| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 4/26/2008 2:49:54 PM | I just gotta ask, started seeing someone I met on here. He instantly started telling me how perfect I was and how sweet and beautiful I was. He called me continuously and texted me all day or IM with me at work. It was like he could not get enough of me.
I went to Tulsa to spend the weekend with him, had a great time, he gave me gifts when I left.
A week ago today, I am talking to him on the phone and he tells me he has to go but will call me later that night. I never heard from the man again until I emailed his brother and stepson to see if he was ok, not even realizing that his intent was to break up with me as the last conversation we had had was a discussion on when he was going to be coming to see me.
THEN the sob IM's me at work three days later after I was having nightmares about him having been hurt or killed, and tells me that he feels terrible about doing it this way but that he doesn't "love" me like he thinks he should. Hell, we had only been seeing each other for a month, I didn't "love" him either but I was starting to really get into him and thought that we might could have had something together.
But you know what, I am so over it - I have already been contacted by a couple of men who seems to be pretty cool so it will forever be Richard's loss because I was the best thing that he will EVER have. | |
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| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 4/26/2008 3:26:02 PM | | I think you might want to change your name from smartblonde to something else ... just a hunch .... | |
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| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 4/26/2008 4:13:27 PM | Men "mislead" because they can, same as women do...
However it is how a woman takes it, that it misleading...
I bet if you look back and think about all the on/off signals, you would see what he was really saying...
Anytime a guy comes on to me like some tornado, I hide in the cellar until he passes on by, I have learned that men who come as fast and over consumming as a tornado; will be gone just as fast...
It is up to you to decide you want to get sucked up into someone's tornado or not... | |
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| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 4/28/2008 9:35:34 AM | I'm thinkin it's a distinct lack of being raised right. A scant few of my generation were raised to have some respect for ladies and be as stand up, forthcoming, and as honest as possible. That's been lost on many of them and many of previous generations also.
People are just backwards in general now days. Women complain about never meeting nice guys, but they ignore the ones they know. Men complain about not finding good women anymore, and when they get em, they take them for granted. Now days though, so many good people have been ruined through experiences like that, that there really aren't that many good people left.  | |
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| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 4/28/2008 5:38:58 PM | | The tornado interest is to get you to sleep with him. I know women believe in love at first site but a lot of guys are lust then love. Just take your time if its right he will wait. | |
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| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 4/29/2008 2:50:45 PM | | I just think some of them can't help it - No, really! I know somebody's going to jump on me for that answer, LOL. But I have seen this sort of behavior from somebody who is a very nice person at heart. He simply couldn't help himself. | |
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| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 4/30/2008 8:58:02 PM | | Just had the same thing happen. On one message he said he was coming to get me and then when I spoke to him he told me that "It wasn't working for him". This came out of the blue since we have spent many many hours together. Sometimes the "Dudes are not as Dandy" as they portray themselves to be with their screen name. It would be nice to let a woman know if all you want is the bedroom activities. His loss not mine. I am content until I find the right person. | |
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| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 5/8/2008 12:18:07 PM | | Well My saying goes, wait wait wait..If the man cant wait for you and take it slow to get to know you it's his loss. But I do agree with the man that said that men are not raised properly now a days like they used too. Im trying my hardest to make my sons open the car doors, talk gently, alot of things that mothers wouldn't normally tell their sons but you know what Im a single parent their dad does not give a hoot, so I have to do something..But at the end I will know that whoever gets my sons will be a lucky women..And the second girl on here, dont even go there with that attitude about changing her name..She just wants advice so back off.. You go girl, theres POF out there that's waiting for you... | |
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| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 5/9/2008 4:15:31 PM |
Men "mislead" because they can, same as women do...
I also agree ... listen to the inner voice, look for anyone in a rush, clingy or desperate ... if they can't wait or if it isn't mutual ... move on. | |
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| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 5/11/2008 5:12:35 PM | | Women are just as bad. You make plans to call each other at noon on weekends, and then never hear back from them! Unless it's during the week and they want to go out to eat. | |
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| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:18:15 PM | Smartblonde, that door swings both ways. Been there, had it happen, NOT a POF connection, but a chance encounter with someone close by. It blossomed waaaay too quickly, and although we we were very compatible in lots of ways, there are always issues, there is always baggage.
Mislead? Or make mistakes? I'd offer a couple of answers:
1. That's just the way he (or she) is.
2. He's (or she's) not over what he (she) thought they were over when you came along... i.e., you were the rebound girl.
Let go with love (OK, yeah, easy for me to say, not so easy for me to do) and move on. | |
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| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:17:02 PM | Regarding guys not helping themselves about misleading, it could also be the woman reading too much into things.
But it could also be the guy getting realistic about distance, money, gas, etc.
Why would you date someone in TULSA if you're in Rogers? That means one or both you of have to be able to relocate if you ever want to live together.
While I'd like to have a long term FWB relationship or love like others have, with gas at $4 a gallon I say you have to stick to fishing locally, Cabot to Sherwood-NLR for this Jacksonville Teddy Bear. | |
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| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 6/28/2008 8:21:17 AM | All the more reason to take our time. The rush is so we don't have time to figure out what's up. Same with telephone or internet solicitors who have to have your committment "today" or the "deal" will be gone forever. "Uh, can I call you back?" usually lets you know what's going on.
Christy | |
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| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 6/28/2008 2:46:05 PM | | It is not only men who can hurt , I had about the same thing happen to me, one night she love me next day a text, breaking up, we only saw each about two months on and off, How can a woman fall out of love in one night, she and I run into each she still has the look of love in her eyes, need some help girls, P.S. she said I was the greatest guy in the world, So ladys you can hurt us also, However that is a individual choice. | |
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| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 6/30/2008 4:36:14 PM | | That's a generic "we" on my post, danmck1. A woman falls out of love the same way a man does, and for different reasons. Sometimes she thinks she finds "something better" and so do men. Sometimes you've done or said something that sends up a red flag for her. She/he may catch you in one or more lies and figure the lies he/she knows about make them wonder about the ones they don't. It could be old baggage. It could be you got too close. If you only dated "about two months on and off", it doesn't sound like it ever had time to turn into love, in the first place. And there could be a few reasons for why she still has "the look of love": you don't make enough money but the sex is good, the sex isn't good enough, she has committment issues, her family had a talk with her and it went badly for you...If we can figure out what we don't want to repeat the "next" time, we're doing good. Sometimes they will tell us, and lots of times they won't. If we're lucky, we are able to figure it out. | |
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| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 7/3/2008 3:30:13 AM | I had a date saturday guy said he was 54
He showed up at my house with KFC looked nothing like his pics which he had full head of dark hair in and when he showed up here he had a few grey strands and no teeth. It was pouring cats and dogs out and he didnt bother to take his shoes off much less wipe his feet. Not to mention he went out to his car 3 X in the rain tracking all that filth back in with him each time. Youdthink he would get a clue whne I am standing there waiting wit the broom and paper towels. He used my toilet and left dribbles all over didnt flush and left the seat up and he hawked a greenie into my bathroom sink and left it there. There was more food on the floor and place matt where he sat than what made it into his mouth. He said he was 54 he was NOT!! he was 65! And even that looked like it could be a lie?
I wear hearing aids I am deafer than a box of rocks but this guy could use a hearing aide himself coz when I tried to get rid of him by telling him I was tired and needed a nap he writes me later that day and tells me "Gee I wish I had taken you up on that offer to stay and take a nap at your place" I was like WHAT!!! Get real old man! When he asked for asecond date and I turned him down and told him why then rightfully blocked him he then got a new screen name and wrote me and told me about my character and my true colors etc.... Lets see this lieing man who came to my home lied about his age to get a foot in the door who had 30 year old pics up on the sitespits in my sink dont flush the toilet dont wipe his feet ......... is writing me to tell me about MY character. OOOOOOOOKKKKKK! I blocked that addy too but my guess is i am not done hearing from him a woman spurned has nothing on this guy LOL
Michelle | |
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| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:00:04 PM | Eeew, Michelle, that's a disappointment. I'd suspect those trips out to his car in the rain were for a slug of hooch, with behavior like that! I'm dealing with one who can't take "heck, no" for an answer, too. Well, actually, by this point, I'm mostly just avoiding him and ignoring his messages.
Christy | |
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| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 7/4/2008 6:31:56 PM | Now is MY turn to get jumped on here.. I blame alot of what is going on in relationships on the women.. and yes.. I am very much a lady.. men are visual and women are emotional.. and women forget that the man thinks with the little head before he uses the big one.. and the little head has no brain. It is a disposable world we live in and that includes people.. if a man can't get it from one.. he can get it from another.. and from what I have seen since I was tossed out into the singles world.. women are worse now about sleeping around than men. I was so happily married I was blind to what was happening in the singles world and after being married 20 yrs and his passing away.. I was in culture shock at all the swinger couples out here.. women putting notches on the bedposts and saying well if the men can why can't we? I heard it all... and seen alot of it. Married people dating instead of divorcing first.,. makes no sense to me.. if the women do not expect and earn and yes demand respect.. do not gripe when you do not get it.
As far as having a man over to your house without first meeting him in public.. you were asking for what you got.. be glad he is not knocking on your door instead of just messaging you. | |
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| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 7/4/2008 8:22:55 PM | Hey Susan,
It's funny. But we totally agree on what you said.
For The lady 3 or 2 messages ago meeting the guy for the first time: NEVER meet a person alone at your place. Meet for dinner or coffee some place in public.
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Susan's right that men are visual and many women are emotional. Men are, for the most part, upfront about being horny and wanting sex. Women want to have a love connection before fooling around.
But after being burned once or more in relationships by someone, men want a Friends with Benefits relationship that may develop into a live in situation, with marriage ? down the road. And complicating things is the fact that many people in their 40s are buying their own places and neither one can really afford to give up their place in case things don't work out.;
Just need to find a Ms. Teddy Bear for this Mr. Teddy Bear! | |
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| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 7/8/2008 6:29:21 AM | That happened to me recently as well. I had gone on several successful dates with a very nice woman whom I've known for 20 years or more, and then, suddenly, POOF! No contact at all. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero. Nothing. For a month. I had no desire to call her at work, but she would not return my calls to her cell, nor to my emails. Then, just as suddenly, a quick little note saying "Hi. I'm fine. Just been working a lot."
All I wanted to do was tell her about a job opening I thought she'd be interested in. She had complained to me some time ago about how expensive it is to drive almost 60 miles to work, and she was really wanting something closer to home. The job I'd found she could have walked to if she had a mind. | |
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| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 7/12/2008 1:02:12 PM | Swear2?
I know you could not have been referring to me when you were talking about women who sleep around? barking up the wrong tree there friend LOL
I got the last sentence of your reply being referring to me coz i did invite this very elderly man to my house LOL
Sorry the meeting right off sounds a bit risky. I agree. I am a risk taker .... but it had nothing to do with sex PHULEEZE! Read my profile its honest to a fault. It has to do with spending months or even weeks writing someone only to have them show up at your door (or a restaraunt if your really careful type) not being an ioata of who they said they were or who you saw in their pics. (Much like the man who showed up at my house LOL) See I like ot cut to the chase and see who it is I am talking to right off the bat. I dont even pretend most people are honest here. But I do not think everyone is a rapist wither.
Dont worry yer pretty little head mother hen :)
The guy seemed harmless what was he gonna do beat me with his cane? LOL
I guess I lucked out this time but I did let my best freind know what was going on and asked her to stop in at 5 pm incase I had a hard time getting rid of a bad date. (She is also my landlord) I live in a 4 plex and my neighbors watch out for me Im in good hands and plus Im all grown up a big ol 41 yrs old I can handle myself I promise! I spent more of my life single than married I have an idea about men I used to date alot before I went deaf...... Ive had all kinds of strange men in my house in the last week one from a church bringing my daughter and I a few things .....one was an exterminator (fleas dangit) and one came to fix my sink. Never met any of them before. cant always keep strange men out of the house HA!
The majority of the time I have met my dates at a restaraunt but I have met a couple right off in my own home. Guess I am a bit of a daredevil I spoze. I make no excuses I yam what I yam but trust me it has nothing to do with sex UGH! I ve had plenty of sex in my life.... good sex... bad sex... sideways sex all kinds of it. If sex was all I wanted I wouldnt need to be here. LOTS of men ready to offer ya sex all over the place. Heard theres a club near by down on Hwy 64 or was it hwy 40? I never been no intension of going either but dont think Id have a problem finding sex if thats what I wanted.
Thanks for looking out for me HUGZ!
I am not divorced either separated myself left him in IL Easter Sunday 2007 aint laid eyes on him since. We left with the clothes on our backs not even a car (was just a situation where this was the best way to go hard to explain) so everything replaced now car clothes furniture etc... ready for divorce so saving for that and fighting the urge to get my daughters braces first or the divorce first? (The down payment on the braces 15 hundred) is about what my divorce will cost if he fights it and he shouldnt (Im not asking even for a dime of his pension or equity in the house NOTHING! I just want my name back and to be free)but hes spiteful so he prolly will find something to contest LOL part of the reason we left the way we did.
OMG I am going into my life story here
Felt a bit defensive at first sorry bout that.... but I get it .... and get where you stand and all and thats OK that we are different in how we do things.
I am terribly sorry to hear about the passing of your husband. You must miss him alot.
I dont think tho, Miss nice lady, that the dating world has changed so much as it is you have not been in it for so long. There have always been some pretty slutty women out there. Im only 10 yrs your jr I think?
Ok thats it for me onto the next ramble
HUGZ
stay sweet!
Michelle | |
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| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 7/12/2008 1:09:45 PM | Hiya hawk
Nope no drinking was going on
I have a very VERY sensitive nose I would have known
My sister came from WI and stayed for a week in April when I had surgery
She poured herself a drink and I smelled it from the next room. I have not drank in years (no I havent quit LOL I just havent had the urge) kinda like a smoker and a non smoker ... the non smoker can smell it right away.
My nose is so sensitive that even tho I am a smoker my ex husbands (yep I had 2 of them one is an ex and one I am separated from) well he would get up before me and light up in the other end of the house and before he would finish that thing it would wake me up.
I would know if he was going to his car for drinking.
No he went to his car to get his smokes once
Another time to get a book of poetry he wrote (gag)
Cant recall the thirs thing?
No I think he was just old and lived alone waaaaaay too long to mind his manners and all you know? Just hadnt a clue I dont think?
I love your name Christy
I named my daughter Kristina I try to call her Krissy and she hates it. LOL
Gonna call her it anyways :)
Michelle | |
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| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 7/12/2008 1:18:28 PM | Michelle,
I was not indicating anything sexual about you. I was saying be glad he is messaging you.. all you have to do is block him.. but now he knows where you live and I have had an online stalker.. and sure glad he did not know where I lived.. I have met some really great people online.. but there have been a rare few that had they known where I live I would be concerned.
I just find it best to meet in a public place.. that way he does not know where I live until I know for sure I would want him to know... and I can get away quickly should I need to instead of having to try to get rid of him.
I have no doubt you are a nice person.
I do appreciate the kind words about my late husband.. He was a good man... and I know there are others left out here like him..
Good luck to you and I apologize if you took anything I said as negative. | |
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| Why do men mislead??
Posted: 7/12/2008 1:32:28 PM | rdb
HI!
I quit writing to people who do not answer my emails
The way it works for me is I write you then you write me back
I quit writing when I have written them a few long informative emails and the reply is a sentence or 2 and they dont get in on the conversation.
I quit writing when they start calling me honey and babe right off the bat (GAG!)
If I write someone and their reply is 2 weeks later and its not personable or more than a sentence or2 I wait for them to write a decent letter. It takes 2 eh! I am struggling with my sister and emails and keeping in touch right now. I HAVE to use emails I am pretty much deaf. Its my phone.
Some people are just REALLY inconsiderate however with correspondance and alot of times it turns out to be one sided so I learned to not waste my time. I have this same issue with my sister. I recently told her off that I am not her plaything here for when she gets bored enough or theres nothing better to do. Course I couldnt understand because her life is so hectic and yada yada I get accused of having too much time on my hands but the truth is no matter how much time I have or dont have those close to me I MAKE time for. I would rather be spending my time on something otr someone that adds to my happiness. I do not work so its true I do have the time for the important people in my life..... not because I do have the time but because I MAKE the time and I make them a priority. I have plenty other activities Id rather be doing than bother someone who dont return the sentiments. I hate it when I make someone a priority in my life and the do not reciporcate (did I say that right?) I cant stand it when people are not consistant and my sister falls into this category and she will write or message me regularly for months and I get used to it and when I keep the ball rolling and she drops it she insults me.
UGH!
I would never bother someone more than one email after they lost touch and just hope they were OK and no one died or anything etc... But then I let it go. Dont fester over these things even 20 yr friend can be a butthead. Ive known my sister for 41 yrs LOL
Michelle | |
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