pr0x
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Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 1 | |
| Loneliness
Posted: 4/21/2008 1:21:26 AM | I fail to see how gender plays a part in pointing out that a person is self serving and dishonest. Gender has nothing to do with it, a complete lack of moral and ethical standards does. I wake up alone, I go to sleep alone. Two marriages, two divorces, and I can personally attest that for as much as women complain about men cheating and playing games, that women are just as capable of such behavior, if not equally likely to do so.
This does not change the fact that at the end of the day many men, men who on the outside may come across as beacons of masculinity or the stereotypical roughneck, still have feelings. Men have emotions and a desire for emotional intimacy. Men are enriched by the love of a woman and sometimes her presence alone can be more calming that a thousand pounds of Vallium. Men are human beings, and are subject to the same needs and emotional support as women, though many times we are told to suck it up all for some false perception of what a man really is.
Why is it that a woman may lament a failed relationship and it is considered moving through the healing process, yet when a man does the same he is ridiculed for being weak. Not all mean are ravenous creatures willing to lie, cheat, and manipulate for sex. Sex is boring. Sex is trivial. Sex is easy to get. If sex was all men really wanted then why would men spend so much time trying to get to know their partners? Why would men spend so much time looking for love.
What happened to emotional and conversational intimacy in a relationship? | |
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| Loneliness
Posted: 4/21/2008 6:12:12 AM | Sex is boring?
I guess it depends where you're from, but I think in a lot of places when a man feels upset about a relationship ending, their friends will be supportive and other people will find it understandable. It's not viewed as unmasculine at all. | |
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| Loneliness
Posted: 4/21/2008 7:53:13 AM | | won't find me arguing against the face that women can be just as rough on men as men can be on women... | |
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| Loneliness
Posted: 4/21/2008 4:57:23 PM | Pr0x,
It's so nice to know that there are "REAL" men out there. Most men would never admit what you have. I'm here to tell all the men on this site that "real" men show you their feelings and aren't afraid to cry. In my book it's very sexy. :) | |
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| Loneliness
Posted: 4/21/2008 5:12:38 PM | Yes, its nice to know there are human qualities in all of us. And that it is not fair to assume all men are dogs and woman are the female versions of it.
When trust is distroyed it hurts both ways. | |
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pr0x
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Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 6 | |
| Loneliness
Posted: 4/23/2008 2:52:13 AM |
I think in a lot of places when a man feels upset about a relationship ending, their friends will be supportive and other people will find it understandable. It's not viewed as unmasculine at all.
I am from the south, and living in cowboy country at the moment. I have yet to see one of the places you have mentioned. | |
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| Loneliness
Posted: 4/23/2008 5:30:23 AM |
I am from the south, and living in cowboy country at the moment. I have yet to see one of the places you have mentioned.
I'm in Britain. | |
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| Loneliness
Posted: 4/23/2008 11:39:19 AM | well said prOx..however I think you are the exception to the rule..good luck to
you on your next relationship,learn from the last two and dont compromise your beleifs!!!The lady who will win your heart will be a lucky girl! | |
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| Loneliness
Posted: 4/23/2008 3:52:04 PM | | Well personally I believe people would do better in relationships if they didn't center most, if not all, the relationship around the sex. After all look at all the failures in relationships throughout society these days. Yet I also do believe many need to get over the idea that a "strong" man is one who is emotionless. We all have emotions and it doesn't make you "strong" or "have self control" to ignore them, actually just the opposite. There will always be those people out there willing to tear anyone down with their negative judgements so their ego can have the illusion of being "better" than those people they were tearing down. Even if you were the most perfect person in the world, there would be those who spend all their time trying to point out everyone else's flaws so they can say "look over there at THAT one!!! Look at all those flaws... My aren't they unsightly. Don't look over here at me because I'm insecure about myself and trying to hide..." Most of society doesn't have a clue as to what a relationship truly is about, much less what it truly means to love. If you don't believe me, read all the forums. There's thousands upon thousands of posts all based on how their relationships didn't "work out", they are given new advice that worked for other people, yet since they don't want to listen they keep on coming back wondering why their relationships are failing all the time. After all if what you think is "right" isn't working for you then maybe all that advice thought was "wrong" that was just skipped by may actually be the answer to get you to where you want to go... | |
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| Loneliness
Posted: 4/23/2008 7:55:32 PM | Married & divorced twice already, and you're only 25? I feel for ya, OP, you seem to feel too much for your own good; but I'd advise NOT getting married to every girl that sets your heart aflutter, since THEY'RE obviously not taking it very seriously.
You ARE allowed to lament a failed relationship as a man, even in "cowboy country". Unfortunately, it IS alot tougher: but it helps if you already have a network of close friends, those who know you as "that sensitive guy". You'll need to develop a thicker hide, since there are cretins who will talk and/or treat you as if you were gay (not that there's anything wrong with that! LOL)
Someone else pointed out your "sex is boring" comment, which I think was the lesser of the 3 comments you made about sex: also, it CAN be trivial, & it IS easy to get. I applaude you for realizing, at your age (and I don't mean to be patronizing so please don't take it that way!), that sex is MUCH better when there's love & trust between "the bodies".
I feel fortunate that I found someone, at age 35, that made me believe that the love-song-writers WEREN'T full of sh*t. It was an awesome few years. But after all this, I can't vouch that he felt the same way, or if I was just a rebound that went amok. And at this point, I have to disagree with your statement that "men spend so much time getting to know their partners". Most don't.
Sorry you've had such a rotten time of it....you seem to be spending more time getting-over than you are enjoying your relationships. Work on that network (you've started one here, I hope?), I know it helps to talk.
Best of luck to you! | |
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| Loneliness
Posted: 4/23/2008 10:01:34 PM | | And many wonder why many good guys become such jerks to everyone and seem heartless in a relationship. The guy show a bit of heart and others take it as a sign of weakness to walk all over him... | |
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pr0x
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Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 12 | |
| Loneliness
Posted: 4/24/2008 2:32:40 AM |
it helps if you already have a network of close friends, those who know you as "that sensitive guy". You'll need to develop a thicker hide, since there are cretins who will talk and/or treat you as if you were gay (not that there's anything wrong with that! LOL)
I was a sucker for my two ex-wives. I think most guys would have fell into the trap I did. My level of confidence and self-esteem now is monumental when compared to where it was at when I met my second wife. I was surprised that a woman that beautiful would want to talk to me, much less date and eventually move in with me. I learned the hard way that just because a woman is a hottie, it doesn't mean she relationship material.
I do not understand the reason most guys chase after sex. It has been six months since I have so much as kissed a woman, and honestly I do not think I have felt this good since I was teenager. In the last 8 years I have been single for a total of the last six months. I am enjoying it, taking time to explore why I would go from one bad relationship to another, and yes I am even going to clubs and dancing the night away. I am not going to feel patronized because someone 20 years my senior is offering advice, I welcome it. I know that for all my education and experience that I am just a pup in the grand scheme of things. | |
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| Loneliness
Posted: 4/24/2008 5:56:17 AM | | Can a man not even cry where you live, pr0x? | |
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pr0x
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Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 14 | |
| Loneliness
Posted: 4/24/2008 6:04:48 AM |
Can a man not even cry where you live, pr0x?
Not without being taken for a real nancy boy. | |
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| Loneliness
Posted: 4/24/2008 6:23:53 AM | prOx
I live in cowboy country, too, and I have seen how men are not allowed to have emotions such as yours. "Suck it up, you're a man. Go get drunk and you'll feel better. Find a ho and get laid; you'll be fine". Really great things to hear when you're hurting and are licking your wounds.
Please please please don't ever lose your emotional side. There are people that believe that unemotional men are or can be abusive or self centered. You sound like you're in an awkward period of your life and just learning about being alone. Loneliness and being alone are two very different things. And I won't be patronizing and say take up a hobby, go to books stores to meet women, get involved with civic groups, etc. When I was first divorced, that's all I ever heard and it only made me feel worse.
Love with an open heart, but keep eyes and ears open, too. No one should fault you for falling in love; it is a natural thing. Just the next time you think you've found "her", take a step back and look at her and everything in her life. Is she worthy to have you in her life? That should be who you're looking for; a worthy woman. I can guarantee the woman who thinks you are the "one for" her will be doing the same.
History does not have to repeat itself. | |
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| Loneliness
Posted: 4/24/2008 7:12:27 AM |
Not without being taken for a real nancy boy.
Even if one of your parents, your child, or your partner died? | |
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| Loneliness
Posted: 4/24/2008 8:15:55 AM | prOx
If more men were like you and were open about their feelings the world would be a better place. some lucky girl will make you very happy one day. | |
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| Loneliness
Posted: 4/24/2008 8:27:01 AM | Well it saddens me to think that one so young already has had two marriages and divorces under his belt. If the sensitivy I hear it your post is genuine you must be real bad at picking women. So it might be a good thing that you have had some time on your own to reflect on the type of woman that is best suited for you.
My son, who was 16 when he was killed, may have been one of the most sensitive males I have ever come across in my life. He could cry at a TV show. Of course, his more the macho male father would call him a sissy and a wuss, which he wasnt.
We all......male and female need to be raised to show our sensitive side without seeminly being over emotional.
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| Loneliness
Posted: 4/28/2008 7:07:10 AM | Human emotion is not gender specific. Unless we are in some way damaged, we are all subject to the feelings of human emotion. Given life circumstances and events, we all hurt sometimes. We all feel sad sometimes. We all cry. We also all laugh, and experience joy and happiness, and a whole variety of other emotions all across the spectrum from good to bad. It is all part of that thing called being human, the human condition, and the experience of life.
To those who have the mental damage, emotional immaturity, or think with stereotype thinking on the way men are versus the way women are or vice versa, on an emotional level, give them time, they will catch up with advances in science to cure them, or the evolutionary process of the development of the higher brain over another few million years to help them see beyond their blinders - lol.
Women are equal, always have been (if not superior!), and have well let us know. On a need for emotional intimacy and emotionality in general, I think we males can bravely state that at this point in time, and expect a big "HOORAAAY!" from the more advanced, mature, healthy women that it is okay for a male to acknowledge that deep inside, we are just as human and vulnerable as the women emotionally, and, in relationships, all of us need that type of intimacy and security referred to as emotional intimacy. Otherwise, we have nothing!! | |
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| Loneliness
Posted: 4/28/2008 3:44:33 PM |
he is ridiculed for being weak
Crying may or may not be a sign of weakness. Being ridiculed, or at least allowing it to get to you, is viewed as a sign of weakness, by women, at least.
What happened to emotional and conversational intimacy in a relationship?
We live in cynical times. You have to harden your heart, or you'll get hurt. | |
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| Loneliness
Posted: 4/28/2008 7:48:57 PM |
I was a sucker for my two ex-wives. I think most guys would have fell into the trap I did. My level of confidence and self-esteem now is monumental when compared to where it was at when I met my second wife. I was surprised that a woman that beautiful would want to talk to me, much less date and eventually move in with me. I learned the hard way that just because a woman is a hottie, it doesn't mean she relationship material.
I do not understand the reason most guys chase after sex. It has been six months since I have so much as kissed a woman, and honestly I do not think I have felt this good since I was teenager. In the last 8 years I have been single for a total of the last six months. I am enjoying it, taking time to explore why I would go from one bad relationship to another, and yes I am even going to clubs and dancing the night away. I am not going to feel patronized because someone 20 years my senior is offering advice, I welcome it. I know that for all my education and experience that I am just a pup in the grand scheme of things.
I know how you feel man , I feel great , I feel more alive than I have ever before and the only reason I can see is that I don't have a woman dragging me down like in past relationships. The only advice I have for you in way of loneliness is to stay out of the house , indoors is death , just fill your time with hobbies and never look back , the lust for life is too great. Your right about falling into the trap , it's kinda like being lost in the desert , your so desperate for water you end up drinking from a mirage , it's the same with woman your so desperate for attention you take the chance at getting mixed up with a shit human being. | |
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| Loneliness
Posted: 6/9/2008 6:37:39 AM | I fail to see how gender plays a part in pointing out that a person is self serving and dishonest. Gender has nothing to do with it, a complete lack of moral and ethical standards does. I wake up alone, I go to sleep alone. Two marriages, two divorces, and I can personally attest that for as much as women complain about men cheating and playing games, that women are just as capable of such behavior, if not equally likely to do so.
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Actually not EQUALLY. Women are one and a half times more likely to cheat. (I'm splitting hairs of course)
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This does not change the fact that at the end of the day many men, men who on the outside may come across as beacons of masculinity or the stereotypical roughneck, still have feelings. Men have emotions and a desire for emotional intimacy. Men are enriched by the love of a woman and sometimes her presence alone can be more calming that a thousand pounds of Vallium. Men are human beings, and are subject to the same needs and emotional support as women, though many times we are told to suck it up all for some false perception of what a man really is.
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We are only told that by a very few, spiteful, self centered, irresponsible, beeches, who refuse to face the fact that THEY, not the men, are the ones whove wrecked their own mariages.
Any man/woman who believes these beeches is a fool and, when these women come on to these boards BOTH genders, normally tell them where to get off.
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Why is it that a woman may lament a failed relationship and it is considered moving through the healing process, yet when a man does the same he is ridiculed for being weak.
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He isn't! Not roudn these boards anyway.
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Not all mean are ravenous creatures willing to lie, cheat, and manipulate for sex. Sex is boring. Sex is trivial. Sex is easy to get. If sex was all men really wanted then why would men spend so much time trying to get to know their partners? Why would men spend so much time looking for love.
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You forgot one! The cheapest, easisest, and best , sex is with prostitutes.
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What happened to emotional and conversational intimacy in a relationship? | |
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| Loneliness
Posted: 6/9/2008 1:41:44 PM | | As I have said to you before crayonzz You have one big chip on your shoulder. | |
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