| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 4/22/2008 5:39:48 PM | I did a thread search, found nothing. If this has been done already my apologies you can spank me later
I was having a conversation today and we were talking about love. How for love to be real it must hurt at some point. We are at our most vulnerable stage when we love another. We give up our trust, and our heart. Its inevitable that true love never runs its course smoothly. That to have anything in life worth while it must serve you some kind of pain in the long run. Pleasure and pain, lust and hate. It all comes together to form one simple word "love" . Such a messed up antidote to swallow.
So i guess my question is do you think that way? That if it doesnt hurt at some point is it not real love? Why does something so powerful, something that we all long for, something so mind blowing have to hurt to be real? | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 4/22/2008 5:46:46 PM | Yes, but can I can assume you were having this discussion with yourself in the mirror?
Love always entails pain , but the cause of the pain is your fear to give up the things that you mentioned.
It is painfull to trust someone with your heart
It is painfull to be vulnerable
It is painfull to risk things, but the old adage if it were easy everyone would be doing it!
There is always pain involved
Don Quixote
ps
you can spank me later
Meow! | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 4/22/2008 5:49:05 PM |
So i guess my question is do you think that way? That if it doesnt hurt at some point is it not real love? Why does something so powerful, something that we all long for, something so mind blowing have to hurt to be real?
Well, all I know is that the times I've been in what I thought was love, I got a swift kick in the nads an instant before I was sent on my way through the uprights.
Yup, hurt like hell every time.
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 4/22/2008 5:50:32 PM | if you mean romantic love, i think you set yourself up for a bumpy ride. we tend to walk into things with certain expectations, and when those expectations don't manifest the way we'd like them to, we take offense.
if, however, we remember the humanity in others, we can find an enormous capacity for forgiveness. we learn to communicate, not just talk. when we recognize the interconnectedness of all, then we discover true love.
we need to ackowledge the spirit in ourselves and in others and honor that bond. but too often we get caught up in wanting the romance. we think we know how it should look. but we need to realize that to impose our perceived needs on someone else and to think, even for a second, that that person could/should/would anticipate our needs and fulfill them does a dishonor to them and to ourselves.
if you really do feel that love equals pain or that pain has an integral role in the romantic experience, then you will draw that to yourself. remember ~ you get what you put out there. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 4/22/2008 5:53:19 PM | I dont agree. I believe true love has the POTENTIAL to be very damaging and painful, but does not necessarily have to be so. With true love, if you open yourself up to the relationship, which I believe is necessary to experience it in the first place, you completely expose yourself, leaving yourself open to incredible hurt and pain.
I do not believe that it is NECESSARY to experience the pain to have true love, but that pain and heartbreak is often a byproduct of love. I guess the real problem comes when one person is truly in love with another, and the feeling isnt reciprocated. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 4/22/2008 5:56:02 PM | It's a good question Visual and something that has been pondered over since Adam and Eve. The thing is, is that it is not love that hurts, but our expectations of others that cause the pain. We expect to have our love returned and when it is not it hurts. We expect the other to be faithful, honest, kind and a whole host of other things that we form a picture of in our mind about what love is. When these things are not met, returned, realized we hurt inside. In the end what it is we do is hurt ourselves from our expectations.
True love has no expectations and there for no pain. Love is something to give, give it when you are able, take it when it is given to you, but never expect it... | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 4/22/2008 5:59:25 PM | never forget that tragedy and humour are never far apart,they are both powerful emotions.i really dont think you will find much love here,but probably plenty of humour.always remember,true love can last a lifetime and be found in an instant,the secret is looking in the right place(not here)
in fact look anwhere but here,because all you will find are married folk,predatory males and players,not to mention timewasters and commitment phobes | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 4/22/2008 5:59:46 PM | I don't think it has to hurt to be real, it just feels more real if it does hurt. Most people feel more alive when they're in an extreme state of mind, experiencing pain or joy or sadness, etc.
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 4/22/2008 6:07:24 PM | | Pain hurts.......love does not hurt. I disagree with the idea that we trade one emotion or feeling for the opposite feeling or emotion. Bunk! We hurt when in fact we have not love, we have pain. If in fact if we have to give up something for love, all we gain is pain, not love? | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 4/22/2008 6:29:20 PM | I don't agree that, love MUST hurt to be real. Depends on what "degree" you are talking about.
Often times it certainly does, very badly. Of course there's different reasons that it does.
Now, if you are asking....Are there times that things don't go so smoothly, yes, of course, that's life. And there are no guarantees in life/love. Are there sometimes when your S/O is going to hurt your feelings? Of course. But I don't think hurt feelings is what you are asking about.
Everyone is hurt in love at one time or another, unless of course you live in a fantasy world and believe that you won't get hurt. You can't enter into a relationship on the premise of "I am/am not going to get hurt", you can't do that. There are different degrees of "hurt". I don't think about love "MUST" hurt for it to be real and sit around waiting on it to happen. So, if you are thinking that IF you DON'T hurt, then it's NOT love is that how you are going to assess whether or not you ARE in love? ~puzzled~
People have been asking "why" since time began on this subject. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 4/22/2008 7:25:59 PM | First of all love is not a "Feeling". Love is an ACTION. "Being" loving brings good feelings and being hateful brings bad feelings. Both are real and both are moment to moment experience depending on how we treat each other. People who believe love is a feeling are very selfish and never experience real love. They usually think their mere presence in your life is all they have to "do." You do not find love through what others do, you find love through what you do.
If you want love, be loving- forgive.
If you want a friend, be a friend - give.
If you want a partner, be a partner- accept.
Forgiveness and acceptance are the keys to loving and living they keep you out of pain.
Alibabble what you are calling make-up sex is short-term relief behavior(using) and there is nothing loving about it. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 4/22/2008 7:32:17 PM | I think that it is true that at some point you will experience some sort of pain if you are really in love with someone. I'm at that point right now with my ex. I thought that we were getting back together and working things out but then I started getting messages from some girl he's apparently talking to and what she so graciously forwarded didn't exactly paint the same picture that I was getting from him. It really is the one thing we all hope to find in life and unfortunately you really do have to be downstream of all the crap life hands you with a glove and take it as it comes. Its the waiting it out part that I think is most frustrating. You find someone that you really care for and just want to jump at it because its what you've been waiting for. With separations and divorces seeming like the next phase of things to do, giving someone your complete trust and your heart is soooooooo hard to do because nothing is sacred anymore. It's like so many people are walking around with a "next" button for life. If both people truly care about the person they decide to be with pain will still be there at some point, but that person will also be there to console you as well and not just throw in the towl.
I think true honest love is like the marriages of the older generation. In that person you likely find your best friend, someone you can have through the good AND the bad, supporting one another, and not wanting to give up when things get rough. truly for better and for worse you are by one anothers side............ | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 4/22/2008 7:33:01 PM | | The only way that pain would come into the love of any relationship is if you keep paying attention to the stuff you fear, spending time trying to treat every relationship the same, because they are NOT the same relationship. So STOP IT!!! Don't give a second thought to the stuff you fear and don't want in your life and you won't attract them into your life. It's as simple as that.... | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 4/22/2008 7:38:31 PM | There can be times of pain: if one of you gets sick, if one of you has a good friend or relative die, and eventually one of you is going to die first.
But the interaction between you shouldn't be causing pain. If it does, then you don't have a good relationship. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 4/22/2008 7:40:28 PM | Alibabble what you are calling make-up sex is short-term relief behavior(using) and there is nothing loving about it
Thank you Dr. Phyl-lis
Doesn't everyone need "short term relief" once in a while? You can't live in unrelenting misery while you wait and work out the details. Ok, so I'm being dramatic but...
Make-up sex can be Very loving. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 4/22/2008 7:49:51 PM | I agree with some of the things you posted. Such as, you are vulnerable, you do trust and love does not always run smoothly. So, yes ... love will sometimes hurt. Whenever you have two people there will be differences of opinions and lots of room for miscommunications. But, if love is really there you work it out.
But, I don't agree it has to hurt to be love. You can learn what works for both of you to keep your relationship satisfying. That is what true love is...the willingness to work on your relationship instead of giving up when things get too hard. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 4/22/2008 8:01:24 PM | To not experience pain(suffering)in any relationship OR area of your life is not a balanced life. If you never experienced pain in a loving relationship...you would not know what love really is...it's just one extension of LIFE.
And....
isn't there two sides to every coin? | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 4/22/2008 8:07:57 PM |
So i guess my question is do you think that way? That if it doesnt hurt at some point is it not real love? Why does something so powerful, something that we all long for, something so mind blowing have to hurt to be real?
In the presence of true love, you feel energized, awake & yourself. In the absence of true love the ego is hurt for it believes it has lost something. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:25:44 PM |
do you think that way?
I think the "no pain, no gain" thing only applies to weight lifting. Now, falling OUT of love, that can be painful (to one of you). Yes indeedy. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:45:45 PM | | Love does nto hurt it feels great. The only time love hurts is if its someone you care abotu deeply and they reject you or telly ou they just want to be friends. And will enver accept your love for them. Getting cheated on or abuse d hurts. Loving or someone loving you never hurts. | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 4/22/2008 11:55:10 PM | The feeling of love is great...
The hurt comes when either party fails to meet the other's criteria, or "doesn't have what is required" (or what they THINK should be required)...and one or the other (or both) looks elsewhere...
...So much for unconditional love... | |
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| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 4/23/2008 12:08:25 AM | Good questions....If it is real love than it will hurt at some point....that is the way of the world....people hurt, we are imperfect, our words & our actions are sometimes hurtful.....the people we love the most are the ones we hurt the most....love & trust are investments, we invest in each other, build friendships, intimacies, life experiences & sometimes sh*t happens....and then love hurts....and it feels so real, the pain....
the question i have is can love survive?.... | |
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ikiera
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Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 25 | |
| Love must hurt to be real?
Posted: 4/23/2008 10:13:57 AM | I don't know that it *must* hurt to be real, I don't think it *should* hurt though.
Quite often when people *fall* in love things come up that can be interpretted as hurt in a relationship, however if the test of time is met and the depth of learning to trust and respect another person in a committed relationship, I think most often we discover it is our thinking that makes us hurt, not the actual love... it is a test of strength when we *feel* like we are hurting imo. | |
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