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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/26/2008 3:18:47 PM | I was in a very bad relationship and my ex husband is now getting married to the girlfriend he had before we started dating.
They are having a big wedding like we never had. All through our marriage he would phone her in the middle of the night, send her long emails and send gifts etc. She lived on another continent so I doubt it was physical. I saw some of the emails he sent and he would just be telling lies about how bad I was (untrue) for sympathy I guess. There were Three. YES THREE ex girlfriends he had this kind of relationship with when we were married (I would call it emotional adultery) as well, as it turns out, having been sleeping with a former co-worker of mine during my difficult pregnancy.
I am glad to be rid of him. He was a lying, cheating, irresponsible, weak-charactered and unprincipled guy, it turned out but I feel really unhappy that he seems to have found happiness while my life is such a mess and because of him. A part of me hopes that he shows his 'true colours' and she either lives miserably with his cheating ways etc or they break up with lots of pain.
If he has actually changed and is now a good, faithful responsible husband to her it will hurt even more.
This is so irrational but has anyone felt the same? | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/26/2008 3:25:27 PM |
but I feel really unhappy that he seems to have found happiness while my life is such a mess and because of him.
I recommend you use a mirror in examining how you feel and how your relationship ended up.
The more I have felt close to someone the more I wanted them to be happy even if it wasn't with me.
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/26/2008 3:37:13 PM |
The more I have felt close to someone the more I wanted them to be happy even if it wasn't with me. The fact is he was phyisically and emotionally abusive towards me. It takes a lot for me not to actually hate him. Now he is having a big fancy wedding with a woman who used to phone my husband in the middle of the night?
I have had other relationships and for the most part I am happy for the guys. | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/26/2008 3:40:50 PM | | What he did to you, emotional adultery, etc., he will do to the next wife. You think he's found happiness? He may have, but the poor woman he's marrying? She'll be in husband hell in no time. I am proud of you for kicking him out of your life. He's a player and you are well rid of him. So there. | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/26/2008 3:41:20 PM | It's not irrational...I think it's perfectly normal to feel what you do.
Marriage is a time when everything is wonderful and full of hope for the future....everything that he didn't give to you! Be happy that you're well rid of someone that would treat you that way. No doubt he'll eventually show his true colours to his new wife as well....
Don't worry if hes changed and become Mr. Wonderful...I doubt it. Just know that you are better than that and now it's YOUR turn for happiness! | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/26/2008 3:41:48 PM | Its good to vent, well done girl, let it all out. 
A leopard never changes it spots, and like you said there were four women and you his wife, so you can guess, your marriage is over, he is marrying one having got sympathy by lying his arse off to her, that leaves him with three others to e-mail behind her back, and from his track record he will be mailing you after the reception.
You want to be counting you lucky stars - not being angry - you should be laughing your head off at her, cos you know what she is going to have to put up with.
And lastly - One big flash wedding does not a Marriage Make.
He is just showing off or she is demanding the 'big flash full works do', never know it could be over by the time the organ stops playing.
Moving on with your head held high and hope in your heart, have a party for your family and friends on the wedding date, (just so you not sitting alone thinking about it). | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/26/2008 3:57:10 PM | Shug, you need a to read, read, and re read again this section...
I am glad to be rid of him. He was a lying, cheating, irresponsible, weak-charactered and unprincipled guy, it turned out but I feel really unhappy that he seems to have found happiness while my life is such a mess and because of him. A part of me hopes that he shows his 'true colours' and she either lives miserably with his cheating ways etc or they break up with lots of pain.
The day you start owning your own life, and the fact that you stayed in a relationship FULLY AWARE that he was emotionally cheating, you will stop looking outward in anger, and look inside where true happiness is found.
Your ex is YOUR past, as you are his... You don't know what goes on in his life, and perhaps he will be writing you complaining about how miserable his then ex gf, now wife is treating him...
Would this make you feel better?
It is NOT abnormal to resent our exes for finding happiness in someone else, while we are alone, and blaming them for our situation. A lot of us have done that after a marriage or relationship has gone south... However there is a point that we all have to reach where we stop pointing the finger at our exes for our continued unhappiness, when in fact it is our own choice to hold on to those bitter, angry feelings.
It is vindictiveness through emotional hurt that pushes you to want to wish him bad, and even more so if he does in fact have happiness. THIS IS UP TO YOU to let go... You are holding yourself hostage, and you have to decide when enough is enough...
I realize you asked only if others have felt this way, but I would hope that you'd want to do something about NOT feeling this way as well.
When I have gone through disappointments with break ups, and post little reminders through at my house about things like, "Never let anyone have so much emotional pull, that I forget how to be strong and happy for myself." or reminders to love myself, and this is a start of a new day.
That may seem silly, but sometimes it takes creating new records to get past the feeling of betrayal, and hurt that comes from a relationship that didn't turn out how I had hoped it would.
You can blame your ex for not being the person you wanted him to be, but the reality is, he was who he was, and wasn't there for your happiness. That has to come from within, and be something you find for yourself.
Sure relationships are something people can feel happiness and joy in, but it isn't a gaurantee. There is no warranty that says it will be everything we wanted, nor is it something that holds us hostage to unhappiness.
We live in a day and age where we are free to divorce, and be happy on our own.
I wish you the best, and I hope you learn to let go of your expectations that are holding YOU back from finding YOUR OWN happiness...  | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/26/2008 6:20:40 PM | Trust me he will be no better in this marriage then he was in yours.
That being said. The anger and resentment your feeling may be normal, but I hope your aware the only person it is affecting is you. Remind yourself of all the reasons that your not with him, and then put the past in the past. Dont let this drag you down. Tell yourself you deserve better and you know thats why your no longer in the marriage.
He is beyond you, now its time for you to get beyond him. Live your life and dont even worry what he is doing with his. | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/26/2008 6:29:47 PM | You are having normal feelings right now and this sort of thing needs to run it's course. This is a good step in the healing process.
I just hope that you learned your lesson when you choose a mate. Red Flags, Watch out for them.
Right now, things may seem rosy for him. But he is a piece of offal, and what he did to you, he will do to the next woman and the next and the next and the next.
Be thankful that you rid of him.
Good Luck to you,,
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/26/2008 9:20:52 PM | | I too believe that you are feeling exactly the way one would expect to feel in the grieving process. I won't even ask how long it's been, it's irrelevant because everyone grieves at their own pace. I'm still reeling from my divorce, and my ex has happily moved on and I've no doubt that he'll soon be making yet another run down the aisle. At some point, I'm certain I'll be happy for him, but if he told me tomorrow that he was marrying, I think I'd be mighty pissed. It certainly doesn't mean I'm not over him (as I'm sure at least three posters will asume), it doesn't mean that I feel less than without him (as I'm sure at least three posters will assume), and it certainly doesn't mean that I'm holding out hope for a reconciliation (as I'm sure at least three posters will assume). It simply means my recovery in the process is taking a bit longer than his. You'll have plenty of time to "look in a mirror" down the line. You're quite normal, hun. Glad you're moving on and your pieces will fall into place in due time. | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/26/2008 9:35:37 PM | OP, I think you are normal to feel the way you do... We all have egos that needs to be petted... The fact that he's happy and you're not is the issue... It has nothing to do with how you feel about him but a competition to see who can do better faster. Wish him happiness and good fortune and then things will turn around for you. I truly believe in karma. If you wish negative things on people it brings negative ora to you.... If he's happy or not no longer effects you.... Your life is no longer impacted by how he feels therefore as a bigger person, wish him happiness and move on...
I've been divorced about 9 months... We actually work for the same company still.... Even though I didn't want to be with him... I truly want him to find love and happiness with someone else... If you truly loved someone (may be still be "in love"), you want them to be happy.
After the initial shock, you'll feel less jealous... | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/26/2008 9:47:19 PM | You've repeatedly stated three times.
as I'm sure at least three posters will assume
I am NOT SURE who you are accusing that says the woman is NOT over him...
The truth is, a person after a divorce has to for their OWN well being move foreward, and let go of the hurt, pain, and disappointment. They are holding themselves hostage with anger and frustration, and want to wish bad things, that keeps them locked in the past situation.
Is it normal, do a lot of people feel that? YES.
Does it mean you want to get back together with the person, miss them, want to reconcile? No.
It just means you are stuck at blaming the other person for your own unhappiness, which was WHY a person gets out of the marriage to STOP being unhappy.
My ex took full advantage of my credit, I took and raised his son from a different relationship, and everything else... The thanks I got was a divorce ( I sought it) that financially took its toll, and emotionally I had my esteem beaten to a pulp.
You are correct, we heal, and get past things at our own pace... However some of us are way past that angry, hurt, blah blah blah stage, and are simply suggesting she look for her own happiness. If she doesn't and doesn't let go like a LOT OF PEOPLE ON POF, she will be bitter and angry, and HAPPY FULFILLING love will be hard to find.
I have been doing these threads for a long time, and I haven't seen anyone assume anything for her, OR you for that matter.
Grief is a process, and sometimes getting past grief is hard for some people, and it can be they haven't learned the things others have, to move past a certain point.
I have seen a LOT of hate and discontentment on these threads, but I am confused where you feel someone ISN'T being fair to the op...
Did he ruin my life? Only if I LET what happened then ruin me. | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/27/2008 12:18:15 AM | Why does it matter what he is doing now? He has just as much right as you to be happy and you should be thrilled for him. Is he really this engrossed in your personal life still? To me it sounds as if he has moved on and you are jealous over everything that he has and you do not have.
IE: The big wedding, a new life and a new chance at happiness.
Maybe you should spend more time concentrating on yourself and less time concentrating on him..... | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/27/2008 12:39:27 AM |
I am glad to be rid of him. He was a lying, cheating, irresponsible, weak-charactered and unprincipled guy, it turned out but I feel really unhappy that he seems to have found happiness while my life is such a mess and because of him. A part of me hopes that he shows his 'true colours' and she either lives miserably with his cheating ways etc or they break up with lots of pain.
Print that off on some pretty paper, put it in a nice frame or stick it on the fridge. Be mad, feel the hurt and the disappointment, but "it is what it is".
Actually it isn't the other woman's fault, since she only knew what he was telling her so maybe wishing her a 'miserable life' is a bit much. To light a black candle, burn his picture and wish him to Hades, well, that is completely acceptable.
Believe in Karma, obviously he's forgotten that, 'what goes around, comes back around'.
Best wishes | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/27/2008 1:04:08 AM | Yes mam.....been there, done that. It does take "time" to heal. You can try to busy yourself, and throw yourself into your work. That helps some, but when you go to bed at night; all of the emotions come flooding back. You don't understand why he rejected you. You may feel like "what is wrong with me"...."what could I have done differently" but guess what? There is nothing wrong with you. It is his issue, and his issue only. And yes, he will also treat her the same way. It is his pattern. He is not happy with himself, and he is not happy with anyone who comes into his life. You have to feel sorry for him.
I started writing a journal. I put down everything I hated about my ex, and then I offered solutions for how I was going to mend my broken heart. Today, after two years of misery....I have come out of the dark. I am dating again, and taking better care of myself. It is the best revenge. And the ex still calls and writes me letters. Sometimes he sends me CD's (pathetic music he thinks will woo me back)....but no way would I ever go back to that hurt and pain. Remember....misery loves company!
I would rather live alone by myself than alone with someone else, ya know? I have peace of mind now. And I am free of the anxiety of trying to figure out what is sooo wrong with me. Nothing was wrong with me. I am fun, and happy, and anxiety free now. Just consider the break-up a blessing and a lesson learned. Someone new will come into your life while you least expect it. Take care of yourself.....you deserve to be happy. | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/27/2008 11:48:41 AM |
I am NOT SURE who you are accusing that says the woman is NOT over him... The truth is, a person after a divorce has to for their OWN well being move foreward, and let go of the hurt, pain, and disappointment. They are holding themselves hostage with anger and frustration, and want to wish bad things, that keeps them locked in the past situation. [/ I wasn't referring to the OP, I was referring to my response to OP. Frankly, I'm quite surprised that no one has appeared trying to rationalize irrational feelings based on, at minimum, the three criteria I outlined above. I am very sympathetic to OP, in fact, I have felt the same way on more than one occasion. If you read the my post for what it was, you'd see that. You are correct, we heal, and get past things at our own pace... However some of us are way past that angry, hurt, blah blah blah stage, and are simply suggesting she look for her own happiness. If she doesn't and doesn't let go like a LOT OF PEOPLE ON POF, she will be bitter and angry, and HAPPY FULFILLING love will be hard to find. Advising on how to get past it is great, because experience is the best teacher, however, you agree that we heal and get past things at ourown pace, yet it appears that because you're way past that angry place, she should begin to find her own happiness and if she doesn't let go, she will become bitter and angry. I think she probably knows that, and I think she also knows that she will get past it. In time..... I have seen a LOT of hate and discontentment on these threads, but I am confused where you feel someone ISN'T being fair to the op...
quote] As I said, I don't think anyone was not being fair to the OP, however, while I have not been on these threads very long, I cannot imagine that I will be. There are plenty of places on the internet for psychobabble and hurtful posts, but I don't think this is one of them. No matter how "stupid" a post appears, there are always a handful of folks who have it all figured out and their fingers blistered because they can't get a hateful, cynical, self-righteous response off fast enough. I certainly wouldn't post a legitimate question or concern here looking for advice, because for every three sincere and heartfelt responses you get, you get at least two responses telling you how foolish you are, even if the responder has misunderstood your post. | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/27/2008 3:46:52 PM | | i have been apart from my ex nearly 2 years and he was a control freak and allways telling me i was stupid and ugly and i was never allowed out and much more but my kids came home today and said dad told us he is seeing a lady. I feel so hurt i think its because the past year has been a hard one with the divorce and my mum passing away, but i just hate the thought after what he put me through that he is happy and i have nothing, apart from my 2 fantastic children. i have told him not to tell the children about her, i dont want them haveing anything to do with her. i just feel like he keeps hurting me over and over and he is not bothered. | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/27/2008 3:58:49 PM | I know how you feel to a point, my ex who I havent seen in almost 6 years cheated on me with a girl we went to school with, I was with him for 4 years with 3 years of abuse of every kind.
And he had the nerve to ask me lastnight (after not talking for the 6 years) if I would go to his and her wedding. I told him there would be no way I would be going to his wedding, not because I am bitter about them being together and getting married but because I didnt want him any part of my life anymore.
And to the part that you say you are living unhappy because of him, I am sorry but you are living unhappy because of you. Look into yourself and find who you are and the happiness will come. Yes it is hard to do that but the thing is in order to be happy you have to do it for yourself no one else can do it for you. | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/27/2008 9:14:32 PM | You know often when you love someone,I am talking about real love ( no marriage and no  I give you attention,you give me less type things)
When you really love you want this special someone to be happy with or whithout you.You know why his happyness is your joy.
You are the only one responsable of your happiness.Next time lay down your expectation before you engage a other fella. | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/27/2008 9:54:33 PM | like everyone else has said already.... it's normal. and he won't change regardless of how fancy shamacy his wedding to this poor fool is.
It's hard I know, trust me.... I know. But one day your turn will come and the difference is now you will find someone who will deserve you and you won't be the fool with a fancy shamacy wedding but with a poor-excuse of a husband. You will be the smart girl who suffered, earned her right to a better life, and chooses better for herself.
All the best to you. | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/27/2008 10:49:16 PM | itsacrapshoot,
Sometimes we do remind another that hasn't got to the point of not feeling hurt, that it IS there, and we had to learn ourselves that it came when we let go ourselves...
Some of us HAVE LEARNED the hard way that our life was less than blissful and happy because we DID keep holding onto the anger. That kind of anger does turn good folks that could make that person a wonderful partner.
Sometimes when we hurt it is nice to be reminded of the tools we may have forgotten, or never learned...It isn't to belittle the OP, or anyone else, but rather to remind people there is happiness after a bad relationship.
I had to take time out finally... Which I should have done after my divorce, but no I felt I needed to prove to my self that I was valued and worth something to another... I didn't find happiness, but what I did find was a worse abusive relationship... When I finally got a clue and got out of that, that is when I started to realize I had to look within... Sometimes I kick myself in the butt for spending errr wasting 5 yrs of frustration and hurt to prove I was valuable....
I should have known all along, but I didn't, I felt that my value was within someone else...
Personally, I wouldn't post anything serious on here, unless I had the thick skin to take the beating... ANd some people love to focus all their own bitter anger on another person... Not fun to read, even less fun to know someone else is being hurt because of it...
OP, sure she will heal, she will find her own happiness if that is what she wants out of life... If not, she just may be another jaded angry divorcee... It is all up to her...
Good luck.... | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/27/2008 11:14:03 PM | | i know exactly how u feel,i lived with a lying cheating husband for 18 years and he is now with one of his affairs from our marriage,i guess i resent the fact he is treating her so well and didnt treat me the same way!i resent our 3 children going through our messy divorce because of his cheating and bullying and i have all the same feelings you do,but i look at him and think true colours will out in time,she is getting what she deserves in time and i am now happier than i was during the time i was with him,life is too short to hold on to these feelings,i just think they are welcome to each other now,and as long as my children see thier dad and arnt affectd he can live as he wishes,and i am looking forward not back! | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/27/2008 11:43:45 PM | | All I have to say is good riddance to the **stard! I totally know how you feel. Men like him don't deserve to be with a loving woman like you. You need a real man, not some stupid jerk that needs to be breast fed by whatever woman he runs into. He seems emotionally needy and unstable to have done what he did. And, he needs to get that head of his checked. You, in the meantime need to remember he did not become who he is now if he hadn't met you....you changed him for the better...and karma will eventually hit him in the head. Just wait. He's doing it all for show so he feels better about the guilt for leaving you. Then, when reality hits, he will be left with an empty and lonely lie of a life. You take care and find a REAL MAN, with REAL LOVE! | |
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| Ex- husband marrying his ex-girlfriend - surprised at how bitter I feel
Posted: 4/27/2008 11:54:57 PM | GET YOURSELF A PIECE OF PAPER: On one write all the good things, as many presents as he ever bought you in the whole relationship, nothing but the GOOD THINGS.
The other one write all the BAD THINGS he did to you or for you. Laminate both of them so they cant be changed; Put them up on the wall, get a little pad of sticky notes, and if you think of anything good or bad write them on the sticky notes and add to the list.
THIS IS FUN, cos one thing it does teach you is the BAD LIST becomes covered in notes and the good thing stays the same, try it and see. Before long you will only be thinking HOW LUCKY YOU ARE TO BE RID OF THAT HORRID PERSON. | |
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