| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/14/2008 5:06:08 AM | So............... I'm a pretty modern, astute sort of a girl. I've dated players, rock stars & genuinely great guys who really like women in my day.
Situation: Dating a guy for only two months. He says he loves me. I'm pretty nuts about him also. We live 50kms apart. Spend every weekend at his place. He won't stay at my place because, despite it being a "nice" area he left his GPS in the car & someone smashed his window & stole it, the one & only time he stayed at my place. DER!
He's 12yrs older. Divorced. No kids. He insisted on my meeting family & introduced me to his. For me to do that is huge. I only take home guys I'm serious about.
All is going well. I'm hesitant, but he's making future plans. I take the huge leap.............can i take him away for his birthday weekend in three weeks? He's not sure yet. No drama.
Week before his birthday......... he can't be with me he's spending the day with his friends. No probs! I assume it's a boys day.
WRONG! He's spending the day with a married couple & their children. I'm told I can spend the next day with him. He's spending his birthday with them despite it being arranged the day before? I have been introduced to these people as his girlfriend?
I dumped him. I felt like "a bonk"?
I didn't get an answer from him on this one! Any opinions?
He introduced me to his friends & family so what gives?
I think I'm pretty easy going. This made me fell like psycho chick though? | |
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/14/2008 5:25:23 AM | So,he wont spend the night at your place again coz the 1st time someone pinched something outta his car,while he was there................??
And,he'd rather spend his birthday with a married couple than YOU,his girlfriend,who he's said he loves.........???
Hmm.......................all sounds a bit wierd to me.............................
I dont blame you for dumping him --You deserve better, | |
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/14/2008 5:40:42 AM | | I may have missed something here. How does spending his birthday with friends arouse your suspicions about his faithfulness? | |
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/14/2008 5:42:47 AM | missmilly ,
cant blame you for your actions as it is the sort of thing i would have done. dont have second thoughts abut what you have done as by what i have read on these forums you deserve honesty.
hope you find the "one" for you.  | |
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:10:25 AM | u could look at this from many levels,
to not stay at ur place after one incident, which could of happened anywhere seems a little blown out of proportion..
he wanted to spend his bday the way he wanted to spend his bday, and that wasn't with u, thats a bit of a kick in the butt, but still his choice...
and well u have only known each other for 2 months, personally i wouldn't say the words 'i love u' in that time, i mean what do u really know of someone and as it turned out u dumped him.. couldn't of been love then..
so.. i think a good communication session was needed... the man is 49, no kids... divorced.. i would say just a little set in his ways.. dumping him seemed a little over the top.. .communicate! | |
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:41:51 AM | Hi Miss Milly
Now my good friends Strawb08 ^^^^...will agree that when it comes to **stard men and dating them, let alone marrying them, I am Australia's foremost authority...and if I didnt know different Id say that was my ex your dating...having said that...please feel free to message me privately anytime and we can get together to swap notes...!!! and hey I will always come to Melb for a vist - anything to get out of Geelong...however in answer to your question I agree totally with all the posters so far..Strawbs has a way of summing it up in two lines...but its true...and as mmmnicky said...after two months... "he loves you"....mmm sorry not buying it...infatuation/lust not love not that quick....and yes he is set in his ways Im afraid.
Anyway to be honest..think youve done the rite thing...his birthday... thats true but if he loves you sssssssssooooooooooo much as stated I would have thought he would have included you in his plans..I think youve done the rite thing and had a lucky escape....and I know its hurting...it passes....in time.
We love it when a John West rejects get thrown back in by one of the girls, ...means we get to hook him ourselves and then he can make our lives miserable as well !!!!
Nah just kidding Miss Milly...your deserve better hon...we all do.....remember what Shakespeare wrote...I wear this saying on a bangle on my wrist ......This above all -To thine self be true....and you were true to yourself and thats the most important thing.
Hang in there petal | |
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/14/2008 4:20:42 PM | Ultimatey... someone can treat you... only the way you *let* them treat you.
If you don't like the way things are happening say so or there's no chance for the situation to change.
I feel you did the right thing.. maybe how much is this guy into you ? | |
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/14/2008 4:59:27 PM | Milly, I think your decision to dump him, move up here and go out with me is a very positive one.
I do, however, think you might be wrong in this instance. I'm having a little bit of trouble seeing what this guy did wrong. He wanted to spend some time with his friends. That they're a married couple is neither here nor there. I have quite a few really good friends who are couples (married or not) that I hang out with. Absolutely no suggestion of cheating. I wouldn't go there unless I could beat the man in a fight, and as I haven't met anyone over the age of 10 that I COULD beat in a fight that's pretty much academic.
It was HIS birthday, and surely he has a right to spend it however he wants to. You don't know the situation with his friends. Maybe they flew up for his birthday. Maybe they're old friends he hasn't seen for a long time. Even if they're not, breaking up with him on these grounds seems like a stretch.
Not wanting to stay at your place is a bit unfair, admittedly. He likes having "his place", and putting the relationship on his territory. I used to do the same back in the dark reaches of time when someone actually liked me. I was always happy to have her (whoever) round, but it took a real force of will on my part to get me to stay or even go to hers. In my opinion he's using the GPS theft to justify and validate doing what he wants to do anyway.
Again, though, hardly justification for breaking up with him.
While I concur with all the others who've said you can do better I'm yet to see anything this guy has actually done wrong. He likes having his space and he wants to spend his birthday with friends. All of his "crimes" seem to be in your interpretations, not his actions.
As best I can tell you broke up with a guy you really like, who really likes you, on the basis of wild speculation. You did not give him any benefit of doubt and gave him no chance to explain himself.
Does that sound about right? | |
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:36:46 PM | | i think the thing to, to consider, not everyone loves their bday and celebrating it, something bad might of happened on that day, and his choice not to be with u that day might of been coz u were about celebrating? | |
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:38:48 PM | | This is a bit like Merry Mermaid's thread for me. You have to go with your gut instincts. I wasn't there, and wouldn't have a clue. | |
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:55:31 PM | I think I get it.
And I don't think she necessarily believes he was cheating.
The problem for missmilly might be the fact that she asked three weeks ahead of time to do something with him on his b'day, and he left her hanging on it, only to end up spending time with some people who had just invited him the day before.
She knows it was likely harmless.
She knows it was with his friends and their family.
She know he has the right to spend his b'day however he wishes.
But I also can see how that would have made her feel. Kind of like 'wtf?'
Whether dumping him or not was the ideal solution to the situation, only missmilly knows for sure.
hnh
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/14/2008 10:40:46 PM | Something about this thread reminds of the time an old girlfriend decided to throw a surprise birthday party for me and invited all her friends and none of mine...
Anyhow, I hope he enjoyed his present. | |
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/14/2008 11:47:29 PM | | You know he's probably cheating when he says..., "thank you ..., and what was your name again ?" | |
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/15/2008 4:09:57 AM | ya know his cheating when he comes home stinking of purfume lipstick all over his neck and he wakes u up by slapping u on the arse and yelling " wake up fat arse its ur turn next" !!! | |
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:04:21 AM | Or when he hands over $50.00 and says "here is your tip for tonight, honey !!"
Or who rolls over an says "ok you need to hurry up before the missus / my boyfriend gets home".
No offence but anyone with marks for a GPS on their window or who openly displays a GPS is asking for trouble. | |
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/16/2008 4:41:58 PM | either what SergeantOZ said or he always *gets lost*
How or where did U first *find* him?:
innocent: | |
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/16/2008 5:57:40 PM | together 8 weeks n angry about him going to hang with people he has pretty obviously known for years.
Praps he should have said something like 'its ok Im bringing my gf isnt it' then everyone is happy.
Maybe he still not used to HAVING a gf?
Its true that leaving you hanging was a trifle thoughtless. BUT... youre 5 weeks into a new relationship n your organising his birthday?? Take a step back for a minute.
praps he thought a 37yo woman was secure enough to deal with him having friends outside you.
BTW i understand I sound like Im dumping on you - Im not - Im trying to think through his head.
As for cheating? where does cheating come into it? Nothing youve said inticates he was sneaking around. Just that he is an independent 49yo who knows what he wants and how he wants it. | |
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/16/2008 6:19:39 PM | I posed the question on a thread a while back.. should i tell his wife.. I got played , duped, lied to by a married man. Not quite the same as you but not differnent either it would seem.
You think you can trust your instincts but not when the heart is involved.. The heart is more treacherous .. who of us know it?
I got hammered by some people accusing me of allsorts so I hope this doesnt happen to you its not nice, but they are what they are.
Any how.. I am very sorry this happened to you. Its a horrible feeling. Take pride in the fact you didnt do anything wrong and its his problem not yours.
xmmm
Its nice to know to missmilly that you can put yourself ahead of being a doormat. Too many people male and female resort to that when they meet someone. Being a Doormat seems to transcend all intellect, lol
And i will assume you truly believed you should have been given the status of being a valid enough person to have shared that day.
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/18/2008 5:14:12 AM | Thanks m&m&m,
Your feedback . It means alot! Trust your insincts!
If someone won't give you their home # after a month of staying at their place.........something's wrong!
If they're worried you've left something............bail!
Thanks for your feedback! It honestly made me feel better!
You're only as fabulous as you let yourself be!
Many thanks!
Melissa | |
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/18/2008 8:29:59 PM | You have been dating this guy for merely two months and already he has said he 'loves you' and insisted on you meeting his family and he yours? He knocks back your invitation to spend his birthday with you?
Doesn't sound like love to me more like convenience. I really don't think he feels as strongly towards you as you do to him.....kiss him then throw him back | |
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/18/2008 9:10:38 PM | If he did say that he loves you, then I would guess that they were empty words. Love does crazy things, and if he were truly in love, I'm sure many have moved mountains or died trying. Nations have gone to war, and people have died for love, so when someone does not spend a night over because of a burgled car, that rings alarm bells.
I think that you have placed more weight in the relationship than he did, since introduction to one's kin can hold different significance to different people. Weeks before, you asked about a weekend away about his bday, it would seem that he left it open in case his friends did do something about his bday, although to not invite you as well probably means he does not regard you as his "girlfriend". It could also be a case of coldfeet, where the relationship was going a bit too fast and he wanted some time off. Since you have met for 2 months and seem infatuated, it can indicate that the relationship was going at a fast pace and it was not to his liking.
My advice would be to move on and learn from this. You should never feel like a "bonk" because you both should have experienced enjoyment from your night rendevous. It's okay to be a psycho chick, but I guess in moderation since emotions define a person and shows that you are human. Everyone gets sad and upset. There are no hard or fast rules in love and we all hold on for dear life. But sometimes we realised that love does not have to be a plunge into deep waters. Sometimes we are lucky enough to find an idyllic beach, with shallow wading water and a few hidden surprises when we are tugged under water (in a good way).
Cheers,
Vien. | |
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/19/2008 9:38:42 AM | Silly me I just got to the 'guts' of this thread.....The title!
When do you know he's cheating? . Why do people always seem to assume that because their one and only doesn't spend time with them that they must be cheating? When are we going to learn to trust early in relationships?
Unless you have had other 'hints' that this guy may be cheating then why assume he is possibly cheating on his birthday? You say you are easy going.....Are you? | |
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:20:18 AM | | You poor thing Milly!! Why don't you tell your sad story on a popular forum & solicit some sympathy. OMG, so many men are barstools. | |
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/20/2008 4:23:39 PM | You Know Avocado ...this is a forum site where people post on various topics being either current events, topical issues or asking for advice..in this case Milly asked for advice from us and received feedback on her situation which Im sure she will take on board.
If her or anyone puts forward a topic that doesnt agree with you...move on...click next page, go elsewhere, theres is no need to have a shot at her or anyone else for that matter because you dont like whats written. Its a forum...ok and snide remarks are unnecessary. If you dont like it, dont read, dont post. Your entitiled to your opinion yes, but please be at least positive in your contribution even if the feed back is negative..lets try and not resort to nastiness. Ok ?
Theres been enough mud slinging over the last few days on the forums and Im sure all of us who enjoy the forums just want to see some positivity and healthy discussion /debate take place on topics ..not tearing people apart because they put themselves out there to ask advice.
No not all men are barstools...thank god | |
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| When do you know he's cheating?
Posted: 4/20/2008 5:26:41 PM | | sounds like your too demanding....give the kid a break...if you met the freinds and family maybe u carried on like a pork chop...bottom line is give a man space and he wont feel pressured and will hang around | |
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