| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/16/2008 9:52:41 AM | Okay, here we go with the hypothetical aspect of what we are all here for at one time or another in our journey of life.
Is internet dating way more complicated than it needs to be?
Here we are, single and available looking for something we thought we had found when we were so much younger. We see many attractive members of the opposite sex on line, but for some reason or another there is not a connection being made.
We go to functions and meet some of these same beautiful/handsome folks, in person have fun and dance our feet off. Some will dance close, others only want distance dances. When is a good time to persue those that will dance close?
When we ponder how to ask one of these eye catchers for personal information, and we know there is an age difference of more than the normally considered acceptable range (or at least we feel deep inside that age is a problem), do we hold on to that timidity or should we explode and allow the real feelings to come out and be swept away, or would we be caught in the flood of tears from their laughter for entertaining such a thought?
I am aware there have been other threads on differences in age, but I am thinking more on the aspect of "How does one revert to those reckless teenage years of no inhibitions" and allow themsleves the entitelment of lifes pleasures of the opposite gender and company.
Any comments or maybe "exhilerating freedom" words of wisdom to get us on track for this new era of internet dating?? | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/16/2008 10:05:00 AM | I think people make internet dating much more complicated than it needs to be. If you see someone who catches your eye, there is no harm in contacting them. I have met a couple people who don't look like their pics online; I have met several who do. Too many times people are overlooked because of a photo or some other (silly) reason. That's the way it is.
For me, it's more what they write as long as the picture is somewhat appealing to me. Chatting and endless emails are the trap in internet dating. Get out to meet people for coffee or drinks - no harm no foul if you're not right for each other. You met someone new and you're not sitting at home alone. Just do it!!! | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/16/2008 11:00:56 AM | When you meet that someone you will know that you are both acting like teenagers and just throw caution to the wind.Good luck and HAVE FUN!!!
I have to agree-too much time with IMetc.You never know until you meet, so why wait? | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/16/2008 11:08:09 AM | i HaVe FoUnD tHat WhEn PeOpLe TyPe AlL cRaZy LiKe ThIs ThAt It CaN gIvE mE a HeAdAcHe - WhIcH iN tUrN cAn LeAd To FuRtHeR cOmPlIcAtIoNs DoWn ThE rOaD aT sOmE pOiNt In TiMe.
HyDrO. | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/16/2008 11:51:02 AM | Duffster:
Internet dating is usually one dimensional ...based on a picture and a profile. It's things like forums or chat that bring that 2nd dimension into a person & opens the door for you to get to know them. I know some people want to rush out and meet someone immediately after sending an email but I can't see anything wrong with spending time chatting/mailing someone to get to understand them. Like all things in Western Culture, it's all built around immediate gratification & that's something the Internet doesn't offer. People seem to think it's "crazy" to chat to someone for a few weeks to get to know them yet they're perfectly accepting of meeting someone for 60 minutes over a coffee & deciding if that person is "right" for them. I think that learning or understanding someone takes a bit longer than 60 minutes at a Starbucks. Yet, people will write off someone just because the first impression was bad.
I think the web is a very good tool to get to know someone, specially chat. I think it works best with "real life" where you get a mix of both. You meet the person, put a real face to that online persona and then feel a bit more comfortable with someone, so you're a bit more willing to open up.
Of course, there always exists the problem that some people are just better face to face than on the net...but on the flip side, there are people that are shy and introverted in real life & will open up on the net where they feel a touch more in control of things (they can always turn off the computer). | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/16/2008 12:03:12 PM |
I know some people want to rush out and meet someone immediately after sending an email but I can't see anything wrong with spending time chatting/mailing someone to get to understand them.
Honestly chatting online for too long can have a negative effect, i say do what feels right for both parties involved. If you feel it needs to be a month long emailing by all means, but i wouldnt be too concerned either if they wanted to meet right away.
Time is a precious commodity. | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/16/2008 1:35:23 PM |
but i wouldnt be too concerned either if they wanted to meet right away.
I wouldn't either, tho it would never bother me to "chat" for weeks, etc.
Honestly chatting online for too long can have a negative effect
That one I'm not so sure about. What negative effect ? I've been wired since 1994 & still have online "friends" from way back in 1994 that I've never met. Got stuck with a multiple NIC issue on a BSD UNIX server this morning and had one long time "internet" friend help me fix it. Took him 10 minutes, took me 5 hours. There are some people out here on the wire that I've chatted to for over a decade and while I never "met" them, I do feel I kinda sorta know them. You can't help but NOT get a grasp on someone you chat to for an extended period of time. | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/16/2008 2:00:33 PM |
That one I'm not so sure about. What negative effect ? I've been wired since 1994 & still have online "friends" from way back in 1994 that I've never met.
Uhh yes Elvis, i too have friends like this, tons of them actually. However i am not dating, nor planning to date any of them.
There's a big difference between online and face to face. It's much easier to see someone like you want them to be rather then for who they REALLY are! I can type easy but i am not as articulate face to face, that is until i know someone.
Anyone who know me or has met me here can probably agree with me.
So in essence, dont ***JUST*** trust and take in consideration what they write here because even tho it will give you a good insight into who they are, it is FAR from being the same when you DO meet face to face.
So having said that, that's why i dont think a long drawn out online courtship is a good thing. Your mind will create the person closer to what you want than what they are.
Like the saying goes, your milleage will vary. | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/16/2008 2:02:06 PM |
"How does one revert to those reckless teenage years of no inhibitions" By choosing it.
Sometimes simplicity is layered with complexity... and what appears complicated can really be quite simple... | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/16/2008 3:12:54 PM | ^^^
Its only as complicated as one makes it.
(I'm obviously NOT the only one posting THAT idea in this thread either) LOL | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/16/2008 3:41:47 PM |
Uhh yes Elvis, i too have friends like this, tons of them actually. However i am not dating, nor planning to date any of them.
But what's to stop you from dating them in the future? And how is any form of communication bad? Isn't it really just an open door that's probably better left open? I suppose if one is dead set on finding someone, then yes, chatting to "Girl/Boy A" for 6 months is too long. Yet often don't you find that it's when you aren't looking that you find a spark & take it from there. And that spark can start over the net.........
People seem to discount the power of the written word/text...and really we shouldn't. Look at how colourful a book can be when you read it. A good author can fill your mind with the imagery needed to "take you there". I suppose, it does require one have the writing ability to convey their emotions using text/words. Not everyone has that ability I suppose.
I guess I'm somewhat biased toward all of this because "Internet dating" has radically changed my life for the better. And were it not for "chat" my life would be radically different and alot less kick ass right now man. | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/16/2008 5:28:09 PM |
we know there is an age difference of more than the normally considered acceptable range
"How does one revert to those reckless teenage years of no inhibitions" and allow themsleves the entitelment of lifes pleasures of the opposite gender and company.
Perhaps accept that you are NOT a teenager anymore and try going after someone more your own age? | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/16/2008 5:39:44 PM | | I find that the longer you chat online, the greater your idea about what this person is really like. We develop expectations based on what they've written. We've inferred mood and tone (which is possible a lot of the time to be right) and it's easy to build this into a person. Now we have preconceived notions before we've even met them which could lead to disappointments when we actually do meet them because they don't fit this imaginary person we've constructed. Sometimes they totally do but I believe there is a greater chance for success with less chat and more meet. | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/16/2008 5:51:13 PM | internet dating isnt tuff to understand, its the internet daters that are hard to understand
it doesnt matter how many emails or phn cals u have , there will always be surprises and,,,,,the first meeting will always have the first and last say on where it gies after
ive chatted to heeps, and, alot ive never talked to again aftewr the first meet. there just wasnt any connection ,
no biggy tho theres always another fish to bother
i found that the longer u chatted online, the greater the expectations ar in the other person
so get the first meet out of the way fast , meet them fast, have a coffee, if there is anything worth pursuing, at least you havent wasted 3 months or a yr typing to a stranger who wont talk to you after they see u in realand yes its a waste when the emails are all based on an overactive imagination | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/16/2008 6:44:37 PM | I believe a lot of people have unrealistic expectations when it comes to internet dating.
I read a womans profile who stated she only dates fit men and is not attracted to over weight men. Yet, when you look at her pictures, she is at least a 100 pounds over weight and says her body type is "average"? 100 lbs over weight is not average, and why would a fit person be attracted to a body type such as this, I'm not, and I'm very fit!? Sure, there are some exceptions to the rule, but I'm guessing not too many fit men would be attracted her.
Another issue I've noticed with online dating, are profile pictures. People either post pictures of themselves that are not current, or we judge the profile soley by the pictures. I had a date with a man who looked a 100 times better than his picture, so I wouldn't judge a profile by the pictures alone, read their profile. I've heard many horror stories about people not looking like their pics, but I won't get into that.
As for the age difference, I think it's wrong to date someone old enough to be your parent or young enough to be your child....other wise go for it. | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/16/2008 7:45:23 PM | I have always found it easier to chat online than in person, because I'm pretty shy. I have formulated quite a few relationships online first, and then continued them in "real life". I have found that you get to know the inside of a person first that way.
On the flip side though (and I've had this conversation before), apparently nonverbal communication is around 60 - 70% of actual communication, so in essence when you are chatting online, you miss subtle cues that you wouldn't miss in person. Unless of course, you're a blockhead like me and you can't pick up on a nonverbal cue unless you were clubbed over the head with them. But that's another story... lol... but that is probably why I like chatting online, you don't have to deal with all that nonverbal crap that doesn't make any sense! LOL You just take the person at "nonface" value! | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/16/2008 7:49:08 PM | So, what does one do when the first reply is
"thank you"
and that's all she wrote??
well you can reply her... youre very welcome  | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/16/2008 8:24:25 PM |
So, what does one do when the first reply is
"thank you"
and that's all she wrote??
NEXT!
She didn't read/delete your message so I guess you can be glad of that.
Internet dating is very one dimensional; I totally agree. Chatting does add another dimension but for some people it seems to be the most important or only one. How many people do you know on your msn list? How many have you met? How many do you intend to meet? Why do you keep the ones you never chat with? Do you even know who they are? Do you care? I, for one, do not want to be part of someone's "collection". It becomes no-man's-land for the dating.
Step up or step off. | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/16/2008 8:32:17 PM | Duff,
The age differences seem to become less important as we age. Granted, I must admit to agreeing that someone of an age to have a parent/child relationship may be too great a difference. But perhaps not.
As far as the 'thank you' goes...I'm sorry to say that it sounds like a brush-off to me. I would think interest would be indicated by a reply to something specific in your e-mail, a comment on your profile (I don't golf, but I love playing poker), and, for me, a follow-up question to keep the conversational ball rolling (where do you play?).
It couldn't hurt to try once more, but I'd have to guess she's not interested. Silly girl! | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/17/2008 10:57:50 AM | | Well, for all of those who say age isn't important and who are open to dating someone 20 or more years younger ...... would you date someone 20-30 years older? If you shudder at that thought .. that might be how the younger person you are eyeing feels. If you have no problem with it then age truly doesn't matter to you. I think for most folks it doesn't matter as much about what age you are. It matters about what age you look like. | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/17/2008 11:32:53 AM | ^^^
....It matters about what age you look like...
Depending on the day and my make-up abilities, I can look like 100 years old, or if I do it right I can look maybe about 30 years old!!
So how we look is not always the issue, more of how we feel and react, at least that is how I see it, JMHO. And as for dating people 20 years younger than myself, they are the only ones that so far can keep up to me!! | |
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| internet dating - complicated?
Posted: 4/17/2008 11:58:43 AM |
would you date someone 20-30 years older? If you shudder at that thought
I think for someone contacting you for the first time this is very true, but if you meet in person it could turn out to be very different. Like most things, 'it depends'. Pretty trite but true. | |
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