| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/14/2008 3:54:41 PM | Just wanted to hear others opinion regarding this topic.
I have seen an over abundance of people who want to tell me all about their sexual likes and dislikes and what they want to do to do me even before meeting me. Am I being a prude by thinking that this is disprespectful???
This behavior tells me that the person who is doing that isnt someone who isnt really interested in me as a person but what is between my legs and how that can help them.
Please discuss! | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/14/2008 4:03:33 PM | If your comfy talking and its on an even keel, then I like too, as it alows you to avoid a potential disaster.
Low sex drive, high sex drive, prudish ideals, heavy bdsm wants.
I think its best to sort those basic thing out before you go off for a meet ! | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/14/2008 4:17:36 PM | Depends...
If someone I'm getting to know brings it up OFTEN and doesn't talk about much else... then he's a turd.
Beyond that, I do understand why a few cursory sex questions may be required, but I think it's wise to get one or two out of the way... then wait for another conversation to get a couple more out of the way.. and so on and so on.
I sorta do that myself because there are certain things I wanna know beforehand, but obviously, if I'm liking the guy so far... I don't want him to think I'm all about sex.
It's all in how to broach the topic too. I've never had a major problem getting my answers. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/14/2008 5:11:02 PM | | Next time you drive by a cemetary, tak a moment to pause and reflect. Life is short. Enjoy every minute of life that you can. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/14/2008 5:18:01 PM | I do not think you are a prude. I would end that relationship before ever seeing each other face to face. That info is for someone I have been with for a while and no one else. This guy should be looking for the women who are seeking intimate encounters and not bugging the women who are here for friendship, dating or serious relationships.
BTW I would not even dignify his questions with a response. I had one guy telling me he wanted to paint my toenails and then suck on my feet. I just told him I did not want to hear about his fetish and he needed to write to someone else! | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/14/2008 5:21:10 PM | If your talking for a while and get very close I cant see a problem getting really flirty, As long as you have a heavy attraction to each other.
But straight up sex talk the first couple times you IM each other, thats a problem. Trouble waiting to happen. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/14/2008 5:29:30 PM | This question could only have come from a woman..
God forbid, people want to find out if they are compatible before wasting their time and money.. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/14/2008 5:31:57 PM | | oh my goodness me...I want to know everything about the guy before I have him punch in on my time clock and start pulling money out of my bra! | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/14/2008 5:32:37 PM | I would find it totally disrespectful and not pursue meeting that person. Jeez, what's the rush?
I totally agree with the OP - it's out of line. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/14/2008 5:39:18 PM | | I am glad that you brought up this topic. When someone is that forward I get repulsed by their audacity. I had one guy tell me how he wanted to give me a bath and wash my hair in the second email! I told him I didn't even know if he chewed with his mouth open, why were we talking about intimacies already? That was the end of him. I know I am looking for a gentleman. Someone who will take the time to get into my head and my heart before sparks fly. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:08:57 PM | gypsycookie wrote:
> I have seen an over abundance of people who want to tell me all about
> their sexual likes and dislikes and what they want to do to do me even
> before meeting me. Am I being a prude by thinking that this is disprespectful???
From where I sit, no, your not being a prude.
While the topic of sex can come up in conversation, it's best introduced
slow, lightly, and to a degree that both folks seem to be comfortable with.
This then requires a degree of sensitivity to the person we are speaking
to and the ability to back off a bit if the other person responds in a way
which suggests they have become uncomfortable.
The problem here is that the issue is not clear cut black and white,
and there is at times a vague line between what is flirtatious and
what one might consider to be overt sexual talk to the point that
the other person is no longer comfortable.
Moreover, all of this varies from person to person -- speaking with
one person, we may find they are very candid, open and comfortable
talking about these things, where as for another person, the same
talk might have them feeling uneasy, uncomfortable, and even disrespected.
And there's really no way of knowing unless we test the waters, as it were.
Hence the reason that if the topic of sex comes up in conversation, it is
best introduced slowly, lighting, and to a degree that both folks still seem
comfortable with it.
But if one is at all in doubt, then such conversations are perhaps otherwise
best left to a time when folks are actually together, and so that with more
than just words, they might be able to "read" each other's body language
(a form of communication which at times conveys much more than just
words alone).
For yourself, you many find that one person's written flirtatious advances
are well received and even welcome by you, while another person's seeming
advances might have you thinking they're moving too fast, too soon, or
too much.
But just don't too, too much knock a guy for trying (after all, we're
not mind readers). But if the conversation does seem to become a bit too
uncomfortable for you, then simply communicate this (the phrase which
most comes to mind is "Slow down Speedracer, what's your rush?").
And if a fellow just seems too darn insensitive about all this stuff, then it only
reveals that perhaps he's just not the right person for you. He might
be just right for some other gal -- one who actually prefers such things
talked about more candidly -- but simply just not the right guy for you.
So there is no real right or wrong with all this stuff, save and except that
we try to have some sensitivity to the other person's comfort level. And so
again, such topics of conversation are best introduced slowly, lighting, and
to a degree that both folks still seem comfortable with it.
And that perhaps is about the best that might be said about all that.
But no, you're not a prude. Rather, you're simply the sort of person who
would otherwise not much want to talk about these things before actually
meeting the other person. And that's perfectly fine and reasonable.
This behavior tells me that the person who is doing that isnt someone who isnt really
interested in me as a person but what is between my legs and how that can help them.
Yes, and no. That is, I appreciate what you're saying here. And yet at the same
time, this is a dating site, not the 4H club, and any gal who doesn't want any
flirtatious talk is perhaps otherwise best to more clearly state their reason for
being here as looking for "friends", or "talk/email", or "hang out", or "activity
partner." And beyond that, it is simply a matter of degree to which we each
feel comfortable talking about matters like sex.
But if some fellow just seems to be coming on a bit too strong, then just tell
him so, in some regards trying to be sympathetic to the idea that trying to talk
about these matter with a degree of finesse is an art form, and it's only through
trial and error that we fellows might ever learn this art form.
If any of that makes any sense,
Apolinary | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:12:35 PM | NO you are NOT being a prude - in the "old days" before the internet could you imagine men coming up to a woman in public to introduce himself and talking about his sexual prowess or better yet, whip out a picture of his penis ? He would have gotten slapped ! And I dont see the intros in cyber space to be any different.
Whatever happened to meeting someone, getting to know them as a person and then finding out together what their likes and dislikes are ?
Don't lose your morals to satisfy the whims of men like that - they arent worth it but it sounds like you know that already - good woman ! | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:20:22 PM | I find myself agreeing with this most of all:
If someone I'm getting to know brings it up OFTEN and doesn't talk about much else... then he's a turd.
Yup. What she said. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:27:59 PM | Someone earlier wrote:
If someone I'm getting to know brings it up OFTEN and doesn't
talk about much else... then he's a turd.
ROTFL. Again, yes and no.... keeping in mind that if someone is here
for just sex and meets up with someone else who is here for just sex,
then talking about this stuff and not much else might be the perfect
comfort level for both of them. And so it's not so much a question
of what's right or wrong, but more a question of being somewhat
sensitive to what another person's comfort level is like.... and matching
up with others who best suit our own comfort level.
Apolinary | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:30:26 PM |
Yes, and no. That is, I appreciate what you're saying here. And yet at the same
time, this is a dating site, not the 4H club, and any gal who doesn't want any
flirtatious talk is perhaps otherwise best to more clearly state their reason for
being here as looking for "friends", or "talk/email", or "hang out", or "activity
partner." And beyond that, it is simply a matter of degree to which we each
feel comfortable talking about matters like sex.
Since WHEN is talking about how good you are at oral sex, how often you like sex, how big you are - considered FLIRTATIOUS ???
I will block someone in a heartbeat if they go very far - within a few weeks of chatting then maybe but by then I would have already been talking to them on the phone. funny but two gentlemen that I met online NEVER brought sex up - at all - and we ended up seeing each other for a month before we got intimate and then it was great - and it never would have happened if they had brought up how great they were. It was much better to find out together just how great it could be | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:35:48 PM | Since most relationships involve a sexual element one would think, it makes sense to ensure that you are meeting a person you would consider having sex with as there is little point in meeting someone who is not similarly inclined.. Or indeed is not up to ones personal moral standards..
Thus, it surely makes sense to take about this issue prior to meeting, if only to say "no thanks!" or whatever else is agreed..
In real life, such issues dont usually come about because body lauguage etc tells so much, but in the internet, its a liars and fakers paradise.. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:36:08 PM | | I would have to agree with Uwishtoo and others. I think if a man talks about sex even before he meets you then that is a complete turn off for me. That would make me think that, that is all he's really interested in. Don't give up your moral for such behaviors. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:43:18 PM | Well there is talking about sexual preference and there is downright crude. Unfortunately some men dont know the difference. And I think one of the biggest problems is NOT reading ones profile. You can tell a lot by how a profile is written as to how far you can go initially.
One doesnt even know how the first meet is going to go. Why not wait until you see if your even compatible before getting into the sex talk. Being disrespectful gets you nowhere but onto the next. If thats your mindset or your only interest is sex then go for it. But then dont start a thread on "why do women block after the first message!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EDIT.....Apolinary..you are a wise man................ | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:48:40 PM | I think it's okay if a man asks one or two questions, but if they go over board it's a turn off.
I think women don't like to talk about sex
just like men
Don't like to talk about how much money they have or don't have. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:55:43 PM | | I agree with what most say that there is a time and place for everything. I think you have to know a person before you go to the next step of sex, so what gives with talking about it unless you are ready? I think I have to meet the person before I could even talk about a kiss! I also get grossed out when men ask you to send them naked pictures. I don't kiss on a first date, why do they think it is ok to ask about seeing you naked? | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:59:33 PM | There is a time and a place for everything....and timing IS everything. I have found (like you OP) that the men who want to talk sex....and all the details.....aren't showing respect. They are in it for one thing.......I want it ALL....along with that "one thing". I'll wait....I know he's out there!
Keep on  !!!
~Sexy Vixen 4u~ | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:09:03 PM | There's so much more to life than sex! I'd rather get to know what gets you excited about in life, what you're passionate about, where life has taken you and where it may be going.
We've got to connect on many other planes of life before we delve into sex.
If you don't show respect, you likely ain't gonna get any back. | |
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| Talking about sex before even meeting
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:18:45 PM |
This question could only have come from a woman..
God forbid, people want to find out if they are compatible before wasting their time and money
Only a man would say that
Let me tell you something Reg...there is nothing more uncomfortable then meeting somebody you've had sexual conversations with, only to find out that you have NO chemistry whatsoever.
Sorry, but thats something I stear clear of until the meet. If there's chemistry? Open season! | |
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