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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 1
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"Whatever Happens Happens"Page 1 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
I have a question about the context of this phrase and would like to know if it differs greatly with gender, or if it's just me.

Men: When you hear or say this in regards to meeting/getting to know someone, what does it mean to you or what do you mean by it? And be candid - it's not a trick question, I really want to know what goes thru your head when it's uttered.

Ladies: Same question.

I had a discussion with a few people about this over the last couple days...and I want to see what the forums here say. It seems that it may mean a world of difference depending on the gender, but I hope not.

Thanks!
 Change Of Pace
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 2
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:04:34 PM
Have to say a couple of men I've met had a very different thought than me...I meant if we like each other we'll see what happens. They meant if we like each other we'll sleep together.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 3
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:13:32 PM
Interesting...I wonder why? How does that phrase equate to same night sex? Hmmm...

I met a guy last Friday night that I agreed to hang out with locally for an hour or two and shoot pool, grab a beer or two and see if we had any further interest beyond talking on the phone or whatever. Long story short, I wasn't into him, but was enjoying the place and generally having fun - I was in the mood to go where I ended up anyway, regardless. In the second hour it was clear to me that he was not only thinking I was into him, but thought the night would end up at my place, which I never mentioned, but he talked about a couple times.

He asked if I was interested, I firmly but not rudely told him I wasn't, that being the reason we met in the first place. He then asked if I would sleep with him (which I thought was the same as being interested, but I digress), and I said "no, of course not."

He then mentioned that I had said "whatever happens, happens" to him several times before we met. I took it as I might like him or not, he took it as "whoa, lemme bring extra condoms".

I just want to know for sure if this is universally taken that way so that I don't say it anymore...and if others have had the same experience (from either side).
 UrbanTO
Joined: 4/1/2007
Msg: 4
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:22:13 PM
In general, to me it means I have no expectations, no demands, nothing. It means that if it's meant to be, it will happen. If not, then whatever I do/say/think/hope is not going to change one single thing, it ain't gonna happen LOL

But it doesn't apply to sex, at least not for me.
 felix_the_cat_
Joined: 12/1/2007
Msg: 5
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:30:05 PM

what does it mean to you or what do you mean by it?


exactly what it says, no expectations , no pressures one way or another, if something happens it happens because it was going to happen, a natural progression
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 6
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:37:54 PM
I had an email from a man the other day that says:


I would love to take you to be and let you talk all you want to me and tell me all about your self all night long a if we get around to making love then we would just have to let it happen,


I don't think there is ANY ambiguity about his intention to "let it happen." I didn't hear from him again after I answered his email.

I can't imagine why.

Snort.
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 7
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:40:23 PM
Pretty much ditto what UrbanTO stated. But I will add that after you've made all the effort you can, the rest is out of your control. You can only do what you can do, the rest is up to someone/something else.


~ds~
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 8
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:41:23 PM
WHOA, I now know not to say that to men...GEEZ

I too would think that what ever happens happens, means if we get along and click, great, if we don't no big deal, there is no expectations one way or another.

I will say I met some idiots that wanted to push the sex envelop... One in particular comes to mind. I made contact with him, and since I did that, in his mind I wanted him.

I met him, and wanted to run as fast as I could, but was polite to listen to his drivel while I kindly sipped my soda.

Finally after about 45 minutes of watching this dweeb in disgust scarf down a stinky mushroom burger I told him I need to get back home to study... He asked me if he was coming home with me...UHHHH NOOOOOOOO...

Headed out to my truck and he was right behind me... He was on my passengers side, and like an idiot instead of rolling down the window, I opened the door to see what he wanted...

He still thought he was going to go home with me...WHAT A FRUIT CAKE!

I immediately slammed down my center storage caddy so he could come closer. Trying to be polite....This was back in the day where I thought women were required to be polite no matter the situation...I told him no several more times and that I Really needed to get out of there...

It amazes me how some people can turn something into an invitation to sex no matter what....
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 9
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:41:56 PM
Ok, so far it doesn't seem to be as bad as I thought...lol...I always figured that part of "whatever happening" could be nothing at all...good to know I am not the only one who hears it that way.


Finally after about 45 minutes of watching this dweeb in disgust scarf down a stinky mushroom burger I told him I need to get back home to study... He asked me if he was coming home with me...UHHHH NOOOOOOOO...

I ended up fearing for my life/safety last week - which is why I don't do night meetings, and should have known better this past time, but thought I was being too quick to judge and ignored my gut feeling (which I won't be doing again). He told me he thought my interest was already clear before we met, which I think is sort of not possible.

After I made it clear to this guy a few times that no, there wasn't even a remote romantic interest (hey at least he couldn't say I gave him mixed signals) he told me 10 times in a number of ways that he was planning to end up at my house and didn't intend to take no for an answer...that and different combinations of trying to get me to drink way more than I had - which I flatly refused.

He didn't follow me home, but I did end up leaving him in a bar and walking 10 blocks back to my car alone, I knew if he walked me back I'd have been followed.

But anyway, yeah I might want to either REALLY clarify this or not say it at all (and keep meetings to daytime public places and under an hour).
 fladude123
Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 10
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:45:12 PM
Exactly what it means. I'll be honest and say that I'd hope I'd form some sort of relationship beyond just friends but I wouldn't go into it expecting sex and one can ALWAYS use more friends...
 evnstevn
Joined: 1/11/2008
Msg: 11
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:50:13 PM
It's easy to understand the confusion. If the idea is planted in a guys mind that there's even a remote chance something may 'happen', he's going to be optimistic about what it means. Because if you went out together and only had dinner or shot pool or saw a movie, technically nothing happened in man-terminology.

 fly0nthewall
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 12
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:50:34 PM
UglyBetty, I take it to mean that there are no guarantees. I say it to myself so that I don't get my hopes up too quickly. Or, I say it to myself so that I don't automatically think the worst of things. The phrase is useful in lots of situations. It's a good way to let go and just let things happen.
 Savona
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 13
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:04:19 PM
Good question OP,

I have heard this before ... "Well what ever happens, happens" ...

In regards to a *relationship* is how I want to answer. Yes, you can not fake the I am so into you feeling. But a relationship has to move forward also.

I feel if I hear a man say that to me I assume that he is not prepared to go forward "With Intention".

So if I hear a man say what ever happens will happen, then I assume he can't be bothered. I feel he is the type that if it doesn't come easy then he will pass it by.

I would love to hear men's version from the One who has uttered these words to a woman.

Savona
 rjb888
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 14
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:04:34 PM
UB thanks for putting this thread up. I've always thought it meant if we click with attraction, conversation, personality etc when maybe we can have a second date. I NEVER meant that I was going to umpa lumpa them.

Holy crap what is wrong with some people. Are really to the point that we must speak in "see spot run" to be understood.

The movie Idiocracy is coming true.
 Blueeyedbaldman
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 15
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:06:03 PM
When I say it the intention is not about sex, its about if theres chemistry, or we can just be friends, or if there is a connection and we hit it off good than maybe we can take it further and go out again.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 16
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:16:10 PM
It's leaving the whole dating thing open to debate--here is an extreme example:

Say you meet for "coffee", but you both have in the back of your minds that you want to have sex. Before the date, he might say, "Let's meet for coffee and then go from there; whatever happens, happens." If we have coffee and then say good-bye, that's what happened. If we have coffee and then get it on, THAT is what happened.

I think it's an attempt to reduce pressure.
 Xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 17
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:17:26 PM
OP and Savona #14
To me its a neutral, vague , open statement implying exactly nothing in particular. How is that for a run-around definition. It does not have sexual connotations and yes , Savona, it can be used to give a non-commital response when someone is pushing for what the other persons "intentions" are. I presume that both genders can get vague in their responses when being pushed about future intentions, especially if one is being pushed for an answer early in a relationship.
 Savona
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 18
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:19:07 PM
Haha ... I thought it was only me that never thought it was a sex question ... !!! Yea I can be slow.

If it was about sex, and a man said to me what ever happens happens ... then nothing is happening for sure.

Savona
 *LoisLane*
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 19
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:20:07 PM
Ok UBetty,

I am writing this without reading the responses because I want to give my unbiased opinion.

If I were to say it, it means I am going with the flow and the outcome, no matter what it is, is acceptable to me unless the circumstances change, for (baaah!) whatever reason. At that time, I make a decision accordingly.

I interpret it in the same way.

I can wait to read all the other responses...

Edited to Add: I didn't realize I was that naive. After reading about your 'pool' boy, um, in that context, whatever happens happens means, I probably won't sleep with you but if I choose to, I choose to, however, I'm likely to not. LOL.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 20
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:20:22 PM
UB thanks for putting this thread up. I've always thought it meant if we click with attraction, conversation, personality etc when maybe we can have a second date. I NEVER meant that I was going to umpa lumpa them.

The reason I did is because I was talking to a couple male friends over the week who asked me why I said this to someone I was meeting. I asked why wouldn't I say it?

Then they told me how it was (usually) interpreted...now because it's never been either repeated back to me in confusion, or brought up in conversation, I had no idea I was causing such a mixed signal to occur. So I guess at almost 40 I learned something....lol
 Cazimi
Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 21
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:21:52 PM
I take it as being open minded, no pressure , flexible as to whatever comes.

I am comfortable with this attitude, I don't like to be pressured ,
like to take one step at a time, depends on chemistry and personality.
 shieldvulf
Joined: 10/30/2006
Msg: 22
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:32:55 PM
To me, personally? "Whatever happens, happens" means Doris Day, Jimmy Stewart, Alfred Hitchcock, and a translation from the Spanish.

As often happens to me in these fora, I have no idea what OPie is really asking about. As I usually guess, I guess that someone said this to OPie, and she wants to pin down what he means, because she understood one thing and he, apparently, another. She just won't say.

If that's it, then it's about those two people in that moment and we can't help her. The phrase itself is a tautology, the equivalent of saying 1=1, or "Whatever doesn't happen, won't happen," or "lunch is luncheon." It hardly "means" anything.

I have noticed (yes, I'm trying to answer, anyway) that some people say this or a few other phrases, as a way of saying "I'm not going to make any decisions or commitments right now, or, if I am, I'm not going to share them with you." In that way, it's an indirect way of saying, "I'm not making any promises, and you can't make me."

As far as men using the phrase to get some sex, well! That's what we use most everything for, so I don't see how this phrase is anything special in that regard.

If you want somebody to be clear about something, and if what he says is not clear, then say so. Don't treat vague, all purpose cliches like tea leaves in which to read the future. Vague, all purpose cliches are only that, lazy talk and no more.

Cheers!

Vulf

OH! I've read OPie's stories now, and I understand. When she said this to the horny boy, what he heard was that she did not say, "I will never fvck you." Which, to a mind clouded with testosterone, can sound like third base.
 *LoisLane*
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 23
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:35:06 PM
^^^Vulf, Read Msg 3, it should clarify things for ya
 BILLIE320
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 24
Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:37:47 PM
Hi
I think it means exactly what it says, ie maybe we will make progress/ maybe we wont but either way here and now is good
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 25
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Whatever Happens Happens
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:41:32 PM
As often happens to me in these fora, I have no idea what OPie is really asking about. As I usually guess, I guess that someone said this to OPie, and she wants to pin down what he means, because she understood one thing and he, apparently, another. She just won't say.

On the contrary, Vulf I said it and someone else took it differently than I meant it - but I didn't want to go to far into an explanation so as not to sway responses. I wanted people to genuinely describe what it meant to them without bias.

I later explained what the origin of the question was in some detail (over a few posts).

I don't think there is ANY ambiguity about his intention to "let it happen." I didn't hear from him again after I answered his email.

I can't imagine why.

Snort.

LMAO Gwen! I love the wording "if we get around to making love" what an odd way to put that? Needless to say, I can't say I would have continued talking to him either after that (tho I would have secretly laughed at it).
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