| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 2:54:01 AM | So, I've been friends with this girl for awhile(well 3 months)...we started seeing each other, then she broke it off because she decided that she didn't want a relationship and she'd rather just be friends. But, then she texts me when she's drinking and comes over to randomly hang out....and cuddle, but then I tried to kiss her one night and she said 'just friends'. So, yesturday she up and decides she and I should take a little road trip....to my home town, which is 4 hours away so I could see my other friends, because I had said I missed some of them and dont really know many people here. I mean, do girls do this kind of stuff with 'just friends'??? this girl has got me disturbingly confused and any input about the subject would be much appreciated. Like, is there a possibility that she does like me and since she's been used by guys in the past that she's just trying to cope with feelings??
I dont know
I'm clueless on this one....any help would be appreciated | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 2:58:06 AM | Dude, forget her. I highly doubt you'll get out of the friends zone. Forget her and move on.
Girls love leading men on, it gives them validation, and what she was doing is bang wrong, to lead you on with a cuddle and refuse to go any further.
If it was me Id refuse to be friends with her. | |
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Posted: 4/18/2008 3:33:37 AM | If you are hoping to build a long term relationship, give the girl some time to see you as a friend. We're all human, she will be having feelings too, and it does sound like she is trying to hold off in hope of a solid friendship first. Some alcohol allowed her resolve to weaken - take that as a clue, she has feelings for you, so don't rush her.
Yes mates do go on 4 hour drives, camping etc, I have done it myself with it not meaning a single thing, I've also gone camping hoping for signs of interest - it can go either way.
She is quite likely also to be interested in knowing more about you and your background and your reputation on your home turf - all good signs of a long term hope, possibly and a smart girl. Give her time and don't rush her, otherwise it is quite likely you won't see her for dust if you push her to make a decision.
Just remind her from time to time what you are feeling. The early days are the nicest days, don't let them pass too quickly, but I would also be insisting that she let you come on any future drinking plans, make it sound like you want to do this because you care, not as a control freak thing. She sounds a keep if she decides to be yours, a little patience may win you a very faithful and loving wife. | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 4 | |
| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 3:36:56 AM | ^^^ BINGO..!! 
*hands Quick a frozen chook*
Meh...the prize might be crap but...its still a win. | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 3:44:03 AM | | Well sure, girls do this kind of thing--as well as all kinds of other things--that doesn't mean they should. That she knows how you feel and is still behaving like this could spell trouble. In the end, it's up to you to play out your half of the equation...you do have a voice, ya know. | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 3:49:33 AM | Never ask a fish for fishing advice. Ask a good fisherman.
OP you are never going to get anywhere with this girl. If you ever had a chance, you blew it a long time ago. Forget her and find another girl. | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 4:08:27 AM | | I think she wants to keep you as a friend...on the backburner, just in case the other guys she is interested in don't work out. Women AND men do this all the time. | |
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Posted: 4/18/2008 4:53:24 AM | Sounds like she wants to work at a really slow pace and keeping it "friends" guarantees you will stay with that and not rush...
It's possible though that she does see you as a friend and just takes it further when she drinks because that's just how she is. I have a few girlfriends that are really touchy feely/affectionate when drinking with everyone, but especially men. | |
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Posted: 4/18/2008 5:14:36 AM | She was honest with you the first time. She's getting what she wants, now, and if she wanted more, she wouldn't have broken up.
Or maybe she does want more. But, ask yourself this...do you really want a relationship with someone this confused? If she's confused, you ALWAYS will be more confused...b/c she will be the first one to figure out what she wants, and you will always be following her lead... | |
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svj2
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Joined: 3/16/2008
Msg: 10 | |
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svj2
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Joined: 3/16/2008
Msg: 11 | |
| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 7:05:32 AM | Cut/Paste #2: Consider the source before taking anyone's advice.
Notice that when someone posts a question to men or women about their sex, the man or woman responding usually talks only about what they themselves think or would do.
Thus, a man/woman looking to attract a 20-25 yr old hot blond / hot doctor/lawyer/male model with no kids is not likely to get good advice from a 45 yr old 200lb divorced woman with two kids / 7-11 clerk living in mom's basement.
Edit: You're best off listening to UglyBetty. She understands man/woman relations better than 98% of the population. Personally, sounds to me like she wants what she wants out of a rel'n (emotional bond, closeness) without the physical component. (Many women get taught from an early age that sexual contact is something to feel guilty about, unless it's with "The One", whatever that means.) | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 7:56:09 AM | I think you just have to take her at her word and not hope for anything more than friendship.
It sounds like she enjoys your company and desires male companionship, but just not on a sexual level. As far as wanting to cuddle when she's been drinking - that kind of confirms my thought about it. Sometimes it feels good to feel a man's touch and embrace. Although - I would be uncomfortable laying in bed with someone if there was sexual tension, which I'm sure there must be for you.
I never buy into the "she likes me but is too afraid to feel" bull$hit. I just think it's lame and never the real reason people don't want to commit. | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 8:25:47 AM | I've got a pretty big circle of single friends, comprised equally of men and women. We know each other's families, friends, neighbours, past and hopes for the future. We hike, camp, fish, BBQ, travel or just plain hang out together.
We do some of these things as a big group, sometimes there's just a few of us, and at other times it even happens on a 1:1 (m/f) basis. But if anyone would ever think any of us were beyond friends, I think we'd look at each other and burst out  .
Not saying that's where you've landed with this girl OP, because I don't know that.
I'm just saying that yes, men and women are quite often nothing more than very, very good friends.
And there's nothing wrong with that, unless one of them is looking for more, 'cause then there may be some hurt feelings, or confusion.
hmh
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 8:35:53 AM | | Your being manipulated by a selfish b*tch who gets a kick out of leading you on, if not it sounds like she has some conflicting issues. | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 8:47:26 AM | You're a friend and that's as far as it will go for now. Apparently she feels safe with you but don't EVER cuddle or cater to her whims again. YOU need to play hard to get for while and let her come to you. Start hanging with her less and less. Believe me, she'll go nuts because of her ego and she WILL come back around. Then be a man and break it down and a tell her that you want more. If she agrees, then great. If not, then you know not to waste your time anymore and move on. Man up and stop letting her control the situation. Don't ever be afraid that you'll lose sight of her because as it stands now, eventually you will. At least by doing what I wrote above, you won't have any regrets or wonder what might have been and you stand a better chance of getting what you want. And you'll respect yourself.
Single men, don't ever let a single woman that you are interested in put you in the friend zone. It makes you out to be weak. | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 9:13:37 AM | Your being manipulated by a selfish b*tch who gets a kick out of leading you on, if not it sounds like she has some conflicting issues
No, he's being the classic nice guy. Available to her whenever SHE wants in the hopes of her wanting him more. It needs to be the other way around.
Don't ever talk down about women who take advantage of situations like this. Guys, it's your fault for ALLOWING them to do it and get away with it, period. | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 9:36:40 AM | nah, i do that type of thing with my male friends all the time.
but, then again, every girl is different. | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 9:39:54 AM | playa, the gurl is playing games ma man. Lik analysing things blood? wat u said leads me to the followings:
1. if she feels the same way as u, she wudn't risk loosing u?
2. blood gurls lik 2 feel wanted, 2 satisfy her needs wen shes has had a few drinx n no gud lukin guys r feelin her. she uses u cos she know u gud lukin n u always respond. so its not abt u but herself.
3. she might also b hopin that some guy she fancies big style asks her out? n she doesn't want u 2 get in the way.
As a playa, i hav a few rules:
1. if u show interest in a gurl n she does not respond positively, don't waste ur tym.
2. if she likes u n shes playin hard 2 get, she wil come back once she releases that shes abt 2 loose u. woman like strong man, so u can look after them n protect.
3. rite now shes in control, u need 2 b in control?
4. high esteem/ confidence attracts people even hot chicks, so right now u r weak in her eyes. | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 9:45:35 AM | [quote[playa, the gurl is playing games ma man. Lik analysing things blood? wat u said leads me to the followings:
1. if she feels the same way as u, she wudn't risk loosing u?
2. blood gurls lik 2 feel wanted, 2 satisfy her needs wen shes has had a few drinx n no gud lukin guys r feelin her. she uses u cos she know u gud lukin n u always respond. so its not abt u but herself.
3. she might also b hopin that some guy she fancies big style asks her out? n she doesn't want u 2 get in the way.
As a playa, i hav a few rules:
1. if u show interest in a gurl n she does not respond positively, don't waste ur tym.
2. if she likes u n shes playin hard 2 get, she wil come back once she releases that shes abt 2 loose u. woman like strong man, so u can look after them n protect.
3. rite now shes in control, u need 2 b in control?
4. high esteem/ confidence attracts people even hot chicks, so right now u r weak in her eyes.
that hurt my brain. :[ | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 9:53:55 AM | nah, i do that type of thing with my male friends all the time.
but, then again, every girl is different.
But you wouldn't take it further with any of them either now would you?
And BTW, DOG is reaffirming everything I just wrote.
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 9:59:00 AM |
nah, i do that type of thing with my male friends all the time.
but, then again, every girl is different.
But you wouldn't take it further with any of them either now would you?
And BTW, DOG is reaffirming everything I just wrote
no i wouldn't, friends are just friends, i don't think of them any different than girlfriends lol. | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 10:31:36 AM | "A Modern Gentleman", this is not about the 'woman' per se, but about a person (or people - including yourself), there are a LOT of screwed up people out there and you have to watch your back at every turn because they will use you, abuse you and then [unrighteously] blame you -- be it male OR female. What you need to do is analyze her as a human being just like you would anyone else you let into your life, and ask yourself if she truly has the qualities you would want in a life partner.
Keep it simple and leave the psychoanalysis for Freud -- if she doesn't offer you what you need, then find someone who will because you might let the right one pass you by while you waste your time trying to figure this 'girl' out.
Good Luck!!!
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 11:13:53 AM | Quote
So, yesturday she up and decides she and I should take a little road trip....to my home town, which is 4 hours away so I could see my other friends, because I had said I missed some of them and dont really know many people here. I mean, do girls do this kind of stuff with 'just friends'???
Quote
I think this woman is in an active search for partner. There is a large degree of possibility that she considers the trip to your friends as an opportunity to meet new guys.
IMHO, It is unfair to refer to a woman as selfish b!tch only because she makes steps forward to materialization of her desires...instead of sitting home as couch potato awaiting for her Mr. Charming. | |
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| need girl advice BIG TIME
Posted: 4/18/2008 11:31:08 AM | | A Modern Gentleman, I were in your shoes I would offer this woman to make a trip to her friends together. Nobody knows what is waiting us around corner…maybe one of her female-friends will turn to be the right one for you! | |
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