| stalker or strong interest?
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:48:29 PM | | We always hear woman saying that they want guys to"pursue them".they want to feel desired, and wanted, if he has a laid back demeanor about his approach to her (first date or relationship)the woman feels like he doesn't like her or "not that into her", but then again woman don't like stalkers ,so what's the difference between a guy that is vehemently trying to pursue a woman and show his interest and a stalker?..because stalkers probably see there behavior as just that.."vehemently showing he has a interest in a woman" | |
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| stalker or strong interest?
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:52:31 PM | | Stalker vs Interest? When you continue to pursue a woman after she has made it perfectly clear to you that she is not interested. | |
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| stalker or strong interest?
Posted: 4/15/2008 8:24:59 PM | | A good way to be classified as a stalker is becoming way too attached too quickly. Also, being pushy and becoming very impatient about returning phone calls, when next dates are, and not being understanding that the girl has a life. A good way to show interest but not go overboard is to follow through with things. Call when u say that u will, listen and try to remember things about her and things that she says. You should keep in mind everyone you are interested in may not be interested in you and you should respect that and not get too bent out of shape when that happens. Also, women can change their minds if they like you or not. If she decides she doesn't want to date you anymore, you should always respect that and move on. | |
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| stalker or strong interest?
Posted: 4/15/2008 8:26:30 PM | This one is easy..
If you don't know the difference between Stalking and Strong Interest....
You are a Stalker
M | |
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| stalker or strong interest?
Posted: 4/15/2008 9:30:20 PM | I wonder sometimes about the use of the word "Stalker". Seems these days everyone can be called that at some point. I remember as a kid us girls would drive by the house of the guy we liked and yell and whistle.. today that would be considered stalking. We did it all the time. lol It was just innocent fun. I wonder if leaving a cute little note on your dates car window would be considered stalking now.. or accidently running into him at the store, or laundry mat.. or maybe even at your kids track meets?
I know this is a little off topic, but.. it's kinda crazy to me because it's so loosely used.
To me a stalker would be someone who you've told you never want to see again or hear from again and yet they keep showing up in your life and making it known. Yes, even if it's e-mailing. But most people aren't that clear with telling someone they are through.. absolutely.. so there lies the opening for the guy/girl that just really likes you and is trying to show it in different ways. Unfortunately they get called a Stalker also. Communication could save a lot of problems in this area. Don't you think? | |
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| stalker or strong interest?
Posted: 4/15/2008 9:35:56 PM | The stalker will hunt you down and kill you. As opposed to the overly persistent guy who will just annoy you a lot until you are forced to do something that is (probably) out of character and tell him flat off, or something like that. If you tell the stalker off he poisons your dog, or leaves something terribly disturbing on your doorstep, or breaks in and leaves something to let you know he's been there. If you tell Mr.overly persistent off he probably just sulks about it, maybe posts a thread about it here  , or , at worst, gets a little mad at you and says something mean on the phone. But he won't sit outside your house for hours, at night, watching to see what time you get back. Those are the kinds of (basic) differences that exist, IMO, between a stalker and just a strongly interested guy. It's a difference of mentally ill , really, as opposed to just a little socially inept , or not the best dater-type of thing. In short, you'll know the stalker when you meet one. | |
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| stalker or strong interest?
Posted: 4/15/2008 9:38:41 PM | QUOTE: it's kinda crazy to me because it's so loosely used.
>>>>> Correct. It's terribly loosely used, mostly by females some of whom toss it around anytime they receive a simple second or third phone call from a guy they thought they'd "gotten rid of". | |
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| stalker or strong interest?
Posted: 4/15/2008 9:46:56 PM |
Correct. It's terribly loosely used, mostly by females some of whom toss it around anytime they receive a simple second or third phone call from a guy they thought they'd "gotten rid of".
I agree, but i think it's used today just as much by men .. it's as my mom would say... "All the rage". Seems people are overly paranoid anymore.. that's kind of sad to me. You lose a lot of innocent fun, and memories that way.
Sure, nobody wants to be scared by someone lurking.. but how often does that really happen? | |
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| stalker or strong interest?
Posted: 4/15/2008 10:13:06 PM | Funny, I don't always hear women saying that. I've heard indvidual women say there may be a certain guy they want to "Persue her".
Just remember no means no, and if she'a playing the no means maybe game you don't want that hassle either | |
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| stalker or strong interest?
Posted: 4/15/2008 10:20:43 PM | | lauralou, your post was great, you cleared alot of things up for me,but some things you said made sound odd, you said being pushy about phone calls is one of the traits of a stalker, but you said that women like guys that call when they say they do so in essence women are pushy about phone calls, and then you said men should respect that a woamn can change her mind about him, but as far as i'm concerned i would break things off with that woman because i wouldn't want a woman that plays yo-yo with my emotions like that, it's like she doesn't know waht she want's. | |
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| stalker or strong interest?
Posted: 4/16/2008 2:05:22 AM | Good posts Lauralou and Gwai.
Lauralou..I'd like to elaborate on your post..if I may..the difference between strong interest and stalker is also about 'listening' to what the other person says..which is also what you are getting at in your post..
Someone who shows a strong interest will 'hear' when the other person says 'hey I'm busy, I'll be free at 6pm/I've got meetings all day/I'm on my way to xyz so won't be able to get back to you/I'm at work and really busy...those kind of things. Listening and respecting that the other person is busy is to me just as important as not surprising someone by taking them to a fish restaurant when they have an allergy to fish!
A stalker type tendency (yes the word is overused but we don't have another word..so we all use it to varying degrees) is where the person only hears what they want to..so if they get a reply..even a 'I'm busy' they continue replying and emailing and don't actually pay any attention to the simple words 'I'm busy'
I've had times where I will get a text in the morning on my way to work..and he knows what time I am on my way to work..then when I get to work an email..when he knows I'm busy at work..then 5 minutes later a follow up text and email asking why I haven't replied yet...
If you send a text or an email..be prepared to WAIT for an answer..if they say they are busy..RESPECT that..
If a guy calls when he says he will..great..that's fine..and good and attentive..
OP..you say that a woman can change her mind....the thing is that if you haven't respected not pushing with calls/texts/mails..then that is one thing which IS GOING to change her mind about you.
Everyone needs time to go about their lives..no one is free all of the time..and too much pushiness with contact is really off putting.
All of the above can relate to a man or a woman..
It's simple respect for another human being..no matter how much you like them..they still have a life and still need space. | |
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| stalker or strong interest?
Posted: 4/16/2008 2:32:44 AM | | It seems like if the woman feels spooked or gets a feeling its stalking and yet if its by the guy or guys they currently like its a strong wanted interest! Next they will try and convict us for what were thinking! | |
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| stalker or strong interest?
Posted: 4/16/2008 2:37:43 AM | I think someone that assumes something too soon is not always a stalker. They are just inexperienced as well as immature more times to none. This does not make a stalker. I feel the word stalker is utilized too loosely nowadays and this is a serious label to place on anyone.
A stalker in my eyes is someone who after repeatedly informing them there is no interest they repeatedly show up at your house/work/job/places of interest/school/to include many other places. A stalker will call you 50 times a day. Text message every half-hour. A stalker can also be of someone with NO interest in you whatsoever romantically. They can be some psycho who just flat out does not like you, maybe for calling them a stalker in the first place? lol
I do feel that some people utilize the word stalker incorrectly. Most people know when people are or are not stalkers. Men/women alike are guilty of labeling people stalkers to feed their own egos. This goes along with people who label all their exes "psycho's" or "bi-polar", I find it hard to believe with anyone who claims ALL their exes are as such, it actually shows me the person doing the labeling has some serious issues.
I feel stalking is a serious issue. I am someone who has been stalked. Im' very careful on how I label people. Does some guy just really like me and is hoping I like him back by calling me a little often? Is he showing interest by calling me once a day? Or is he a stalker? This scenario does NOT mean he is a stalker, it just means the poor guy really likes me. Please be careful the labels, we should be realistic when determining if someone is stalking us or just showing genuine interest immaturely or in a needy way. | |
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| stalker or strong interest?
Posted: 4/16/2008 3:19:34 AM | It's unhealthy for a person to have an obsession with someone enough to call them 10x a day...be online and waiting for that person to log on and IM them in a split second they get on. Express STRONG interest is an obsession...
Stalking is getting online and finding out where they live...drive/walk by the residence during the day...and at night. Following them to where they go...showing up at places they are at and asking them when are they going to get together? .......alone?
Stalking and expressing a STRONG interest is unhealthy and should be delt with immediately...counseling or getting two jobs to keep focused on other things might help. | |
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| stalker or strong interest?
Posted: 4/16/2008 3:27:06 AM | I agree with the poster who raised the point that if you don't know the difference you are probably a stalker. I think a strong or healthy interest is shown by being reliable and making an effort to keep in touch...being attentive, yes, but in a normal way and not to the point of badgering / excessiveness or giving the impression he / she is all you think about.
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| stalker or strong interest?
Posted: 4/16/2008 5:53:15 AM | | How about just "show you have an interest in a woman" and leave out the "vehement" part. | |
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| stalker or strong interest?
Posted: 4/18/2008 5:44:18 AM | things stalkers do:
- Follow you and show up wherever you are.
- repeatedly call you, including hang-ups.
- damage your home, car, or other property.
- send unwanted gifts, letters, cards, or e-mails.
- monitor your phone calls or computer use.
- use technology, like hidden cameras or global positioning systems, to track where you go.
- drive by or hang out at your home, school, or work.
- threaten to hurt you, your family, friends, or pets.
- find out about you by using public records or on-line search services, hiring investigators, going through your garbage, or contacting friends, family, neighbors, or co-workers.
- other actions that control, track, or frighten you. | |
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| stalker or strong interest?
Posted: 4/18/2008 6:50:20 AM | The term stalker has become another overused cliche',
it can be categorized along with sexual harassment.
Both are defined as perceived, by the "victim".
Both have legitimate scenarios and both are grossly abused. | |
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| stalker or strong interest?
Posted: 4/18/2008 12:21:50 PM | I would say initially, our gut instinct (ladies, we have that) tells us that something isn't right in a guy's approach to pursuing.....when it might lean more towards obsessive behavior. We all know what appropriate behaviors look like and feel like.
If you've made it perfectly clear that you're not interested and that you don't want to see, hear, or have any kind of communication with a guy and he continues to do so, then that's crossing the line that you've set. However, there's a definite difference between the more benign actions that might continue when compared to behaviors such as numerous phone calls at all hours, leaving voicemails, texting over-the-top messages, written communications, showing up at your workplace or home, etc. That's spooky stuff. | |
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| stalker or strong interest?
Posted: 4/18/2008 12:36:58 PM | | Having been stalked -- you'll know without question if you're being stalked. They seem to know no limits yet plan every move sometimes months in advance. Stalkers require court action and still continue their antics -- in short -- they are living a preconcluded fantasy out both in their heads and crossing over into your reality. | |
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| stalker or strong interest?
Posted: 4/18/2008 12:48:34 PM | Strong interest is welcome...stalking is not.
Strong interest is perhaps one phone call a day, after you have dated a while.. and if she is busy, ask if you can call back later. Stalking is calling every hour, just to see what she is doing.
Strong interest is e mailing, and then e mailing back once you get a reply, (or if you forgot something, not waiting for a reply) Stalking is multiple e mails without any feedback.
Strong interest is asking for a date, or to come over, and just hang out...stalking is showing up the places she goes, without being invited...like you know she shops for groceries at 8AM...and you are always there.
Strong interest is asking her to go to church with you, or can you accompany her to hers, stalking is changing your religion, and sitting behind her to watch her.
If you think you are being over the top...you most likely are. | |
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| stalkers
Posted: 4/22/2008 12:34:34 PM | I'm ignoring the legal definition of stalker, even though it really says it all in most states. (And, yes, stalkers normally think they are in a relationship, therefore not stalking.)
Stalking and rape are two words that describe a horrible and terrifying verb that everyone should care about preventing....
I agree they are over used. People throw them around when it isn't true. I have friends who say they have a stalker, but they keep inviting him to parties. A crush is not a stalker, neither is a desperate guy just trying to get your attention.
Stalking, in my opinion, means that you are giving a rational outsider a reason to fear for the safety of you object of obsession.
I'm not a tv personality, so to be MY stalker, I have to have told you to stop certain behavoir at some point. I've never had a stranger stalker. Even women who think I am sexing up their husbands get the point after saying to stop peeking in my window.
There are two levels of my def of stalker:
Creepy- meaning he follows me to places he is not legally allowed(women's restroom, court date for another stalker, private wedding/party with "no trespassing" sign included, somewhere he has to sneak or break into), causes me extra work(purposely does things at work or in my neighborhood that require MY attention not someone else's), asks my friends and family about my sex life when he has all my contact information. (just touching someone is NOT part of being a creepy stalker, it is just a difference of comfort zones.)
Psycho- He has (beyond a reasonable doubt)attempted to or caused physical harm to me, someone, or something that I care about. This has only happened to me once, but I believe in taking action before someone gets to creepy, and that way no one gets to psycho. | |
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| stalker or strong interest?
Posted: 4/22/2008 12:38:35 PM | | A stalker emails and calls and texts constantly and the woman can't breathe. It is annoying. Strong interest is showing interest when your out and laying it on the line by phone or email. After the person knows the ball is in their court. Sometimes we have interst in people and they just want to be friends or have no interst at all. Sometimes we are just 2 different people. U can tell if the person feels the same by their actions. | |
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