| 800 Critters
Posted: 4/14/2008 10:50:49 PM | Oh boy, oh boy oh boy. One of my co-workers today mentioned that he had heard that 800 cats had been seized from a double wide trailer somewhere in the world recently. I being the passionate watcher for animal freaks immediately took a look for confirmation of this when I got home. No it was not 800 cats, what the Hell is that guy smoking? I told him to lay off the LSD. No not cats but 800 DOGS and 82 parrots and a Kodiak Grizzly with irritable bowel syndrome that had moved into the back bathroom since his cave was missing indoor plumbing and he gets extremely tired having to step out into the bushes to go number two every 10 minutes.
The emphasis was completely on the dogs and nothing really said about the parrots except that rescue workers had to wear hearing deadeners since 82 parrots all screaming “Polly want a cracker” at the same time incessantly will drive even a sane person to wonder what country fired parrot taste like. You must admit naming 82 parrots all Polly is absolute insanity, talk about NO imagination!
They also found the Taco Bell Chihuahua quivering among the huddled masses and he was certainly in the mood for a burrito since he was a punk anyway and you know how the rest of the pack hates and treats ex TV stars. He was on the extreme tail end of the butt sniffing chain! What the Hell were two old farts doing with 800 small dogs? I can see if you must fen off an attack from extraterrestrial aliens which are evolved from a feline species, God knows we all have at one time or another. You realize how difficult it would be to harness 200 Chihuahuas to a sled and have them pull it? Huge, bulbous, bloodshot eyes, ready to explode from their eyes socket and screeching like banshees as if someone were standing on them? You know their NORMAL state of being? Well I know that only 105 Pomeranians are needed to do the job and a cattle prod utilizing much less voltage!
Unfortunately the first two rescuers to enter the trailer were not aware of the fact that these dogs had not been fed in awhile and were stripped to the bone within minutes. One spectator commented “The feeding frenzy that ensued made a starved school of piranha look like goldfish!” Condolences were sent to their families along with dog droppings after the workers had passed through the dog’s digestive systems.
When questioned by authorities as to why they were keeping 800 dogs, the old man replied “Because there wasn’t enough room for the herd of 124 wildebeests we wanted to keep!” Well that makes sense I guess in some reality! His wife would not answer any question put to her until someone noticed a small tail wiggling between her lips. Authorities discovered this was how she kept the puppies from getting cold and how her teeth had attained a dynamic, glaring yellow color that blinded all when she opened her mouth.
A police officer on the scene that of course had to say something inane to get his name in print was asked how they discovered this horrifying spectacle. At first, a neighbor broke in and said it was because he visited the trailer park prostitute just 2 trailers down 3 times a week until the officer interrupted him. The officer said he had received a tip from a woman that had purchased one of the dogs and took it to the vets and discovered it had “kennel cough” and was advised to call the police. I applaud his advice, many times we men that suffer from enlarged prostrates, fail to call law enforcement and get them involved! Maybe she should have called the police when she saw the elderly couple standing chest deep in sea of small writhering dogs!
Well I have started my ranch of rare red legged weasels. Maybe someone will notice when my population reaches 4-500 of them. | |
|
Home
login 