| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/23/2008 6:27:55 AM | By the time you're 45, had several relationships, you've undoubtedly loved someone at one point in your life, and been loved by someone. It's unfortunate that sometimes (most times?), you fall in love with someone who doesn't love you back, and yes vice-versa.
If you met someone you really liked, but didn't love, could you learn to love them, or is this just "settling"?
Personally, I can't settle. I sure wish I could learn to love someone I only liked, but if I don't love someone, I find myself going to extremes not to go to bed, buy non-committal valentine day cards, and find myself trying to avoid romantic situations. lol.
I have a friend who is Harvard/Osgoode Hall educated, very intelligent, and yet still married someone he had never met (an arranged marriage). He's a second generation Canadian, went on a trip to India for a wedding. When he came back, we discovered it was HIS wedding. His reasons of course are cultural, but his explanation is that his parents and grand parents were married for 50-65 years and that's how they were married. According to him, you grow to love the person you are with. In any case, he says "I can't do any worse than you have". 
Any thoughts? | |
|
| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/23/2008 6:46:55 AM | Hi there,
Interesting topic...
I believe that when you like someone, you do love them. Perhaps you are not sexually stimulated by their presence, but I definitely enjoy the comfort of being with someone I like; I think it depends on how important sex is in your life.
IMHO, liking has to come first & then a deeper love grows from that.
Oneofyou | |
|
| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/23/2008 6:49:33 AM |
If you met someone you really liked, but didn't love, could you learn to love them, or is this just "settling"?
I wouldn't try to force a romantic relationship when the feeling just isn't there.
If you "really like" someone but don't love them, then you are friends and it's best to keep it at a friendship level. | |
|
| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/23/2008 6:50:51 AM | I think you can grow to love someone - it happens all the time. . . but I know from experience it doesn't always work that way. Having found someone I'm absolutely mad for - I know that I'd rather be alone than 'settle' ever again!  | |
|
| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/23/2008 6:56:23 AM | Hey Sammy baby?
Very good question you ask! There is a chap that works here in my office. To look at the man from a physical aspect? Nothing much going on there. But? As I came to know him, he morfed into this really loveable, respectable person. I found myself thinking, "now why could I not find a man such as him"?? He is hard working, very sincere and truly cares about the people in his life. This makes him ultra handsome in my books. I just think it is too bad that we don't necessarily have that kind of time when dating. | |
|
| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/23/2008 7:06:34 AM |
There is a chap that works here in my office. To look at the man from a physical aspect? Nothing much going on there. But? As I came to know him, he morfed into this really loveable, respectable person. I found myself thinking, "now why could I not find a man such as him"?? He is hard working, very sincere and truly cares about the people in his life. This makes him ultra handsome in my books. I just think it is too bad that we don't necessarily have that kind of time when dating.
With Internet dating, I think that many people are passing up people like you describe. It's difficult to see someone's inner beauty from an Internet profile. The initial attraction with Internet dating is physical appearance. For any woman that says "now why could I not find a man like him"? I would ask you how many times you've passed up communication from guys you did not find immediate attraction to? | |
|
| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/23/2008 7:24:16 AM | This is sort of a silly question because the answer is yes! In fact, it's quite hard to love someone you don't like. It's just a matter of timing.
You must like them FIRST, then you may just even fall in love with them. The dilemma is how long that love takes to come after you realize you like someone.
If you are talking about an immediate feeling, that is LUST, and it has little to do with love.
Maybe you should ask "How long should you wait to see if you might fall in love with someone before realizing it's time to move on?" or something like that. | |
|
| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/23/2008 7:40:22 AM |
Maybe you should ask "How long should you wait to see if you might fall in love with someone before realizing it's time to move on?" or something like that. Hum... If they're crazy about you (if they really are.... you know it, and so does everyone else), and you care for their feelings, there's tremendous pressure to rush your decision. So how long you should wait would be rather short. That... I don't think would be enough time to have love rear it's lovely head. | |
|
| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/23/2008 7:42:20 AM | I don't fall in love at first sight, don't know many people that do. I believe that love grows from "like", with time and with nourishment. This question, to me, reverts back to the age old chemistry debate. Feeling drawn to someone through whatever nouns you use to describe it, chemistry, lust, or attraction does not equate to love nor does it guarantee it. I think that you can and do grow to love someone.
I think that if you are both sincere and thoughtful people you can produce chemistry. If you develop a strong desire to make your partner happy, you will surely be successful, and lust will soon follow. How could we not be attracted to someone who lusts after us? How could we not love someone who is so thoughtful, sincere, and wants to please us?
So I would not see this as settling. I see this as a mature decision to be in a relationship. It may take work, but what relationship doesn't? | |
|
| |
| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/23/2008 7:53:16 AM | I look a the profile even if there is no picture looks fade I talk to many now with no clue as to their appearence and most are very engageing. If you base your opinion on looks your maybe missing out on a great friendship or even the love of your life! don't get me wrong as we need a spark of phycial attraction but if you like the heart who care you can always find the good in some one. What if they end up being the greatest kisser look what you missed out on then lol Love grows if you are open to it!!!
 | |
|
| |
| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/23/2008 9:32:52 AM | It has never been my experience that I’ve been able to do this – learn to love someone that I only really liked. And I have tried on a few occasions during my life and there were a couple of times that I really wanted to be successful with it, but always, with no success. Love is something that I’ve never had that kind of control over – and to learn to do something suggests a certain degree of personal control. Love has always just appeared, sometimes quickly, sometimes grown slowly in time. But I’ve never known when it would appear, never known why it appeared and certainly always been surprised with whom it has appeared.
Yes, it would be nice to be able to learn to love someone that I really liked, but I’ve learned that it would be easier to teach an apple tree to bear cherries.
cdn guy | |
|
| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/23/2008 11:27:17 AM | | I think you can like and respect someone, and not be attracted to them romantically or sexually. Trying to love someone like that, to me, would be like trying to eat a bowl of cornflakes without milk - mighty hard to swallow. | |
|
| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/23/2008 11:58:17 AM | Depends....is the 'friendship' on equal footing? Have both parties agreed to pursue the friendship with open communication? Always a good idea, in case one begins to have 'feelings' for the other. If its started out lopsided...one wanting more than the other can give...probably not much hope of maintaining even a friendship.
I have seen 'friends' become 'more than', over time, trial & error....kinda one of the 'doink' moments that they both have at the same time....is that called 'kismet'? Actually, movies have been made of this same subject matter....the ending is usually happy and positive, though I believe that's probably the minority outcome of these situations. | |
|
| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/23/2008 3:11:16 PM | I would hope you would like someone you love, and visa versa. Sometimes you meet someone and they are just friends, and the more you get to know them, the like can grow into love.
If you don't like someone, that love (or lust) can go away pretty quick. JMO | |
|
| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/23/2008 4:27:46 PM | By the time you're 45, had several relationships, you've undoubtedly loved someone at one point in your life, and been loved by someone. It's unfortunate that sometimes (most times?), you fall in love with someone who doesn't love you back, and yes vice-versa.
If you met someone you really liked, but didn't love, could you learn to love them, or is this just "settling"?
Personally, I can't settle. I sure wish I could learn to love someone I only liked, but if I don't love someone, I find myself going to extremes not to go to bed, buy non-committal valentine day cards, and find myself trying to avoid romantic situations. lol.
I know exactly what your talking about....I've asked myself that same question. I have gone out with men for a period of time, liked them, but never really "fell in love" with them.
One relationship in particular was good in many ways...we were comfortable with one another, we enjoyed hanging out, good conversation, shared the same views, laughed at the same sitcoms...we spent many a pleasant evening together. But physically, we did not connect...I never felt that electricity, that chemical reaction when we were together. The first time he kissed me, I thought , "what a nice soft kiss"....that word again "nice" ...I don't want to settle for nice.....I don't want to just like somebody. It would not be fair to either of us. He deserves to have someone who is going to fall madly and passionately in love with him just as I do....I know how that sounds and maybe that will never happen for me... But am I going to be any happier settling for "nice"
...maeflowers
I may be here wishing for rainbows....
 | |
|
| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/23/2008 4:33:16 PM | | Love is so simple yet we make it so complex. We analyze love to death. I believe in doing what comes natural. While we can't explain it to the person next to us, when we "know" it is the right person, there is no asking questions. You just know it's right. Perhaps its the right person, the right time, and for all the right reasons. | |
|
| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/23/2008 4:34:13 PM | Not sure if this is what you mean but......some time way in the past I was dating a great guy, liked him alot. After a few months I was seriously thinking I should stop seeing him I felt I couldn't give him what he wanted or needed. Didn't think I could love him. I didn't want to hurt him. And he was clear on how he felt about me.
Well one night we were...ya know....as we had many other times and BAM!!! Everything changed I seen him totally different. I didn't know what happened. The sex was always good, we still had good communication, we laughed and joked the same, likes and dislikes the same. All I know is I couldn't stop smiling for 3 days after that. Yep you guessed it, I was freaking in love. I was shocked, where the hell did that come from! Never seen it coming at all.
Broke my heart when his job transferred him out of state. He asked me, begged me to go with him. I couldn't go, I could NEVER take my sons away from their father. We stayed in touch for a long while but in time he found someone else and I did also. | |
|
| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/23/2008 4:35:01 PM | There has to be a little passion... from the other, if not initially from you. I have some men friends whose company I like but who have huge dealbreakers (like pretty bad mental illness). I like them in small doses.
In youth, arranged marriages with good family support may turn out well because the urge to procreate is strong, which creates passion and bonding. In middle age, there better be something more. | |
|
| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/23/2008 4:43:23 PM | Probably depends on how long you have liked them. Deep, abiding love takes a while to develop, although the initial plunge can be quite quick. If you have just liked someone for years, you probably will never learn to love them. Of course, if you never liked them, then the same result can be expected.
Also, falling in love has a technique to it. It demands courage and faith. Lacking either could pose a barrier to achieving the ultimate goal with anyone. | |
|
| |
| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/24/2008 3:54:52 PM | See, this is where I feel at a disadvantage, Sam. I have not had several relationships. But, I have loved someone and been loved by someone. And, yes once I did experience unrequited love and it was heart-wrenching.
Personally, I don't settle either.
But, if I met someone I really liked, I think I'd know better, at this age, than to think that "love" is instant. And, I'd want to explore the possiblity that love could grow to include the friendship. Afterall, don't you think that lovers should also be best friends? I know I do.
Love is like a garden. You plant the seeds, nurture and care for it, and hopefully it will develop and grow. And a good garden hose, white tee shirt and a mud wrestling competition doesn't hurt either. | |
|
| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:35:51 PM | | lol... I had a garden once. Had to play in it myself:( I would have loved to have someone who liked to play instead of go balistic because I sprayed her. I didn't dare pull out the bone meal. | |
|
| Can you learn to love someone you only like?
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:44:08 PM | I think its possible to come to 'love them' but I don't believe you'd ever find yourself 'in love' with them and that's a huge difference - IMHO. We do this all of the time with our good friends.
I myself am holding out for the 'being in love' feeling and am not willing to settle for less. | |
|
Home
login 
