| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/18/2008 4:15:26 PM | Just as "friends"?
If you are dating someone intimately, and you found that they were chit chatting up the opposite sex, then meeting them in real life, would you be ok with it, if your mate was assuring you that they were just "friends", or is that a red flag? | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/18/2008 4:30:31 PM | | i dont mind because if i am with someone i am only with that person. i put my profile as looking for friends and you should be able to trust each other. but as fat as meeting someone i dont think its a good idea. cause the other person may want more then what you want. i say talking is fine. | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/18/2008 4:32:20 PM | Sure....what's good for the goose, is good for the gander (& vice versa). As long as you keep it low key as they claim to be doing.
That being said....it's not a good idea. For either person to continue 'meeting' new peeps of the opposite sex IRL, or on-line. The beginning of the relationship is when you both should be focusing on each other, learning about each other, being with each other....basically, caring for one another. If either of you would rather chat, email, make friends with others, then how serious is it, really, ya know? But, that's JMO.
BTW, there's lots of threads on this topic. Read a few.
~ds~ | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/18/2008 5:11:00 PM | | definite red flag! Absolutely would.. and have thought that if youre happy with the one you're with, you should not be on a dating site! Hmmmmmm greener pastures? Personally I think too many people give up on the beginninng of a relationship hoping for the bigger better deal.....happens alot on here! | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/18/2008 5:53:25 PM | | I'm in an exclusive relationship with a terrific man that I love a great deal and he says he feels the same about me. My profile specifies that I am not looking to meet anyone other than friends, both male and female. I probably have as many female favorites on my list as I do men, and everyone on my list is a friend. There is nothing of a sexual or romantic nature going on with anyone but my b/f. He knows I'm on here for the forums and friends. We met on this site. He also realizes that I am much more outgoing and personable than he is and that I am fascinated by meeting people. He trusts me to be honest and faithful, just like I trust him. If it ever became an issue with him, out of respect for his feelings, I would close my account. BTW, he still has his profile up and his doesn't say 'Not Single/Not Looking, but it does say he is interested in friends. Isn't trust the basis for a strong relationship? | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/18/2008 6:04:52 PM | What reason could they have to seek female friends off of a dating site who are on a dating site looking for dates. I wouldn't mind him having female friends ( I have playtonic male friends ) but iffy about purposely meeting other women on a dating site. Does he mention he is in a relationship on his profile? Does he lie about it?
Hmmm, maybe I should take my own advice......... Good thread, thank you. | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/18/2008 6:30:51 PM | There are a few little things that are the foundation of any solid relationship, trust and honesty. Folks can be on here for the forums, I know of several couples that have a shared profile for just that. I think the red flags exist when a person is seeking any of the dating categories, not accepting emails from both male and female, bottom line, there is a friends category and perhaps that is a requirement for compromise, as well as an homogenized profile. So if it is not taking time away from the relationship, or used as a way to keep the person you're involved with at arm's length, and most importantly the S/O is not hurt,what is the harm? I have a number of friends on this site, both male and female.
It's not just the flat online world that dooms a relationship. If someone is actively looking, reality is something was not "perfect" in the first place. I'm the optimist that there would be respect offered and a conversation between a couple, but if the person can't offer you that, are you really loosing that much or could it be that it's time to throw that fish back.
Also, the more insecurities, the tighter the strangle hold, the larger the wedge. While the websites certainly make it easier to meet people, it could happen in real life, that two people cross each others paths...I think we do ourselves a great disservice when we place a tight grip on a relationship. There are lots of great people out there and coming from a belief of scarcity adds an air of desperation to us. Personally, I would prefer a person that has a choice and chooses me over one that chooses me thinking I'm their last chance.  | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/18/2008 6:40:35 PM | What do you mean by dating someone intimately?
Agreeing to be sexclusive does not warrant exclusivity in every other aspect of your single lies. If you've settled for intimate exclusivity-- your are friends with benefits, not in a relationship. Sounds like you need to clarify or get clarity on the status of the relationship.
I read all the posts here and while I do feel that it's possible to just procure friendships, the "looking" is a signal that the person you're involved with is not pursuing exclusivity with you.
I like the idea of having a couples page that another member referenced. I'm here for the forums and my profile says so. It didn't stop guys from approaching me-- so I hide my profile now. If I'm going to make a friend it will be based on the substance of what I've written here and not my personal ad on the site.
I think before you decide to be sexually exclusive, you should discuss remaining on the website. There's nothing more uncomfortable than assuming you're involved with someone only to find that they are still updating and maintaing a 'dating profile'.
Talk to 'intimacy' partner! | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/18/2008 6:44:44 PM |
Also, the more insecurities, the tighter the strangle hold, the larger the wedge. While the websites certainly make it easier to locate people, it could happen in real life, that two people cross each others paths...I think we do ourselves a great disservice when we place a tight grip on a relationship. There are lots of great people out there and coming from a belief of scarcity adds an air of desperation to us. Personally, I would prefer a person that has a choice and chooses me over one that chooses me thinking I'm their last chance.
Well said. I think it's much healthier to be wanted than needed for exactly this reason. | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/18/2008 7:05:09 PM | I stopped dating a guy that said they were "just meeting for drinks." I don't think he realized that women sometimes compare notes. She got the I'm not dating anyone story.
Trust is important in a relationship, if you are posting on here, you know you don't have it. | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/18/2008 8:48:18 PM | | Sorry..but that's a major red flag...not unless you both go to meet them, and you both talk to them...but if it was me..or my boyfriend..no,.... it's not a wise move. If I'm in a relationship, I'm not going to be interested in meeting anyone else even as friends. | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/18/2008 8:55:34 PM | | There are plenty of other ways to meet friends. Not to mention that there are plenty of better suited websites with forums where you can make friends of both sexes that have less of a relationship or sexually charged audience. All you are doing is tempting fate, which would be seen by most (myself included) as a red flag and get you bounced out of a relationship. | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/18/2008 10:44:37 PM | You found out? As in, after the fact?
uh uh, no way... that's keeping a secret.
I'm not at all a jealous person and would likely be ok with my SO meeting people, but I would feel totally gob-smacked if he felt the need to keep something like this a secret from me. THAT would get my spidey sense twitching (or do they tingle?)
IMO, secrets of this nature indicate a real breakdown in intimacy.
You are either outside the tent peeing in - or inside the tent peeing out. | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/18/2008 11:30:49 PM | | There are dozens of posts with people who are in relationships who meet "friends" from sites, and they eventually have affairs. If you are married, or in an exclusive relationship you should not be flirting with people or messing on a dating site. In the very least you can meet these people, but bring your SO too so they can meet them. Accountability. Your playing with fire and you know it. | |
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| If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to meet people from here?
Posted: 4/18/2008 11:47:58 PM | | i've met friends from pof, and if they are to drop by more than once or be in the area for awhile, they will likely also meet my manfriend as well. i would not "date" another man, but i truly have platonic friends here due to some mutual advocacy work or if they also have lymes or share a strong political or social view. i keep most of them in mind, in case i can fix them up! in fact, we tried to have one of my friends meet one of my manfriend's long time e-buddies from the site i first met him on. they kept in touch for moral support and i am on here via the forums. again, i meet woman as well as men pals. but for the most part, they are so far away that most exhanges are info or ideas. if they were travelling through, then by all means, i would meet them and definitely my manfriend would be invited as well. | |
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