| how do i overcome this
Posted: 4/18/2008 9:36:09 PM | | well most of my life whenever i would break up with a girl I'd have no trouble dating another girl soon after because they were interested in me and i was in them too. but since i broke up with my last girlfriend this time there was no other waiting for me and now whenever i see a girl in public looking or smiling at me I'm too shy to even approach I just rather not take the chance of being humiliated. | |
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| how do i overcome this
Posted: 4/18/2008 9:38:31 PM | | I realize you being 21, you're probably not going to like my advice...but I would suggest taking some time for yourself and not dating. I'm not talking a six-month sabbatical or joining a Monastery, but a little space between relationships is a good thing. | |
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| how do i overcome this
Posted: 4/18/2008 9:40:20 PM | | yea i could do that but i feel like id be getting bored on weekends when i don't have a date to take out. like i just have this thought that any girl that gets approached automatically has the presumption that i only want to get in their pants. | |
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| how do i overcome this
Posted: 4/18/2008 9:43:27 PM | You overcome this little scenario by getting a life. Stop fretting about getting into someone else's pants, and get a hobby, or something, so you won't be all bored with yourself, sheesh. 
Pink | |
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| how do i overcome this
Posted: 4/18/2008 9:46:44 PM | | well obviously ultimately i would like to lol. but honestly speaking i only look at the ones that truly catch my eye. i haven't approached one for so many years now cuz ones i already knew were always trying to date me. how can i even tell if she is interested if she is staring at me or looks over at me. i mean who really knows lol | |
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| how do i overcome this
Posted: 4/18/2008 10:35:03 PM |
Stop fretting about getting into someone else's pants, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Lady, you're funny!
He's a 21 year old man!
Biologically, it's our job to get into pants at that age.
He's swimming in so much testosterone right now, he can't NOT fret about such things.
It IS his life, his hobby, his something. And there is nothing wrong with that.
OP, hang in there. Some girls dig shy, and I dare say many prefer it to aggressive or arrogant.
No need to approach them all - just return their smiles, be nice and show them respect.
Sooner or later one will approach you presuming to get into your pants and you'll forget we had this little chat.
Play safe. | |
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| how do i overcome this
Posted: 4/19/2008 2:41:10 AM | ROFL. You finally got knocked off your egotistic high horse. hehehe. That's funny.
Well, re-boost your confidence man and get on with life!!
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| how do i overcome this
Posted: 4/19/2008 3:00:34 AM |
but since i broke up with my last girlfriend this time there was no other waiting for me
I think even the best players need to sit the bench once in awhile, adds character. | |
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| how do i overcome this
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:41:03 AM | I think even the best players need to sit the bench once in awhile, adds character.
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I forgot to mention that I am not a player. I have even turned down sex from an ex girlfriend of mine while i was dating my last girlfriend. | |
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| how do i overcome this
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:51:02 AM | | By listening to those older then you and by humble appreciation for their knowledge.Besides that I got nothing because I don't think you are even interested in a relationship but just a timekill so to speak and to satisfy some hormones oh and least I forget the reason you probably turned down sex with your ex while you were with your present date was probably due to the fact you didn't rate her high enough on you sex with scale.You must be in college and if you are then you got no worries as the girls are known to look for and take all offers of sex from whoever and I think all you need to do is pay for a book. | |
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| how do i overcome this
Posted: 4/19/2008 10:55:38 AM | J,
Roll solo for a bit. Go ahead and go out, go to clubs, do things that YOU like to do. Heck, do something different that you normally wouldn't do because you've had someone with you.
It sounds to me like you've just gotten used to having someone on your arm and you're feeling lost without "somebody" there. Take the time to reconnect with your buds and with yourself. Once you get used to life without your "sky hook", you'll find that the confidence issue goes away. | |
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| how do i overcome this
Posted: 4/20/2008 11:37:28 AM | | I find if someone is interested in you.Theres the look,the smile , and more looks.A woman can can only say three things Yes , No ,or F**k Off.Simple If was meant to be it will be if not move on. Let them approach you if your so in doubt! | |
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| how do i overcome this
Posted: 4/20/2008 11:47:25 AM |
i feel like id be getting bored on weekends when i don't have a date to take out.
Do you not have any male friends that you hang around with? Time for some bonding... go watch some sports, play some sports, do whatever you would usually do with "the guys". There's more to weekends than just dating. If you're not a player, you should have SOME friends to hang with to keep you from getting bored. | |
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| how do i overcome this
Posted: 4/20/2008 11:59:28 AM | Well...it is not always a good idea to jump from one relationship to another anyways. I am sure the fact you are alone is temporary...or maybe not. But, everyone goes through periods when they are alone. So, don't take it so hard...sometimes it is very necessary for you to grow as a person. If you jump from one person to the next you really do develop no sense of depth as a human being.
As far as you being shy and afraid of being humilited...well, that will limit your chances of ever meeting anyone worthwhile. That is something you should learn to get over. No one likes being rejected; but, it is a part of finding the right person for you. Just don't take it soooo personally. Look at it from another perspective...that at least you tried. Set small goals for yourself... like I will approach X number of people here or there. Try to develop a thick skin. I know it is easier said than done... but, you should try. Men can probably give better advice about this than I can. But, from a woman's perspective if someone approaches me and I am not interested, I ignore him...I don't even give that guy a second thought. But, he should not be dwelling on this. He would only be hurting himself if he was thinking...omg there is something wrong with me, she didn't like me. It could be a woman is not interested for any number of reasons. So develop that thick skin and find someone you want to be with. Good luck | |
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| how do i overcome this
Posted: 4/20/2008 12:00:53 PM | | I swear you get the regection vibe after a break-up its like an invisible scent, and no women will come near you untill that smell goes away ! | |
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| how do i overcome this
Posted: 4/20/2008 12:20:35 PM | a couple of good posts and advice up there. Yeah, being 21 and not having a hottie on your arm when you're used to it can be a little unsettling but believe me, you'll be a much better person to BE in a relationship with if you get used to being solo for a while.
A couple of points to clarify:
1) There is nothing wrong with a guy who just wants to get into a girl's pants. As long as both realize that this is all it is, was, and forever shall be. Heck, this is 2008 and we've come a long way....just remember: a relationship isn't everything, sometimes it's good just to have some fun!
2) I know having a woman on your arm makes you infinitely more attractive to other ladies and builds your self-confidence. I am wondering: did you break up with these other ladies because you had someone else waiting?
3) Flying solo and getting shot down more than a few times WILL help you appreciate it more when you do in fact have another lady with you.
BTW: come out to the POF party at eton house on the 9th and you'll find plenty o' fish to put on your arm lol. | |
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| how do i overcome this
Posted: 4/20/2008 12:29:31 PM | "i just have this thought that any girl that gets approached automatically has the presumption that i only want to get in their pants."
And of course they are right. Get out there and go for it. Just walk up to the next gal you find attractive and say "Hi, I'm a B-52, fly me." | |
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| how do i overcome this
Posted: 4/20/2008 3:05:06 PM |
You overcome this little scenario by getting a life. Stop fretting about getting into someone else's pants, and get a hobby, or something, so you won't be all bored with yourself, sheesh
Wow! She sure has your number, doesn't she, lol? After all, we're all just a bunch of swinging penises with nothing better to do anyways; right? With opinions like this, why worry about being humiliated? I say go for it; most say yes anyways, lol... | |
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| how do i overcome this
Posted: 4/20/2008 4:02:50 PM |
"i just have this thought that any girl that gets approached automatically has the presumption that i only want to get in their pants."
There are a lot of women that assume that. And you know what happens when you assume? you make an a$$ out of U and ME.
I'd have to say that 99% of the guys out there are NOT looking (only) for that. Yes, eventually we do because heck, that's what mothernature intended us to do and even god said "go forth and multiply" (and I don't think he was talking about getting out a calculator lol).
Anyhow, I have known 2 "special" guys in my time: one would blatantly walk up to every good looking woman in a club and say "let's cut out the BS, wanna F**k?" and another would say: "I think it's time we made out". BOTH always went home with someone....... | |
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| How do I overcome this?
Posted: 4/20/2008 4:18:34 PM | I don't understand your "dilemma". So you broke up with your gf and now you can't look/approach another girl for fear of humiliation?
I'm sure you'll survive this, and will start approaching girls when you see/meet someone that captures your interest. This is not an earth-shattering issue. Just enjoy your life and the rest will be revealed.
You should not correlate having fun to having someone to take out on a date or not. Come on! Snap out of that. There is more to life than the opposite gender. lol
Best,
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| How do I overcome this?
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:40:43 PM | | no i never broke up with any of ex's because someone was already waitng. we just broke up because it simply wasn't working out. | |
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| How do I overcome this?
Posted: 4/22/2008 10:00:02 PM | | You need to learn to be happy as hell with yourself BY yourself. THEN, maybe, you're ready. | |
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| How do I overcome this?
Posted: 4/23/2008 4:51:20 AM |
I forgot to mention that I am not a player. I have even turned down sex from an ex girlfriend of mine while i was dating my last girlfriend
wow!! well done! NOT. sorry you dont get points for turning down an ex for sex when you had a girlfriend... what do you want? lol.
ok im sorry, ill be serious now, its ok to date lots of poeple, being young, thats what you should be doing.. so i dont think your a player, but i do agree with the person who first replied to you, about taking some time from dating, i think that may be a good thing for you right now :) | |
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| how do i overcome this
Posted: 4/23/2008 5:11:38 AM |
too shy to even approach
Well, since you're approaching on line initially that isn't nearly as bad as face to face rejection. Don't worry! Just be yourself! Be confident! If it's on line rejection, forget about it and go the next one!!!
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| how do i overcome this
Posted: 4/23/2008 7:29:58 AM |
Well, since you're approaching on line initially that isn't nearly as bad as face to face rejection. Don't worry! Just be yourself! Be confident! If it's on line rejection, forget about it and go the next one!!!
Speaking of which, do you think it is polite of someone to simply ignore you writing them and not even respond with a thanks but no thanks? I find this rather rude actually......(maybe it's just me and I don't mean to hijack this thread) | |
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