| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/20/2008 9:05:11 AM | Being well over 45 and relatively new to the " dating world" again, I hear and read in the over 45 forums, people saying that casual sex within the first few dates is "what nature intended"and it's expected. I hear others saying that sex is special and should be held in high regard and postponed until in a committed relationship. From my own observations, it seems that men and women are "world's apart" on their views.
Lately, our culture seems to be embracing the concept of multiple partners and people exploring their options. Sexual promiscuity seems to be the norm, rather than the exception.
So, the question is:
What are the pros and cons of being promiscuous?
Is it wise or even practical to be promiscuous?
Would you date and have sex with someone who is dating others and having sex with them, as well?
Would you even date someone who has had multiple sexual partners, before you?
To play or not to play, that is the question......my apologies to Mr. Shakespeare. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/20/2008 9:12:30 AM | | I think there is a big distinction between being promiscuous and doing a reasonable amount of dating which sometimes involves sex. As to the other questions, no, I do not think its safe, wise or pleasant to be copulating with multiple partners, and no, I would not date anyone who was leading that kind of life. Everyone, aside from the few who married their high school sweetheart, has had multiple sexual partners, at least according to statistics, and even those statistics apply to the one''s that did marry the high school sweetheart, so there is no point in even looking for a white wedding candidate. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/20/2008 10:33:21 AM | I wasn't asking these questions for any personal answers, as I already know what works for me.
I'm merely asking the question as a way to have a general discussion.
And, as a post script, I am not so naive, as to think that people are looking for a white wedding candidate. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/20/2008 11:07:58 AM | Well Phobee that is a tough one. When i think of promiscuity i think of multiple sex partners without commitment. I think thats a fair definition. What most folks practice is more like serial monogomy. That is to say we date someone exclusively and (if applicable) sleep with that one person exclusively while the relationship lasts. Unfortunately most relationships dont last. the divorce rates for second marriages, las time i checked, was around 75%. So to the question would I be promiscuous? mer personally no. If I dont want to be with you tomorrow i wont sleep with you tonight. Are there advantages? Sure. no commitment and meeting a "need" ( i use that term loosely- write me at pof if you want to know why) risks , can you spell HIV. Sex , again I think, should be special. I am personally not in any hurry to get into bed nor am i in a hurry to get back out once we get there. i think sex can, and at its best is, a meeting of more than bodies. if one is a christian or other religon you will see that sex is considered sacred and for procreation, to bind husband and wife. if you are more agnostically inclined i can honestly tell you that sex is meant as a bond to help a pair of adults stay together for the benefit of their offsprign. (really sex is as much in your head as anywhere else) so is it wise to be promiscuous? i would have to say no to that. the benefits are nowhere near the risks. whats more most of us find promiscuous sex is like an alcoholic with booze. no matter how much you have the feeling is good for only a short time and you wake up feeling empty and looking for more. nuff said. the old parrothead | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/20/2008 11:09:53 AM | | While i must say strawbs you can take the odds on that to vegas and probably come out on top. i hope that you know it does not have to be like that and is not all the time. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/20/2008 11:24:48 AM | As far as I know you can't die as a result of not having sex but the reverse isn't necessarily true. You may get cranky or bored from not having sex but the chance of catching kooties is zero.
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/20/2008 11:35:38 AM | This has to rank up there with one of the dumbest threads out there.
I hardly see anyone saying they want casual sex but I've yet to acquire that ability to read between the lines and make myself believe men and women are worlds apart.
It's more the norm for posters to be unable to even get a decent date and for most POFers to find a date.
Maybe the OP finds it normal to see promiscuity everywhere and there are treatments for paranoia.
What are the pros and cons of being promiscuous?
Maybe if you take a jr high sex education course, you'd see just how ridiculous this question is.
Is it wise or even practical to be promiscuous?
Talk to the polyamorous person about that she's the only one hinting in the afirmative I've seen
Would you date and have sex with someone who is dating others and having sex with them, as well?
I'm not dating and if I were I wouldn't even ask because the answer would be obvious.
Would you even date someone who has had multiple sexual partners, before you?
Right, we should only date virgins or widows that were virgins.
Good luck finding your one and only. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/20/2008 11:47:28 AM | I have many male friends who are not promiscuous and wouldn't date a women who is. They want to know that sex isn't like a fast food restaurant, in and out quickly so the next person can be serviced just as quickly. I would hope, at this age, we have learned something.
"Would you date and have sex with someone who is dating others and having sex with them, as well?" I had this conversation with a mixed group of people last night. The consensus is that we wouldn't get involved with someone who couldn't commit to a one on one. Why would you take the risk? Either that or have that person introduce you to who she/he is having sex with so you at least know who you are having sex with via her/him.
"Would you even date someone who has had multiple sexual partners, before you? " At this age of course we are going to meet people who have had multiple sexual partners unless they have been nuns or priests or just got out of a long term marriage, or been in prison for years.
With all the information out there about possible transmitted diseases why would one risk it? No, condoms don't protect you 100% because there could be an ooops. So one night of fun is worth getting genital warts or some other disease? Not thanks! | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/20/2008 11:47:32 AM | In reverse order-
At my age it would be difficult to find an unattached female in my age group who hasn't had many sexual partners before me, except perhaps a very recently widowed or divorced woman who was married a very long time. The recently divorced are often still angry at the ex, the recently widowed still in love with the deceased; I prefer not to compete against ghosts, living or dead, that means I'll more than likely be dating women who have had multiple sexual partners.
I would probably not be dating a woman who presently has multiple sex partners, because of the risk of STDs, and the very slim chance of pregnancy. I also don't like the role of "backup sex."
It is both unwise and impractical to be promiscuous. Unwise because it increases risk of infections, despite precautions, impractical because it's more expensive than a more exclusive relationship. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/20/2008 12:45:38 PM | ParrotHead,
Serial Monogomy......I have not heard this description before! 
Looking around me, seems that most of the *unmarried* people I know practice this, myself included. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/20/2008 1:12:37 PM | promiscuous: characterized by or involving indiscriminate mingling or association, esp. having sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis.
ok. I guess that you meant this in this context of being indiscriminate in sexual behavior & practices ("loose"), as by your usage several times in your questions.
I find that highly judgmental.
we all have the option to stay within our comfort zones, so why wonder 'what & why' others do within theirs unless it directly affects ourselves? | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/20/2008 3:19:42 PM |
This has to rank right up there with one of the dumbest threads out there.
I was taught that " there is no such thing as a stupid question."
ok. I guess that you meant this in the context of being indiscrimate in sexual behavior and practices ("loose"), as your usage several times in the question. I find that highly judgemental.
No judgements made or implied. Only questions including the word "promiscuous" in them. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/20/2008 4:01:05 PM | 1. What are the pros and cons of being promiscuous?
Pros: Get laid a lot.
Cons: Turn into a slut and increase chances of getting one of them nasty little STD’s
2. Is it wise or even practical to be promiscuous?
In what possible way does promiscuity have anything to do with intelligence or practicality (other than 'getting it' often, if that's your goal) ??
3. Would you date and have sex with someone who is dating others and having sex with them, as well?
Would I sleep with someone who slept with someone else last night and will sleep with someone different tomorrow night ?? Does this really need to be answered ??
4. Would you even date someone who has had multiple sexual partners, before you?
I would think that finding someone over 45 who’d not had multiple sex partners would be a little difficult. I’ve changed my ‘go/no go' parameters accordingly as I’ve continued to age.
cdn guy | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/20/2008 5:07:40 PM | The problem (on these threads and in real life) is everyone seems to have a different definition of almost everything, including promiscuity.
I've been quite frank about my beliefs and it's obvious lots of people think I'm "promiscuous" because I'm ONLY interested in casual, no-strings sex/dating, and more likely than not the sex will begin very early in a dating relationship, if it's going to happen at all. Commitment and "strings" are things - for me - that develop and grow slowly, OVER THE COURSE OF a sexual relationship, not the other way around. Ergo, to some, I'm "promiscuous." Shrug.
The key to me, is the literal definition: "Indiscriminant sex with many people." "Indiscriminant" would blow my so-far successful plan to go to my grave without ever having bad or disappointing sex, and hence I haven't had sex with enough people to have drifted into the "many" realm by most reasonable standards (not enough, is more like it, from my point of view). Another shrug.
Promiscuity by the POF rule of thumb, in my opinion, has NO cons. Promiscuity my MY definition, would have the major con of: more chances of having sex that I wish I hadn't had. That's it.
The STD factor many will cite is a red herring, in my opinion. Safe sex - always - equals minimal and acceptable risk for benefit. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/20/2008 5:22:05 PM |
What are the pros and cons of being promiscuous?
Well, fairly easy for the pro side. 
Lot's o' sex.
Now that we've covered that, the con side is a bit more complex.
1) Increased risks of STD's.
2) Danger of "addiction" to sex, only (if no emotional involvement). Tis risk is especially high with males, as per my experiences with others. If one can go out and have sex on a regular basis without emotional attachment, then one tends to continue doing it for extended periods of time. I've seen friends fall into that "trap".
That's the basics.
Is it wise or even practical to be promiscuous?
That depends entirely on one's definition of promiscuous.
Would you date and have sex with someone who is dating others and having sex with them, as well?
In my view the dating process is there to find a long term partner. Finding out sexual compatibility is a very important part of that aspect of a couple's life. There could be an intersection period, when that's being explored. I would expect other sexual relationships to be halted temporarily , on both sides, when that time comes.
Would you even date someone who has had multiple sexual partners, before you?
Well, if you are looking for a virgin, count me out.
It would be highly unlikely, even perhaps impossible, to run into a woman who has not had multiple sexual partners before my meeting them, simply based on cultural norms and my experience. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/20/2008 6:46:46 PM |
As far as I know you can't die as a result of not having sex but the reverse isn't necessarily true. You may get cranky or bored from not having sex but the chance of catching kooties is zero.
Laughin.....far as I know, cooties don't kill ya, they just make you itch.
Pro : for promiscuity: It temporarily feels good.
Con: You can get deadly disease, yes even with protection.
You can get cooties..and they make you itch...although I haven't heard that term in YEARS...I suppose they are still out there.
The older you get, the more difficult, and expensive it becomes to find some "strange".
If you are a woman, and if you are young enough, you might find yourself pregnant...which opens up all kinds of prospects, and lengthy, weighty questions when you don't know, or care who the father is.
You run the risk of losing your own self respect..some people give out little pieces of their soul along with their sexual activity.
What if you accidently fell in love?
Have you ever seen Alfie, or Looking For Mr. Goodbar? | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/20/2008 7:04:56 PM | | Do people our age actually consider, (let alone even think about), living a life of promiscuity? | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/20/2008 7:45:04 PM | Would I do it? Not on your life, for all the reasons already discussed.
Are other people? You betcha, but you won't find many of them writing on these forums. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/20/2008 8:11:07 PM | Pros of Promiscuity:
--you get laid a lot (any time you want, really)
--you meet a lot of new people
--you don't have to worry about their feelings/emotions
--you don't have to make yourself vulnerable to another human
--you don't get hurt emotionally since you haven't invested anything
Cons of Promiscuity:
--you don't learn your partner's body really well, which usually affects the outcum (ha)
--you don't get to know anyone REALLY well
--you don't get to make yourself vulnerable to another human
--you open yourself up to social diseases
--you never fall in love
=============
I think there are times in all our lives when we just want one or the other, may not follow through, but... | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/20/2008 8:27:51 PM |
I hear and read in the over 45 forums, people saying that casual sex within the first few dates is "what nature intended"and it's expected. They're wishing out loud trying to justify their behaviour.
... should be held in high regard and postponed until in a committed relationship. Whenever you hear someone say the words "you should", lower your glasses on your nose and look at them in the eyes.
From my own observations, it seems that men and women are "world's apart" on their views. Only in public
Lately, our culture seems to be embracing the concept of multiple partners and people exploring their options. Sexual promiscuity seems to be the norm, rather than the exception. Yup. It's 1967 all over again.
Ok...
1.What are the pros and cons of being promiscuous?
Pros: Uummm...... I can't think of any. Maybe I had too much sun today.
Cons: LOTS. Having to say "it's me, not you" 200 times. Watching yourself crush someone who *really likes you. I can continue but...
2. Is it wise or even practical to be promiscuous?
Only if we've just experienced WWIII and need to go forth and multiply. Again.
3. Would you date and have sex with someone who is dating others and having sex with them, as well?
LOL. That's funny. No. I'm a greedy son-of-a-****.
4. Would you even date someone who has had multiple sexual partners, before you?
I'll assume you mean someone who was promiscuous? No. I don't think so. If they were as someone mentioned before a "serial monogamist" then ya. That's ok. The problem is that while many will jump in the sac with anyone, most if not all will deny their promiscuity. Strange since so many people think it's ok eh? Go figure. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/21/2008 1:11:08 AM | I appreciate everyone's input to the questions. Even though a couple of comments differ from my own perspective, they have given me cause to think.
Perhaps, the world of dating isn't going to He^^ in a hand-basket, after all. | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/21/2008 4:52:57 AM |
Would you even date someone who has had multiple sexual partners, before you?
I`d like to hope that I won`t run into a 45 year old virgin .It`s bad enough when they act like it.So YES I expect a man my age to have had multiple sexual partners.Thats something to talk about later on.I don`t have sex on the first date ,doesn`t mean I don`t want to sometimes.But I have to be able to respect myself .
I wouldn`t have sex with someone that screws other women as well.
I`m not very good at sharing and sharing a man is a big NO NO !! | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/21/2008 5:19:18 AM |
Do people our age actually consider, (let alone even think about), living a life of promiscuity?
Think? Continuously.
Live it? No way! | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/21/2008 5:25:16 AM | | I think one does "think" about it. It is called fantacizing. We all have fantasies, we just don't act on them! Least most of us don't! | |
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| Promiscuity ~~ Pros and Cons
Posted: 4/21/2008 5:29:07 AM |
ok. I guess that you meant this in this context of being indiscriminate in sexual behavior & practices ("loose"), as by your usage several times in your questions.
I find that highly judgmental.
we all have the option to stay within our comfort zones, so why wonder 'what & why' others do within theirs unless it directly affects ourselves?
Yep it is judgmental.
What and why?
Because some people can't think of anything else to discuss but sex. It gives them someone to look down their nose at. | |
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