| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 4:41:25 PM | I am a single mother, not a virgin, but for emotional and religious reasons I have decided to go for no sex outside of marriage. Basically anything past 'first base' is not an option. I had one guy who told me that was 'stupid' since I was not a virgin and had been married before.
Guys especially, how would you react to this kind of requirement? (N.B going off and having sex with someone else is NOT ok.)
Thanks | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 4:43:25 PM | Guys especially, how would you react to this kind of requirement?
I wish you the best of luck and happiness.
Even if everything else was perfect we would not be a good match.  | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 4:54:19 PM | | Uh I think it's a given that you are not a virgin if you are a Mother!! If I were a guy and you showed this double standard for yourself - I'd be a little put off!! | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 4:57:08 PM | I say it's a free world, you are the owner of your body, and you and you alone should make the rules to govern your body. If this is what you wish, then do it. If someone cannot accept it, then they are not the right one for you.
Yes it may make things a bit difficult - but - if you believe in what you are doing, then do it and don't be swayed. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 5:00:21 PM | | Well I would have to admire you but then again I am a woman. It will surely weed out all of the jerks that are just into using women. You dating life will go down to zero but at least you won't be used over and over again and have your heart broken. Hope you meet a really nice with some character (not common these days). | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 5:10:58 PM | | It is absolutely your right to decide. It's not stupid, it's your choice. Does it severely limit your dating pool? Yes, but it limits it to men you are more likely to be compatible with. That's not a bad thing at all. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 5:38:26 PM | It's your choice and it shows you right off where his mind his. It's very respectable, I'm kinda at the same place right now (man, do I have my moments though...!)...
As previously mentioned, you will just have to find someone that is like minded...
Enjoy your hunt!!!! | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 5:50:38 PM | | Sex outside of marriage is against the beliefs of many people. But for some it seems that once you've been married, you are then free to copulate as much as you want with whomever you want. Why should someone who waited for marriage the first time, not want to wait until the sanctity of marriage again before consummating the relationship? To each their own. If you feel it is inappropriate for you to engage in premarital sex, then don't do so. I'm sure there are many men who would find that an admirable, albeit rare, quality in a woman. Follow your heart and your own morality. Because your path is less traveled, doesn't mean it won't get you to where you want to be. Best wishes to you and your family. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 5:52:34 PM | God, this makes me feel old... I don't even know what "first base" is...
I'd suggest, though, if you're a single mom already -- not risking adding to the no-dad-clan is a great idea. Keep your legs crossed until your kids are raised and out. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 6:07:49 PM | "Just because I "put out" at least once in the past I should be obligated to be physical"
Just from that statement i can tell you're not a big fan of sex. You can do anything you choose with your body. Personally i would never in a million years marry someone without having sex with them first. Sexual chemistry is a huge part of any relationship. It's much too important to leave to chance, I would never play russian roullette with something that important.
But good luck with finding someone of like mind. I am guessing you might have better luck in a church setting versus online dating. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 6:10:42 PM |
Guys especially, how would you react to this kind of requirement? (N.B going off and having sex with someone else is NOT ok.)
Well, since it's a religious reason, I'd say you'd find a potential future husband in this new church of yours.
But, um, I ain't gonna be within fifty miles of that church, I don't care how good your strawberry social might be ;-).
Cowboy | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 6:13:35 PM | | I am not really looking at the moment but I have joined some specifically Christian dating sites. Men who have joined there would presumably be actively religious and therefore understand the biblical basis for this decision and be ok with it, indeed have the same belief | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 6:19:18 PM | I am a big fan of sex actually. I am a sensual and tactile person and I do believe in 'chemistry', but I think there are other more important things to me, such as my principles and beliefs. I believe any healthy relationship can develop a fantastic sex life just in the same way a once good sex life can fizzle out... it's all mental.
I can see how you interpreted that statement as being anti-sex, but what I mean is just because I have been sexually active in the past, a new partner should not feel 'entitled' to sex (obviously this is a conversation which would come up very early on) | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 6:24:20 PM | | Personally, I would not get involved with someone who expected to wait until marraige to have sex. There is nothing wrong with it but it's not part of my belief set and I would never plan a life with someone I didn't know if I was sexually compatible with. You just have to accept that other people feel like I do so will cut out a lt of potential mates but they have the right to feel the way they do just as you have the right to feel as you do. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 7:00:41 PM | "Guys especially, how would you react to this kind of requirement?"
I would respect your decision but I would end the relationship. It says to me that you are totally hung up when it comes to sex and are unable to simply enjoy it for its immense physical pleasure. It has to "mean" so much to you that there is automatically a lot of drama around the act of sexual pleasure and that would take most of the fun out of it for me. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 7:43:20 PM | It wouldn't work for me, but it's YOUR requirement and you should stick to it.
It will narrow down your pool of choices for sure, but if it's really what you want, then you just have to accept that and be patient. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 8:03:27 PM | Hey!!! I say good for you!!! You know why? Because you are setting an example for you child/ren that you should be in a committed relationship before having sex. Plus, I'm not sure how old your kids are, but if you slept with every Joe Blow that you dated, they would probably get confused about all the guys spending the night.
~welder's Girl~ | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 8:03:28 PM | | While I understand the concept, I find it unrealistic. What if you just don't get along sexually. It's happened to a lot of people before, so what makes it different here. Just imagine what the sex between a really adventurous and a really shy person would be like. One never satisfied, the other always feeling inadequate. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 9:33:30 PM | I would simply walk on by for witholding sex for the sake of contrived insitution is an alarm bell of immense proportion in this world I choose not to live detached from reality.
I'm a man. Wanting to be with a woman sooner than later is natural. A woman that requires legal entitlement before we give ourselves to each other is simply not one I'm interested in...unless she has big bucks! Heck, the Canadian dollar is rockin' now ladies! Here I am!
Good luck to you with your choice OP. I don't judge your mortality, but your insititution more and more men will never enter lightly into again. The best milk is free for all time. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 9:34:25 PM | Life is life
What I have come to realize is that I want the woman to desire and want me.
I have meet women that said they wanted no chemistry at all till they were married - -
no desire for him at all - - that would come after marriage - - I am going yea right - -
do I want to take that risk
I had a woman this last winter that was this way - - no sex, no hugging etc. just a goodbye hug at the end of the date - - on Valentines, I took her out, flowers etc. and got two small peck type of kisses. and she did not want to see me afterwards. - - - - because she was starting to desire me - - - - go figure - - - -
So how do you work towards a relationship - - - - can not see the man that you are starting to desire and want - - -
So some put down crazy rules,
Now, I like to take it slow, get to know her - - do not rush into bed and then find out she is not the right one - - - -
and basically see what happens - - - see if the desires and wants are present - - see if she is the type of person that I desire, if our goals and desires match - - life concepts etc. - - - -
but I will say this - - - I do expect nature to take over, desires to take over - - long before we get married as we are not going to simply meet and then get married next week. As working towards getting married takes time.
I also expect nature to take over the relationship becomes more and more secure and is proving to be long lasting - - - - - For it it does not - - - then I figure that the marriage will be limited as her desires for me are not that strong.
Jim P. | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 9:37:44 PM | to the do not add to the no dad clan
and keeping your legs crossed - - - - ever heard of birth control?
and I saw in Cosmo the other day one of the suggested positions that would give a tighter feeling to her and him was with legs crossed - - - - - - so that does not work - - - in terms of what you meant
Jim P . | |
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| No sex outside marriage? what would you think?
Posted: 4/17/2008 9:38:26 PM |
It will surely weed out all of the jerks that are just into using women.
I have never understood the "using women" argument, if the person making the statement is approaching this comment from a position of integrity. Let's start with a statement of a reasonable sexual interaction between a man and a woman: (1) The sex is fully consensual, (2) both are having their needs met (emotional and/or physical, whatever each individual is there for.), and neither are involved under false pretenses. (If these three conditions AREN'T being met, either individual is free to leave the relationship, obviously).
So if the woman AND the man are both getting their needs met, how is the guy "using" the woman? To restate the obvious in another way: if the sexual relationship satisfies the woman's emotional and physical needs, and the guy's emotional and physical needs are satisfied, why is the guy ALSO expected to put his financial resources in hoc through a marriage contract? Because it then becomes a situation where even though the "exchange" was even, now the guy has to pay, or risk paying his hard earned financial resources to the woman. (We are assuming now that the woman isn't making the most money (of the two). The courts have finally started awarding alimony to the man if the woman used to bring home the majority of the bacon).
The antiquated attitude of men "using" women lost any of its validity when women gained easy access to higher education, better paying jobs, and threw off the old sexual attitudes as a consequence of the sexual revolution. To continue to try to use that old guilt trip when all the old barriers were removed decades ago is at best ignorant, at worst dishonest. | |
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