|
|
|
|
|
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 4:57:32 PM | Ok. So there were a relatively explosive thread titled “are US men being taken for granted?”. In all fairness, it is time we turn the tide and ask women the same question. Do you ever feel that you are being taken for granted? That no matter what you do, it’s simple not enough.
I agree that women were mistreated in the past and some of the traditional roles and chores expected out of a woman were to some degree unrealistic and unfair. You were expected to clean, take care of the kids, cook, and cater to the needs of the man once he came home.
Now, do you feel that you are still being expected to perform these tasks while also expected to work and provide financial security? Do you sometimes feel that you are being taken for granted and that your additional (post work) contributions are being trivialized or discounted in its entirety? Do you sometimes feel that men treat you with disrespect while simultaneously reducing you to a live in maid?
For the men: Please understand that this is not an attack on you or your character! But I frequently hear how women feel that their additional contributions at home are trivialized or discounted. And if so, are you in essence placing unrealistic or outmoded demands on today’s woman whereas taking them for granted? | |
|
| |
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 5:06:20 PM |
and as I suggested early , send them up her to Canada so we can set them straight
Right on. Then lets talk about something that is more important to you lol! Hmm, how about how Brittney Spears looked in the latest Glamour magazine! | |
|
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 5:07:36 PM | | I can only speak for myself - and no, I don't feel as if I am taken for granted. On the other hand, I'm not currently in a relationship. And I don't think I'd stay in one if I wasn't being treated respectfully. | |
|
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 5:16:14 PM |
I can only speak for myself - and no, I don't feel as if I am taken for granted. On the other hand, I'm not currently in a relationship. And I don't think I'd stay in one if I wasn't being treated respectfully.
waterwitch. I know from what position you are talking as you wrote one of the best stated post in the other thread. But I would like to know if there is an issue here. Are men still expecting their SO or wife to (in essence) work two jobs meaning a regular job followed by housewife duties. I don't personally have any friends who claim that they have such expectaions but that is their side of the story. As such, I am interested in the woman's side to the same story. | |
|
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 5:28:14 PM | | Given all the office discussions I seem to end up in, I'd say that alot of women DO feel that way. And I'll admit, I felt like that when I was married. He wanted the old Ozzie and Harriet thing, but we needed the income from my job. I drove myself crazy trying to do it for years before I got sick of it and left. I do, however, think that you can only be taken for granted if you let yourself, so I freely accept half the responsibility of that situation. Now I have a MUCH stronger sense of self and wouldn't let myself get in that situation again. | |
|
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 5:33:12 PM |
He wanted the old Ozzie and Harriet thing, but we needed the income from my job. I drove myself crazy trying to do it for years before I got sick of it and left.
Yes I think this is somewhat common unfortunately, in particular with older generations. | |
|
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 5:39:13 PM | The greater the level of competition for your attention, affection, resources and sex, the less likely someone will take you for granted.
The more attractive you are as a female, the greater number of suitors you can get, the more likely you can trade one mate for another if they don't stay grounded and practical about being a good mate.
The more money and career status you have as a male, the greater number of dating possibilities you can get, the more likely you can trade one mate for another if they don't stay grounded and practical about being a good mate.
People without any dating options and everyone knowing it are the ones who stand a good chance to being taken for granted (now anyone can be taken for granted, but realistically it's less likely with someone with lots of options)
Personally, I find it completely idiotic for people to beat their chest and say, "I take care of my kids, I go to work everyday, I pay my bills, I have it all together!" You're supposed to take care of your kids. You are supposed to earn a living. You are supposed to pay your bills. So I think you have to kind of define what "taken for granted" means. Some parents think having to take their sick kids to the hospital means they should win a medal of some kind and wonder why there isn't a 10 block long parade in their honor for it.
In some cases, for me to say I am being "taken for granted" could simply mean I have a huge entitlement problem. And this is a problem for both men and women out there. They think the world owes them a living or a pat on the back or some kind of applause for doing what they should be doing anyway. Save a baby from a burning building and then demand that people clap for you, otherwise shut up about it.
Then there are the blathering idiots who say, "Look at me! Look at me! I make my own living, I bought my own house, I'm saving for my own retirement, I work hard for what I have, I DON'T NEED A MAN/WOMAN!"
Who are we kidding here? This is a dating site. If you didn't need something ( affection, time, sex, love, compassion, companionship, support, free dinner, someone to change your oil, whatever), you wouldn't be here. Some people think the easiest way to NOT be taken for granted ever is to declare as loud as possible that they don't need anyone to date period. Because somehow this is the smartest way to attract a quality person into your life?
Yes, there are some people in life who are simply takers. They take and never give. But that only happens if you let it happen.
As for everyone else who will eventually show up here and tell everyone why they need fan mail for doing what everyone else has to do anyway to survive, I guess those people need to ask themselves how fulfilling their lives are if that's something they actually feel compelled to brag about.
I work for a living. So what. Most people do. | |
|
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 5:56:15 PM | People will be taken for granted as long as they allow it to happen. When considering a relationship as deep and binding as living together or marrying and you haven't communicated with your partner about what is expected then you have yourself to blame.
Let me put it this way....happy couple moves in together... life is wine and roses...one partner starts picking up behind the other one and then it becomes a routine... Months or years down the road, you have is one person picking up behind themselves, their partner and the children if there are any, and the partner that isn't doesn't see anything wrong with it because it has always been that way. But the one doing all the cleaning is frustrated and unhappy for something they have set themselves up for. Communication is key right from the beginning!!!
Or how about this one that I have heard from my male friends. I ask why don't you fill the dishwasher and run it while your wife is working late. Answer because she gets mad at how I have filled the dishwasher because it isn't "right". OMFG How stupid is that. They get nagged because they don't help and they get nagged when they do help because it isn't "right". It doesn't matter how it gets done as long as it is done!
If you aren't willing to communicate about your expectations in a relationship then you are doomed to be taken advantage of. Simple really.
And now I am stepping down from this soapbox cause it is chilly up here.
Sil
 | |
|
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 6:08:59 PM | Well okay, so women no longer have to stay at home and grind the wheat and prepare the meat anymore. Everything is pre-prepared, machines at home do the vast majority of the work that it literally took weeks to do not so very long ago. The traditional role of bread winner and housewife, or domestic goddess, no longer is role model for us all to follow. Equal rights tells us that women have just as much right to all the things that men have been privy to in the work place as well as anywhere else.
My mother and my wife, God rest their souls, were the traditional family housewifes. They took care of house and home, raised the kids while my father and I worked long hours to make all of that possible. They were both very intelligent women, got involved with politics and school, neighborhood committee's and safty programs and kept very busy and active lives. They did much more to make our homes what they were and still are then I ever could while I was working. Respect? That hardly scratches the surface of how I felt about both of them and the work they did in making us a happy home. I will always miss them...
Do women of today who insist on going to work when they don't have to, leaving the raising of children to unknown sources deserve more respect? The simple answer can be felt when you look at the test scores of our children on a national level, when you look at the rise in crime, when you see ungoverned and unwatched school boards screw up the budget and commit crimes right in our own school systems. Two parents working generally come home and watch it on the evening news and then sits and wonders why. The simple answer is no, I don't have the same respect for these women who feel they must work and take away from what it is to be a parent. I know some very poor people who go by the traditional family values and raise their kids and get involved in community affairs. Money is not an issue, there is always a way, if you have kids you don't need a half million dollar home, you don't need that BMW, raise your kids, then I will respect you. | |
|
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 6:10:49 PM | Excellent thread, OP!
Yes..I'm expected to cook, clean, look like Pamela Anderson and give over the remote with a "Stepford Wife" kind of smile on a daily basis when I'm dating someone.
Why I'm single is simple:
-If you want a home cooked meal..then join me in making it.
-If you want the house clean, then pick up your underwear behind the bathroom door or you'll find them in your briefcase at that all important meeting when you're having to shuffle your papers..dirty underwear, papers..and the boss with "the look." lol
-If you want me to look like Pam then expect to look like Brad. I work at it..but why the hell are you still stuffing down that extra doughnut?
-I will gladly give over the remote with a "sweet smile" on my face..but you have to sleep sometime..hehe.
Sans
 | |
|
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 6:19:50 PM | I was married to someone that had that expectation... I worked a job and a half, raised the kids, kept up the house, and the yard, and made sure all the maintenance on the vehicles were done, shopped, cleaned, cooked... It was a total joy... He bragged about feeling like a king, while I felt like one of the servants....
Did I feel like I was taken for granted... I am divorced, so I guess that would be a yes...
Are all men that way... Probably not...
People are people, men and women...
I had a long term with a man who constantly complained that women in the US were spoiled.. After we ended things, then 2 yrs later he looked me up, he apologized for being such an horses a$$ to me...
Thanks, it was two yrs late, but guess he did realize that he did have a woman that didn't take him for granted. Chuckles, he just didn't know what he had, until he let her go, and picked up a real biotch...
Choices choices... | |
|
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 6:31:03 PM | Zerospazz, Are they your children too? You stay home and do it. Just because the women was the one who physically gave birth, does not automatically mean she choses
the role of staying home with the kids. Maybe, just maybe, some women dont want you to "work long hours to make all that possible" | |
|
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 6:39:20 PM | Anyone who stays in a relationship that feels "taken for granted" male or female is doing so on there own free will!
Maybe we should stop blaming the other genders for our own choices(in this case to stay in a relationship where we feel underappreciated) and look at what we are willing to accept and what we wont.
There is always a choice it may not be an easy choice but it's a choice none the less. | |
|
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 6:47:47 PM | I'll just copy what TheEmeraldTeardrop said and call it my own!
Hard to believe a woman so young could be so wise... I took it for granted she was twice her age!
 | |
|
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 6:50:44 PM |
Do you ever feel that you are being taken for granted?
I don't currently feel that way, but I have before. It won't happen again.
when you see ungoverned and unwatched school boards screw up the budget and commit crimes right in our own school systems.
heh. Wonder where that's going on. Oh yeah, my school district.  Drinks on us!  | |
|
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 6:55:28 PM |
Zerospazz, Are they your children too? You stay home and do it. Just because the women was the one who physically gave birth, does not automatically mean she choses
the role of staying home with the kids. Maybe, just maybe, some women dont want you to "work long hours to make all that possible"
Not to sure what your trying to assume here. Are you saying that I didn't do my part when I got home from work? You would be wrong. Are you saying that my wife and I didn't discuss how our life and marriage would be once we had kids before we were married? You would be wrong. Are you saying that she felt she had no choice to stay home and raise our kids? You would be wrong. She went to college and that is where we met. We had totally different plans for life up until that point. We both changed them to do what we wanted to do, which was to marry and raise kids in a traditional family. If she were here she would tell you this same as me. Her concerns did not stop at the front door however, she wanted to make our community strong and livable too, these were her ideas about what a housewife should be and that is what we did. The kids are whats important, that is what we always believed. | |
|
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 7:10:26 PM | Yay! I can write what I wanted to in the other thread. Do I feel taken for granted now? Nope. There is no one to take me for granted. Did I feel taken for granted sometimes when my hubby was alive? Yep, but that wasn't necessarily bad. Being taken for granted between marrieds indicates a level of intimacy.
One of my favorite stories is about a farmer and his wife. They were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. After the cake was gone and the hoopla over, the wife turns to her husband and says "Hon, we've been married all these years, but you never tell me you love me". He looks at her a minute, takes her hand in his and replied, "50 yrs. ago, I stood in front of God, our family, and our friends and I promised to love you 'til death do us part. If that changes, I'll let you know".
Would I put up with discourtesy from someone I date? Not in a heartbeat. Would I put up with being used by someone I date? Not for a single minute. Do I sometimes get aggravated because they are not behaving in a way I would? Yep, I sure do. That is until I think things through and decide if I'm just being peckish, or if it's something that matters enough to discuss. | |
|
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 7:19:52 PM | The only time I felt like I was taken for granted was in my last marriage. And it had nothing to do with my job outside the home or my job as a mother and wife.
The issue was emotional...he couldn't ever feel love, and had no qualms about telling me that no matter what I did it wasn't enough.
But in general, nope, I don't feel taken advantage of, because I learned not to let people do that to me. I also know that my happiness can only come from me. Not someone else. | |
|
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 7:24:59 PM | Nextthyme: Come with me to the dark side..you'll never be taken for granted again as I know 82 ways how to kill a man.
Just kidding..or am I?
I'm never taken for granted. Men e-mail me ( they seem to love me), then phone me ( they seem to love me even more..*sigh*).. then meet me in person and back away in horror when I want to slash them in their wet suit when diving just to see what sharks he may attract with his blood..hey!! I need to study the "bull shark" up close and my date HAS to be okay with that or he won't have a second date with me..pfft!!
What wuss'es. LOL
Yeah, I'm taken for granted until I dump them in the Gulf of Mexico and know more about how a rip current will take them out to sea in a New York minute and how to get them out of it when they're "floundering" helplessly in the water. omg..men are so entertaining to me when fighting for their life in a strong current..I have to shake my head, roll my eyes and then save their sorry a$$ when I feel they've had enough.
Well, they don't take me for granted anymore. LOL
*Note* You can only escape a rip current by swimming parallel to it. If you are ever caught in a rip current then swim parallel to the shore until you can go upswell out of the rip current, but never panic. You'll get back to shore in a heartbeat if you follow my advice. (I was thrown in a rip current a few years ago, was taken out to sea and it scared the hell out of me!!)
Sans | |
|
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 7:27:34 PM | I believe we are in control of ourselves and the road we chose. If we want to be taken for granted, we will be.
This being said though, for many years I totally was being taken for granted by my now Ex. Not seeing it till now after we split. Guess I drew the line when I said, No, you can't have a girlfriend and still be here!!!
Enough was enough. Now I see how a relationship is a team, not one overpowering another.
~SS~ | |
|
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 8:16:06 PM | I HAVE allowed myself to be put in that position... more than once
When I was quite young because I really didn't understand what it meant to be a grown woman, or to be a 'good woman' and I was afraid of being alone.
A little later because I didn''t know how to be assertive, or what my basic rights were in a relationship, or what boundaries were.
A bit later because I hadn't learned yet that everyone has their own agenda and sometimes that agenda is not in my best interests.
Once again because I value loyalty... and it was also a pride thing that I could bring home the bacon, as well as be a 'good woman" (read "desirable" here).
Then again because I had to... or I would have ended up out of a home (for lack of financial stability)
The one more time because I really wanted to assist my partner while he was going through a 'rough time'. (although I soon figured out his whole life was a rough time)
By taken for granted in my case entails is: Working full time, doing the lions share of the domestic chores INCLUDING maintenance and yard work/vehicle maintenance, paying more than 50% of the bills... and childcare? I won't even go into that...as I am a widow and really, though it would have been nice, I never expected my ex to play the role of parent as I did, and he never really offered. I have been a single mother, from shortly after my daughter's birth, through a marriage, and now again as a single woman again. And I always kept up my appearance.. which sometimes, now that I live alone, I'm glad I can relax a bit. But even with all this.. I rarely received acknowledgement of my contributions, it was 'expected'. And to be honest... I allowed that to happen...
I've learned a lot about relationship dynamics.. and I could care less at this point, to ever let myself get back into any situation like these ever again. For me I think I'll keep my own residence and just enjoy someone's company without letting it get to a place where either partner can be in the position of being taken for granted. I am much more aware now of the point where people (myself included) stop appreciating each other and begin to EXPECT.
I think one day at a time is the way to go.. and try to savour each day as special, and the time spent with my kid, family, friends, and if and when it happens.. a special guy, as a gift. | |
|
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 8:21:08 PM | Ok..............current justice system, specially enacted lawful legislation, extremely lopsided playing field along with.........did I mention justice system?
I would say "no" right there.
I said this elsewhere, I truly do enjoy when women of this day and age count off all the "bad" things, and then I go down the street and ask my 78 year old Black lady neighbor what "bad" is............
No would be your answer, they don't even got a clue. | |
|
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 9:10:30 PM | Sans, you're a total hoot...
Guess I have walked to the dark side, LOL... My ex has been struggling with our 12 yr old son... HE wanted the 50/50, arrangment after I had been raising our son for four yrs with his every other wkend appearance...
Now he wants to complain... ummm yeah, the kid is becoming a teenager, and the rules have to be MORE FIRM...
I do like what Emerald had to say about people pounding their chest...
When I was a single parent of my oldest two kids, I had a Dr's apptment, and he looked at me and said what I did must be really hard...
That was the strangest thing I had ever heard... I told him NO, a person just does it...
For those who say you sign up for it, if you are willing to take it...YES I agree, I took it for 9 yrs, and stayed because I didn't want to be yet another person who dropped out of my stepsons life... He was 14 when I figured he could manage...
He made a lot of mistakes, but he appreciated the fact that I had stayed for so long...
Sometimes we make choices, that involves being responsible, in the mean time we have to take care of ourselves. If we are dependent upon another to feel appreciated, then we are selling our selves a line of crap...
In my case, I was not valued for all that I did to keep the family going while my ex chased after what ever it was he was looking for... He didn't know how to be a husband, and admitted to that fact... That is ok, I wasn't always perfect either...
Moral of the story...Never be anothers doormat, then complain about being in that position, pick yourself up and value yourself... If you're in a relationship that the other person doesn't respect you, and isn't really apart of the equation, chance are you are better off alone... | |
|
| Are US women being taken for granted?
Posted: 4/23/2008 9:18:15 PM | | I don't think women are being taken for granted, but I can tell you that US american women have priced themselves out of the marketplace. | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
