| when you miss the boat..
Posted: 4/25/2008 5:04:35 AM | Hi there,
don't you think that once you become 30 and you are still looking for the one you are missing the boat?
When I look around I only see people of my age married or single but with 10 kids so basically as I don't want someone else's kids it seems quite remote to find the one add to this my average looks and the end is almost near but I am fine with it I have just created other interests. | |
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| when you miss the boat..
Posted: 4/25/2008 6:31:00 AM | You haven't missed the boat, but to feel that way is normal when you hit 30. It seems to be the decade of discovery and questions -- most of which end up being answered eventually, in order to leave room for the new ones that arise. *smile*
To have goals is essential, but if they overshadow the pleasures to be found in one's journey towards achieving them .. well, you may know what I'm getting at. It's good to hear you have developed other interests while pursuing yours. | |
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| when you miss the boat..
Posted: 4/25/2008 6:45:21 AM | Missed the boat? Not at all. You have to stay optimistic. 
You just have to keep improving yourself, actively getting yourself out there and overall living a good life. There are still people who are single, never married and without children after 30. You just have to get a little more creative and assertive with how you meet people. Good luck to you. :) | |
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| when you miss the boat..
Posted: 4/25/2008 9:24:50 AM | SOS SOS SOS... If you miss the boat ya can't sink?
If it were yours to have would you have missed it? Maybe it was someone elses boat?
If I miss the boat I just take a cab, transfer to the city bus, head on over to the airport, fly to the train station and take a left turn at Alburquerque... lol
I'm 37 years old, I've never been married, I have two children... I never felt I missed an opportunity in life. If you're in your thirties you're now discovering who you truly are and what you truly want in a relationship. This is the opportunity of a lifetime, you now know what you want in life and from a companion, your chances of having a successful boat ride have just significantly increased. As you said, those who are single and your age have been married and or have children.... hmmm... maybe they were on your boat lol
Keep sailing Bob...  | |
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| when you miss the boat..
Posted: 4/25/2008 11:58:08 AM | Well, I know I'm finding that in trying to date in my 30's there seems to be two ends of a scale.
on one side, you have the people that have been in a long term relationship (~8+ years) and on the other, you have those that haven't really settled down and have been in multiple relationships).
Usually the long term relationship people are really out of the dating loop. Have no clue what they are doing and are often scared to take chances because they are still a bit vulnerable. (I know I kind of sit in this group). On the other side, you have those that have, for whatever reason, been exposed to many people, been hurt many times and are somewhat jaded for the most part. They tend to be suspicious of you when you approach them and are just waiting for you to hurt them.
I know not everyone falls in to these categories, but most can be places somewhere along the scale. (At least that I have found) | |
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| when you miss the boat..
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:30:10 PM |
I wouldnt say ive missed the boat (and,im in my 40's) but ive seen it sail away a few times....and,from what ive seen on board,im glad im on dry land.................
S'pose it depends on what you're looking for?
Do u really wanna be on that boat...................?????
HA! Good one!! I totally agree...if you ever do get on the boat, make sure you have the number of the Coast Guard, and two extra lifejackets... | |
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| when you miss the boat..
Posted: 4/25/2008 2:22:49 PM |
don't you think that once you become 30 and you are still looking for the one you are missing the boat?
When I look around I only see people of my age married or single but with 10 kids so basically as I don't want someone else's kids it seems quite remote to find the one add to this my average looks and the end is almost near but I am fine with it I have just created other interests.
Hogwash.
The only time/reasoning I can see why someone would feel like "time is running out" is when they are thinking of a family. Yes you have a limited time frame when you want children of your own, but if children don't matter...then you have all the time in the world to get married.
I'm 34. Maybe I won't meet Ms Right til I'm 38, 42, 50, etc...or not at all. The trick to life is to live your life as if you never find anyone. Treat a significant other as an added bonus to life, not the be-all end-all of existence. The people who go from worried to desperate and then rush into a marriage are those who plan their lives around being married to someone.
In the old days that made a lot of sense...but now times have changed. You unfortunately have to look out for yourself first. So maybe I'll meet Ms Right, marry, have a family, and get us a home to be a family in. Or I'll meet Ms Right, marry, stay DINKs and spend my life with her. Or I'll end up alone, buy real estate in Europe, enjoy life, stay healthy, and not worry about it.
Love is wonderful, but you can't make it the priority of your life. | |
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| when you miss the boat..
Posted: 4/27/2008 9:30:01 AM | | grkboy thanks for your reply it was comforting to understand that some people maybe are not born to be loved...well nevermind... | |
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| when you miss the boat..
Posted: 4/27/2008 9:57:12 AM |
Hogwash.
The only time/reasoning I can see why someone would feel like "time is running out" is when they are thinking of a family. Yes you have a limited time frame when you want children of your own, but if children don't matter...then you have all the time in the world to get married.
I agree that if you really want kids by a certain age - you are more limited. However, I wouldn't get down to the end and start interviewing just anyone to meet that goal - sounds hysterical, but I have seen people actually do this. I'd also say marriage is nice, but also not a goal...
I'm 34. Maybe I won't meet Ms Right til I'm 38, 42, 50, etc...or not at all. The trick to life is to live your life as if you never find anyone. Treat a significant other as an added bonus to life, not the be-all end-all of existence. The people who go from worried to desperate and then rush into a marriage are those who plan their lives around being married to someone.
They are also the people who are shellshocked and unable to function once a marriage ends...and have to relearn everything on their own. IME it's harder to adjust when you just live for someone else like that because their life and dreams become yours, and you lose yourself.
When it's over you regret it, and sometimes have to actually learn what you like and want in life again because you're so used to squelching it to make room for someone else.
In the old days that made a lot of sense...but now times have changed. You unfortunately have to look out for yourself first. So maybe I'll meet Ms Right, marry, have a family, and get us a home to be a family in. Or I'll meet Ms Right, marry, stay DINKs and spend my life with her. Or I'll end up alone, buy real estate in Europe, enjoy life, stay healthy, and not worry about it.
Love is wonderful, but you can't make it the priority of your life.
grkboy that was a really great post overall - so true...looks like the OP missed the message entirely (or it seems like it from the below quote)...
grkboy thanks for your reply it was comforting to understand that some people maybe are not born to be loved...well nevermind...
Sigh. | |
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| when you miss the boat..
Posted: 4/27/2008 10:59:08 AM | | Sigh.....being over 30 and single is like being a social leper..... what the hell happened??....one min we were in our 20s and there were loads of dating opportunities and no pressure...next min you wake up and everyone is hooked up and having babies....*going out* is for single people so your opportunities to meet people is non-existent.....everyone else is in couples buying houses having babies and you're the odd one out and much as you smile and dote over other peoples babies and stay optimistic against the odds even though its bloody hard....is there any hope for us? | |
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| when you miss the boat..
Posted: 4/28/2008 11:18:01 AM | Just a couple of thoughts, guys...
The "Brady Bunch" sitcom version of reality that so many people used to use as their standard for measuring personal success "sailed" in the late 60's. I guess most people have heard that while Brady Bunch was filming, teenager Greg Brady was having a secret affair with "Mom" Brady, right?
My oldest sister, in a moment of desperation, decided to have a child when she was 24. She was afraid of growing old and never getting married, etc., etc... Turned out she was too immature to raise a child responsibly, and the poor kid (now 25) is still dealing with developmental issues as a result of that selfish decision.
It is my understanding that we have matured during a time of incredible change for the human race: socially, technologically, and environmentally. Does it make any sense during a time of incredible social upheaval to desperately follow the "social script" of our Grandparents? Many are desperately trying to make the old traditions work, and the vast majority are failing miserably. This cannot be reasonably disputed - just check out the stats on divorce, infidelity, people losing their life savings, homelessness, joblessness, war victims, etc.
In my opinion the last four decades have been the time for bold choices. Sometimes that means waiting until it feels right even when the press is saying: Buy now while mortgage rates are the lowest in history, Convert your car to run on BioFuels, Lets sacrifice our lives on the altar of environmentalism, etc., etc.
don't you think that once you become 30 and you are still looking for the one you are missing the boat?
horatius76, I think WE caught the wave (social trend). YOU were ahead of your time! Congratulations!
(But then I have always been a radical, in clean-cut sheep’s clothing!) | |
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| when you miss the boat..
Posted: 4/28/2008 4:30:57 PM | If you miss the boat, take the plane, the hot air balloon, the submarine, the raft, but stay off the train and automobiles because they don't float.
The thing is, if you missed the boat, there's a good chance that not a single boat came to dock that really suited you at the time in your life, so if you keep hanging atthe boat docks, you're gonna miss what does suit you better.
If the whole married and kids is exactly what you want, then just find a woman just as devoted to the idea and shares your general values and communication style, and get married and have kids, it will probably work. Marriages worked in the past for exactly this. As someone in theur 30's and NOT in this condition, you have probably been resistent to standard and outmoded relationships.
If a specific relationship is on your mind, then get clear on it, so when it comes knocking, you're home to answer the door. | |
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| when you miss the boat..
Posted: 4/28/2008 7:31:59 PM | The Titanic was a boat. You see where this is going.
Sure. When I can't relate to any of my friends anymore because of their relationships and or family commitments, I feel like I mispent my late 20's.
But I also have friends who are divorced/divorcing and now they want to have "fun".
It's weird. I'm telling them "No I don't want to be your wingman tonight..."
Evidently there is more than one "boat". | |
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| when you miss the boat..
Posted: 4/29/2008 6:16:24 AM | | oh yes this is the titanic...we are all dancing whilst it is sinking deeper and deeper.... | |
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| when you miss the boat..
Posted: 4/29/2008 6:42:29 AM | Sometimes I feel like I missed the boat, other times not so much. Some of my best times being single was in my early 30s, but in my late 30s things have taken a serious turn for the worse.
I miss a lot of the things you have in a serious relationship and just the whole concept of growing together. I think of the good things as far as relationships go, but I also know there are plenty of bad as well.
Sometimes the grass is actually greener on the other side, but mostly it is just plain old grass. You still have to cut it like you do all grass. | |
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| when you miss the boat..
Posted: 4/29/2008 9:51:47 AM | I am 35 and have children and the best thing that ever happened to me was having that 13 year old boat sink. I certanly didn't think so a couple years ago while i was trying to bail the water out, but now I know it was for the better.
I have moved on and spent the last few years getting to know who I am and what I want. I am happier 35 and single than i was in the last 5 years of that boat ride. My problem is I never had any dating\pick up skills to begin with.
AlthoughI must admit. When I meet a girl in her mid to late thirties with no kids they are pretty much damaged goods to me. It has been my experience that they are selfish, self centered, and have never experienced the unconditional love I experience everday as a parent. For the right price I might buy the table with a scratch on it but I better really like it and it would have to match my living room. | |
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| when you miss the boat..
Posted: 4/29/2008 2:03:42 PM |
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the english way
The time is gone, the song is over, thought Id something more to say
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| when you miss the boat..
Posted: 4/29/2008 2:46:30 PM | The time is gone, the song is over, thought Id something more to say
Come on you have to give props. Time by Pink Floyd | |
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| when you miss the boat..
Posted: 4/29/2008 3:03:51 PM | Sometimes the boat arrives at the dock at a later time. Case in point, a friend of mine met the love of her life at age 50, they've been together for 12 years, and plan on many more.  | |
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| when you miss the boat..
Posted: 4/29/2008 11:56:09 PM | Sometimes boats are not the answer at all......there are many other forms of transportation, and I suggest most of us need to use them ALL......
Just my opinion......   | |
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| when you miss the boat..
Posted: 4/30/2008 4:12:32 PM |
you are missing the boat?
Umm.... nope
Cause I just look at all the divorced/single parents and I know hangin' in there is going to be worth it. | |
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| when you miss the boat..
Posted: 5/1/2008 7:24:12 PM | | There is always a time and place for everything, nothing ever set in stone, live each day anew and never lose the sight of hope. Who knows, tomorrow may be the day you shine and find what you desire. I am a firm believer in the saying that we sometimes miss the very thing we are looking for because we are to obsessed with trying to find it. Just let life take you wherever it may. | |
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