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| Tales and Thoughts
Posted: 4/20/2008 3:26:54 PM | Got an e-mail telling me...GET DOWN IN THE DUMPS WITHOUT YOUR SUPPORT
Let’s see, I see a story unfolding...
About getting down in the Dumps!
Here is the rest of the story...
Sunday,
Such a nice day, and we are the only ones out here today.
That over night breeze really helped a lot with the mud problem.
This area is pretty much dried out today.
You remember how muddy it was out here last Sunday?
OK, you ready to start?
Remember, the pop cans go in this canvas sack,
and the plastic pop bottles go into these old pillow cases I found..
Look here!
Give me a pillow case. Some woman threw out her husband’s
Jim Beam Whiskey Bottle Collection.
Wow, I had some of these years ago.
This is a gold strike woman, We got some money here.
A lot of these bottles were issued fifty some years ago.
Here is the Las Vegas bottle, the Pennsylvania Keystone bottle,
Look, both Seashell bottles issued different years in Florida
.
What will they bring on E-Bay? We will find out.
These are more valuable today empty,
than when they were new and full.
Let me pull out the cork and you take a sniff.
Aha! The aroma wafting out is a delight.
Transports me back to better times.
There’s a story here.
No man throws away his prize collection.
Hey, look at this box next to the bottles,
Full of, must be fifty silk neck ties.
You want to bet they were his too?
Want to bet the scenario goes like this,
This man,
Upper management type, mid-life crisis, marriage got stale.
Sparked an interest with some one from the secretarial pool.
Started “working” late, more out of town “business” trips.
Suspicions grew, proved to be true. They were through,
She threw away all his good stuff.
Look around good girl.
Maybe he had some good fishing gear stuff too.
I could catch us some fish for supper.
You know how to fry fish, don’t you? | |
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| Tales and Thoughts
Posted: 4/26/2008 9:33:10 PM | An Eye for a story everywhere. Nicely done. A good read for we who hang round dumps of both kinds.
I just got a verse I needed to say something I needed to say from a philosopher's idea that all poets are writing the one poem. Just as well our ways of writing it are so diverse. | |
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| Tales and Thoughts
Posted: 4/30/2008 12:44:01 AM | Car Wash Greeter
Gotta' know, Where do you live
Do you have transportation
needing more cash to live
If you really got lotta’ time to give
Got an opening at my car wash
Open twenty four Seven
Can you hang around
Work till at least Eleven?
That’s right...no fooling...
Lucky Stars, Can you be a believer
You name just came up
You can be the Car Wash Greeter
Chalk a number on the glass
Collect the cash
Wiggle you arss
What could be neater
Car Wash Greeter
Besides all the whistles n' quips
Doing the bumps and grinds
Pressed against the windshield
You might even get some tips | |
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| Tales and Thoughts
Posted: 4/30/2008 6:56:49 AM | | Pity, our car washes suffer from extreme lack of imagination, unlike POF forum writers. | |
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| Tales and Thoughts
Posted: 5/9/2008 11:38:50 AM | This is a feel good story about a Rooster
making them "Cock-a doodle-doo" noises...
announcing each new day...
Like you never heard before or since then.
Early in the morning,
He would be going around,
strutting around his flock.
Bowing to the ladies...courtesies noted.
Was "believe me-able"
as he was bird thinking
something like that,
in his tiny pea size brain,
So many Chickie's,
So little time to do
the feel good
rooster thing-ee...
Overworked...
with a gizzard full of grit.
His "Chicken Calender"
was chocked full
of rooster projects to do...
Speeches
at the Poultry Seminar...
"Will Bikini Cut tail feathers
increase egg production?"
and
"Do Casino Chickie's
look for Wealthy Roosters"...etc.
And then the CNN news
about the 30 million illegal chickens
crossing the border.
And that suit in court
against that giant chicken soup company,
Worldwide Recall...million of cans,
allegedly canning "Undocumented chicken"
China accused,
hiding the truth about "bird flue"
Note to remove TV from chicken house
Too stressful for good egg laying...
Back home,
Then that same old problem,
some of the older hens,
hiding their eggs behind
the water barrel again...
Not to be late
for the meeting
with the "Neighborhood Fox Watch"
hen party at seven.
And so then,
for quite some time,
not fearing rejection,
he worked so hard his tail off,
Twenty four/Seven.
Personally
taking care of each young Chickie,
bravely ignoring exhaustion,
until he got
to the very last old maid hen,
who hadn't seen a rooster
since she didn't know when...
Egg production went way up...
The Chicken Farmer smiled....
His best-es toothless grin...
Mug of Beer n' "Buffalo Wings"
at the "Salty Dog Saloon"
with his chicken farmer friends.
said... Yanno,
I got the greatest Goodliest Rooster"
in all the land.
End of fable.
Eye guy | |
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| Tales and Thoughts
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:20:52 AM | There once and still a Man who was born an Irish Man
70 years back this day
He's quick witted
compassionate
honest
and brave
Taking care of his birdies everyday!!
This man has made me and many others laugh
Belly laughs you see!!.....
We Love Ya "Eye Guy" and feel blessed to have you in our lives!!
Keep shining those "Irish Eyes"!!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! 70yrs young!!!!       | |
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| Tales and Thoughts
Posted: 5/11/2008 7:07:31 AM | Tanks Hammy...
Some days are Different
Woke up with one hell of a hangover.
Thinking, and still drinking
about why yesterday went sour,
is a bad head hurting combo.
Still gulping down shots,
enjoying the burn,
while I try to figure out,
why I didn't act smarter quicker
Never found the
right words soon enough.
Never even spoke
She only saw
those eyes
glaring
Fists clenched, biting my lip
My neck is red, boiling inside
about some stupid chit
she went and done.
Sometimes when I feel
the way I do now,
maybe I
shouldn't be licensed
to carry a gun.
I chose this life
small town
Private Investigator
Around here
every one already
knows whats been done
now the tables are turned
On days like this
Maybe I'm the one
that should be
investigated | |
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| Tales and Thoughts
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:16:09 AM | on warm afternoon
somewhere in New York
drove all morning to get there
somewhere in the middle of nowhere
got in, got changed, got ready
all signed in, and carrying my card around
listening for what was coming up
"you're up, over there"
"feet on this line, when you see
this flag come down start . . . . don't hit me!"
breathe
red race in the corner of my eye
snap, glove hit my head
my foot came up, and glanced off his chin
held there for what seemed like an eternity
standing watching him as he came too
slow motion, head joggling back and forth
don't really know how much, everything gets . . . .
. . . . just . . . . magnified
he's awake, sees my foot, bring it down
keeping discipline, i see the judges smile
Draw ! ! . . . again . . . winner here . . .
kept on through the afternoon
My day . . . . my trophy
to the judges . . . . I think he got me first
let him wake up
befor we go on
Happy Memories
Happy Birthday EyeGuy | |
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| Tales and Thoughts
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:25:44 PM | took the weekend to get away
of the reality of my life
another of my friends
shares a birthday with
a guy who goes by 'eye'....
both are sweet and so much fun
and times makes me wonder
instead of getting older it seems
they both are getting younger!!
and as i rest getting ready for sleep
i smile at the fortune i have gain
with friends born on the eleventh of may
no two days are ever the same..
(i-guy...hope your day was wonderful...and you enjoy a zillion more...please keep gracing us with you wit and insight...there's a cool pirate shop in san francisco and someday i WILL buy you an eye patch...!!!) | |
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| Tales and Thoughts
Posted: 5/11/2008 10:33:02 PM | Hippy Dippy-ville...USA
I remember all them
strung out hippies
in the early sixties
couldn't remember
their own name.
Their lips kept
professing "Free Love"
I think that was the
name of the game
And this motley crew
found and took over an
abandoned store front
Tried to "Freshen" it up
to look like "Hippy-ville"
Splashed garish paints
of every rainbow color.
Every shade and hue
all over the front glass.
Till they couldn't
see the real world,
when ever the earthly
people walked past.
Paint in red the name,
"HUNGRY EYE" *
above the entrance door.
Listening all day long
to strange Indian Music.
Sitting in a huge circle
on a big magic carpet
covered most of the floor.
I'm an old guitar player
and I spotted this Indian
stringed instrument,
Was called a "Sitar"
Looked like a big gourd
at the very bottom
Six or seven strings
with a four foot neck
But when someone
tried to pick it
or strum it,
It sounded like heck.
At intermission time
they stuffed the gourd end
with hemp and other
"psychedelic" stuff
The sweet smoke drifted
to the top of the neck
The took a long draw
and started to cough
and right there
and then
I said,
"I seen enough"
and that my friend
is the end.
*Was a real place ,
for a short time
in Detroit... | |
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| Tales and Thoughts
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:05:45 PM | New E-mail..Just in.....
Sorry ... What...
She's said she's Sorry!
Oh Gees...
Wait a minute...Think...
Gotta make a quick call...
ring, ring......
Hey Frankie.
Cancel that "Hit Man" thing...
..... .. .. .. .......
You know...I meant the "Hit Her" thing.
... .. .......
Wadda' ya mean who's calling?
You know who this is...
... .. .......
Don't do it
No, I'm Not kidding....
...... .. .... .........
Yeah, I'm serious...
... ...... .. ...... .. ... .....
Wadda' you mean you're parked in front of her house?
.... ...... ...... ........ ..
Not in the daylight for Cris sake........
...... ...... .. ........ .........
Listen...Cancel the hit dammit!
........ ... .... .. ....
I don't care if your business was slow this week.
....... ... ......... .. .............
Your wife wanted you home from work early tonight?
so you wanted to do a "After-Noon-er"
...... .. ...... .. ....... ...... .. ...
Good thing I stopped you in time.
Thought you were going to do it Wednesday night.
Wadda' mean, 20 percent cancel fee.
..... .... .. ..... ..... .. ........ .
You forgot how long we been doing business?
..... .. ....... .. ..... ..... .. .....
Yeah,
I brought you into the family
when you were still in diapers...Punk.
....... .. ..... .. ....
I'll give you 10 percent and a few bucks extra for gas,
.. ... ...... .......
On the way home.
Stop at the Deli and pick up some
Chicken Scarpariello,
some Potato Gnocchi, and some Pignoli Cookies,
so your wife wont have to cook tonight.
.. ... ... .. .......
OK....See you at the club Friday night...
... ... ......
You still got that same girlfriend?
....... ... ......
Yeah, I love her too, tell her to bring her sister along.
.... .. ... ... .. ........
Bye. | |
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| Tales and Thoughts
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:29:02 PM | Hey thought I'd take the time to explain the rules of wiffle ball
You get a plastice ball, and a plastic bat,
You find a large backstop area, of a baseball or baseball diamond, Any fence two or three foot taller than the players will work fine.
Two man teams works best,
Ya start by ponting out whats going to be what:
Hitter faces the fence about 20 - 30 or so feet away
Pitcher stands at least 10 feet away from the batter
Outside the fence poles is foul, can still be caught for an out,
Over the fence is three outs,
rollers in the grass tha t don't get picked up, or bobbled, befor they stop are singles.
Home Runs are straight shots to the lower section of fence, keeps the palyers sharp!
Doubles are flies that hit the second section of fence, respect the hit . . . not too much though!
Tingers off the top pole are Grand slams, they CAN NOT go over the fence, or have to bounce back in.
Triples are the upright poles on either side of the pitcher.
Ghost men Count !!!
No Gloves
Three outs, and change sides . . . .
Contact for any further clarification needed | |
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| Tales and Thoughts
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:48:29 PM | The Night Job
One thirty in the morning, the black Mercedes speeding fifty miles an hour along the dock.
Pier 5 is quiet right now, the ship loaders just finished loading one freighter and headed out for lunch.
Two tugs are nudging the ship away from the dock and toward the turning basin.
It will be another hour before the next freighter ties up here, waiting for special cargo.
Hard on the brake pedal, car slows down, stops, pushing a button between the visors,
the eighteen foot tall warehouse door starts to roll upward, Making that clanging metallic sound,
Same sound you remember you made, when you were a kid, dragging a big soup spoon across
grandma's old metal washboard.
The door stops a few inches above the roof line, the car eases in and the door rumbles down.
Group of three, standing by a small desk, illuminated by a naked light bulb hanging down
from the ceiling, watch their boss get out of the car.
Looking past the trio, he sees in the dim light, a warehouse full of almost new, top of the line cars.
1 Lamborghini, 1 Bentley- 12 Ferrari and 39Mercedes-Benz, 8 are new Mercedes SLR's .
What a grab, truck driver stopped at the truck stop to eat, and they managed to jerk him out of the cab
and drove off with the auto carrier carrying eight new SLR's worth half a million apiece.
Wouldn't the insurance company like to see this room full.
Those Columbian Drug Lords always ask for Mercedes . Were going to make a pile of cash this time.
Here sits fifty three sweet running machines. Never to be seen again on the streets of L A.
Sergey,
Is everything according to plan? Any screw ups while I was gone? where is the ship?
The youngest Russian steps forward.
I just called, The Sun Maru will be along side soon, The tugs have her clear of Marker six,
give it another half hour or so.
I called the union, Same crane operator will be here at two thirty.
Give him the same amount in the envelope, he's cool.
He wont see or remember anything that took place tonight.
Dima, Lev,
You guys will have to run like hell, to keep these cars moving out to the crane. get them
all in the ship before daylight. and be careful, don't dent any of them. I don't want to hear
any bitching at pay off time. See that it gets done, gets done right, I'm going home.
Driving up Calif coast highway 101, now three a.m. knowing the wife will be pissed,
when he rolls in at 4 a.m. to his cliff top home.
Thinking I'm out again with another woman.
How can I tell her, I'm just out here, busting my ass making a living.
to be continued
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| Tales and Thoughts
Posted: 5/14/2008 6:37:26 PM | Wadda 'mean I need a pet.
My Blue & Gold Macaw parrot says
“Hallelujah” and “Praise the Lord”
Fusses at me when he gets bored
Stays up half the night and sleeps too late
So my bird won’t get up, go to church
Nor put any nuts in the collection plate.
Starts singing a chorus of "Dang Me"
when he knows I'm getting upset
Turned out to be a pretty good pet
Roger Miller Tune.
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| Tales and Thoughts
Posted: 5/14/2008 7:30:11 PM | Eye,
Really enjoyed reading the Night Job! More please.....  | |
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| Tales and Thoughts
Posted: 5/15/2008 1:06:11 AM | The Night Job
Chapter Two
Was a muggy Monday morning.
Sign on the frosted glass door says, Tidewater Transfer Service Co.
Now on the phone, hat pushed back, talking on the phone.
"Yeah Vinny,
We can move anything, anywhere, from sixty ton rebuilt Russian tanks to
six hundred foot destroyers. Sixty foot yachts, and surface to air missiles.
Oh yeah, A few Mercedes now and then too."
"What else?
For special clients, we offer the "Harry Houdini" service.
Afraid the government will put on a lien and grab one of your most valuable assets?
Poof! We will make it disappear. Too much heat on you? We can make you disappear too.
Passports and identity cards, no problem.
Sure, I'll come over and talk a deal with your boss.
Sound like terrorist acts, Illegal covert operations? No way.
Every day, from nine to five, just like U.P.S. we run a legal shipping service.
The night job.
Well, we do special jobs for our government, when our government can't afford to be
linked to certain items moving within striking distance, of the worlds "Hot spots."
We are good,
Picked up the expertise working for the Hughes Tool Co. years ago. They did secret
government jobs for many years, like the first secret communications satellites, er...
spy satellites.
Of course we knew the Russians were loading missiles on several
ships bound for Cuba. Where did you think your tax dollars were working?
We get lucrative jobs from those in power in Mexico and Central and South America.
They all have a "Want list." Yeah, the more corrupt, the bigger the list.
Does the Government overlook our minor evils? They don't ask, we don't tell.
Do they bother the guys in the "Olive oil" business"?
We do our best work in the dark.
That why it's called,
the "Night Job"
to be cont... | |
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| Tales and Thoughts
Posted: 5/15/2008 2:35:35 AM | Eye ... go ahead and quit your day job ... you missed your calling my friend ...
I'll be back!! Lucky | |
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| Tales and Thoughts
Posted: 5/16/2008 1:45:38 AM | The Night Job
Chapter Three
"T.G.I.F.
I hope it doesn't get to too crazy around here today. I need to go down to the yacht
club this afternoon. Gonna' cost me five hundred bucks to fill the tank in that barge."
"Hey Roscoe, Bring me up to date on Nigeria, I got to formulate a shipping plan."
Your lucky.
Just got some fresh poop on the loudest troublemaker. listen to this.
Asari Dokubo's profile is an eye opener.
He has adopted the name "Mujahid". And his hero is Osama Bin Ladin.
Facts,
Mujahid Asari Dokubo, leader of the Niger Delta Peoples Volunteer Force,
says there are 312 commanders of different groups, in other words, 312 warlords,
all leading angry young men armed with weapons of mass destruction.
"Wow! That's keeping the kettle hot. What's the Nigerian government doing?"
Seems like they persuaded a few war lords to join up on the government side.
You knew the clan-based militias have battled for control of parts of Somalia
for the past 16 years. Been that long since the country had an effective national
government.
"Now you say they are making friends with the enemy?"
The first leader surrendered control of about 300 men and 60 battle wagons.
and now his militia has been merged into the regular army.
"Yeah, Now they will have to teach the regulars how to drive them Toyota Pickup trucks."
This is interesting...You might get a kick out of this one.
Warlord Omar Finish handed over
sixteen vehicles mounted with anti-aircraft guns and 48 of his best gunners.
He is the last warlord to join ranks with the army
"Guess the army was glad to get their stolen artillery back."
Say, aren't those anti-aircraft guns the ones we shipped over?
"Yeah, but the delivery convoy got ambushed, the army guys ran into the weeds for cover."
"We get paid?"
Dan nodding his head, "
"Nothing ships till the fee in full lands into that Swiss bank account.
You know our motto,
Pay in full, no interest, no monthly payments. "
Consider this,
If there is a breakdown of law and order in the Niger Delta, with over 300 warlords
going after oil installations, the Nigerians state will be history.
"You don't see any end to this soon?"
The fact is, the 6,000 strong government forces are not seen as being capable of
controlling the lawless country on their own, although it is being strengthened
somewhat by the warlords who have better equipment.
Tell me boss, what's you interest in Nigeria at this moment in history?
"Got a call from the embassy this morning.
Nigerian deal with Microsoft to furnish one million laptop computers for school kids
has been worked out. Now they want me to guarantee safe delivery."
Are you out of you freaking mind?
Listen up!
NATO couldn't guarantee delivery of food to them hungry kids.
Most of the food deliveries got ambushed. What's you plan my man?
Who do you think you are, Santa Clause?
to be cont....... | |
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| Tales and Thoughts
Posted: 5/17/2008 5:51:55 AM | ....wow!....
i-guy, so intriguing...
on the edge of me seat!!...
can't wait for you to post again!!!
~rose~ | |
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| Tales and Thoughts
Posted: 5/17/2008 2:14:39 PM | The Night Job
Chapter four
Banana Wars
Did you see this article splashed all over the front page of every major newspaper?
Chiquita Fined twenty five million by the good ol' U.S.A. for paying "protection" money in Columbia.
Yesterday, bananas was four pounds for a dollar. Today bananas sell for sixty-nine cents a pound.
When Congress starts nosing into this mess, Bananas will be up to Five dollars a pound.
Rosco said, Congress wouldn't know the difference if
Chiquita was selling bananas to a band of Gorillas or paying band of Guerrillas.
That's funny, I didn't know Rosco had a sense of humor.
What's your thoughts, Benny?
Dan, I guess that I don't really understand the point here.
How can you be sure that you are buying a freedom banana and not just another commie banana?
Sometimes life is too many decisions, When is a banana is just a banana?
What's your retort to that Rosco?
We need to thank our president. On full alert, with out waiting for approval from our allies,
Putting to full use, our "Eye in the Sky" spy satellite to keep us safe from these terrorist bananas.
"Har Har, I'm gonna' buy you a drink for lunch, you earned that one."
Last year the space crew changed out the lens on the "Hubble"
So you can read the name tag on the soldier's shirt pocket from outer space.
You mean we not spending billions to put men in space just to study plankton and chicken livers?
The latest Space Mission was to change out the lens again to fix a flare problem.
Now the new "High Deff" lens can read the sticker on the Chiquita Banana.
Wish I had a camera like that.
That hot chick in the building across from me never pulls down her shades at night.
Hey bashful, Why don"t you hop on over there and introduce yourself?
"He is afraid she is dating one of them Banana Guerrillas."
"OK, New tally, you earned two drinks for that one."
Seriously. Why does Chiquita pay both the Right and the Left?
To keep from getting killed, dummy.
The Lands South of Laredo are controlled by the Local and Powerfull.
They expect a, shall we say, "Tribute", from everyone in their grasp.
It's called "La Mordida", means the little bite. In this case, a "Bite of your Banana."
I can't believe a multi national company as large as Chiquita
could employ a table full of lawyers dumber than a fifth grader.
All the other companies doing business in Columbia have to pay to keep alive.
They keep that part of the business secret, they won't get fined or investigated either.
So Chiquita paid millions of dollars in protection money to the "terrorist" group AUC in Columbia.
Chiquita now has to pay the US government 25 million dollars , for for trying to keep themselves
and their employees alive. Isn't that a crock of crap...
Chiquita Brands International of Cincinnati, Ohio, had a hard decision to make.
No help from the Columbian army, they had their nuts cut off by the cocaine producers.
It made millions growing bananas there, only to emerge with its reputation splattered in blood,
after their lawyers said it had paid nearly $2 million in protection money,
to a murderous paramilitary group that has massacred thousands of people.
Years ago,
the paramilitaries, who were funded initially by large wealthy landowners,
and later by the cocaine trade,
not only drove the Marxist guerrillas from the area, they tried to eliminate anyone
who might have leftist sympathies, from labor leaders to school teachers.
Sometimes entire villages were wiped out in the most horrible ways.
QUIET GUYS! I'm on the phone,
Yeah, Is "Ollie North" in town?
Get him on the sky line phone,
Hey Ollie,
Hows it hangin' man?
We need some "expert" advise how to smuggle bananas back into the states.
Yes I'm Serious.
Yeah, I'm thinking, Banana Convoy!
Fill the trunks of all those Mercedes we shipped down there , packed full of bananas,
Drive them within one mile of the the US border an off load.
There is always a thousand illegals waiting for dark to cross over into Texas.
Then load bananas on their backs, under their shirts, in their shorts and send them over the line.
We will be waiting with refrigerator trucks on the US side to haul them away.
Hmmm, Wonder how much we can charge The richer illegals, to haul them to North Carolina?
Might let us break even on the gas.
What about the Local Mexican cops and thugs?
No problem, We will just pay them off in bananas or kill them!
What about An Air-force plane?
You mean Ollie could get us a C-47?
Well you know, he owes us one.
Damn,
We could fly a C-47 with a half million pounds of bananas into Chicago, New York City even.
America,
You want some dirt cheap fresh bananas with your cornflakes?
To be cont.... | |
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| Tales and Whoppers
Posted: 5/18/2008 11:34:11 PM | Re entry
Los Angles
NASA said Tuesday it wasn't too worried about the capsule's off-course landing,
the second straight for a Soyuz capsule returning from the international space station,
saying the Russians have got a handle on it.
United States investigates off-course Russian manned space capsule that landed in a empty play field,
narrowly missing the swing set and monkey bars, just south of Santa Monica Blvd. early Saturday morning.
Russian space officials denied a newspaper report the three crew returning from the International Space
Station came close to death during Saturday's unplanned re-entry into California.
Newspaper reports astronaut's fears, when the still steaming space capsule was mobbed by a
throng of illegal immigrants beating on the sides of the capsule with hammers and tire irons to break it open.
When that failed, they tried to set the capsule on fire.
When the National Guard arrived, the throng broke up and and ran in a southerly direction toward the border.
Capt. Williams said, Hey, they didn't know what it was, they were just "Scrapping" for metal.
Firemen quickly extinguishing the burning parachutes
The astronauts were shaken but unhurt when rescue and recovery teams reached them.
South Korea's first woman astronaut was heard asking a female reporter, before photos were taken."
Does this spacesuit make me look fat?"
An Russian investigation has been ordered into what really happened, hinting a computer glitch took them nearly
5000 miles off course, a Russian space industry official, who did not want to be identified told reporters,
The U.S. space agency said a special hauling company under contract,
Tidewater Transfer Services Co. sent out their 2500 hp four axle tractor and eight axle low boy trailer
to transport the the slightly smoky Russian space capsule across the desert to the highly secret base,
"Area Fifty One" for further investigation.
Cosmonaut Gorgi Malkochenko said to reporters,
We were doing good until we lost sight of the "Big Dipper"
"Before I leave California for the motherland,
I would like to pick up a crate of oranges for my mother."
(Rueters Intl. News)
To be cont... | |
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| Tales and Whoppers
Posted: 5/19/2008 6:04:26 AM | BRAVO!!!!!
Don't have a lot of *me* time today hon. Keep up the good work and I'll be back when I can.
Lucky  | |
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| Tales and Whoppers
Posted: 5/20/2008 1:44:15 PM | Sailing the abyss
I love the peace and quiet
at my stone cottage.
On an small Island,
Up in the Canadian Bruce
Canadian Troubadours
Singing cricket quartets
steps onto the stage
lulls me to sleep at night
Jarred to consciousness
by the wind and the waves
Smashing against my dock
just a hundred feet away
Taunting me, Inviting me
Won't you come out to play?
Was waiting for you today.
Be waiting for you tomorrow
Tomorrow turned into day
Was ready for the journey
i remembered you calling
Mighty waters, your turn today
Jumped in my shiny boat
headed out across the water
of treacherous Georgian Bay
All by myself, to enjoy the day
Then it suddenly got still
the winds died down to nothing
the sun grew hot
I slowed to a stop
Hard to fathom this eerie stillness
Quiet enough to hear my heartbeat
Water was a smooth sheet of glass
Not a ripple today on Georgian Bay
Thinking about the superstitious sailors
Becalmed on the Sargasso Sea
hundreds of years ago
Stuck In the hot sun from lack of wind
Oh my The food ran out
Damn The rum ran out
Oh No The water ran out
Oh Oh The madness set in
My remembering of other times
When the sky got suddenly black
Six foot waves in front of me
larger waves coming from the back
Un-nerved, clutching hard the wheel
Frightened and unknowingly bit my lip
Vision saw smashed against the rocks
Listed as missing, me and my tiny ship
Regaining my nerves of steel
I survived the howling blow
The water gods sure know how
to put on a dandy water show
But this was so different
With an air of mystery
Air enough for me
No air for my sails
Canadian doldrums was surrounding me
I had no witness, not even a bird to agree
Hard to imagine the calm bestowed on me
Was I really here? I have no proof.
Was this a still life painting of me?
Took my paddle to the stern
Stabbed it in the wet, stroked it around
harder and harder creating ripples
the birth of home made tiny waves
Tiny waves now surrounded my boat
radiating my distress signal outward
Hoping someone will notice
before I lost all hope.
Tiny waves ran way out to the horizon
reached the edge of the earth
Remember how you were taught
a thousand years ago
When you get too close
to the very edge of the earth
every thing just falls off
To where no one knows
The tiny water waves did fall off
and fall they did as drops of rain
on the heads of tiny Chinese children
who wanted to stay outside and play
They asked the Honorable bearded one
the sage with knowledge of the ages
Why is it raining? Tell us why.
Tell us where does the rain come from?
The wise one pointed to the sky
Said, "Somewhere in Canada,
There is this lonely old guy"
. "Making waves again" ...
Eye guy | |
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| Tales and Whoppers
Posted: 5/21/2008 8:52:34 PM | The Interview
Have you ever been so awful mad
You stood out in the rain
Shot holes in the garbage can
While every body else ran…
Nope..I neva’ done that.
Have you ever been so mad
On the phone you cussed your dad
You couldn’t say it to his face
Ya’ know He’d a’ put you in your place
Nope..I neva’ done that.
Do you have inside this raging fire
Constantly make you a screaming liar
Your friends will now leave you alone
Know you belong in a supervised home
Nope..I neva’ was like that.
Well I’m sure glad to hear that.
You're hired!
Welcome to your new job.
Er…
There is a line of people waiting for you
At the Customer Complaint Counter
Have a good day!
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| Tales and Whoppers
Posted: 5/22/2008 11:58:24 PM | Railroad Man's Lament
Had a model railroad, followed prototype all the way
To make it look and feel real, ran it by the book I did
Here is a real man's job, this job wasn't meant for a kid
Freight to pick up right now, goods to deliver you see
Big factory demands "just in time" delivery guarantee
More goods we deliver, More Freight on it's way
We got to hustle, If we were going to get any pay
Unexpected news came in just the other day
Plant manager said, "Canceled your contract."
All the Freight loads now moving by them
Cut throat truckers, you see on the highway
Our stockholders got antsy, went on a firing spree
firing the top brass. Took a hard look at me.
Crew moral suffers, Maintenance cut back
Twenty mile per hour, new slow speed limit
on poorly ballasted wobbly railroad track
Maintenance deferred, No money for paint or rail
The rust spots appear, a big hole in our pail
Another flag ready to fall ? Is the end near ?
That's the crew scuttle-butt, that's what they fear
Not to let my men down, I came up with a dandy plan,
buy 1,000 new coal cars as quick as you can
All those new coal mines are just opening up out west
Counting ton miles, we'll be be running with the best
Damn those company bean counters!
can't see the light at the end of the tunnel
Vision restricted peering through a funnel
Kept the stockholder's money close to the the vest.
No much more than old card tricks left in my magic bag
Close to bankrupt, Hope were not another fallen flag
What's the crew going to do, Can't carry freight on our backs
Can't make many deliveries on wore out wobbly tracks
Then as if a message came down from God
I became unburdened and overjoyed
Came to me all at once
like bolt hitting the old lightening rod
And I made the big announcement
"Honey, I need to go to the hobby shop
Got a little cash for other things hocked
for some paint, coal cars, and new track,
wont be gone too long"...be right back...
"No" she hollered back, without tact.
You're going to take the kids with you...
Those few bucks you got, here is the news
Time to buy all them kids new shoes"
Tougher times making end meet,
Didn't you hear the bad news
Your track laying days are over,
don't buy no more booze
Make sure you come straight home
for supper...come right back
Same menu as last night,
Bread, Beans and hard tack
My railroad on the skids, wouldn't you know
The new plan to generate some cash and grow
on this railroad of mine just ran out of dough
If I have to lay off the rail crew,
I'll wind up gone at the same time
I'll be standing for a long time
in that unemployment line
No longer president
of the defunct rail empire time
gave the whole she-bang away
to a friend of mine
No cash involved, no tax to pay
Really for me wasn't a happy day
He gave me an ole' lawn mower
that ole' friend of mine
He said, "It cuts just fine"
Now I became the local
"Lawn Mower Dude"
made me a new sign
Got no time to brood...
"Will cut grass
for track or food"
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