| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/25/2008 9:31:14 PM | | Hello POF women, would you date a guy who did not drive because he had Epilepsy? It seems that women are looking for honesty but when someone is honest it only hurts them. This is an issue that people are confronted with in life(Epilepsy) and a lot of those people are pretty nice guys or girls but people are still afraid to even get to know someone who has it. | |
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/25/2008 9:41:18 PM | I'm another POF guy. If it's any consolation I've been rejected for completely imaginary "flaws". Bad luck or whatever, a few women I`ve chatted with extrapolated approximately nothing into a basis for rejection.
All I can say is that, personally, I would not hold an issue such as epilepsy against someone I met and would certainly consider the whole person.
Richard | |
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/25/2008 9:50:43 PM | | Thanks Richard, I wish women felt the same way. | |
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/25/2008 9:55:25 PM | If someone has a medical condition and cannot drive, I would never judge them for that. I do not think it would be a big deal if someone could not drive because of a medical condition. Better that then driving with a medical condition and getting into an accident caused by having a seizure. If someone is bothered by it then they are not the one for you. Being able to drive or not does not reflect a person's character.
~Carrie | |
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/25/2008 10:09:17 PM | | yes, i would...... if the guy treated me well,(in general) and I were attracted to him, i would not care, i would want to learn more about Epilepsyif if a situation came up that i needed to give medical aid, but if he treated me good i would not worry about the driving stuff, IF all else is good, it could be worked out, but thats just me | |
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/25/2008 10:12:43 PM | I would have no problem dating someone that didn't drive due to a medical condition.
I would, however, definately have a problem dating someone that didn't drive due to losing his licence from DUI's.
You're always going to run into people that either don't understand or don't want to understand others that face daily challenges...either medical, physical, emotional...the list is endless. Stay positive and enjoy time with people that have taken the time to get to know you...as you are. | |
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/25/2008 10:14:56 PM | I see no reason to stop someone from dating you. It is something that you cannot help; the epilepsy. I don't know about your state, but Oklahoma allows epileptics to drive if they go one year without a seizure. Even then, I'd still worry about driving. As you know, there is never a guarantee that the medication will completely eliminate future seizures. I think it is admirable that you do not drive without a license, like some other people do.
A family friend had a seizure about 25 yrs ago and crossed the median striking another car. The head on collision killed the person in the other car and our friend had too much brain damage and was brain dead. By you not driving, you will not have that guilt of killing someone if you had a seizure.
You seem like a good man. A good woman will overlook the driving thing. As far as epilepsy, that shouldn't be a huge concern for the right woman. Everyone has something about them that they wish they didn't have. If some woman/women decline your attention after learning of your epilepsy, then you don't need them. You need a caring, loving, and stable person. I would suggest that when you get into a serious relationship that you talk with her about your seizures and what she should do. People cannot stop the seizures, but seeing it happen may frighten her. Tell her how you need for her to react if it is to move objects so you don't hit them or to wrap a towel around your head so you don't injure yourself, or telling her to not try to open your mouth. As you know, one of the first reactions is to stick something in an epileptic's mouth to soften the teeth on teeth issue. She might lose a finger if she tried to do this.
Your lady is out there and just waiting for you to find her.
Good luck,
Liz | |
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/25/2008 10:18:28 PM | I would have no problems dating someone who didn't drive due to Epilepsy or other medical condition. Then again, I'm pretty well self-educated on a host of medical conditions, so there aren't many that bother me all other things being equal.
Lots of people aren't going to be able to deal with a chronic medical condition of any kind in the people they date, though. That's the unfortunate truth.
Best of luck in your search! It might be tough, but there are women out there who can look past things like that.
*hugs* | |
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/25/2008 10:43:43 PM | I'm cool and have a car vroom vroom!  I ahve dated many women who did not ahve cars. I don;t see what the big deal is. But if you liced in a suburb or the country you need a car to get around. if you live int he city there is public transit. I live ina suburban area and a car is a must. My dad sometiems borrows my car which si a huge inconvenience. i cna;t wait till he gets new brakes for his car so he'll stop borrowing my sexy Camry. | |
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/25/2008 11:15:19 PM | Sure would. I read your profile and all I can say is; I should be so lucky to have such a wonderful, intelligent, considerate man
wanting to get to know me. Don't let this hold you back for a second! Oh,.... not to mention the bonus..... some of us women are kick ass drivers and much prefer driving than riding. ;) Your awesome. | |
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/26/2008 12:00:39 AM | I think there's a deeper question embedded in this post: would a woman feel comfortable dating a guy with epilepsy.?
There are plenty of people who don't drive so that makes no difference at all to me. All the more 'green' as far as I'm concerned.
In relation to dating a man with epilepsy, I'd have no reservations about it.
a lot of those people are pretty nice guys or girls but people are still afraid to even get to know someone who has it.
I think that educating ourselves about epilepsy and having a better understanding of what it is, what can occur, etc., is important. Ignorance leads to fear ... This would be the same for many other types of physical challenges that people feel uncomfortable being around. | |
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/26/2008 12:07:16 AM | | I bet every woman out there would rather an epileptic man drive and risk killing and/or injuring himself or others! That's the dream right there. Don't let your disabilities hold you back from ANYTHING!! | |
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/26/2008 12:20:23 AM | | Don't assume that all women think this way OP. I would date someone who couldn't drive or who had epiliepsy. Not everyone is ignorant towards another person because of their disabilities. No one is perfect. | |
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/26/2008 12:41:10 AM | I had a girlfriend who had epilepsy. She would have seizures & I would be there for her. People would stare & think she was dying. It was difficult but I didn't care. She made me happy. She ended up moving back home & we lost touch.
My best friend is happily married to a woman with epilepsy. She is on medication to prevent seizures. I think your question has been anwered...
J | |
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/26/2008 1:08:45 AM | | I actually dated a guy from pof who had epilepsy but he was able to drive.Didn,t make any difference to me that he had epilepsy or whether he drove or not.Its about the person themselves.Shame it didn,t work out. | |
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/26/2008 1:53:07 AM | My goodness - that is some kind of thing to spring on someone, unless you are correctly medicated it can be an issue. The stigma that goes along with epilepsy is quite harsh still, so I would think that it would be a health professional who knew how to care for you during a fit would be the best sort of person to try and date.
I would worry that I do not know how to support you correctly - and sadly I would probably be frightened to death that I would do something wrong and hurt you during a fit, or run off and be no help to you at all.
As for driving I live in the countryside, we all need cars to live here, so a man without a car would not be able to get to my home, so I would be on a looser from the get go. | |
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/26/2008 2:30:08 AM | Hi, tellmeagain...
This is not something I have thought about before, but I'm glad you brought it up. When I read your post, the first words in my head were, "Yes, I would date someone who had Epilepsy!" I was set to post a reply to that effect immediately. Then I stopped, this is important to think about. After thought (and let me preface with this, Epilepsy is not foreign to me. I work in healthcare and have had experience with others who live with this...), I was comfortable with my immediate answer. Epilepsy or the ability to drive tells me nothing of a person's heart, honesty, goals, beliefs, intentions, compatability with me or the interests they may share with me. These are the things that I am most interested in. Epilepsy (and many other things!) do not even make my list of concerns. My hope is that many other women who have more in common with you will read your post and (after some thought) come to the same conclusion that I did! Good luck to you!
Deb | |
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/26/2008 2:56:14 AM | OP,
I don't think the not driving is what sets people back, I think it's the Epilepsy. Seizures can be frightening. My stepfather has Epi and when he used to have seizures he says he had them badly, etc. But he hasn't had one since he married my mother, 10 years ago. 
For me, it wouldn't matter. If I cared about someone, I would handle whatever came our way, as long as I knew upfront and was in a position to make my own choice about it. Besides, I love driving. I could get in a car and just hit the road to drive cross country and, as a matter of fact, I have several times.
One last thought, at 19 or 20, my uncle was in a rowdy Friday night fight at some club in NYC. He was hit in the head with a lead pipe and in a coma for a week or something like that. Well, years later after his first two children were born, he had a seizure and was, subsequently, diagnosed with Epi. Anything can happen to anyone at any time. I think people would all be better off if we'd just remember that sometimes. | |
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/26/2008 6:50:16 AM | | There is a huge difference between a man with a responsible job and a medical condition and someone that does not drive due to a DWI or worse. I think if you are upfront about your illness and the not driving should not bother most normal people. If my guy had to suddenly stop driving it would be inconvenient at worst. If you live in an area with a good public transportation system then I cannot see a problem. | |
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/26/2008 6:57:38 AM | | Yes I would date a guy with epilepsy who could not drive as long as he was a gentleman and treated me well. I dated a quadrapeligic once and he treated me like crap and yet when I broke up with him--he blamed the wheelchair instead of the fact that he was more obsessed with his porn collectioon than any other thing in his life. | |
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/26/2008 8:41:39 AM | | Everybody has issues. That being said, I have to consider the full spectrum of what value a person brings to my life and can only do so on a case by case basis. I've stopped seeing guy's who didn't have any material health issues, financial challenges, emotional disabilities, were single, eligible, friendly, interested--blah blah BUT they said something that killed the interest to get to know them more. I've stopped dating a person who's word was not good; the fact that they couldn't remember saying they were going to do something and not doing it and then arguing with me about even saying it cost my interest-- and they were a professional ball player. If I met someone who was good to me, engaged me emotionally, made me feel secure, provided for, highly regarded, and there was chemistry-- I'd be driving his lovable epiletic ass around in my whip and we'd be happy. But if he was a schmuck I wouldn't. No matter a disability, I can not deal with someone who is both personality-challenged and physically challenged. That's too much to ask of me. | |
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/26/2008 8:50:15 AM | | in ur situation, u`d need someone who lived close or was willing to move........long distance online stuff does not work for someone who cannot travel........i have agoraphobia and i tried it with a guy who lived several hundered miles away.......with gas the way it is.......find someone close.......it just works better.......good luck. | |
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/26/2008 9:34:40 AM | Isn't there medication to prevent siezures?? In the early 1990's a friend of mine died from an epilectic siezure. Sadly, he wouldn't take his medication or have the surgery his doctor wanted him to have. I'm not sure if it was the siezure that killed him, or if he choked. But it was very upsetting for everyone who knew him and cared about him. So I don't think you should judge a man or woman who doesn't feel they'd be able to cope with being with someone who has seizures. When it's the right person, I'm sure they'll learn to cope.
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/26/2008 9:55:01 AM |
Hello POF women, would you date a guy who did not drive because he had Epilepsy?
I dated a guy who couldn't drive because he was legally blind so I'm sure I'd have no problem with a guy who couldn't drive because he had epilepsy but as you go on to say in your opening post, it's not the fact that you can't drive, it's that you have epilepsy.
Ignorance is an unfortunate thing my friend.... more unfortunate is that it's rife.  | |
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| Women, Would you?
Posted: 4/26/2008 12:26:08 PM | | Personally I dont see where having Epilepsy makes someone undateable. But then again, I view alot of things differently than some. | |
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