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Posted: 4/22/2008 11:39:49 AM | Alot of you know my situation with my EX and his GF.. Things are kinda better but only because I've been biting my tongue, and minding my own business...
Both my EXES family and I think she lying about been pregnant.. Altho I haven't confronted her or nor would I.. She says she is due sometime at the end of June.. She was not seen a doctor before but now apparently is.. My EX works days so he apparently misses the appointments but he doesn't know the doctors name or where or nothing.. There's no paper work, ultra sounds, appointment card.. This is fishy too me.. I saw her last week and I cannot tell she pregnant.. She says its twins..
I understand bottom line its none of my business BUT my kids are really excited about this baby/babies.. What kid wouldn't.. Do I let it go or do I sit with my kids 12 & 7 and explain that theres a possibilty there may or may not be a baby/babies?? My oldest is a boy, and I worry about the example my EX is setting for his son and even our daughter relationship wise if in fact this GF is lying.... What confuses me the most my EX has doubts too ...
Leave it or say something to my kids???????? | |
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Posted: 4/22/2008 11:44:30 AM | I would leave it alone for right now. Just wait until June and see what happens just in case she is in fact pregnant. I don't buy that she's 7-ish months pregnant with twins and isn't showing. Is she overweight? Mine were born at 7 months and combined weight was 8 1/2 lbs of just baby. I don't see how one can't appear to be pregnant with that much weight of just babies in them, but stranger things have happened I guess.
You could always ask her questions about her pregnancy. I can give you some pointers on things to ask about twin pregnancies.  | |
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Posted: 4/22/2008 11:45:19 AM | It isn't any your business so dont sit and explain anything to your kids. If in 2 months time she gives birth, your kids will think your a liar.
Just let it go, it's not your problem. | |
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Posted: 4/22/2008 11:45:47 AM | You need to let your ex deal with the possibility of her lying. It would make you and him feel pretty bad if you talked to your kids about it before getting proof and then she did end up being pregnant. It would probably send a bad message to your kids.
Your ex needs to take responsibility and find out for sure.
I am sorry but it seems like every thread that you start has to do with your ex and his girlfriend and the things that are their business.
I would stop worrying about their actions and just take the best care of your kids you can without trying to control what your ex is doing. Believe it or not you can do that.
I hope you don't get offended by my post...I am just giving my opinion and you know what they say about opinions..... | |
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Posted: 4/22/2008 11:47:51 AM |
Your ex needs to take responsibility and find out for sure.
Yeah, no kidding. OP, have she been buying baby stuff? I can't believe your ex has these doubts and hasn't demanded to go to an appt. with her or anything. That's really odd. I remember back when he first met her - didn't she say something stupid like the moon told her she'd have twins? | |
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Posted: 4/22/2008 11:51:03 AM | | Leave it alone cause trying to explain a possibility to children of thier age could lead to them saying something that may cause discord. They would likely then feel responsible for the discord. Kids are smart. If no baby appears they will begin asking why not. That is when your X will need to explain things to them. The less you are involved in what goes on in the X's life the better. Maybe one day soon they will have a story about a baby that was or was not to tell you. | |
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Posted: 4/22/2008 11:54:40 AM | Um it is none of your business and you should not explain crap to your children. I'm sorry but I do know about the ex and everything and do you not think it's funny that things have gotten better since YOU have been biting your tongue. Maybe if you just let them live their lives and don't concern yourself with them it will ALL get better. You lost any right to say anything to him or his partner when you split up as long as the kids are not being harmed.
I would suggest that you sit down one day and think about how much time the thoughts of THEM has consumed your mind for the previous week and realize that you need to let it go. | |
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Posted: 4/22/2008 12:01:16 PM | This girl was chubby when I first met her in September but I don't see any weight change since that time.. With twins you'd think she'd be showing.. From what the kids have told me and I asked my EX, theres no baby stuff been bought or looked for.. My ex says baby stuff is easy to get..
My ex has been pretty much single since we've broke up.. The odd GF but nothing long term... So this is his first longest relationship since me.. He's really nieve and gets used alot.. He believes everyone has good in them even if they have done wrong.. Plus shes 24 and he's 39 so it is a ego boost for him..
That's what I figured, just leave it.. I just didn't want my kids to be too disappointed.. | |
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Posted: 4/22/2008 12:06:01 PM | | I hope she isn't one of those crazies that is going to go cut some babies out of a woman's stomach when it's time for her to "deliver". :shivers: | |
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Posted: 4/22/2008 12:12:20 PM | Umm, excuse me fab mom for caring about my kids and their well being.. It has gotten better becauuse I sneak behind her back to talk to my EX when needed.. And funny enough my EX does the same.. She has a temper and doesn't like it when we talk to each other about our kids..
I do not care what my EX does.. He's a good Dad, and a decent guy.. We were actually friends before she got involved.. I am in love with my BF but my EX is a friend and my kids Dad and I care for him as a friend.. We've been over for over 10 yrs.. We developed a pretty good co-parenting skills til this GF got involved..
It is frustrating to see and hear my kids talk about their new baby siblings and know their own Dad has doubts that theres even a pregancy.. But he rather be with her than be alone!! | |
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Posted: 4/22/2008 12:21:38 PM | | You always say that you don't care but the majority of your posts are regarding what HE is doing so your actions are speakinf far louder than your words. And as I said, if your children are being harmed and you have a genuine concern for their well being than that is one thing, but just involving yourself in their lives. | |
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Posted: 4/22/2008 12:22:00 PM | Hide all of your pregnant acquaintences. Remember the case of Bobbie Jo Stinnett -- psycho Lisa Montgomery met her on the internet, went to her house allegedly to look at some puppies, then cut her baby out of her womb, and passed off the baby as her own. Montgomery had been lying to everyone about being pregnant -- even her husband (??????).
Do we have a Lisa Montgomery here??? Is she THAT nuts?? | |
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Posted: 4/22/2008 12:33:29 PM | Fab mom.. I disagree but whatever.. There's a history of friendship here.. We both helped each other out no matter what.. We had the kind of relationship every EX should have with their childs parent..
I hope she is not another Montgomery here... I hope for my EX sake and my kids sake there is a baby coming.. | |
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Posted: 4/23/2008 8:18:44 PM | Do I let it go or do I sit with my kids 12 & 7 and explain that theres a possibilty there may or may not be a baby/babies??
UMMMMMM excuse me??????
We've been over for over 10 yrs.. We developed a pretty good co-parenting skills til this GF got involved..
UMMMMMMM , what school did you go to ????? so I do not send my kids there.
We had the kind of relationship every EX should have with their childs parent..
including immaculate conception I guess??? | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 15 | |
| Lying
Posted: 4/24/2008 12:41:36 AM | Umm...yeah...well contrary to the other posts...I havent read all the drama going on with this ex etc. BUT...meh...you're getting my opinion and its completely objective.
You're interfering.
Dont hide behind the excuse of your children & you have a history etc etc etc.
You're involving yourself (and your children)...in stuff thats got nothing to do with you.
So fricken what if the girls a fruitcake?...and who fricken cares if your ex is gonna have to explain a phantom pregnancy to them. Stay outta it.
Why in god's name would you think it appropriate to approach your children and have a discussion on something you dont even know the answer to?
Your behavior is just weird.
I daresay my ex hubby is one of my dearest friends...and NEVER would I involve myself in his personal life and I sure would be pissed off if he stuck his nose in mine.
IF he contacts you to whine about her...tell him its none of your business and draw some boundaries on your relationship with him. | |
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Posted: 4/24/2008 6:15:48 AM | Scout..
Have no idea what your post meant to say but ok!!! My point is that my EX and I got along, communicated, and etc very well til this GF got involved.. We are connected not only by our kids but common friends too and his family still is involved with my life..
He even lived with me for awhile, back when I first met my BF three years ago.. He was down on his luck and he needed a place to stay for awhile, We both helped each other out when needed that was the kind of friendship/co-parenting we had.. We now have a stressed relationship where he is afraid to call me because the GF gets mad and starts yelling in front of my kids..
I am just concerned this GF has been caught in lies before from what I heard.. I don't want my kids to think lying is ok.. If she's lying, it's not just a little white lie.. It's something major life changing.. Well I will see soon.. I really hope she's not lying for everyone's sake.. If she wants to lie to my EX that is his problem but I have a problem with her lying to my kids.. | |
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Posted: 4/24/2008 7:07:45 AM | How did you and your ex split up 10 years ago and have a 7 year old daughter between the two of you? You must of gotten back together, so how can you still claim to be split up for 10 years? I am confused.
You have way too much drama going on in your life. I really feel for your children. They are the ones caught in the middle of everything. They are being used as pawns in the game you and your ex are playing. Taking them somewhere so you are late with them because he was late.......so childish behavior.
Maybe you all need to go into counseling together and get some help. Maybe you need to go back to court and let a Judge help make some decisions that neither one of you adults (suppose to be adults) are not capable of making for your children.
Those poor babies should not have to be hearing anything and it sounds to me that you are asking them questions about their visit with dad and intereferring with them. The only question you should be asking them when you get them back after a daddy weekend is "Did you guys have a good time?" That is it! | |
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Posted: 4/24/2008 8:27:00 AM |
There's no paper work, ultra sounds, appointment card..
Do you think she would show you this or feel like shes obligated to show you this? If I was pregnant, and the other woman wanted me to show proof, my first thought would be that thats my private business and body and I dont see it appropriate to show.
I know a little about your situation, But no, I wouldnt tell them that it might not be true. They might not be able to decifer WHY someone would make it up. I would wait til June to see if a baby pops out or not. A woman cant be pregnant forever Youll get the truth soon enough. | |
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Posted: 4/24/2008 8:38:56 AM | It depends a bit on your children. Kids have a harder time compartmentalizing, so you have to consider whether they will be able to go on with your ex and the girlfriend as if nothing is amiss if you tell them. I would ordinarily say what goes on in the house is not your concern unless it is directly harming the kids and as I have followed the saga with you, I understand that you have walked a very prickly path and may I say that I applaud you for trying so hard. Many people would have just given up and created even more problems.
That said, for now, let it go. You have through May to see if anything seems to progress, i.e. looking pregnant, other real signs. If toward the end of May still seems a psychological pregnancy then I think you do have to find a way to try to explain this phenomenon to your children. I would use the term psychological pregnancy and tell them that some women want to have a child so badly that they imagine that they are pregnant and their bodies may even like they are pregnant because they believe it so fully. Tell them that you know they are excited and you just don't want them to be disappointed or have any bad feelings toward her over this.
Try not to worry about it, probably very hard to do, but just focus on providing the stable loving environment you always have. Your children know they have that safe haven even if dad's house is full of loons. What happens in his house is his business but I don't think it is appropriate to keep children in the dark and let them walk into land mines. | |
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Posted: 4/24/2008 10:59:43 AM | perfectredsky... My 7 yr old isn't biology his.. Her dad walked out long ago when she was a baby.. My Ex in this case, took her in as his own even before she could speak the word 'daddy'.. He felt the two were a pair and loved them as a pair.. And been her daddy since.. And she loves him as a daddy.. This is another reason why I care for him, he stepped up for his son's sister..
Forums4fun... I didn't ask this GF or my kids anything .. The stuff like appointments, ultra sounds and doctors was brought up by my EX one night recently after dropping our kids off.. I guess he was venting... He wanted an opinoin...
My kids have a blast at their Dad's.. They seem to like her and like her son.. And I think that is wonderul.. My youngest had some adjustments issues at first and is still adjusting.. Theres been a few issues with involving the kids, but I am the type to bring it to my EXES attention and deal with it the best way we can without fighting as we always done.. Now she is putting her opinoin in (which is fine) but she yells and raunts.. Even if my kids are in the room.. This is the only big issue I have with her..
The lying, time will tell.. I am going to leave it and see how it plays out.. Hopefully it all works out..
Packagedeal.. That is my concern, the land mind situation.. My EX has said if shes lying he will be kicking her to the curb... Now that the kids are adjusted and maybe comfortable with her, they are starting to feel a part of that 'family'.. My concern when and if it blows up and I had some idea that it was going to blow up, what can I do.. My kids will be hurt in all this.. But again, Time Will Tell... | |
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Posted: 4/24/2008 12:05:09 PM | | Yeah -- it is not any of your business -- if there is a baby it will present itself in time. If there isn't a baby the children will out her themselves --- as far as your children being hurt -- disappointed and hurt fall into two different catagories -- seeing through a lie generally opens the eyes to prevent eventual pain in the future. You can fall back on the story, "you remember when we all thought she was going to have a baby -- well that didn't happen and this is no different". | |
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Posted: 4/25/2008 12:07:03 PM | OP to me it sounds you are definitely have a problem with her and it is obvious from your post. Now you present it that you kids who are looking forward to a stepsibiling may be very upset if the baby won't show up in June. Who knows may she had miscarrige and still can't believe it and accept it. Many people get pregnant and at the end somthing goes wrong and as a result no baby. Many families with kids go thought that.
I mean she is either indeed pregnant or your ex (with whom you claim getting along very well) is BSing you as well. Can a grown man tell that his wife is 6-7 months perganant with twins? Does he see her naked? I assume so. Can he says that her body changes? I hope he is capabale.
Would you worry less if it were a premature birth and docs couldn't save babies lives (still need to explain your kids where babies are)? What about if babies die in uteris 4 weeks before delivery?
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Posted: 4/25/2008 6:35:09 PM | Leave it definitely. There will be a day that your kids ask " Where is it" and all you do is raise your eyebrows and say, " You know, sometimes adults just arent' quite right in the head" and they will get it. Trust me. They will get it.
Hugs, Nightwhisperer | |
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Posted: 4/26/2008 12:35:22 AM | That is really something great that he took her in as his daughter.
Too bad it didn't work out for you and your ex.
My advice is to let this go. If anything, you just have to back off more.
If she is lying, she may want a reaction out of you. | |
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Posted: 4/26/2008 2:51:39 AM | OP- I would probably assume she is lying too. BUT...I didn't find out I was preggo's til 5 months. I had lost 45 pounds and never imagined I was pregnant (I did not try to lose the weight...it was my 'side effect' of pregnancy). When I would tell people I was pregnant and then tell them how far along I was, I could tell they thought I was lying. Then, I had my daughter 3 months premature...so I only knew about becoming a mom for 2 months...short time to prepare. About a week before I had her was the first time someone knew I was pregnant b4 I told them...but even then I was hardly showing. When I would see the same people and tell them they baby had been born early...I'd get another one of those looks. ;)
But, she's home now so I have my 'proof'.
Your situation....I'd leave it alone for now. If it turns out that she's not, then you can explain later that someone feel they need extra attention and make things up to get it.
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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