then telling her that he was meeting a 49 year old woman..
To me, I think this guy is an a$$hole......yeah right honest enough to tell her that he is going to give her the brush off for younger woman and lie about his age.....JMO
Good luck OP....you can do better
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| Why bring up another woman on 1st date?
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:20:18 PM | You would be correct in that assumption Marius!
He was and acted like an azzhole. Some of you folks talk about him being honest, which is perfectly fine but when he threw in the "she is 49" he was simply being a braggart. And to lie about his age? That is honesty?
Honey, consider yourself lucky you never got further involved with this guy. You did the right thing! Men like him are NOT honest.....they are silly little boys who never grew up with the notion of respecting others.  | |
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