| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/23/2008 9:41:18 PM | This is what happened to one of my friends tonight. The guy she has been seeing for about 4 months texted her that he didn't want to see her anymore. He thinks she is beautiful, sexy, fun so on so forth but .....GOODBYE. Now she is NOT the drama queen type person at all. He could have sat her down face to face and explained how he felt. This is a 42 year old man. Personally I think it's a very cowardly inmature thing to do and she is better off without him. But at the moment she is hurt. I was speechless and didn't know what to say to her except sorry.
Is this the norm today in the dating world? Has this happened to anyone else? Has anyone else done this to another person and why?
I didn't do a topic search, sorry if this has been talked about already. But I still would like to hear what anyone has to say.
Thank You. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/23/2008 9:46:40 PM | | Your right it is a cowardly inmature thing to do, however some men dont even give you a text, they just stop talking to you altogether. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/23/2008 9:50:36 PM | | Back in the days of pioneering ICQ before msn and yahoo...I got duped by an offline instant message...back in the day of irc chat. Yup. There are cowards out there who will always take the cowardly way out. My current relationship has worked for so long, because we openly discuss everything. Even emails sent back and forth, we discuss in person. Some people, will always remain cowardly though. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/23/2008 9:50:58 PM | | Yeah that is very true. I'm not man bashing here either. Some women aren't better that this either I'm sure. But text? It's so insulting. Maybe it's because I'm old and don't like texting. | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 5 | |
| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/23/2008 9:53:18 PM | While that's not my style, it sure would beat the heck out of endless conversations trying to explain it to someone who didn't want to hear it.
Typically, it's been said in many different ways, it's just that one person either isn't listening or is overcompensating in trying to make up for deficiencies.
The absolute best thing 2 people can do is be themselves...loving somebody shouldn't be hard...or fakey...or keep score...if the feeling is not natural and mutual, then it's time to move on. Yeah, it sucks, but it beats sticking it out for a day, month or year past the point where you know it's over.
This is about the rest of our lives...keep it real.
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/23/2008 9:55:45 PM | You really dont know what happened between them. How she really reacted or treated him.
Maybe she is a doll and he is careless. Maybe not.
I would not hold judgement on him. One thing I didnt like about my ex was her friends didnt like me when we argued. She obviously told a one sided story. When we saw a counselor because her Son had issues, she hated it when the counselor agreed with me. Her friends knew about that too, but her story.
I dont know your friend. I am not going to judge either one. I am just saying there could be something you dont see. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/23/2008 9:58:31 PM | "Is this the norm today in the dating world?"
I just checked the 2008 rules for dating manual Op....Seems that anything up to 6 months is perfectly acceptable to be ended by text. If it was over 6 months, your "friend" could have taking him before the dating tribunal and had his dating privileges revoked. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/23/2008 10:05:10 PM | hey when you can same more with less why not??
*confuscious say "picture worth thousand words" | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/23/2008 10:09:30 PM | | What about the guy who started Wikipedia? He broke up with his girlfriend on THAT site, for all the world to see. How humiliating that would have been?! I don't know why some people, both men and women, don't have enough respect for the people they've been seeing to break up face-to-face, or at least on the telephone. Payback can be a b*tch! | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/23/2008 10:09:50 PM | Remember that "Sex In The City" episode where Carrie got dumped by post-it note? That's harsh. There will always be people out there men and women who are so afraid of confrontation that they will take the quickest and easiest way (for them) out. All it really proves is that he is the kind of man who is so selfish and self-centered that he cannot even be bothered to show her the respect she deserves by telling her in person. Personally at this point if I was your friend I wouldn't worry so much about how he broke up with her but focus on how happy she should be that he did. Thank god she only wasted 4 months on this guy and not 4 years.
Besides in the end Carrie got Mr. Big so who's laughing now?  | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/23/2008 10:13:18 PM | " besides in the end Carrie got Mr. Big so who is laughing now?"
certainly not Mr big, That's one unattractive woman. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/23/2008 10:13:20 PM | "What about the guy who started Wikipedia? He broke up with his girlfriend on THAT site, for all the world to see. How humiliating that would have been?! I don't know why some people, both men and women, don't have enough respect for the people they've been seeing to break up face-to-face, or at least on the telephone. Payback can be a b*tch!"
Not too mention how Mathew Damon broke up with Minnie Driver on Oprah. ON OPRAH FOR GODS SAKE!!!! Now that is harsh. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/23/2008 10:16:52 PM | eazk says ... " beat the heck out of endless conversations trying to explain it to someone who didn't want to hear it."
I hafta tell ya, eask, you've hit the nail on the head when it comes to expressing a typical thing many women experience with men -- the ASSumption about how women will respond.
The behaviors and lies that follow this assumption are typical worse than the original problem.
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/23/2008 10:18:02 PM | People are gutless. Rather than allowing herself to be hurt and otherwise disturbed, she should be thankful that she discovered it at 4 months instead of 9.
When a similar situation arose in my life it wasn't even a text message, it was an e-mail. Phone contact would apparently have given me an opportunity to respond that he simply did not want to deal with. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/23/2008 10:18:36 PM | Your pissed because your friend got her heart broken? Or is it only that he did it by texting? Breaking up with some one is not cowardly. Staying with some one because your afraid to break up with them is. Texting is just the latest form of communication. In years past, he may have written a letter or called her. In my opinion, you need to realize that in this world people get hurt. You should be about helping your friend move on, not throwing a hissy fit and calling names. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/23/2008 10:23:43 PM | Rather confusing behaviour.....since when was communicating with people about private matters acceptable via text messaging?
Shows a lack of backbone....lack of courage....and most certainly a lack of respect.
Now don't bash me for this...but I find it bizzare behaviour for an older man... I mean a 42 year old.
It's just that text messaging a break up seems something that a 'Child of the Internet' would do...something a teenager would do and think it is acceptable.
The same type of kid who would use a cell phone to videotape lude or inappropriate or violent acts and post them on the internet as spectator sport.
People need to grow up and act respectfully towards each other.
Glad your friend found out how much lack of backbone this guy has...better now than later. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/23/2008 10:29:25 PM | I'm not pissed as much as somewhat puzzled I guess. What makes you think I'm not there for her? Of course I know people get hurt. I've had my share of heart break, but we spoke face to face. I suppose nothing should stun me anymore.
Edit: Westernrose THANK YOU yes a 42 year old man did this. You were thinking along the same lines as myself. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/23/2008 10:42:27 PM | RJB, I have to say texting someone to break up is only a step above not saying anything at all, and doing the perverbial disappearing without a word.
At best your friend got was that it was over, at worst, he was gutless and had major immaturity in the fact he couldn't be a man enough to say it is over...
So what if a person has to explain it fifteen different ways, this is life, and part of it is treating people the way you'd like to be treated.
Sure it isn't the easiest thing and it would have even been a LOT MORE classy if he had e mailed her a little bit of an explination...
WHY, because that is what adults do, so people have a sense of closure...
Shug whether a person is 22, 42, or even 72, there are gutless people out there, doesn't matter the sex either, cause women can be just as harsh... | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/23/2008 10:59:11 PM | | Yes again NOT bashing men. I know women can just as bad. I could not be that disrespectful to someone I had an intimate relationship with. They are owed an explaination face to face, it's the decent thing to do. No matter how difficult it is. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/23/2008 11:02:48 PM |
This is a 42 year old man.
No it's not....This is what a 13 or 14 year old boy does because they're still so immature. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/23/2008 11:14:11 PM | "They are owed an explaination face to face, it's the decent thing to do. No matter how difficult it is"
I was in a relationship about 5 years ago that i knew was going nowhere. I tried ending it several times, everytime i tried she would start to cry. I can't stand watching a woman cry, So when the tears came, I would give in and be locked into this relationship until i got up the courage to try ending it again.
This went out for about 2 years. Finally i was away on a business trip and it was during this trip that i finally ended it via e-mail.
Call me gutless if you like, but if i kept trying to end it face to face, i would still be in it today. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/23/2008 11:26:13 PM | Well, OP,
Yet another example of somebody being crass,rude and insensitive with a cell phone,once again the question arises; Why do people think anything they do, no matter how wrong ,is OK by virtue of the fact they're doing it with a cell phone? | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/23/2008 11:36:02 PM | /I was in a relationship about 5 years ago that i knew was going nowhere. I tried ending it several times, everytime i tried she would start to cry. I can't stand watching a woman cry, So when the tears came, I would give in and be locked into this relationship until i got up the courage to try ending it again.
This went out for about 2 years. Finally i was away on a business trip and it was during this trip that i finally ended it via e-mail.
Call me gutless if you like, but if i kept trying to end it face to face, i would still be in it today./
I think your situation is different. In your case you had already attemped at least once to end the relationship face to face and she guilted you into changing your mind. In the OP's scenario it came out of the blue.
The reason they are so different because in the first scenario the woman knew you wanted to break up and why. She probably wasn't that surprised when it finally happened she knew you didn't want to be with her. She got her closure.
In the OP's scenerio it seemed to have come out of the blue and she was offered no explaination. She got no closure.
That's what I think this all boils down to. The direspect of not allowing the other person closure. | |
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| WTH Breakup by text???
Posted: 4/24/2008 12:11:22 AM | It's more an individual thing than gender specific.
It happened to me too. After seeing someone for 5 months I got the text:
'I think you're one in a million and any woman would be very lucky to have you but we are just too different so I can't see you any more.'
This was a week after telling me she loved me and I was her soul mate. 
It hurt at the time but you do come to realise that this really is an act of cowardice and immaturity and I don't want to be with an immature coward anyway so she did me a favour in the long term. | |
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