| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/17/2008 11:47:35 AM | My ex bf and I have been friends for almost a year since we broke up. I keep him at a distance really because he likes to tell me who he is dating, etc. I have told him repeatedly that I'd rather not hear about that, but he does it anyways. About a month ago, I went to see him. It was amazing to see him, and we had an absolutely great time. I spent the night and came back home. He told me so many times how great it was to see me. I knew that we would not get back together, though. First of all, we don't even live in the same city anymore. But he just wasn't in the right place in his life. Well last night he called and told me he's seeing someone now. He said, "I know you don't want to know." I told him that it was hurtful to tell me when I have begged him to not tell me about his personal life. I got upset and started crying. I told him to just not call me since he apparently doesn't realize how much this hurts me. He said that he didn't think I'd be hurt by this and react this way. How did he think I would react to the news of him seeing someone else when he knows I still care about him?
Was I right to just tell him never to call me again and to just leave me alone? I feel I have to do this, or he will just keep hurting me. He acted like I was just getting upset for no reason, but I have repeatedly asked him to stop telling me about other women. I told him, if we are going to be friends, let's just leave the personal dating stuff out of this. Why would he do this to me, knowing it would hurt me? | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/17/2008 11:56:02 AM | The guy is tormenting you.
Anyone in their right mind (or with a grain of sensitivity) wouldn't do that to someone they were once intimate with. Some people just like to play games; they like to push someone else's buttons, it gives them a feeling of power and control knowing they can "jerk your chain."
IF, however, his comments are purely innocent, and he's just sharing, well, he needs some schooling in interpersonal dynamics...because he's a moron.
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/17/2008 12:28:43 PM | | I told him that he had to know it would hurt me, especially when I've asked him not to talk to me about these things, as they upset me. I also told him that I haven't been calling him, so it wasn't like I was trying to find out what he was doing. I have reacted badly every time he has even told me about a date, but he said he was "disappointed that I was doing this to myself." I didn't call looking for this, and I was trying to get off the phone with him when he told me this. I can't help being human, though, and having feelings for someone I spent almost a year of my life with. He just got irritated at me for getting upset. This is a 36-y o man, not a stupid young guy. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/17/2008 12:42:24 PM | This guy is an idiot. Any person with half a brain should know that the ex does not want to know anything about who you're dating. The fact that he actively seeks you out to tell you these things makes him a giant tool. I'm sorry if you were my friend I'd probably feel like punching this guy in the face for being such a horrible douchebag, and I'm not even a violent guy or anything.
I can think of only two reasons why anyone would do this.
1) He's just a huge dlck that enjoys making people feel like poop
2) He isn't happy with the kind of girls his craptastical personality is bringing in so he makes it his personal mission to make sure you're as unhappy with life as he is.
Either way, none of this sounds like the kind of traits you want in a friend. Just cut bait and run from this tool. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/17/2008 12:49:00 PM | | The best way to get over any ex is to stop all contact. If you continue to see each other even as friends it becomes so much harder to move on. You did the right thing by asking him not to call. If he continues to call don't answer & eventually he will get the hint. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/17/2008 12:49:59 PM |
Katietxgirl wrote:
Was I right to just tell him never to call me again and to just leave
me alone? I feel I have to do this, or he will just keep hurting me.
Good, you're finally wising up. And that's not to say anything
bad about him, but only that you're finally doing something
which you need for your own healing process. So good for you.
You're doing what's part of taking good emotional care of yourself.
Apolinary | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/17/2008 1:00:18 PM | Oh Katie sorry your hurting...he sounds like a very insensitive man...you really don't want or need someone like that in your life! My best friend just had a similar situation....her ex showed up at her work with his new gf who was also her friend....so that was a double whammy....she was soo upset.."HURT"! The world is full of insensitive people and when they show thier true colours it just make it easy to weed them out of our lives! Thier not worth your pain,anger or precious time....new and better people will come into your life...my gf's 2 and the pain will pass!!!
SO START SMILING AGAIN...NO TIME TO WASTE BEING SAD!!!! | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/17/2008 1:09:26 PM | | I too am sorry you are hurting, more often than not, we put ourselves in that position, thinking we can be friends when that is impossible. I wonder if women have more trouble with this than men. After all, we are the more emotional of the two. I have a friend going thru this too. She has had to stop all communication with her previous SO. Time and distance ( not literally) will help you heal from his insensitivness..............Best of Luck, and everyday not talking to him, puts you one day ahead of being hurt over and over | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/17/2008 1:27:38 PM | | Katie you deserve better than this crap. This "guy" is a heartless, cold dirtbag and seems to somehow enjoy hurting you by telling you all about his new "women" he's seeing. You honestly need to cut the ties with this a-hole completely. No more phone calls, email or anything because it seems this torment will just keep on going. For your own piece of mind and sanity, you need to turn your back and walk away forever and save yourself any further heartache. I'm so sorry you are being treated like this and you don't need that kind of insensitivity, so do yourself a favor, ignore him and try to get on with your life without him in it in any way, shape or form. Good luck. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/17/2008 1:36:36 PM |
I wonder if women have more trouble with this than men.
Maybe, maybe not. I'm a guy and I had trouble with it. My ex broke with me in a January and started dating one of her guy friends the June after that and was engaged by that November. We tried staying friends, but after she told me about the engagement (and I countered with my well thought out argument about how that was a bad idea) we didn't talk after. She wasn't mean about it or anything like the OP's situation and she didn't talk about it openly much but it still killed me inside. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/17/2008 1:51:28 PM | | Unfortunately, you misinterpreted your night together. You apparently viewed it as a reconciliation...he viewed it as sex with no responsibility. You got used, Katie. Don't ever contact him again...he's a manipulative creep. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/17/2008 1:57:59 PM | | Actually I didn't think of it as a reconciliation. I knew it wasn't that. I would have loved it to be, but it wasn't. I just told him if we were going to be friends still that it would be best for him not to tell me about his dating life because it would hurt me. Almost every time he has called me, he has told me about a date. Apparently he didn't realize it would hurt me so badly, but I think now he does after I started crying and wrote him an email saying to please let me go on with my life and not call me anymore. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/17/2008 2:08:00 PM | | Your 29 years old, not 15. He does this to you because he knows he could rip you to shreds and you'll still worship him. He gets off on it. He's using you for sex and messing with your mind. He knows you worship him and you wont' give him up. You dont' mind him screwing other women as long as you dont hear about it? Good Lord. Someone needs to take away your woman card. He's not in a right place in life but he is for other girls. You need to wake up. You are not friends. Your dysfunctional friends with benefits. You worship this guy and you stay friends because you still think you have a chance with him. End of story. This guy is scum. YOU ARE NOT FRIENDS AND YOU NEED TO STOP THE MADNESS. NEVER contact him again, erase him from your email and phone. Until you do that, nothing will change. He could care less about you. Stop acting like your trying to be his friend. You still want him; get a backbone and some self esteem. Its amazing how immature your acting. this is a train wreck; you can either get off now, or hang on and get ready for a horrific crash. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/17/2008 2:10:46 PM | | Stop playing the victim card; your not a victim; "he keeps telling me what he's doing with other girls". Of course he is; he doesn't care about you. He wants you to feel like crap and feel jealous. Friends; whatever. Your not a victim; you teach others how to treat you, and your teaching him he can do whatever the heck he wants to you. He doesn't respect or care for you. Wake up, or accept the pain. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/17/2008 2:29:38 PM | | You are ALLOWING this man to hurt you repeatedly. YOU ARE THE ONE who needs to change...not him. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/17/2008 2:53:41 PM | You are ALLOWING this man to hurt you repeatedly. YOU ARE THE ONE who needs to change...not him.
Fancy Nancy is right on; you deserve a great guy; You seem like a good person; I hope you do the right thing for your sake. good luck. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/17/2008 3:34:16 PM | | I have the same problem.. only i didnt stay friends we ran into each other and started talking again and then stuff just felt like it was right and then like a month later he says .. i kno you like me but their is another girl who does to and i feel bad for her .. and now i dont no what to do ... a piece of me still cares and the other wants to let go of everything we ever had .. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/17/2008 3:47:20 PM | | I completely agree with mthomjmark....this guy wanted to get laid, period. He knew you were more than willing. I have been there and I know how you feel. You believe if you care enough you will make him fall in love with you again. It won't happen. In fact, the smartest move would be to back off....in this case permanently. He will then be impressed with your self-esteem and always wonder if he made the right decision. LET HIM WONDER! Don't even say goodbye...you're too busy finding a real man! Are you getting it?! | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/17/2008 6:23:39 PM | I've been there,too.I am sorry that you suffer.
Sometimes , immature partners feel so secure about the feelings of the other that they "play" a mind game. What about "playing" the same game. For example, tell him you are not so sure about your feelings towards him.That you need time....meanwhile you'll try to meet new people.....etc.And as Circe 1 says "let him WONDER" if he took the right decision.Surely you 've put your heart this realtionship ,that's why you are suffering. Nobody deserves to suffer for somebody who seems to be very selfish , mean and immature.
Hope to help you with this little piece of advice.
All the best to you.
regards
mariacba | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/17/2008 6:33:55 PM | | You were so right to tell him not to call---he may actually be deliberately doing it to hurt you--either way--you seem very nice and sweet and deserve to find someone who wants you as much as you do them---it is hard--but being tormented is worse | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/17/2008 6:39:33 PM | You have repeatedly asked him not to discuss his "personal" life with you yet he does... and your question is ... Why would he do this to you knowing it will hurt you?
To feed his pathetic ego. For whatever reason he does not want to be with you but he likes knowing that you still care that much and it gives him a sick little boost to his ego to tell you these things and then hearing your reaction. It also gives him a sick sense of power. It makes him feel like he can say these things to you, hurt you, yet you are still going to be there when he wants you to be there. He obviously has a serious self esteem issue. And unfortunately you are playing into it and suffering for it due to your feelings for him.
Find a nice comfty spot for him on the curb and tell him to have a seat. Change your number and your email addys if you have to and cut this guy off completely. I understand you have feelings for him but this is not healthy and it is over. Cut him out of your life and move on... You will find someone more worthy of you and hopefully someone that has respect for you and your feelings.
I don't mean to sound harsh but this guy is a cretin... he needs to go back to the pond with the rest of the toads. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/17/2008 7:33:06 PM |
Was I right to just tell him never to call me again and to just leave me alone?
Yes!!!! He continued to disrespect your feelings and request so it was past to to tell him "hit the road, Jack!"
Why would he do this to me, knowing it would hurt me?
Well, the simple answer is that you keep letting him hurt you. The why he ignores your request to stop discussing his latest interests doesn't matter. The first time you asked, he ignored you. The second time you asked, he ignored you again. then you spend a night with him only to have him persist yet again in discussing his latest interests. He doesn't respect you, so it appears to me. And that leads to kick up your self-respect a few notches and let that one go. Not trying to be insensitive, but sometimes truth is uncomfortable. You and he don't care for each other the same way. It happens. It's not personal necessarily when things turn out that way. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:33:05 PM | Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/17/2008 316 PM
I have the same problem.. only i didnt stay friends we ran into each other and started talking again and then stuff just felt like it was right and then like a month later he says .. i kno you like me but their is another girl who does to and i feel bad for her .. and now i dont no what to do ... a piece of me still cares and the other wants to let go of everything we ever had ..
******************
Women have a problem letting go; they feel I put so much time into it and I can't just go away because that will be time just down the drain. It isn't if you learn a lesson.
Men dont have that problem. they will move away without much thought or heart at times.
Also, women tend to make their relationships out to be 100 times more magical than it really is. They cry for a guy that cheated on them or treated them poorly, missing the fantasy and not the reality.
If someone treats you like crap, then it's good to leave. Dont' magnify the good, to justify tolerating the bad. Good luck. Mark | |
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| !!!
Posted: 4/19/2008 1:23:06 PM |
Msg: 1 -- My ex bf and I have been friends for almost a year since we broke up.
OK. Major dispute, major breakup. AND?
I knew that we would not get back together, though. That SHOULD have been a MAJOR CLUE RIGHT THERE!!! Any DENIAL of a relationship SIMPLY MEANS IT **NEVER** EXISTED!!!! Except, perhaps, in YOUR mind.
First of all, we don't even live in the same city anymore. But he just wasn't in the right place in his life.
OK, sorry to be CRUDE, but you have JUST INVITED YOURSELF into a WORLD of $HIT! Apparently, YOU want a LTR. HE apparently did NOT. HE $HIT on what you wanted. MOURN your LOSS and, when you are able, MOVE ON! ALL relationships END, either through DEATH, INTENT, or DEFAULT. Live with it, breathe with it, and MOVE ON. Sadly, that is the BEST one can deal with that which has failed. | |
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| Hurt by ex bf
Posted: 4/19/2008 5:55:53 PM | | Why would you continue to see this guy if he hurts you? Sounds like both of you have some strange need that is filled by seeing one another? Perhaps you both need to move on? Why do this to yourself? He hurts you and you see him over and over? You get what you seek! | |
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