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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/21/2008 1:44:25 AM | Turning 30 and have no children. Seems like a group that is fastly vaporating. Lately it seems either 1 I'm dating young girls... or two I'm dating women with kids. And I am not saying I am against children, but I do at some point want kids of my own I think. Also would like to actually see the person I'm supposidly dating. Curious your all's view of this? If I date girls younger I'm automatically a playboy/pervert. Then there the whole life experience thing matching up... but it also the same with women that do have kids. I can't tell you how many times I hear the line... "It's (insert whatever here) when you have kids"
One girl had 2 from her "clubbin" days... direct quote. And as relationship wore on, she first wanted to date other guys to find someone more loaded to "take care" of her kids... Not that I'm broke.. but you get the picture. Then she came back priding our relationship over what she didn't find with the couple she dated with more money. Now she has decided she wanted to relive her clubbin days... and I've said the final goodbye on a relationship..
This was a gorgous 34 year old woman...
Other end of that is I date a woman who is around my age... and doesn't have kids... and come to find out she has big hangups on sex.
Or I'm dating girls in the 18-25 area...
Anyway not telling these as horror stories, as still on friendly terms with both... just curious what your all's view on this. I feel more and more like Sam Malone every year that goes by. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/21/2008 3:11:54 AM | I think like many people who dont have kids, there is an assumption that the time you spend with them is lessoned for having kids.
It is a state of mind. Possibly younger women dont have the life experience that older women have.
Women with kids have different mindset to women who dont.
Why dont you just date women you like, if they are a package accept it and enjoy it. Take the with or without outta the equation. I have met immature mothers/fathers of 36, I have met immature single women/men of 36 too.
Women who already have kids dont mind having more too!
And 30 you are young. Lots of years yet to sow those oats. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/21/2008 3:48:26 AM | I have noticed on here that many men wait until late 40's or even further to have children.
Women don't necessarily have that luxury. I had mine between 26-31. I can't imagine waiting any later than that, but two each their own. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/21/2008 4:04:15 AM | I m43 and I have never had any kids at times I get all sad about it then I think if it was meant to be then I would have had kids.
I think you should just go with what makes you happy | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/21/2008 6:42:03 AM | | Date who you feel comfortable with. Younger ladies have several advantages, the youth tend to unite us with a younger crowd and make one feel younger (from experience). However, dating people my age is nice to, the experience they have had in life tend to ground me. I have have kids and I have dated men without and with. I would say if you are dating women with kids who leave you to find more money you are dating in a shallow pool. That is just sad. I am a grounded self sufficient woman who does not look at a man's pocket book or bank account before saying yes or no. I am not constantly tied down with kids as I share custody with my ex. I would say your are setting your expectations too high and there are some women out there with kids that are not gold digging and relatively available. I hope for you happiness you find a perfect fit for you. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/21/2008 10:04:41 AM | Just kids yes take time. I understand that... but when you don't see someone... for one week, two... three... that about the point i move on.. At some point being too busy is really just a blow off.
Someone else here said it. You dating in the shallow end of the pool. That's funny. Of course I'm telling the quick ugly version...
Expetations are too high was another... have to say wow to that one. I'm sorry I'd rather be alone than someone crappy. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/21/2008 11:21:06 AM | OOOhhhh, so the purpose of finding a man is to get pregnant so you can have the kids that you want, NOT to find a stable person that you can create a stable household with??
Not sure where you got that statement from what I said centerline00, because I never said that. All I said was some men wait till much later in life than women have the luxury of doing.
And no I didn't meet and marry my husband strictly for the purpose of having children. And yep, all my kids are by the same man, and guess what...NO Drama!
Geeeez, get a grip, put your big boy panties on, and stop trying to read into my statement, something that wasn't there. A bit bitter aren't we? | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/21/2008 11:40:07 AM | | It works the same way with men having children. I dated one guy who used his child as an excuse not to go out. After hearing the same old story three weeks in a row, I sid the hell with it, i'm moving on. I don't have time to waste on someone who doesn't have time for me. Before anyone jumps me, I knew he was using the kid - he only see's his kid once a month. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/21/2008 12:11:27 PM | i don't mind either way...
BUT>>>
if she tries to push me into a relationship with the children too fast , that screams desperation to me. I like to get to know her first for a few dates then meet the children. I dated one woman who thought it ok that her 3 year old daughter started calling me daddy after only a week. I mean , her child was cute as a button and she really was a charm to be around..but that was a little much and its unfair to the child. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/21/2008 1:05:32 PM | | OP. The confusion is greater than that. I personally know one woman who refuse to date men with children (and she has 2). Her rational, she does not want to deal with his EX. My advice to you is not to date single mothers, that is unless you want to be the financial and emotional support to childern who aren't yours. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/21/2008 1:42:43 PM |
The OP asked what people's thoughts were about his situation and your response was to say that women can't wait to have kids.
All I did was reiterate what you said.
Yeah Centerlineoo, Larry King had kids when he was in his 70's....I meant physically!! Unless you know of a woman who can still give birth later in life, my point still stands.
While modern medicine has made it more feasible to have children into your 40's and even 50's for a woman, it is still not recommended.
Like to see you push out an 8lb baby at the age of 50 | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/21/2008 2:39:22 PM | | If I was still single ( I'm 32 yrs old ), a 25 yr old woman or a woman with kids would not be my ideal type. However people should have realistic expectations and very few people end up marrying someone who is exactly their ideal type anyways. Therefore I would be willing to give a somewhat younger women ( mid to late 20s ) or a woman with 1-2 kids a shot if I liked other things about them. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/21/2008 3:32:27 PM |
Anyway not telling these as horror stories, as still on friendly terms with both... just curious what your all's view on this. I feel more and more like Sam Malone every year that goes by.
Not all single moms are burned out party girls who spread their legs many times for douchebags. I find a lot of them are women who married, started a family, then the marriage fell apart.
If you have no problem with single moms, then just find the woman you are attracted to (forget for the moment she's got a kid or kids). From there just get to know her and date her. See if her life is all in order, she's not a headcase, the ex isn't causing drama, and she has time to be your girlfriend.
That's it really. If you have a problem, even a slight one...then just keep steady and look for a childless woman. Don't waste the time and emotion of the single moms. From what I've seen, they can handle when a guy here says they don't want a single mom, but hate it to death when a guy starts dating them knowing she has kids, then flakes out and runs on her. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/22/2008 8:43:03 AM | I know i am probally bumping an old post, O well, I forget to look at dates, LOL, well IMO, I belive most indapendant women scare the shit out of men. LOL, I dont know why, we take care of our homes, bills, and children with or without a man, sure the rent would be cheaper if we had someone to share a life and home with, but is not a nessisity , I belive these money hungry whore' need to get a life !! find a career, (not a stripping one !!) and take care of thierselves and thier own 1st, b4 looking for some man to do so for them I have seen some sad sad shit !!! an old friend frojm highschool, she stays with a man, because they have children(1st of all BS excuse) this is NEVER TRUE !! there are really other reasons you stay in a relationship !! , anyway and this girl stay's with a semi broke man, with thier 4 kids, and he pays the bills , she sits on her ass and gives him sex whenever he wants it, and he goes out and cheats on her ALL the time, she knows this , but doesnt want to go out and take care fo herselve , so she would rather stay and get treated like dirt , (upbringing was poor) guess she never learned how to change her pass!! I am so excited that I have changed my life since my divorce, and I feel so sorry for that friend, she is in hell, and she doesent know how to get out, I tried and I gave up to help her, and make her see what she is doing to herselve and her children, she doesent listen and doesent want help, she needs a man to take care of her, I will NEVER !! somehow somway , I make it, and I always willl,, hopefully better and wealthier soon !! lol,. but on my own terms and not because I have to stay with some guy to get so . dont jump, now I love to be spoiled, AND to get flowers, and trips to the beach, but I want a man who respects me for me, not my assests. LOL sorry for hijacking your post !!! ~~~~~~~~~~answer to your question, yes find somone you are compatable with, thAT Has a good foundation all by herselve, LOW drama, if not NO drAMA !! LOL< and go with it !! if she has children , fine, like her for her, not her kids, if she wants you to be apsrt of her childrens life, she ethier really likes you , or is totally stupid like your X, You can always have kids with a woman, even if the tubes are tied, if you want one that bad, and you too truly love one another and are truly ready , than there is a surgery that is well worth the cost , (i belive its 5,000) if you 2 truly want to be together forever !! this is somthing i would wait years with the same personm to relize, it wopuld not be within the 1st 5 years where we still all in love with one another, but it would be a great new start to an aged relationship, IT is hard to stay in a relationship when you have a baby, most think o, its easier, NOPE, its not, most of the men want to run, and the woman is going threw such hormonal trama that the woprld sucks!! lol, it is somthing you should be emotionally and physicallyu prepared for, not just jump in and get preggo, I promise those kinds never hardly ever work !!! good luck on your search, and rember your looking for the love of your life, not your babys moma , not just yet !! hth, sorry for the book, 1st time posting, and I do write a really lot !!!!  | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/22/2008 8:59:16 AM |
From what I've seen, they can handle when a guy here says they don't want a single mom, but hate it to death when a guy starts dating them knowing she has kids, then flakes out and runs on her.
Exactly. I can't blame the single moms because of their situation and I know they have to find it hard to find good quality men to date and settle with. But in all good faith, I don't want to be put in that situation. As I get older, the more independent I am and I don't want the responsibility of the package deal. I want to grow into having a family and not suddenly just having one out of the blue. The last thing I want to do is hurt someone so for me, it's just easier to avoid single moms altogether. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:22:15 AM | Why can't you blame them??? Nobody forced these women to have sex out of wedlock. Nobody forced them not to give the child up for adoption. Nobody forced them to pick a bad man to conceive with. These were ALL CHOICES. LOTS of BAD choices. There's NOTHING wrong with calling someone on making stupid mistakes.
Sure, we all make mistakes, but STUPID mistakes are not worthy of pity and only worthy of disdain.
That's a pretty bad thing to say. I'm not judging anybody and people have to deal with with their own decisions in life the best they can. Not you. Get off your moral BS.
BTW, I think there are few cool women on here that just happen to be single moms. Simplelady66 and beachybunnie are two of them. They write some of the funniest things and they are genuinely kind souls. I'd sit down and crack a beer open with them any day of the week and listen to what they have to say rather than the dread coming from you. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/22/2008 10:00:42 AM | wow.... ouch that was harsh.... ok i didnt spend all my time reading all the responses to this particular forum ( maybe i should have) but how did dating women with or without children become a avenue to brutalise single mothers ???? we are all not strippers , or "looking for my babys daddy" as so eliquently put ... most of us had children in a marriage that unfortunately didnt work out , most women dont have children to be single parents , why would anyone choose to have children and not have the support of a partner or husband ??? its tough being a parent at the best of times but to purposely do it on your own .. come on people lets break the stereotypes here .... we are all looking for the same thing in life to be loved and to love , whether the person has children or not..... most single mothers are not looking for a replacement dad , their children have one, however if they are fortunate enough to meet the man and lets face it he is a real man if he can put his pride to one side and say hey i can handle this , i can be a "step dad" then more power to that man , yes i know its a big ask, to take on another mans children , to love them , to support them , to be a great role model, but trust me guys if she is the right woman for you , it will be all worth it, the children will respect you and love you (ok not overnight) it can take time,so guys give us single mothers a break .. we are not all that bad i promise  | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/22/2008 10:09:33 AM |
From what I've seen, they can handle when a guy here says they don't want a single mom.
Really?? I remember being very upfront with this and two things happened!
a) I was called shallow, or
b) They refused to listen thinking I would change my mind!
So homeboy, the problem is that they can't handle it! Some are not even up front about it and will let you know a "secret" a few dates down the road at which point the male
then flakes out and runs on her . The end result, he is deemed shallow. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/22/2008 10:20:02 AM |
most single mothers are not looking for a replacement dad.
I assume you are speaking from your experience with dating women? As a man, who has experience with dating women, I can tell you that you are far from right.
if they are fortunate enough to meet the man and lets face it he is a real man if he can put his pride to one side and say hey i can handle this , i can be a "step dad" then more power to that man.
So the definition of a "real man" is someone who would step up to the challenge of raising someone elses brood? How about changing that defenition to a "real man" is someone who would take responsibility for his own brood and/or stand by his convictions.
we are not all that bad i promise
You are not bad at all! Just understand that some single men are not interested in becoming an instant dad to children he did not produce. And that does not make him lesser of a "real man". | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/22/2008 2:58:37 PM | | my only advice is never ever limit yourself, don't swear off women with kids or women without kids. I personally enjoy dating women with kids because we have more in common but I also tend to be more cautious with them because i don't want to get too attached to their kids, its like breaking up with all of them if it does not work out. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/22/2008 7:00:37 PM |
Well, that's the difference between you and I, Jim-- You judge a person's character based on them saying some "nice" things and I judge a person's character based on basic human principles.
You're a "man" who can overlook the fact that someone goes through life with blinders on and creates a wake of chaos for their children. I have principles that include caring about the welfare of children.
You're notion of being a good person is not to say anything that might upset someone, regardless of how right you may be. You're probably one of these ladies that believes you should NEVER swat a child or discipline them harshly, ain't ya??
Dude, I don't judge but I'm making an exception for you. And you got me totally wrong.
Seek some help and get rid of your anger.
Oh and BTW, I'm a man and more of a man than you ever will be. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/22/2008 8:25:07 PM | I read through all of the replies to this and maybe I'm a bit naive, but was a little shocked by some of the responses.
I'm a single mother, and yes I'm on this site but I'm not looking to replace my child's father, she has one. I'm a very independent woman and guess what....I pay my own bills and don't need a man to pay them for me....and guess what else...no child support either.
As for dating someone with or without children, trust your gut instinct when you meet the person but I wouldn't rule someone out just because they have children. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/22/2008 8:36:03 PM | | Well that actually goes deep. My perfect lady would be a once in a lifetime deal, with or without kids. But it depends on what you are looking for. If you can accept the fact that her children are very important and will take most of her time, then you could make something work. But if your not willing to make plans with her and her children in mind, then things couldnt work out. Its the quality of the relationship and exactly what you both need in a relationship that counts. | |
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| Date women with or without kids
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:25:40 PM | | Alot of this goes to honesty and open communication. It's a given that some people are not meant to be around children, or just plain don't like to be. Personally, if someone doesn't tell you they have a child/children before the 3rd or 4th date, that would be a red flag to me. I would never hide the fact that I have a child, but; my child would never meet someone I've only just met either. The previous post where after a week of dating her child was calling him daddy is just wild to me. All in all you just have to be open, honest and communicate. | |
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