| Your first love...
Posted: 4/21/2008 8:09:59 PM | The purpose of this thread is not to gain pity. It's more of a thread about lessons I learned during my first relationship. I want to hear your responses. It's hard for me to put my thoughts into words, so bare with me.
I met this girl a year after high school. I had no intentions of getting into a relationship but we just sort of fell for each other after her group of friends started to hang out with mine. Experiencing love for the first time was nothing short of true bliss. Having the ability to call someone up and have them tell you they love you or just hang out with them all day and do nothing but still have great time simply amazing. Nothing lasts forever.
Our relationship was a classic example of how love works. You meet, fall in love, everything goes great until one person gets bored and or finds another person to make them happy. The other end of that part though is the other person is kicked to the curb, forgotten about, just because they simply didn't make them feel like they once felt. My ex-girlfriend did just that.
We went out for two years. I basically stopped hanging out with my regular pals and worked at my job in which I didn't talk to anybody for eight hours at a time. In turn I lived my life through hers, which was a big mistake as reality would soon come crashing down. She went off to university in the fall and I was told everything would be okay. At first it was hard but we adjusted as we could see each other on weekends and the odd week day as she was only a couple hours away. Somewhere on this forum another member said it best, " the young girl wanted to get out and see what else was out there".
She saw what she could have and realized she didn't need me in the picture as I became a mere nuisance. Some body who called her everyday to see what she was up to or tell her how much I miss her. She got sick of that and in turn of me.
Now that I look back she wasn't the greatest of a girlfriend as I let down my defense half way into the relationship and she realized she ran it. I treated her good. Too good. I thought I'd lose her so I would always do anything to make her happy. She saw she had conquered me and my faults and got bored. Am I the only one out there who thinks thats tragic?
She broke up with me after two weeks of not seeing her because of her school work. I found out by lurking her message board, she frequents with all of her internet pals. I did this from time to time as she always talked about me. She hated the fact that I looked at her "private posts" which were not intended for me to see but everyone else who had a computer was good. She spilled her heart out there, but she was kind of emotionless so for her I guess she didn't see the moral implications of what she was doing. After two years her send off for me was a page long thread about how shes been messing around with another guy for the last month being my back. She had the nerve to say it wasn't cheating because she didn't touch the guy until a day after she officially broke my heart. That Lying, cold hearted, cheating, ****.
The more and more I type I realize how pathetic I must sound to all of you. Just another teen spilling his heart out but this is what it was like for me and I just though I'd like to share. I can go on and on about what happened but in the end its all yesterdays news. I have to move on and let it be. I tell myself this every ten minutes everyday two months after we have split up. sigh.
 | |
|
| Your first love...
Posted: 4/21/2008 8:25:48 PM | It's good to type that out. Helps you move on.
But really, I think most of us have been there in some form or another. Guys and girls. For me, add 3 years to yours (5 year relationship - from 16 to 21) -- and a few bigger issues -- from both sides ( I wasn't the greatest boyfriend to her either), and yeah, I'm reading yours and thinking you had it easy. Lol.
But as you get a little older, things begin to click and you realize exactly what went wrong and you sort of laugh at yourself and the whole situation. However, no matter how much you try and keep your guard up, some amazing girl will knock it right back down. Live and learn and just get over this shtt when it happens. It sucks, move on! | |
|
| Your first love...
Posted: 4/22/2008 5:24:55 AM | | Lifes hard but you seem like a nice guy so its going to be her that loses in the end | |
|
| Your first love...
Posted: 4/22/2008 5:49:01 AM | FIRST I HAVE TO SAY FOR A YOUNG GUY,, YOU ALLREADY HAVE A GOOD UNDERSTANDING OF HOW THINGS CAN WORK IN A RELA...PEOPLE MEN AND WOMEN,,HAVE THERE OWN WAY OF THINKING OF THE WAY,, LIFE RELASHIONSHIPS,, AND THINGS THAT THEY NEED OR THINK THEY DESERVE SHOULD BE... WHEN YOU ARE YOUNG YOU HAVE NOT HAD ALOT OF HUMBLING EXPERINCES,, IN TIME LIFE TEACHES US ALL,, YOU DID GOOD BY NOT GETTING MAD OR DOING ANYTHING STUPID..THE MORE YOU SHOW HOW MUCH YOU NEED SOMEONE,, MOST OF THE TIME YOU JUST BOOST THERE EGO,, HOW MANY GUYS AND GIRLS HAVE LOST SOMEONE TO COLLEGE
THEY GO AWAY,, THEY SEE WHATS OUT THERE, THEY FORGET..BEING SUCCESSFUL,, AND HAPPY,, WILL MAKE HER MORE PISSED OF,, THAN IF YOU BEG FOR HER,,,PEOPLE CAN BE REALY FUNNY,, ALOT OF IT IS BECAUSE OF THERE PROBLEMS OR LACK OF,,WHEN THEY ARE GROWING UP,,AND NO YOU DO NOT SOUND PATHETIC AT ALL,, IAM 48 AND JUST GOT BURNED VERY BADLY,, AND IAM A SMART GUY,, YOU WILL SEE IN TIME THAT MOST LIKELY THIS GIRL WILL HAVE MANY MORE REALSHIONSHIP PROBLEMS,, AND AT SOME POINT WILL WANT TO COME BACK TO YOU,, KEEP POSITIVE, AND MOVE FORWARD,,,JUST NEVER FORGET YOUR LESSONS IN LOVE THEY WILL HELP YOU LATER ON.. BEST OF LUCK!!! | |
|
| Your first love...
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:16:26 AM | sad story... first love is always the worst to get over... wait, no it isnt, anyway,
you seem like a lovely guy, dont think ul have any trouble finding someone else! | |
|
| Your first love...
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:28:53 AM | Oh my first love, still see him sometimes, ahhhhhh still have a soft spot for him even now after 35 years omg !!! frightened myself now.
Yes first love is a wonderful thing to be treasured, it is a wonderful thing, you never forget the day you met, you never forget the day you parted and you dont forget everything that went in the middle. 
First love is forever and to be treasured. sighs...... | |
|
| Your first love...
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:28:46 PM | | I lost touch with my 1st love over 30 years ago. Then he found me a year ago. I went to see him for a few days and it was nothing I've ever experienced. You never forget your first love. I never did. He lives 5 hours from me so we don't see each other . He told me if we lived closer things could be different. Commitments stop us from being closer. Hopefully one day that will change. I still love him after all these years. | |
|
| Your first love...
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:38:11 PM | | I believe you always hold a place in your heart for your first love. The difference is that over time, that place tends to get buried deeper and deeper. I wish my first love no ill will, and I still hear from him from time to time, but I would never want to travel that road again. He'll always have a place in my heart, but not a place in my life. | |
|
| Your first love...
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:45:02 PM | | Well don't waiste a second on those relationships where they spend all their time trying to manipulate you into being what they think you "should" be and trying to convince you that "making those sacrafices are for the best" to justify their actions so they can hide their own shortcomings. Most these days being a "good" person is termed as keeping your head down and letting the other person walk all over you, and you are a "bad" person if you stand up to say something about it like "You have been doing such and such to me, and I would appreciate it if you didn't...." I swear it doesn't even dawn on many people these days that the other person IS ANOTHER PERSON with their own thoughts, hopes, dreams and don't always want to be/think/say/do things you want to do. If you truly love someone, then you only want them to be the highest that THEY want for themselves and NOT what you believe they "should" be... | |
|
pr0x
|
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 10 | |
| Your first love...
Posted: 4/23/2008 7:50:57 AM | | The thing with first love is that it is more often than not first infatuation or first relationship. Most of us do not know what love is until we are in the thick of it or in it's absence. I remember my first relationship, I remember my first girlfriend, though I do not think I can clearly define the first time I realized I loved a woman. | |
|
| Your first love...
Posted: 5/5/2008 2:23:26 AM | You dont sound pathetic at all, sweat heart. The first love is one of the most important one's in your life. It will break your heart when it ends and it will take a while to get over it. Love is one of the big driving forces in our lifes. Never give up!
It shapes us and makes us better people. (even if it means to get hurt on the way)
Remember to take the next breath every couple of minutes and with time you wont have to remind yourself anymore.
And one thing I know for sure, the one is out there waiting for you. Go and have a look.
xxxx | |
|
| Your first love...
Posted: 5/5/2008 2:50:48 AM | Obviously things are still very raw for you but over time I hope you will try to gain some insight. First, if treating someone well is the type of person you are, then I hope that you will not allow this experience to turn you into something you are not.
You said that you did whatever she asked to make her happy but we cannot make others happy, they need to find this within themselves. We can contribute to someone's happiness but cannot be the basis for it. Making yourself responsible for another's happiness is a heavy burden but one that we often put on ourselves, with or without the help of the other person.
You also said that she poured herself out to others but not you. Sometimes love dies and unfortunately this does not often occur for both people at the same time. I don't condone lying or cheating but being young, she may have been ill-equipped to more gracefully end the relationship and like many people far older than you both, one of the easiest ways out is to cause the other person to hate you regardless of who ends it, i.e. easier to see the hate rather than the hurt in your eyes.
I was lucky. My first love was the summer after I graduated high school. The relationship ended because I had chosen to attend a school that was 1000 miles away, so I did not see the end of the relationship as indicative of a flaw in him or myself. I was able to have only good memories but that also caused me to idealize the relationship and it took me a good decade to figure out that it never got out of the honeymoon stage when good relationships require a bit of work. There were times that I believed myself stupid for throwing it away but I still believe if he had been the right guy, we would have found our way back to each other.
With a little perspective, consider the lessons that you have learned. Perhaps it is not that you treated her too well but did not hold her accountable for her behavior and ignored your wants and needs in favor of hers that was a problem. In time, you will be able to remember the good stuff fondly and take the lessons with you so that when you find the right girl, you know how to have a healthy relationship characterized by love and respect from both parties. It is also important to remember that you are seeing the whole relationship by the way it ended.
While she proved to be a liar and a cheat, at one time she did care for you very much and failing to recognize this does you both a disservice and contributes to you potentially becoming quite bitter and painting all women, at least subconsciously, with the same brush. She turned out to be someone different from who you thought she was. Unfortunately, this will probably not be the last time you reach this discovery but in looking back at this relationship, you should be able to recognize how and why you overlooked signs that pointed to her true nature, and those are valuable tools and not a bad thing despite how painful this is. | |
|
| Your first love...
Posted: 5/5/2008 3:00:29 AM | You dont sound pathetic at all ... like others have said its the most important and wonderful relationship ... its going to take time to get over it ... dont be like me ... my ex was my first luv ... well my only luv and because I didnt put him behind I couldnt see anyone else like I did him and my dear is wear I lost more than I realized ...
 | |
|
| Your first love...
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:09:16 AM | I feel your pain.
trust me it could have been worse ;) | |
|
| Your first love...
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:16:01 AM | I hope you are still checking this forum.
Everyone has a first love. I still remember mine. I also remember how horrible it was to live through the end of it and the subsequent heartbreak. It took me a full year to stop crying and being depressed. And I know people have already said this but you will live through this. You will fall in love again and no matter what you do differently you will fall out of love again. You are still young and this is perhaps why the relationships end. It's been my experience that all my relationships prior to when I married lasted about two to two and a half years. I often wondered why and when I looked at them I found that after that amount of time a decision has to be made: to really commit or not. At a young age we know (subconsciously, at least) that we have a lot of living to do before we commit to someone for life. So as a serious relationship goes on we are faced with the reality that there are a lot of experiences we need to go through in order to complete our emotional and psychological development into adulthood. There are educations to complete, jobs to get, other girls/guys to meet, etc. All this is a process that will eventually lead you to adulthood where you will eventually be in a place where when you do hit the two year milestone you will be able to see the relationship continuing on to something more....because you will be ready for it.
Don't get me wrong first love is EXTREMELY important. You need to go through this so that you will be a better person later. You will survive it and be better for it. Just don't change being the sweet, caring guy who you are. You could not have changed the outcome and if it wasn't your girlfriend who ended the relationship I think you would have eventually. You hit the nail on the head...you need to get out and do some of your own living and not through another person.
I hope this helps. Another good thing about going through relationships: you get wiser, you learn that 'this to shall pass' and you learn about yourself (how strong you are, what a great boyfriend you are, how moral you are, etc.). Don't give up, love for you will come one day and it will last forever....if you want it to. | |
|
| Your first love...
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:39:38 AM | I still remember my first love, from grade school. She was hot and funny and a great girl, we had good times hanging out, sadly we were much too young to know what real love was, but she was the first love I can remember, if you can call it love.
Oh and northbythesea2, has anyone mentioned that it is rude to type in ALL CAPS! No need to yell to get your point across. | |
|
| Your first love...
Posted: 5/5/2008 5:09:33 PM | I'd like to thank all of you for your responses. The more time passes by, I mature and can put the whole situation into perspective for what It really was. I still think about her constantly but thats just because she was basically the only person I talked to for two years. Time will heal that wound so I can finally move on with no baggage and be ready for a future relationship. And to packagedealx3 I don't know if I can ever think of her with fond memories as they will always be tainted because of how she ended it. Sadly I turned my pain into hate and I'm okay with that somehow.
thanks again POF users. | |
|
| Your first love...
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:38:25 PM | Hi,
well what happened to you happened to me but got a little more messy.
I was best friends with my ex-girlfriends older sister, we went to school together and some how ended up dating her sister.
I like you put my friends and fimily second to her, and also lived alot of my life through her, i got on really well with her uni friends and really enjoyed experiancing the uni life (i did not go to uni).
Well things got a little harder when she went to uni but i tried to see her as much as possible, i took her to and from uni every weekend (because she said she wanted to see her family)
well things started to go wrong and i did not see if at first, she started spending alot of time with this guy, but when i spoke to her about it she said they where just friends. (i belived her as a relationship needs trust). well on her night out on her birthday she started to flirt with him and i had words and she said sorry. againe i belived her.
A numbr of months later, she went out with her friends one night and i asked her to send me a txt just so i knew she was back ok (she did this most of the time as she had to walk through a city on her own). well one night i did not get a txt and as you can iumagine, i started to think something had happened etc. i phoned her againe and againe and did not get a reply. i was really worried at this stage. i eventualy got intouch with her only to find she had fallen asleep in this guys bed. well that got alarm bells ringing. we had a big talk as she said she was just watching a dvd and nothing happened.
well about 6 weeks later she dumps me by msn and then refuses to talk to me. she was friends with my brother and was talking to him and said she has been wanting to do it for weeks. as you can imagine this really upsets me.
but this is where things got very messy, she started to spread rumors with mine and her friends that i was having an affair with her best freind. her best friend had dumped her boyfriend about 4 days before she dumped me so you can imagine what it looked like. that took alot of explaining to my friends and stuff. her sister who was my friend phoned my and called my a cheat etc, she is now still months after not talking to me.
well i thought things could not get any worse but then she said that i abused her, i had her parents round the works. almost got to the point of police etc.
after a number of weeks it all came out when she turned up in my home town with this guy from collage in tow. she had been having an affair for three months.
like you i did everything i could for her, i took her on holiday etc. i and 5 years older than her and have a very good job. she was also my first girlfrind so i spoiled her loads.
what boils my blood is she was happy to recive my kindness and generosity whilst cheating on me.
like you i also out my frined and family second so trying to put my life back together with all these rumors going round was very difficult. i live in a small town to news travels fast.
so yes, this experiance has tought me a very good lesson. dont be too kind and generous with women, they will take and take until they dont want you any more. my first experiance with women did not go well. | |
|
| Your first love...
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:24:19 PM | ahh, your story is sad, so sorry.
My first love, 1979 and his name was Tim and he crushed me!! I saw him again in 1992 and he apologized for hurting me back then. I told him we were "kids", forget it, but he insisted. His apology, although i never expected it so many years later, was refreshing and helped me close that part of my life. (i hear he has been divorced 3 times...) | |
|
| Your first love...
Posted: 5/7/2008 4:43:34 AM | | I was the one who had to apologize when it came to my first love. It took me over 30 years to do it because I didn't know where he was. There were 1 little reason behind why things happened the way they did between me and him. He accepted my apology and then told me he really did love me back then. I never knew this because he had never said it. I made the biggest mistake of letting him go and still regret it. At 17 I didn't realize that the one who really did love me wanted me and I went for the safe thing. The safe thing didn't last and I lost my first love for years because of it. My first love has been married twice and has a long list of ex's. Seems like he's looking for something but has never found it. Who knows what the future holds but hopefully he will realize that the something or should I say someone he's looking for is sitting right here writing this to you. I've never stopped loving him and even though I've had other relationships, men I've said I love you to, I've only been in love with one guy and that is my first love. | |
|
| Your first love...
Posted: 5/7/2008 11:43:51 AM | | mine was a girl called siobhan, had six great months then she went travelling. when i saw her a year and a half later it was a very strange night, i was hammered and in a club, at first it was great then i felt like she was digging into what i'd been up to over the past 18 months, eventually asking i'f i'd been seeing someone else before she left.. i'll never be able to explain why, but i practically said yes and i let her believe i had, and it wasn't true, i loved her completely and still did and continued to for a long time (though the girl in question did come into my life 8 months after siobhan had left..). probably the most stupid thing i have ever done, maybe i just wanted her to feel how i'd felt when she left, and do to this day. shall always have a place for her, she was my one great love. has taken 10 years to really let her go, but have memories of the best six months a man can have. c'est la vie! | |
|
| Your first love...
Posted: 5/7/2008 2:06:40 PM | Unfortunately, this is part of life. You have totally falllen in love with someone and than eventually the relationship falls apart. But don't become one of those bitter men that blame women for everything that goes wrong in their life. All women are not like that. Some of us treat our men with the respect they deserve.
You seem like a sweet guy. Stay that way and someone will come into your life who you will fall in love with again. Relationships come and go, especially when you're young. As you mature, you will realize that your ex was just too young and immature for a serious relationship. She didn't intentionally set out to hurt you. She just wasn't ready yet. | |
|
|
Home
login 
