| "better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all"... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:48:30 PM | I hear the saying "Better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all." alot. The thing is I have loved and lost, and the lost part shattered my heart for years, relationships since then have been out of lust and not love, unfair as it is, I have to admitt I havn't felt the same about any guy... untill just reacently, I have only spent a little time with him, yet i miss him and think of him often... and all I can tell myself is that I wish he would hurt me now, before my heart takes over and my mind controls no more... I guess my question is, how can I trust my heart after such pain from a past love?... anyone with any advice would be perfectly welcome.
Thanks, Cherie  | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:55:49 PM | | I am sorry you were hurt. Everyone gets hurt sooner or later. You shouldn't hold onto the pain that you feel. You will have to listen to both your head and your heart. Take it slow, get to know the person and see if you think you can trust them with your heart. Love takes courage. Love takes trust. Don't make someone else (including yourself) pay for someone else's mistakes in their treatment of you. Realize that when you do find the right one, you will appreciate them more for having gone through some of the wrong ones. There is no guarantee. Love is for the brave. Only you can decide if the risk is worth it or not. When you love someone, you want to give them your all...just don't lose yourself in the process either. Find someone who will be your best friend and build on that. | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:58:21 PM | Stop trying to fashion any future loves with the type of love you had with him.
if you continue to compare,and try to simulate or fashion the love you used to have with someone new,it probably won't work.Best to try a new love,and leave behind thoses feelings you had for the other person,if this makes sense.leave room in your heart to explore the possibilities of a new and exciting love with someone new.Try building a relationship with someone of interest,instad of just sex.After the sex,then there is the personalities left. | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/14/2008 8:14:27 PM | *thefantasyartist* - I applaud you on the advice and I concur with you wholeheartedly. ~blows you a kiss~ In fact, just what I was going to tell her.
OP- there are no guarantees in life. Just take it one day at a time and one step at a time. If you compare, as thefantasyartist said, then you will be further setting yourself up for a "fall".
Keep your heart open for someone else to enter. You will just make yourself feel worse if you try and keep what you had with the former love alive in your mind and guage every other man to him.
My last LTR passed away. There's nothing I can do about that. I'm alive and I go on. But I don't compare anyone else to him. As a matter of fact you will find someone who you will "click" with and he even might be very different from your last love. So different you might be surprised yourself. But you will know. And even further surprising I know you won't even find yourself comparing your last love with him............when the new steps into your life. | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/14/2008 8:21:51 PM | I understand the post, your expressed fear of going through the same horror again as what the lost-love was: fear of a repeat heartbreak.
That is perfectly normal, and self-preservation is always a good idea. Proceed, but slowly, and with caution, would be my impathetic advice.
That's my advice, but also what I am doing, to take care of myself. Women are more fragile in some respects than are men, I think, it is important to make sure you are not going to be ruined again, at the same time you try to move ahead with your love-life.
I wish you the best of luck,
Take care. | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/14/2008 8:29:18 PM | yes, as the others said, look at each new love as just that - a new love, and no two loves are ever the same.
also always remember, your love comes from within you, not from him. that truly is the key to love - to all love.
he might resonate and harmonize beautifully with your energy (and this is where the uniqueness of each new love comes), but your love is always with you and never dies.
your heart never broke. what broke was your attachment to the feelings you thought he gave you.....but in reality they are your feelings you give yourself.
so give yourself permission to love yourself again.....for in reality you always have, always do and always will.
with love!
(for it really is our true nature, no matter what.) | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/14/2008 8:42:35 PM | OP --> Original Poster. . . . .
OPie ~~ being alive means getting hurt: babies who refuse to get hurt never learn to walk; children with a terror of skinned knees never run or learn to ride a bike. Being able to love means that sometimes you're gonna get hurt. You can treasure that pain for all it's worth, or try to get beyond it. Getting beyond it, you will learn something; treasuring it means you'll keep doing whatever causes you pain over and over.
Your choice.
Good luck.
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/14/2008 8:47:07 PM | Hi, cutenurse.
We have all been hurt. Please don't live in the past. The past is gone, all we have is the present. Ever wonder why they call it the present? It is a gift. As a Nurse I am sure you have seen a lot . I get humbled every day. It puts everything into perspective. Have you read the book "A New Earth?" You should. It is great. It is all about living in the moment...the present. It is very hard to do...I am a "what iff -er " from way back. It is a very good book. As a woman who has been in love before and is not in a relationship now, I know that it is hard. You would love to find the one to share your love with. We all want that. That's why we are here, right? Good luck. Please don't make a new guy pay for your old guy's mistakes,ok? Good luck. You will find him. | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/14/2008 8:50:45 PM | | This is interesting. A broken heart and then a a block on future relationships. I did this too. If I could go back in time and give guys a chance, I so would. Not all are out to use you. I guess time has taught me to be secure in myself and not need the validation of another. If a man comes along that I seem to click with, I am definately going to give him a chance. | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/14/2008 8:52:21 PM | Love is a risk, and with that risk you might get hurt, or you might find that absolutely special person that will be with you for the rest of your life. If you don't let go of the hurt, or bad feelings you can actually (I believe) make your fears happen and lose the joy that you would gain from being in love again.
It's worth the risk.. don't look so far down the road, just enjoy what you feel right now, day by day!! Nothing better than that!  | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/14/2008 8:54:27 PM | It won't be the same as it was with that person you felt so strongly toward. It will be different. Once you accept that.. you can understand that different does not necessarily mean less valuable or less strong or any "worse". Just different. After all, you, coming out of those experiences, aren't the same as you used to be either...It is never the same, and perhaps it's a good thing  | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/14/2008 9:44:07 PM | The thread is true...The heart does heal...There is no time thread placed on healing...If you want to live in a vacuum, keep yourself guarded and protected...Love seems to happen when two folks are ready and open to it...If your vision is obscured by the past pains, "Growth and love stagnate"..
The idea of earning another's love is ridiculous...Love seems to happen, the moment your guard is dropped...Be open...
Too many people (including myself) let pain, the past and bad judgments cloud , "what love really is"...Maybe Im a bit twisted...Could be...
So theres my silly two cents worth...Better to love than never at all...You bet!.. | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/15/2008 3:52:27 AM | I dont know what is with people, I realy dont, Explore what your life is all about, explore you, understand the human emotions of grief and work through it, accept that this is a soiety where relaionships are no longer permanent, If you break an arem you go to the doctor you rest the arm, and it hurts, it hurts, I dont take pain killers for every hurt i have or injury, some people get anti depressants for their grief and losses, the pain is bearable, so bare it understand it, controll your own mind
You dont trust your heart until you understand it , it has been predisposed to certain type sof people and love, and is not always a healthy organ.
thank god we got a brain as well, so please use it and educte this heart of yours, heal it, and use it wisely, and study society and being human, and live in reality, not if only, would be could be, live in as is
And try and get a better understanding of men and the man you give your heart to examine if he knows how to use it and if his a healthy organ
if you jump of a cliff without a parachute and dont look first, you could get smashed on rocks and THAT HURTS I imagine.........
and as soon a sone of area of th ebody hurts dont medicate it, people survived thousands of years and survived without it, admittedly for all the pains who will take that comment up some othr road, i am not talking about life saving surgery and not saying that modern medicine hasnt prolonged and enhanced lives,
Keep it context fit you possibly can
oh wo is me is unattractive and holds you back, yes the pain is real, very real, and it will hel if you take steps as with any other injury, | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/15/2008 3:59:25 AM | councilling is where you need to go figure this stuff out for yourself, these forums are not good, you can get opinions, and sympathy.
You need to have someone help You to explore You and your feelings and thoughts, Ok
this is a waste time for you, you need to be referred, to see someone to assist you in helping you and directing you to appropriate material to educte yourself how to do all the things you asked about......
this is not typical of a councilling session, and you have the answers you need, not us....
What a councillor thinks and their opinion has no bearing on your session , its a process about what you think and and your own opinion and most people dont understand, | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/15/2008 4:39:14 AM | I was in a shop buying a comic the other day and saw this fridge magnet that made me laugh .. it said
"better to have loved and lost ..than to spend the rest of your life living with the psycho"..
If a previous boyfriend that you thought that you loved and thus allowed yourself to be fully vulnerable with has badly let you down, betrayed you or abused you... that leaves emotional scars that are difficult to heal...
However, you need to be rational and realise that for you to fall in love is a measure of how lovely you are yourself and thus that there is someone else who wants to love you back just as much..
All you need to do is take things one step at a time ... if when you look at your new man, you are honestly sure that you know him for who he really is and he says that he loves you (do not make the mistake of thinking that he has to be perfect - he does not)... then you have done well to put the last relationship behind you and you can start to make the most of a new one... | |
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| better to love and lost, than to never have loved at all... how can i trust myself to love again?
Posted: 4/15/2008 5:36:31 AM | cherie,I understand this pain you speak of and telling you the grestest gift we as humans have is giving of ourseleves, this thing called love is a gate way to happyness that all desire,Some people shut down there hearts afraid of hurt,this is not a good thing, due too, you have know idea of the you projected hurt too someone else who would love to have the chance to appreicate your love that wants the same as you ,beaware of your suroundings,and always aways never but your heart in a dungon, take the chains off,be free in sprit,enjoy this life to the fullest,make ever day matter,be on the quest . listeb to a song from sammy hagar I'll fall in love again get pumped up agian and take care! | |
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