| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:28:26 AM | | This is a totally foreign idea for me, guess I'm not up on the latest. How come approximately 50-60 men recently viewed my profile but only 1 of them made first contact? Am I missing something here? Because I and my viewers are all over 54+ years of age, I thought we had some fairly traditional views on dating - the man makes the first contact....and, frankly, that is the way I like it - as I am perfectly happy being the woman. Any comments or helpful suggestions? | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 4/15/2008 8:31:15 AM | | Look at how many people "view" your post but don't post themselves. Same idea. Don't worry about it. Actually don't even think about it and you'll be happier. Oh and before you come back with the other big question on here I will tell you now, if someone adds you to favorites it means nothing. Don't "read" anything into it. | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 4/15/2008 11:56:21 AM | It's true, a little thumbnail picture doesn't really show or tell you anything, so people click on the profile to check it out. Happens a lot in the forums too, people sometimes want an insight as to who the person behind the post is, male or female....
It doesn't mean anything except curiousity, hon, but don't you be scared to send the first message, either!
Good luck on pof!
hnh
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 4/15/2008 12:41:00 PM | Heck, you see a photo and decide to click on it to read the profile. Who knows why. Maybe the smile, the location, curiosity, any number of reasons.
Once the profile opens, there are many reasons you'd just click and close it. Maybe the person is a smoker, lives too far away, doesn't share common interests, has/has not kids, etc. Just because a profile is "looked at" really means nothing at all.
So go ahead, break the mold and make first contact if you're interested. The first rule of cyberspace is that there are no rules in cyberspace. | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 4/15/2008 4:17:40 PM | What !!
Come come now !
If us guys make the first contact all we see is Deleted/unread.
So I like alot of other Males have decided to say screw it why bother trying to make a first contact! And if any woman feels interested in us then they can make the first contact. As why bother taking ones time to send a nice reply to someone who's not even gonna read the dam thing !
As yes in the past I have sent first contact emails out and to just see all of them deleted/unread.
How did these women even know what was in that email???
So as far as I am concerned I will not send a first contact email anymore !! | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:42:43 PM | I agree that traditional and customary practises of the past are not as valued as they use to be. I think this is a precipitation of women's movement and the gains they are making as independants. In my opinion, I think the assumption that older traditional ways will survive is not really the case. Old fashion morals and values seem to have diminish so I would think traditional values would follow the same path.
Maybe place a guy on your favourites list and hope he gets the hint. That way, you've shown interest without really breaking your traditional values. | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:23:53 PM | I think it has more to do with internet dating then dating over all. With internet dating a guy can make first contact with 20 women and often not get a date. A guy would have to be doing something remarkably wrong to talk to 20 different women in person and not have any sort of date. On here it isn't vary rare for a guy to send 20 messages and not get so much as a "Hi. I'm good thanks, and your self?" in response
having a profile viewed isn't the same as making eye contact in a public place. I think its more like being in the same building as someone else. | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 4/15/2008 11:09:14 PM | Why wait for women to make the fist move?
All you have to do is read though some of their profiles to find out a lot of them are really, really confused on what exactly they want.
I'm still confused about the underwear pictures with boobs and ass hanging out. They're pissed off because they're getting emails from perverts. This is the internet, will you dress like that walking on the street? Will you dress like that when your friends and co-workers are coming over for dinner?
If you don't do the rain dance, you won't have to complain about the rain. | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 4/16/2008 5:54:20 AM | It's a tough situation. I'm pretty sure that most of the 'attractive' women get lots of e-mails so the competition is intense and these women probably get overwhelmed by the volume of first contacts.
So if these guys then think that they just shouldn't bother making first contact anymore and just wait for interested women to contact them, then they could be in for disappointments. I would think that most women are still use to the idea of men contacting them first rather than the other way around.
So we are certainly stuck here. It's a good thing this system is free. | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 4/16/2008 10:46:29 AM | I've also found (after being on this and a few other dating sites) that the older you get the less likely you are to make the first move. Cuz I get a lot of younger guys emailing/IMing me. Maybe, when you're younger you feel that you have less to lose and you are therefore more confident and not as scared to be virtually rejected? Then you get older and the insecurities set in?
Another point of view is to make sure that you have a recent picture that really shows what you look like...not taken from 100 feet away/wearing sunglasses or hats/side angles/etc.
I find that when people resort to using the Internet as a way of 'fishing' they really want to see what they'll be getting on that first date. I think a few of us can attest to showing up on those dates and the person looks noting like their photo.
Sad to say that we are living in such a superficial world but, it's true people...what you see should be what you get...anything else can and will be deemed as 'false advertisement'...lol Happy Fishing! | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 4/16/2008 5:42:30 PM | Well I have also been on many singles sites and 99% of all guys on those sites all tend to get the same responses from making contacts with women. Hence not getting replies back when guys take the time to send a nice honest first contact does not hold too good !
And yep alot of women on alot of singles sites may be looking for a mate.
But alot of ladies tend to be more affraid to make first contact or just refuse to make a first contact. Why I could not even begin to explain that!LOL
But when some guys hear so many women saying they get tons of emails daily these guys who seem to get only deleted ?unread s say why bother wasting their time then.
And decide to leave it up to the women whom if they feel interested in the guy can make the first contact. I know as for me personally I could careless if any lady emails me or not ! Cause either she's interested and will make first contact or she won't .
And I personally am not wasting my time to send someone I think I might love to share my life with an email and just have it deleted?unread.
And sure I want to know why its always the guys on all these singles sites that it seems to be a rule must make first contact !
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 4/16/2008 5:54:11 PM | | It's a good thing then that POF is a free dating site. Many of those other paying sites where people (mostly men) had to pay for subscriptions and/or credits have turned out to be a huge waste of money (especially for guys who felt that eventually they would connect with someone but would never happen). POF is much better if you're a guy, even though there are some features that are geared towards women (block users looking for sex/intimate encounters). | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 4/17/2008 11:40:26 AM | Ladies you are the ones that give the okay to the guys to contact you knowingly or not.
In real life be at the supermarket, the beach, the park, the bar wherever it is. Woman and man have what is called body language. That body language tells the other party you maybe interested and are open to conversation. Could be a smile, a look, the way you stand anything but there is a sign. On the internet man cannot see the signs because it’s not a live environment. So the first few months when we are new on dating sites men just contact one woman after the other occasionally getting lucky and a woman will respond. After a few months of this you realise that it is a lot more effective to let the woman that is interested in you contact you first. Because of the first 189632548924 times you get a read delete you just run out of wind and things to say to have a woman contact you back.
I say ladies do us all a favour let us know you are interested in us either by letting us know you looked at our profile or by stopping by and saying hi and maybe we can all get off the dating scene and enjoy a nice life as couples instead of singles. | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 4/17/2008 12:30:25 PM | | The short answer is, we don't wait. If we're interested enough to bother, we will. Do you buy everything in a store just because you looked at it? Do the salespeople demand that you make a purchase when you glance at something or threaten to throw you out if you don't? A simple look does not imply a lasting interest. | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 4/17/2008 12:40:47 PM | | For me, I do try to contact some people, and hope they'll take a chance to know me, but some people, you see that they get contacted or added to favorates by 300+ people, I sometimes feel like I shouldn't bother then with yet another email. | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 4/17/2008 8:32:38 PM | loves to give,
I couldn't understand that mega-long favourite's list thing at first either, and tended to shy away from the guys with high numbers, when they contacted me. I've since found out that a lot, not all - but a lot of them are forum junkies, and that kind of explained it to me.
I do check the bottom of their profiles now for signs of forum postings to see if that's the case though, and if it isn't, I'm still kind of like you about it.
Just another way of looking at the favourites thing for you though, so as to not always be put off by it... | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 4/19/2008 6:20:40 AM | well im not a forum junkie, and i have viewed a lot of womens profiles.
why dont i write to them first?
mostly because they are not looking for what im looking for, so i figure it best to not waste thier time just trying to chat when they are looking to date/hang out/ ect....
isnt that just being polite?
i have contacted a few women for various reasons (to comment of thier profile or have written to them in the past when i was looking to date).
but thats just me, i cant say why other men dont write first. | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 4/19/2008 7:22:56 AM | Well now it is true that posting a singles profile up is actually the first contact.
So since I have done this then thats all I need to do right??
So now any ladies who view my profile can see I am single /available . Plus they see what I look like and can read a little about me.
So as for me thats enough for now and time for the ladies to decide are they shopping or window browsing !  | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 4/19/2008 1:02:54 PM | Why wait for men to make the first move?
So as for me thats enough for now and time for the ladies to decide are they shopping or window browsing !
For me, I can say both. I don't want a serious relationship right now. I want to date, different people, have fun with no expectations or pressure. It seems to me though that there's a stereo-type/ double-standard there... It's ok for guys to do that, but if a woman does she's a slut.
So why can't us women just enjoy being single for a while? | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 4/19/2008 5:47:56 PM | This is just my opinion but I think that for the most part that there is generally more men then women on these sites (that's just an assumption on my part but I think it's pretty accurate), so you might have some guys that send out a few reply but and don't get any replies because on the ladies side they mostly likely get more msg and are able to be more picky and have to ignore some msg. Now you might not be in the same situation (obviously from what you saying) but that might be the case for a lot of women so guys then to wait and see if any women is willing to initiate contact and showing some interest.
I'm that why myself, but I do try to at least send out a few messages and see what bites. Unfortunately getting no replies or having your messages deleted or ignored come with the territory. Even online finding some is not easy. I do like that online you can get a basic idea of how someone is and what they are like without have to ask them 20 question but that does change the fact that find someone is a journey. | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 4/19/2008 9:36:11 PM | I assume ( and we all know what assuming means , lol ) that when men have checked my profile and dont contact me then they are not interested in me, so I don't usually check out the " viewed me " section, or pay much attention to it.
Just because they looked at my profile doesnt mean they liked what they saw / read so whats the big deal ?
If they are truly looking, and see something they like or want to know more about, then they will contact you.
If you want to be more assertive, go searching, and contact who appeals to you......might be only one in 50 / 60 !!!! | |
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| Why Is It That Men Wait for Women to Make the First Contact?
Posted: 4/26/2008 11:17:02 PM | Hey browser59!
This internet dating stuff is not the place to expect old protocol. For me, I'd say that I probably initiate 90% of the contacts because sometimes I think some men are more shy than they'd like to admit or they're tired of the rejection (which I can relate to as the majority of the messages I send do not receive a reply either-they must be learning from all the ladies who don't reply!!!???)
Anyway, if one day we are lucky enough to find that one that makes us smile from ear to ear will it really matter who it was that initiated the first contact? Isn't it more important to dwell on finding them regardless of how we do it? At least that's the way I think of it so, sorry gents if you are the types that don't like a lady approaching you first but please know that it's important that I leave no stone unturned in my search for that heart throb that ultimately has my name tatooed somewhere on his person.
All the best Brower!!! Just go for it- what do you have to loose!
bjb | |
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