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| What is wrong with this woman??
Posted: 4/25/2008 12:56:26 PM | A serious question that I have to ask the ladies and I would like some fair answers into the insight of why this woman is doing what she is doing (BTW, I did do a search and nothing I could find).
So, on to the brief and unabridged version. I knew this woman for many many months before I decided to go out with her. I went against my gut feeling because I thought things were too good to be true about her (she was very nice, personable, easy to talk to, but she had three kids and I had never dated a woman with kids before, so I thought I would try it). Anyways, things were great between us. She was about 7 years older than me as well, but I didn't care and she always brought that up about being older and also having three kids as well, but again, I said I didn't care. We saw each other a little bit during the week and during the weekend when she didn't have the kids. Well, months pass, nothing out of the ordinary happens and then one day, like a light switch, she turns on me and says that she thought I would be better off with someone else besides herself. I asked her the reason, to which she responded at first that she had no reason. Strange to say, I thought, but I talked her into staying together, allowing her more time to get things together. Well, V-day passed, I bought her a nice set of roses and cooked for her and I barely got a thanks out of the deal. Well, I am starting to wonder what is going on, but I don't press her. After a few weeks of this, I went through a very traumatic event that I needed her beside me and you know what her response was? "I am sorry, I have to do something else, I can't be there for you in the moment you need me." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. A few days later after that, I broke it off with her, stating that if she could spare just a few hours of her time for me when I needed her, that it would never work out. Her response was "I guess I am just f^cked in the head". What kind of response is that????? I never treated her bad at all, always did things for her and her kids, and tried to help her out with little things, like help her with the dishes, clean her house, etc, but again, she wouldn't let me in. After we broke up, she wanted to keep in contact with me and insisted that I keep in contact, which I have been doing, but she isn't taking any emails or anything from me and not writing back. I am confused as to why she would tell me to keep in communication and then not ever answer back. Interesting I tell you!!
What I am trying to ask is why would she break contact off with me after SHE insisted on keeping contact with me and I upheld my end of the bargain by trying to communicate with her. I hear all the time about how women look for guys like myself, but everytime I get into a relationship, it breaks down due to lack of communication from her and I try to do my part to keep it stabilized, but again, no dice. Any woman out there have insight into what she is thinking and why she would change on the dime like that?? It has pushed me deeper into a hole about not trusting women again because it seems like when I open up and share my feelings like they want me to, they end up wanting out. Any insight??? Thanks for the responses and I will check back sometime over the weekend. | |
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| What is wrong with this woman??
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:33:32 PM | OP I have no idea why unless she just loss interest or things weren't going her way.
If I were you though I would stop trying to contact her and concentrate on yourself. If she is interested still let her be the one to come to you. | |
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| What is wrong with this woman??
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:40:50 PM | I apologize if I misread your post OP but you did type [she turns on me and says that she thought I would be better off with someone else besides herself. I asked her the reason, to which she responded at first that she had no reason]
There is a reason for everything.....she just chose not to say why probably to spare your feelings.
As well, you also typed [but I talked her into staying together, allowing her more time to get things together]
You cant force someone to be with you. She probably felt the only way to get away from you was to be rude and uncaring.
Chalk this up as a dating lesson....if someone says they feel it is not working out, let them go and dont try to force a relationship with them
Take care and best of luck,
A | |
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| What is wrong with this woman??
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:52:13 PM | None of us can ever understand what goes on in the mind of another person, we can only go off observed behaviour. I would suggest there had been many signals to say she felt lukewarm towards you, perhaps you chose not to see them, as many of us do.
I am making a hedged guess here, reading the little you have written both on your posting and in your profile, you could be more direct and firm in your manner. When things seem wishy washy you don't take them seriously, nor can you confront them to resolve issues terribly well either.
Assertiveness training and a build up of your own self confidence will send out clear signals about your own expectations. This woman has wishy washed away a whole year of your existence - vagueness doesn't build good memories and experiences for yourself, attitude does. Don't contact her anymore, be firm and move on, you have a life to live, learn from this - don't tolerate evasion, confusion and garbage treatment. | |
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| What is wrong with this woman??
Posted: 4/25/2008 2:05:30 PM | From my experience she could have had someone lead her down the garden path, and dump her because of the kids. Do the kids like you? She may not have been able to help you in your time of need because of something to do with the kids. All kinds of things can happen with kids, get sick, hurt.
In my honest opinion i think she is afraid of being hurt. | |
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| What is wrong with this woman??
Posted: 4/25/2008 5:25:23 PM | First of all to the OP: please learn to use paragraph breaks. They are normally used when you start a new train of thought ie: when you met her, when she wanted to break it off with you, when you wanted/needed her. It makes it SO much easier to read.
Secondly, she answered all your questions for you when she said ""I guess I am just f^cked in the head". I mean really, do you NEED anymore reason than that?
that explains everything....... | |
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| What is wrong with this woman??
Posted: 4/25/2008 5:47:45 PM | to the OP, and to answer your question,, which she already did so eloquently,
"she is fukked in the head".
moral of the story, next time, leave well enough alone instead of trying to make something else of your relationship. you didnt actually attempt to make it more, you attempted to change what it was to something it wasnt. best to leave well enough alone in the future. its one thing to take things slowly in a new relationship, and to allow the relationship to grow from friendly companionship into romance. its quite another to attempt to change your friend into your lover. all to often we hear stories of this failing miserably, and not only do you not have a romance, you have also lost your dear friend. | |
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| What is wrong with this woman??
Posted: 4/25/2008 6:06:03 PM | op, maybe her reason for telling you to start dating other women other than herself was to prepare you for something that wouldn't happen between the 2 of you. in other words....she's not interested in you enough to have a committed relationship with and would rather you take interest in another woman breaking you away from her.
with what's going through her head no one would know but if she said that she's f*cked up in the head then take her word for it.
now, with the emails......stop emailing her. she sounds as if she's going to keep you hanging in the closet alone until you get tired of being ignored or given the silent treatment. move on and forget about her, there are women out there that would respect you for what little or big you do for them.....they would also be there for you. don't let one bad experience turn you away with regards to trusting another women. | |
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| What is wrong with this woman??
Posted: 4/25/2008 7:13:33 PM | It amazes me OP as to why you would want to remain friends with this woman when she couldn't be with you when you needed her to be.
She is obviously a pretty mixed up woman who doesn't know what she wants.....Let her go, stop emailing her, move on.
rentahusband.....I am yet to read a post from you where you don't pick on someone for bad spelling or grammar.....it's getting tiresome | |
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| What is wrong with this woman??
Posted: 4/25/2008 8:25:59 PM | | Poster, sometimes we just don't know the "why's" of things...just chalk it up as a learning experience and continue down your path of life..... :) | |
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| What is wrong with this woman??
Posted: 4/25/2008 8:43:55 PM | Personally speaking, i was dating a man that was about 6 years younger than me, no children, no responsbility -we dated for about 4 months and just this week I broke it off. If you read my profile you will see that i am a single mother of two children. The reason i broke it off was becuase I knew that deep down, it would never last. We are at different "life stages" and while now things are fun i could predict that down the line he wouldn't make me happy so why keep wasting my time and his.
She may have felt herself developing major feelings for you and got scared and wanted to ween you out of her life.
Just my opinion. Take it easy, M- | |
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| What is wrong with this woman??
Posted: 4/25/2008 11:57:31 PM | | It sounds to me like she did a bit of self-sabotaging because she felt something wasn't right between you, or, as callmefancy said, because she didn't feel it would last. But then she felt conflicted about letting you go. People are often ambivalent like that without the intention of messing you around, even if that's the usual result. | |
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| What is wrong with this woman??
Posted: 4/26/2008 1:59:52 AM | Sounds like she has been very hurt in the past and has built up a massive wall to protect herself.
I feel for you but also for her. Sad situation all round | |
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| What is wrong with this woman??
Posted: 4/26/2008 6:16:45 AM | The first thing that comes to mind is another interest. Sounds to me like she's trying to back out ever so gently while still seeming somewhat interested. She doesn't have to explain anything, answer any questions, or face you to break it off. She tells you to stay in contact and then drops you off. What I've seen of human nature, when someone does a 180 without warning, 9 times out of 10 is another man or woman. No matter what timing is everything and communication is key. If she lacks the skills to communicate, and do so honestly, be glad this has happened sooner rather than later when you would have invested more time and energy. It's not the right time an she's not the right chick.
Always remember if you don't trust you can NEVER truly love or be loved. Everyone has had their heart broken and however painful you survive. Protecting yourself doesn't keep that from happening. | |
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| What is wrong with this woman??
Posted: 4/26/2008 6:38:22 AM | | all i can figure is she didnt wnat to be with you. thats why she asked about it earlier and u talked her into staying in relationshiop for awhile. when one does not want the relationshop u should not have talked her into staying. that was first mistake. she apparently was unhappy for whatever reason and u didnt accept it. maybe thats why she was not there when u needed her. it was her way of saying goodbye or making u leave her since she alreayd tired to end things earlier. sometimes if a woman doesnt have the heart to leave but doesnt wnat u either they will and can do things to make u leave them. maybe thats why she wasnt there when u needed her. | |
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| What is wrong with this woman??
Posted: 4/26/2008 7:03:55 AM | It sounds like she had some baggage going on that she hadn't dealt with. It honestly doesn't seem like it had anything at all to do with you. She wants to keep contact because someday she hopes you might be better able to handle it. What you have to remember is ..contact in that context is more like .....a once a year ..hello ..or perhaps just letting her know when you move or change your number.
I know it sounds harsh but its a great lesson in realizing that just because you are perfectly happy and doing all the right things ..it doesn't mean the other person can't have issues. She more than likely decided in her head that she wasn't right for you ..you dont' really get a choice in that matter once she decided it. Sometimes people are just so stuck living in their heads that they can't see all the good things around them. | |
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| What is wrong with this woman??
Posted: 4/26/2008 9:27:36 AM | Ever thought that maybe you're the one that was "f^cked in the head"? I mean seriously, the woman tried to break things off with you, but you persisted. It sounds like you tried too hard as well "I never treated her bad at all, always did things for her and her kids". Just because you treat some one well and do stuff for them, doesn't mean they're obligated to even like you. Hell some people (myself included) consider this behaviour to be smothering.
As for saying she wanted to keep in contact, I don't know about that one. It's possible that she thought if she cut you off 100% that you'd go nuts or something and call her/harass her all the time. | |
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| What is wrong with this woman??
Posted: 4/26/2008 9:35:58 AM | OP Only she can answer your question. The fact that she lost interest is obvious. Why she would say she wanted to stay in touch, but then didn't, is anyone's guess. Maybe it was the age difference and the fear that you were heading in different directions (because of the age gap). Maybe she felt you deserve someone your own age, without all the "baggage." There a lot of "maybe's."
Best wishes, just forget about it. You don't need that kind of drama in your life. | |
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| What is wrong with this woman??
Posted: 4/26/2008 2:44:28 PM | u shouldn`t let 1 female destroy ur trust in other females..  ..
there could be a number of factors that made her change her mind about u.. my guesses r: her age.. where she`s at in her life.. she lost interest.. she found someone else.. or she just wants 2 be alone.. like i said.. it could be anything that made her change her mind.. don`t 'beat urself up' over it.. its done & over with.. time 2 move on.. gl w/that.. .. | |
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| What is wrong with this woman??
Posted: 4/26/2008 5:47:13 PM | | everything ,she is a typical retard,you are just unlucky and it's a shame that people judge you on how much you have | |
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| What is wrong with this woman??
Posted: 4/26/2008 9:35:22 PM | I wonder if she didn't push you away because of the fear you could hurt her in the end. Maybe she can't have more children, and was scared by the fact that you may want a child of your own one day. That cries of heartbreak, and sometimes the best thing to do in a situation like that is to hurt yourself instead of allowing someone else to hurt you.
Another poster hit it right on, when she couldn't be there for you during your 'traumatic' event, it could have been an emergency or something important with her kids. And by you being pretty babyish about her being unable to be there for you is a warning sign to her that you could be the clingy type that no one needs in their life, or reinforced her worry about you being that much younger.
Who knows honestly? Her....go ask her, not a bunch of strangers who have no idea what she has going on in her life. | |
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| What is wrong with this woman??
Posted: 4/26/2008 10:05:41 PM | Thanks everyone for the advice. I am not looking to get back together with her at all. She blew that chance when she made it abundantly clear that she didn't want to be with me. What I am looking for is more of the "reason" as to why this happened just for the sake of understanding. I could care less if she told me the real reason why and moved on with her life forever and we never saw each other again. She was a nice person, but again as a lot of you stated, she had some issues and I can GUARANTEE to all of you that I will not be going back to that drama, that is for sure. At least there are some respectful people in here that are judgemental and at least say it the way I thought they would say it and I thank you for your honest opinions and your warm wishes of good luck.
As far as some people, who I won't mention, well, if you really think that I am "messed up in the head", well, go ahead and think that. I know what I did and how I treat people the right way, unlike yourselves. She is the one that told me all of this stuff, straight from her mouth, so what would you think if someone told you that? You'd be pretty flabbergasted as well.
And as far as never trusting another female again, well, I wouldn't go as far as to say that it will never happen again, but you have to understand that this kind of stuff doesn't help, but if you do meet the right person, I think it helps to alleviate the pain and stigma of what has happened. My motto is Carpe Diem, which means to seize the day. Life is full of surprises and you never know what is going to come around the corner, so enjoy life while you can. Thanks again to all that were respectful and answered my question in a good manner and good luck to you all and thanks! Peace out!!  | |
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| What is wrong with this woman??
Posted: 4/28/2008 10:07:51 AM |
She doesn't appreciate you and you should just forget about her.
Absolutely correct, hit it right on the head!!! Trust me, I will forget about her as a lover and something more. Obviously, you cannot forget about the good times, but yes, we are definitely over as a couple.
BTW, just an update, she did finally write back. I just thought I would share some excerpts from her email. I normally don't do these types of things, but I wanted to show you a little bit of who this person is and why I wanted closure. Take a look at it and tell me what you think cause I know what I think!!
Mike, I apologize for not responding sooner and for not keeping in touch. There's no excuse for me not to at least drop you an e-mail occasionally. I have been a terrible friend to you. Keeping in touch with family and friends has always been a fault of mine.
Yep, you certainly have been a bad friend, especially after YOU wanted to stay friends and in contact.
It had nothing to do with you personally. It was my inability to commit to a relationship. I need to work on myself, my insecurities and faults. I also feel as though I need to focus on my children right now.
As wonderful and understanding you were about me needing to do that, being in a relationship still makes it difficult to put them first. It also isn't fare to you.
Yeah, well, plenty of women are able to handle children while having perfectly normal relationships (am I right single moms?? Can you handle it?). It wasn't like I was asking for five days a week. Two days a week when you didn't have the children was all I asked for and that was too much. It is just an excuse, nonetheless, and a bad one at that. (She was a very disorganized person, she still has her Christmas tree up, if that tells you anything). Whatever, I say your loss, not mine.
Mike, in all fairness, I do have to say that I sensed some reservations from you and understandably so. You were hesitant to have me meet your friends and family. If you cared about me as much as you said you did, it seems that you would want me to meet them. It wasn't until after we became more distant that you decided we should bring our families into the mix. It also didn't help that you weren't willing to go out with my friends when they were in town. Krista is an important person in life and I was hoping the two of you would get to know each other.
What a load of BS here. She had to work all the time, she never gave me the chance to have her meet any of my family and then she blames me for that?? Wow, amazing isn't it. I am glad that she never did meet my family because how would I explain all of this to them. As far as going out with her friends, I had dinner with them and they wanted to go out to the bar and I said no because I don't do bars cause it is a scourge of my life that I don't want to go back to (did it too much in my late teens and early twenties, don't want to ever go back to that again). I told her this in the beginning of our courtship and then she throws it in my face, amazing!
You are an amazing guy, Mike, and you deserve someone who can be there for you full time emotionally and physically. I am so sorry it didn't work out with us. I never meant to hurt you. It's my loss and someone else will benefit from all the wonderful qualities you have to offer such as your strong family values, great work ethics, and thoughtfulness. Did I mention those beautiful blue eyes?
Yes, I am sorry as well, but too bad for you. Someone else can enjoy those beautiful baby blue eyes. See what I mean, how do you like someone and then not, especially when you say all of this stuff? Boy, I didn't realize just how messed up she was and I have to thank her ex for that, boy was she really mentally and emotionally abused when she was married. See what I mean???
I am curious to hear if anyone else has anything else on the subject. Just thought I would post it FYI just to give you more insight into my former problem. Seems like when a woman gets a great man, they still aren't happy. What more does a guy have to do to please the woman he is with? I guess being nice, treating her right and helping her out isn't enough. Well, enough of this, I hope there is a woman who will appreciate all of these qualities that she said I have, but we shall see. Thanks for the support and the advice guys and good luck to you all and if you need anything, just fire me an email! Later and Peace out!!!! | |
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