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 deni30
Joined: 12/11/2007
Msg: 1
Non- Mormon Dating a MormonPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
My BF just told me he is mainstream Mormon. He hasn't exactly been devout though he follows the basic principals in the same way that most Christians do. He doesn't apparently adhere to some of the "wisdom" that is encouraged in the church but rather tries to live his life according to the basic principals and follow the very same commandments I believe in.

I was raised Christian though as an adult I have decided I don't really care for some of the rituals and practices of church. I instead live my life according to values that I feel important and try to have morals in line with my beliefs. I know there is GOD I believe in Jesus and not too much beyond that I think none of us really know.

We are both open minded, accepting and supportive of each other and willing to make this work. However, I am somewhat concerned with how his family and community will accept/view me, as I am thinking of moving to his state (VERY LDS) and we are talking of marriage. He tells me they would prefer I was LDS as well but are loving kind people who will support as finding someone to love him and treat him well is the most important thing.

He has also said it is not necessary for me to convert and he is willing to be married to me outside of their temple. Matter a fact, he had one Mormon marriage of 9 years and one short lived non-Mormon mistake of a rebound marriage.

Does anyone have any experiences or knowledge of Mormon/Non-Mormon relationships?

Any advice or anything I should know?

Please no ignorant negativity.

Responsible, coherent, educated or experienced answers are welcome. Thanks :)


Update:: Oh I have been on the LDS sites :) as well as studied it a bit in college along with other religions as well.
 simplelady66
Joined: 10/26/2007
Msg: 2
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:23:30 PM
Go to the LDS website and read up on it, then ask him any questions you have.
 devilwentdowntogeorgia
Joined: 1/27/2008
Msg: 3
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:37:31 PM
Yeah, if you are dating a Mormon you need to investigate what sect he is/was a part of. What beliefs they have and what you have to look forward to in the future.

(good luck)
 deni30
Joined: 12/11/2007
Msg: 4
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:49:24 PM
I said "MAINSTREAM" not any sect. I explained that. Just like all Muslims aren't terrorists and all Christians aren't blowing up buildings or hanging with the KKK. Every single religion has zealot fundamentalists- come on don't be so narrow :(
 johnlondonsingle
Joined: 11/21/2007
Msg: 5
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 4/24/2008 4:52:58 PM
well i think you should concentrate on financial security,religion is just one issue.
can he provide well for you?if so tell him you are keen to convert,you dont really have to go through with it
 designlady19
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 6
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History
Good grief, John, what kind of advice is that!?!
Posted: 4/24/2008 5:56:12 PM
Every person must live by what is most true and right to them. She should not convert unless she truly feels she IS Mormon in her heart. And what is it with all these guys who say women are only looking at the guy's money? I've never been there (which, I guess, is why I'm broke!) and I've only knon a few women who put the guy's money first. That's a kind of "selling it" I can't stomach.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 7
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 4/24/2008 5:59:42 PM
LOL; You should say,"I want peoples input but only if your positive towards mormonism and my boyfriend". lol; if you dont want peoples opinions, dont' put it on a forum.

DON'T go to the LDS website because you will only hear the good. Get books and read up on it. I had a friend in it and in my mind its a straight up cult.

These are facts; not negativity. When someone says dont be negative then they want them to agree with their partner and dont want to be questioned. If your secure, then it shouldnt' matter.

The LDS in 1970 were being investigated by the senate and the house for racism and their tax exempt status was going to be taken away from them. This would have made them lose 100's of millions of dollars, and eventually billions. They wouldn't allow blacks to be in leadership or attend BYU.

In the book of mormon, it talks about black people being cursed by God taking a story from the old testament and changing it. That same year, the leaders of the LDS then had a REVELATION from God that blacks were now ok. The tax exempt status stayed and all was good.

Brigham Young and many LDS leaders over the years, have slept/married and had kids with several teens when he they were in their 30-40's and some have been as young as 15 years old. There are still some following the old mormon ways today.

The mormons are mostly upper middle class to upper class whites, very nice, and extremely family oriented; the family is so important because they have always been into keeping their way of life, as well as when they die, the mormon churchs teachings show that when you get married and eventually pass away, you will be the God of your own planet. You and your wife will be your own Gods, and you eventually will repopulate it.

If ANYONE doesn't believe it then look for yourself. The mormon church is very obsessed to hide their teachings so that they can be considered a Christian church but they dont' believe Christ was God but a teacher and a profit. Look everything people say up, and figure it out for yourself.

Thats why religion, views on sex, money, so many things need to be talked about BEFORE you get serious with somone, not after. Good luck.
 bigjohn2k8
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 8
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 4/24/2008 6:04:00 PM
Mainly the same concern of anyone of a different faith that has felt both strongly and apathetically at different times -- the big concern will be that later on in his life, it WILL be more important (like after you get pregnant and have a kid -- things change when that happens). Don't be surprised for there to be issues because of it. And if you do decide to convert realize he may also drop it down the line after you do.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 9
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History
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 4/24/2008 6:15:10 PM
He just informed you he was Mormon? How long have you been dating? It doesn't sound too serious or long term if you didn't know earlier. Mormon is not something people leave out.
Well, if you are in NY and he is in Utah(?) I would be prepared for a major culture shock. Mormon is not just a religion it is an entire life(style) everyone there (Utah) is Mormon. The schools, businesses, movie theatres, night clubs etc. It is a state that is very loosely controlled by the Mormon church, the people there are kind, considerate an hard working but don't expect acceptance. You will always be an outsider. It is nothing like Christianity although most modern Mormons consider themselves so.
There will be certain parts of your life with him that will be withheld from you.
I was a bridesmaid at a wedding in a Mormon temple and was asked to leave the church half way through the ceremony because I was not LDS, certain parts of the ritual itself are kept from the couple prior. I have been to every major religion's marriage ceremonies including Christian, Jewish, Pagan, Muslim and Buddhist, no one has ever asked me to leave before.
Believe me, I am no paranoid conspiracy theorist but I found it creepy. Personally, I'd be more concerned with the fact that you would be wife number 3 before I'd worry about him being a practicing Mormon.
 designlady19
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 10
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Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 4/24/2008 6:24:47 PM
deni,

I too belong to a Faith a lot of Christians reflexively label a "sect." Don't let it rattle you, dear -- anything that's not their pet creed gets labelled a "sect." (You're going to hear that so often it's eventually going to become a big yawn.)

I've had Mormon friends and have nothing but respect for their values. Meet the family along the way to deciding -- Mormon families may be so "close" as to be confining, even stifling or controlling -- but most are very strong in supporting one another and being there for family members. Very upright, and very good-hearted people. Have a good look at how you would fit in in his specific family, and if you'd be warmly welcomed and comfortable with them.

Any choice you make, whether it is to marry someone who belongs to a Faith that most folks are ignorant about, or firmly follow a path that you feel is right but hardly anyone else seems to choose -- you are going to be told you are "deluded," "superstitious," "brain-washed," "naive" or a whole lot worse. When it comes to religion, the vast majority of people are plug ignorant and dam proud of it...

You MUST follow your heart, and I don't just mean your feelings for your beloved. You must choose what you see, know and believe is your right path. You can't choose any path for the sake of someone else -- you would only end up trying to fake it -- and that will destroy your relationship, and maybe yourself, too. I would encourage you to educate yourself well in the LDS teachings so that you can understand and be sensitive to your partner's issues and concerns, and be able to respect where he's coming from. You also need to know if or where there may be significant conflicts with your beliefs and know that you and your partner can navigate these areas with good communication and genuine respect for each other. You will also need to be well armed with factual information about the teachings of the faith, for when the ignorant throw their rotty tomatoes at you. Being anything other that mainline Christian or "no answer" in this country takes clarity of vision and a good bit of courage.

I've known a lot of enviable mixed-faith marriages. The key is understanding, respect and courtesy. Sometimes that works out best when a couples know they have different beliefs from the get-go, because they are ready and willing to explore and to talk them out. Often couples of the "same Faith" assume their partner believes "by the Book" exactly the same as they do and are stunned, and slam each other into the flames, when they discover that "the Book" leaves room for a huge spectrum of very good, very valid ways of looking at the same thing; but they're sure their one narrow take is the only "true" one.

Be well, and God bless whatever path you choose.
 deni30
Joined: 12/11/2007
Msg: 11
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 4/24/2008 6:26:07 PM
My QUESTION was about experiences with Mormon/Non-Mormon Relationships and people with first or second hand knowledge of their relationships.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 12
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Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 4/24/2008 6:28:59 PM
I don't know that much about Mormons although several of my daughter's friends are Mormons and one is even a Spanish Mormon church which we didn't know existed.

I think although he is mainstream, it is important to find out what sect he belongs to and that is a word without the negative connotation that society gives it. There are different Presbyterian churches in the United States; they are appropriately labeled sects. Most share some commonalities but there are certain things that one type of Presbyterian church will officially practice that others won't, this also doesn't exactly translate into knowing what the church is like because it is made up of people and this varies from congregation to congregation.

I think what people are getting at is that there is a difference between Mormons that live in communities that are primarily a mix of faiths and communities that are largely Mormon. One of the Mormon boys liked my daughter in middle school but they are not supposed to date until they are 16. He said he would have dated my daughter anyway but when another girl liked him, he fell back on his faith as an out for not wanting to date her.

The other kids my daughter knows practice differently. The religion supports marriage within the church and the reason that you will have to be married outside his Temple means that the marriage will be recognized but not sacred. Some of her friends are dating outside the faith (one's dad converted before her parents married) with their parents hoping that they will wind up with someone Mormon. Another girl will never date outside the faith because she does not believe in marrying outside of her faith.

Even if his immediate family accepts you with open arms living in a community that is for the most part Mormon will put you in a position to possibly experience negative reactions from others. Those who behave that way will probably not change no matter how long you live there. I would not make any decision without visiting and seeing for yourself what things are like. The situation is workable but to some extent it will depend on how deeply his Mormon upbringing is ingrained despite what he tells you. He may say it is unnecessary for you to convert but then subtly pressure you to do so, or his family will, and it will not be intentional deception but he may find his faith is more important than he believes.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 13
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Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 4/24/2008 6:42:51 PM
I dated a Mormon who was not "temple-certified". Mormons who aren't "certified" generally don't pressure you to join, since they are not plugged into all the expectations of the church themselves. LDS people, as a group, are some of the nicest people you'll ever want to meet. OP: it looks like this guy already went through the secret temple ceremony for his "all-Mormon" marriage, so it's not like he's going to wake up someday wishing he had done it. He has already gotten that out of his system. He knows you aren't planning on joining the church, and I'm sure his family is used to him pretty much doing what he wants to. It's not like he just turned 18.

You might want to get your own apartment and a job in his hometown and just play it by ear for a few months. If it continues to work out, then you can always move toward marriage. You can do a lot worse than to get with a Mormon. If you two love each other, then strongly consider going for it despite the differences.
 serenityCW
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 14
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Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 4/24/2008 6:56:13 PM
designing lady, my understanding of bahi, is that there is great emphasis upon the equality of women. i have many friends in CA who are of the mormon faith. my understanding is that CA is WAY different than a number of areas in utah (told by a mormon friend from san jose, CA). plus, you must not confuse the general population from the groups you are now watching on tv. that would be like comparing a jewish person to a chassidic person or saying all christians speak in tongues.

i know this, that the mormon parents i know are very worried about their kids leaving the faith or intermarrying, but so are other parents in other religions. the religion of the child is also an issue amongst many traditional religions.

knowing rochester, i must say you will be in culture shock just moving to utah, let alone being exposed to another religion. if i were you, i'd find a way to "visit" for at least two months of the summer. preferably more, w/o making any decisions. i also would get to know other women your age. the traditional mormon male is supposed to be a virgin before going on a mission. my friends kids could not go, but i wonder how many lie about it. also a lot of the teens act out in college and then go home to be traditional again.

as to utah, although there is a significant percent of the mormon population living there, this population is not the whole of utah! many other religions are way larger and dominate the total percent. i am told that layton, utah because of it's corporate nature, has many different religions and in that respect may be similar to rochester --or at least how rochester used to be, attracting many foreigners as well. i am not sure this is true, but check it out on the internet and see what you find. my other mormon friend moved there because it's less expensive and her husband became too ill to work, but she was also trying to lure us all out there!

what is said above about the REASON for african american acceptance totally intrigues me, as i know one man who left the church for that reason, until someone had a "dream" and then they changed the rules!!! the tax exempt status makes more sense. although i must say that i am told certain christian churches are kept apart racially or if they are racially mixed, they do not socialize outside the church. my african american economist friend went to teach in some area of texas about 15 years ago and he encountered this and fled back east. but again, some areas of texas are way more cosmopolitan and maybe things have changed since then.

you really need to do your statistic homework and then go "experience" the social climate! also make sure you can earn your own living --just in case!
 just heather
Joined: 11/29/2007
Msg: 15
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 4/24/2008 7:03:59 PM
Mormons, Church of Jesus Christ or Latter Day Saints, are also Christians. If you are a Christian, and try to practice Christian ways then there should be no problems.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 16
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 4/24/2008 7:11:25 PM
And thats what you got from me so dont' freak out; I'm friends with a guy that has written books on the subject and he used to be a leader in the church.

Again, it's your choice and I wish you well, but dont post a forum and manipulate people to support what you want; forums are just that; people give their points of view and experiences.

And college degrees dont' make a person smart; making the right decisions do.
 anyoneoutthier
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 17
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 4/24/2008 7:21:36 PM
I was born in utah and i now livein nevada which is strong mormon I could never fit in to thier life style as i did notbelive in thier belifes, if youfit in you will make it but if you dont life will be pure hell.
 designlady19
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 18
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Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 4/24/2008 7:24:50 PM
My first husband's family was Mormon. He hated the church. His family treated me a lot better than he did. I was about your age back then...
 mjlaw82
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 19
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 4/24/2008 7:43:16 PM
I think your main area for concern should be:


Matter a fact, he had one Mormon marriage of 9 years and one short lived non-Mormon mistake of a rebound marriage


As far as "being unequally yoked," obviously that's not a principle concern here. Neither of you are 'devout' in your respective religions. That portion of scripture (that you of course alluded to) deals with "True Believers." Without going into what it means to be a True Believer, suffice it to say claiming that neither of you are devout wouldn't qualify.

Lastly, who cares what your parents think? If you love each other and truly show it through words and action, then that is enough. No, I didn't say it should be...that IS enough. Trying to please others by marrying someone you don't love isn't the answer. It'll only cause more problems for you than it'll solve.
 Runwiththewind
Joined: 6/30/2005
Msg: 20
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 4/24/2008 8:15:58 PM
I've been there and done that and feel that I can give you first hand advice. I have studied alot about the LDS church and the way I feel is this. A person should read the Bible and remember the part that the Bible says that we are not to add or take away from God's word---right??? Well, The Mormon's have several of their own books that they believe a later prophet/man Joseph Smith got a message from God and that God told all of the the things that he later wrote in his book. They have added their own chapters to the Bible. They believe that they themselves can one day become a god and have all their family living with them on a planet all their own. Now come on---lets be real---where in the Bible does it say anything about that??? Why do they seem to have huge families??? It seems like a whole lot of far out ideas to me and not of the Bible. You can't pick and choose what you want to believe from the Bible and one is certainly not suppose to add to it. I would advise you to become stronger in your own beliefs and find out for yourself just what you do believe. You would be so easy to fool knowing to me what seems so little about the faith you do have.
I too was about to marry a Morman and we had an agreement that he would keep his beliefs and I would have mine. Well, when it came right down to it I was told it just wouldn't work out because of our different beliefs. I had the feeling that he had held out and was hoping that sooner or later I'd see it his way and come around. I didn't and so we didn't.
 rawrrrr
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 21
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Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 4/24/2008 8:18:58 PM

I'm friends with a guy that has written books on the subject and he used to be a leader in the church.


May I ask what books he has written? I live in an area with a large Mormon population and I have quite a few Mormon friends. I've read parts of the book of Mormon and I have never heard of this planet thing. I'd be interested to learn more.

Since the OP apparently took her ball and went home, I'm not even going to bother answering.
 Gassenti
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 22
Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 4/24/2008 8:34:51 PM
I totally agree that you should absolutely get some information on the Mormon church and what their beliefs are. My daughter and I are Christians and born again at that..........she dated a Mormon and the next thing we knew she was being bombarded by his church missionairies. Don't get me wrong. His family loved my daughter and he did as well. But when she started to read on the subject and started discussing some of the beliefs that the Mormans had, no one would ever give her a straight anwer to her questions. They even started to knock on my door asking me if it was okay to talk to her. And then they started to try to "convert" me. I truely believe that if you are planning to move to his area you really need to know exactly what you are getting into. It is a cultural thing as well as a religion. I admire their family values and their ability to help those in their church............and wish that many mainstream churchs were as supportive in this way.

I have a friend who has married a man who is Morman and active at that. She is not a Morman. His family accept her, but do try to instill their values into her family. She has a hard time with his family and friends, but she dearly loves her husband. It is everything of being between a rock and a hard place. The decision is yours...........but be prepared. The LDS sites will give an interesting bit of information about them......but they really don't do into specifics. The specifics are left out until someone is actually baptised into their faith. So do seek information outside of the LDS sites. There is plenty of information on the net. And don't be fooled. Some of what they believe seems far fetched and unreal........and when you read it you may be finding yourself thinking that there are many narrow minded, mudsliging people out there. Write down what you dig up....and then talk to your other half about this. More hopefully he will be open to honest conversation about this. And no, you don't have to convert..........but many won't take no for an answer and if you marry into it you can expect much in the way of intervention.

I wish you only the best and hope that you find your way through this. I have often said that if you can find a "fallen" morman, then you will have a good man indeed. Like I said. Many of their values are noteworthy.
 hiheelsareOk
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 23
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Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 4/24/2008 9:14:08 PM
Sounds like this is turning into a religous debate about Morman's. Well OP to answer your question;


My QUESTION was about experiences with Mormon/Non-Mormon Relationships and people with first or second hand knowledge of their relationships


My brother is a Morman. This is the wrong place to get your answers. I read most of these POST and just want to gag on the misinformation about the LDS Religion. As far as experiences with marriage and non members. Yes, I have had numerous experiences with couples that are not both members. A lot of this is going to depend on how active of a member he is. You must also consider that someday he may choose to get more involve in the LDS Church. What really matters is how you feel for him, and how he feels for you. Everything else including his Church beliefs are workable. As far as a temple marriage for the two of you. That would only be possible if you were baptised into the LDS church, and you both received a temple recommend from the Bishop of your Ward. Its not a temple certificate, its a recommend. It usually means you have been a member in good standing for a period of at lease 1 year.
 InAdvance
Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 24
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Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 4/24/2008 9:22:43 PM
im not a mormon, but do think if you two love eachother, that this would bridge any gap that might arise from family or his community. Is it possible he could move to you, if this was a problem for him? It seems he isn't worried, so not sure you should be either. Good luck
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 25
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Non- Mormon Dating a Mormon
Posted: 4/25/2008 7:06:28 AM
Runwiththewind, while you may object to what the Mormon church has in the Bible, you don't know your general Christian information very well if you fail to recognize that it was the Catholic Church that determined what is in your Bible, that there are numerous books that were rejected by men who if I follow your logic, had no right to decide what was and was not the word of God.

They were essentially editors, and chose those books that they felt helped to make the Bible a congruent whole. There were other gospels that were left out. And I may be wrong and now have to ask my pastor but I think the Book of Mormon is also peripherally involved in my denomination. What most people are speaking to is what another woman mentioned much better than I, that with some Mormons, it is very much a cultural thing in addition to the religious views.

And sadly, the OP has left the building. Hope she found her answers before she split
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