| Cheating: Should we start excepting the fact that it will most likely happen nowadays?
Posted: 4/17/2008 11:14:48 AM | Our world is growing and more people are becoming full of it because....lets just face it, they can. People these days are so insecure and have no self esteem that they allow their partners to cheat on them by putting up with their bs. If you put up with all their bs, hey guess what?...they know that and will continue to put you through all their bs. They simply take advantage of the situation, and that is how our society is today. People are only looking out for number one and are completely inconsiderate of others. Sometimes I wish I lived back in the cave man era. Things seemed much simpler then. They didn't have to deal with the stress of society and governments or financial problems. Sure they had to do everything themselves and fight for their life on a daily basis, but that made them appreciate what they had. It made them appreciate life. Nowadays, people take for granted what they are given and they just piss and moan about what they don't have. Greed, what a horrible quality to have. So with all this said it is no wonder people cheat on a regular basis. There is no respect, no love and no appreciation.
Can someone cheat but really love their partner who they cheated on? Take for example my bf. He has always been there for me, always complimented me, went out of his way for me, showed me his love, he puts me on the top of his list but he cheated on me and lied to me. I don't understand it. How can someone seem so in love with a person....so affectionate, so caring, so loving but do something like that? All he ever seems to want is to be with me and do things for me and with me. So why is it that he cheated on me? Now I am all screwed up in the head. I am so confused. I am torn between being with him and breaking up with him. I am really trying to work things out but I am so paranoid all the time....it's slowly killing me. I get so frustrated.
I tell myself he is worth it because when we are together and I put all the bs aside, we have a great relationship. We have great chemistry and I figure the way things are today, everyone is bound to stray and if I break up with him and get into another relationship, I will be just as paranoid that the new person I am with will be doing the same thing. So why not just stay with the guy I love, whose love I feel and would do anything for me....but know that there is a very big chance he will do it again...maybe I can just look the other way? Is that a stupid way to think or what?
Bottom line is, it just seems so hopeless these days to find a person who you have that strong of chemistry with whom you can trust and know will be faithful. This is why I stay with him.
Now I am sure there are some people out there who think the same way I do and I know not everyone is the way I described but the majority are. Please feel free to give me your opinion on the matter. I could use all the opinions I can get. | |
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| Cheating: Should we start excepting the fact that it will most likely happen nowadays?
Posted: 4/17/2008 11:35:51 AM | Absolutely NOT...after all...if everyone had this cavalier, have no other choice, it is acceptable attitude...then it REALLY WILL get to the point where it is "acceptable" or a "given!"
There ARE plenty of people who will not cheat! And it is not just the fuglies! LOL
If anyone considering cheating would just do the simple and kind thing of TELLING THEIR PARTNER it is over, BEFORE the fact...then it would eliminate cheating! | |
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| Cheating: Should we start excepting the fact that it will most likely happen nowadays?
Posted: 4/17/2008 11:37:27 AM | | ok I am going to say something here because I believe the Lord has laid it on my heart to do so at this time.There is a generation that is coming up that will not be swayed by the money you have or lack thereof.........op has it occured to you that one of the main reasons he is so nice to you wanting to do for you all the time is because of guilt?It is almost like the battered woman syndrome inthat you keep giving him chances because of the way he acts or talks when he is outside this point of behaviour but here's the thing,he is doing it to her also you know the other woman because I am quite sure he hasn't stopped his tomfoolery. | |
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| Cheating: Should we start excepting the fact that it will most likely happen nowadays?
Posted: 4/17/2008 11:42:51 AM | I think some people do stray even if they do love their spouse but no, it is not something people should expect or accept. I don't think there is ever a real reason or excuse for cheating, but it happens and decisions must be made as a consequence.
Every situation is different. Building trust from something like that is difficult. I have a friend whose husband did not just have a one-night stand, he more or less was dating a woman for about a year before his wife found out. They, however, had been married 20+ years. She asked me what she should do.
I told her I can't tell you what to do, at the time I had been married I think around 10 years. She had more history with her X, families much greater intertwined. I told her that I honestly didn't know what I would do but it would bother me that there was an emotional connection, which seems a bigger betrayal than sleeping with someone with no attachment.
I think you know the answer to the question because if you could live with the notion that he might stray again, you wouldn't have put up the thread. Even if you are wary about a new guy, you at least hope that he will be faithful while with the old love you know he won't. | |
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| Cheating: Should we start excepting the fact that it will most likely happen nowadays?
Posted: 4/17/2008 11:44:12 AM | | hey i very much feel for the pain your going through i have been there, I stayed in a relationship for over 10 yrs. knowing that he would cheat on me every once in awhile but that he loved me alot. Eventually i left because not being able to trust him i couldn't live with after awhile. You say you know he will cheat again? sometimes i think it is part of the makeup or self esteem/character of the person. But there are times when the circumstances allow it for it but it will never happen again, could this be your situation? Does he know how close he is to losing you, maybe this alone could stop it from happening again? Hang in there my heart goes out to you, it does get better but he has to restore your trust in him. He destroyed it and it is his job to repair it, if he doesn't work hard to do that then your right to think about leaving... | |
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| Cheating: Should we start excepting the fact that it will most likely happen nowadays?
Posted: 4/17/2008 11:54:59 AM |
Why cheat? If you wanna f*ck around then break up with whoever you are with and go crazy. Why hurt others on purpose by cheating then have the nerve to say you care...cheaters don't care about the person they are with..if they truly did...they would have no desire for anyone else!!
Because the person you cheat with would likely stop seeing you once you were no longer attached and thus you would be single and stuck looking for love again???
This is my educated guess, anyways.  | |
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| Cheating: Should we start excepting the fact that it will most likely happen nowadays?
Posted: 4/17/2008 11:58:04 AM | Well goodness, I don't know where to start! First, I can see that it's slowly killing you; it's like a poison, huh? That oughta tell you something! In fact, it oughta tell you pretty much everything. Isn't it like, really, really clear to you, down deep, where you can't lie to yourself?
I don't see that times have changed all that much. Stressors were around way back then, too. In differing ways, we're fighting for our lives today, too. I could go on and on about the things that you mentioned, but it really comes down to this...these things don't make a person cheat. He cheated because he wanted to.
Just as it isn't fair or correct to blame cheating on anything other than choosing to because one wants to, it isn't fair to expect that everyone will do it, and it's a disservice to both yourself and the new partner to go into a relationship expecting the worst. In doing so, you're making allowances for that very thing to happen so when it does, you're all set. How very pat that is! And that's only part of why you shouldn't do it...but I'm hoping that simply saying it just isn't fair will be enough.
I reckon if you exist, with your very special, loyal, pure heart that won't stray, I guess it's safe to imagine someone else just like you exists. The things is, you've gotta attract him. It isn't likely to happen with the mindset you have.
I'm not sure that I can answer your question about how a person that loves us can cheat us. I can only guess that perhaps they don't really love, or at the very least, they're uncaring, cowardly and irresponsible. A responsible and caring person would communicate about their desire to see other people, or end the relationship altogether...whatever. I guess it's really easy to forget that a relationship is a responsibility. | |
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| Cheating: Should we start excepting the fact that it will most likely happen nowadays?
Posted: 4/17/2008 12:01:01 PM | A person cheats when:
1. They have a low self esteam and are trying to vendicate through aquireing another sexual mate, that they are worthy. Esteem placators.
2. They have impulse control issues. And cannot maintain control over their sexual tendencies, no matter the long term relationship they are in. No control.
3. They are just little followers, of the cultural phenominon that states that they are better, due to the amount of people they have been with. Mindless.
4. They will latch on to anything that comes their way, no matter who they are just so long as they are given some attention. Attention W*ores.
There is nothing that will keep a cheating partner from cheating no matter how hard you try. You cannot control another persons actions, based on your actions, especially in this aspect. The person is a loser if they cheat, no if's, and's, or but's about it. I consider the above mentioned as flaws in ones personality, and would not want to be withthem if they were this weak. What I am saying is you cannot base a future, on how someone treated you in the past. If they turn out to be a cheater, than that's it, they were a cheater. Just treat every issue, and relationship as a new situation. The losers that cheat are the ones that have the ailments mentioned above, nothing you did caused that. Those things can only be resolved by the individual. Those things that need to be resolved are known as voids. Do you want to date someone trying to fill a void. I didn't think so. I hope this information was helpful. | |
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| Cheating: Should we start excepting the fact that it will most likely happen nowadays?
Posted: 4/17/2008 12:07:02 PM | [Bottom line is, it just seems so hopeless these days to find a person who you have that strong of chemistry with whom you can trust and know will be faithful. This is why I stay with him]
Sounds as if you don't have that with him either - well not the part that you can trust and know will be faithful..... So what you're saying is that he's better than nothing, or you don't think you're worth anything more. How do you know you won't find anything better while you're wasting your time and your life on a loser??? Get rid of him and spend the time on yourself, working out why you were prepared to accept this kind of behaviour rather than be alone. One thing's for sure, you'll never find out if you can do any better if you stay and wait for the next time....... | |
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| Cheating: Should we start excepting the fact that it will most likely happen nowadays?
Posted: 4/17/2008 12:43:14 PM | | YOU are the reason why our society has acquiesced to infidelity. I knew this woman who got along well with her husband, but he cheated and left her to be with his mistress. When the woman sought the advice from a friend of the ex, the guy told her to move on because the ex revealed the rotten type of person he is inside. This woman resented this guy's disparaging statements, because she wanted him to support their now defunct relationship (as he always encouraged it in the past). She hoped the new relationship would end, and even considered the possibility of trying again with the cheating ex. She was confused just like you. In fact, she had always distrusted men and was rather bitter in that regard. The irony is that she is too weak-minded or too insecure to stand up for what's right when confronted with the situation. OP, people like you and her contribute to this general acceptance of cheating in society. YOU excuse the cheater's behavior by defending them to other's. YOU condone the cheater's actions by befriending them after the heinous act. Women should look to their female peers and scrutinize them for perpetuating this behavior by men. Men should look to their male peers and scrutinize them for conducting themselves in this despicable manner. | |
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| Cheating: Should we start excepting the fact that it will most likely happen nowadays?
Posted: 4/17/2008 2:42:45 PM |
Bottom line is, it just seems so hopeless these days to find a person who you have that strong of chemistry with whom you can trust and know will be faithful. This is why I stay with him.
In some ways, I *think* I can understand how you feel this way. You are devastated at the hand of one you loved. If he can betray you, then life must truly be hopeless, right? I can feel the weight of your sorrow coming off of your post. And it is spiraling into resignation.
Given the situation you are embroiled in, I think it is perfectly natural to be going through these feelings right now. You are overwhelmed, devastated and feeling lost... a part of you has died.
Trust that this is a natural reaction to pain. But also trust that you will come through the other side of it. For in the resignation of your post I hear "it will never be any different for me, it will never work out, I will never have the love I want so much and will never find anyone who will be true in love with me" ^^that is just pain and misery. You will come out of it. You will feel good again. Not right now, but it will come again.
In the meantime, do not sell your future self out by giving up on her. Let go of him.
Your desire to hold on to him is also a natural reaction to pain. You are feeling like you are dying and you want to hold onto him to keep ahold of some part of what was a good thing when life was happier and cheating was just a concept, just something other people had experienced. It is a bit of a paradox, but letting go of him is one of the first steps in regaining you balance in this. | |
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| Cheating: Should we start excepting the fact that it will most likely happen nowadays?
Posted: 4/17/2008 2:55:02 PM |
Msg: 1 -- Can someone cheat but really love their partner who they cheated on?
Are you TRULY SERIOUS with THIS question? Come ON, woman, WAKE UP!!!
A cheater has NO CONCEPT of LOVE!
Cheaters are INCAPABLE of TRUE LOVE.
TRUE LOVERS are INCAPABLE of cheating. ---->BOTTOM LINE<----
Your SO cheated on you? You KNOW this as PROVEN FACT? OK, there it is, you HAVE your ANSWER!!!! | |
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| Cheating: Should we start excepting the fact that it will most likely happen nowadays?
Posted: 4/17/2008 3:06:02 PM | Can someone cheat but really love their partner who they cheated on?
Yes. Love and sex are two different things that shouldn't be confused.
At least that is how things are on my planet.
However, since this is the United States things are apparently different. Over here, in the country that has invented the "FWB" where anything goes, you're apparently gaining ownership over a person once you're in a committed relationship, so whenever someone cheats the partner acts like a three year old that has found out another three year old has played with his or her favorite day without asking...
OP, you need to know if you - personally - could deal with a man that loves you but might want to have sex with other women. If you're fine with that then things are just that - fine. If you're not fine with that you should take some action and either dump the dude or asking him to change his ways. | |
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| Cheating: Should we start excepting the fact that it will most likely happen nowadays?
Posted: 4/17/2008 3:07:27 PM |
Msg: 4 -- one of the main reasons he is so nice to you wanting to do for you all the time is because of guilt?
OH, PUHLEEZ, GET OFF IT!!! A cheater's "expression of guilt" is skilfully designed to keep the victim twisting in the breeze to be made available for abuse whenever the whim arises. Don't make more out of it than what it TRULY is! | |
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