| Single full-time dad
Posted: 4/26/2008 5:24:38 PM | Well.. I think I am hoping for some sort of opinion. I'm a single full-time dad that works full-time as well.. and simply is busier than life itself.
I find that when the kid thing is mentioned here, ladies sometimes consider this "baggage". The irony as traditionally and majority-speaking, women are the single full-time parent but men don't see this to be "baggage".
Is this a double standard? | |
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 4/26/2008 5:28:38 PM | If they're packing my bags they might wanna double layer them... I'm a buy one get two free deal myself ... lol
I don't see it as baggage, I see it as you being a full time employed fulltime dad ... shrug | |
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 4/26/2008 5:43:21 PM | Fair enough. :)
Read your profile btw, you're very funny! :) | |
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 4/26/2008 6:05:48 PM | I don't think it's a double standard so much as it's just the way some people are wired. There are also men out there that consider a woman with children having too much baggage....
Personally, I give a lot of credit to single dads and enjoy corresponding with them.... they can appreciate the full schedule I have as a mom that works up to 50 hours a week with two very active children.
Good for you Daphid1.... just consider it a weeding tool and move on to the next fishy in the pond. | |
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 4/27/2008 5:06:41 PM | | Since I do not have children, I prefer to date men without children, but certainly don't limit myself if I find the person interesting. However, getting together with a man with full custody makes things quite challenging and I personally have had bad experiences with it overall (limited time together, frequent cancellations, no over-nighters, being put on the back-burner over and over, etc.). Your best bet would be to approach single mothers who can relate and appreciate the situation you are in. | |
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 4/27/2008 7:36:15 PM | I think there are double standards in anything!
I applaud you for being a Dad, not just a father two very different things! You doing it by yourself in itself shows me alot of character. Children are Gods gifts and ya gotta love em!
I was a single parent for twelve years and it takes everything you have to work and spend quality time with your children! | |
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 4/27/2008 9:36:51 PM |
The irony as traditionally and majority-speaking, women are the single full-time parent but men don't see this to be "baggage".
Oh, but they do.
The reality is, that if someone doesn't want to date you for whatever reason, they will find some kind of "baggage" to complain about.
I have actually been told that my son is "baggage". And that the fact I don't want more kids (of my own) is "baggage". Or that I worked shift work is also "baggage". Two guys I was seriously dating (at different times) actually complained that because I made more money than them, that it was too much "baggage" for them to deal with!! WTF??
Don't worry about it. Just think of it more-of as an early warning-weaning system for women you really don't want to be with, but just don't know it yet!!
Happy Fishing!!
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 4/27/2008 10:36:08 PM | Good grief, the fact that you have lived a life and have shown responsibility is some sort of "baggage" ? You and your children deserve someone who will appreciate you, we are out there. Just reassure any intended you are not expecting her to be the unpaid nanny, that you are coping just fine and have things under control.
Wow a two or more for one deal - sounds absolutely wonderful. | |
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 4/28/2008 12:34:36 PM | Why does it have to be called baggage? I am not slamming anyone here, I just think that we label things too often (myself included). I think ANY parent (Mom or Dad) who takes care of their children Full time as a singlem parent should be commended. It's not an easy thing to do.
OP-hold out for the one who understands this. Anything short of that isn't worthy of you. :) | |
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 4/28/2008 2:47:51 PM | | children are not baggage. You are just not getting the right woman to look at your profile. A man that stands up and take cares of his chidlren wow that is great. I am impressed Great Job you are Blessed. | |
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 4/28/2008 2:52:51 PM | Unfortunately...yes, a double standard.
But then, I am almost 40 and my youngest son is almost5 years old......you ought to see the men running!
Everyone else in my age group appears to be a grandparent already! | |
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 4/29/2008 8:35:00 AM | | I recently spoke to a man a few years older than myself who has a couple grown children and several grandchildren of various ages. Normally that is a good topic for folks in my age group. When I told him how much I love spending time with my girls and my grandkids, he said he wasn't interested in me because I have "too much baggage". Go figure! What kind of father and grandfather is he?! | |
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 4/29/2008 9:26:59 AM | I have been a full-time single father for the last 15 years. My children are nearly grown - and quite honestly, sometimes it was impossible to balance career, college and 2 kids.. all without child support - and still find time for a significant other.
While the term baggage may seem harsh to those of us that are parents, it is a reality that we must face. Yes, I know women that would not date a single dad because raising someone else's children wasn't their thing. Maybe it interfered with the plans to go to Club Med this month... maybe its the reality that if you really want someone's time and attention, you realize that a single parent can't give the 100% you might want or need.
By the way, that harsh baggage standard goes to both men and women. The confusion arises because some people are seeking only "short term" relationships. They aren't worried about children.. in fact, having something to keep the other person busy is a plus for them, so their date doesn't mess around in their life.
If you want a double standard- ask yourself this: Why is it that a man who raises his children alone is revered as a saint; while a single mom is often disdained by society? | |
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 4/29/2008 10:30:44 AM | daphid1. I can certainlty relate to what you are saying. I have my kids 4 days a week and manage to sprinkle in a 40 hour work week around my crazy schedule.
Do many women consider it baggage absolutely. But it has been my experience that women in their 30's with no kids are hanging onto more baggage than I care to deal with. While my baggage is neatly wrapped in beautiful smiles and rewarding moments, they are usually hidding their baggage in a trash bag and a gunnysack in the back of the closet.
I think it would be impossible for someone without kids to understand they will never hold the same place as my kids. Nor should they want to. When I find the right person we will have matching luggage and it will just work. Until then there will be plenty of, " Roughing Up The Suspect". | |
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 5/1/2008 7:01:11 AM | I have alot of respect for single dad's who do it all. As a single mom who works two jobs and supports my daughter pretty much alone...I understand how busy life can be.
The good thing is....one day...there will be a special person who enters your life and does not see any of this as baggage but what they will see...is a very strong person with a very special trait. | |
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 5/1/2008 7:38:55 AM | | I have trouble finding someone, because they don't like that I have 4 Children even though 3 of them are over the age of 17. I wouldn't dis-miss a single father. | |
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 5/1/2008 9:18:55 AM | My advice is to keep your chin up! You seem to have your priorities straight. The right person will come your way in good time.
I don't think you should stress too much about what you think others think. If someone thinks your kids are baggage, they're really not the right one for you, ya know???
I am in a similar spot in life as you... I know it's tough at times. I also appreciate that it is good an healthy for us to pursue adult relationships, to balance out our lives emotionally... that in the end, this is good for our kids and our families too.
So keep on keepin on! Focus on your strengths, follow your bliss, and I am betting good things will be coming your way.
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 5/1/2008 12:53:17 PM | | I would really prefer to date men with no children but at my age finding a man with no kids is next to impossible. Now i just say that so long as he doesn't expect me to play mommy or to babysit then i am fine with it. Oh and if he drags his kids along on a date it will all end right there. If you can't find a babysitter then cancel. | |
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 5/1/2008 7:59:51 PM | | Who better to understand the trials and tribulations of being a single mom than a single dad? Unlike the poster above, I prefer to date a man that has children and that they are a priority in his life, because he'll be more likely to understand that mine are a priority in my life. Sure it's harder to work in "alone" time, but I think this kind of man would be worth the effort. | |
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 5/1/2008 9:29:35 PM | | WOOO HOOO...Love that girl from NY's answer...I want to marry you right now!!! | |
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 5/3/2008 7:55:47 AM | I agree - there certainly does appear to be a double standard. Which is unfortuneate for those who do not see the value in children. My personal opinion - I hold single Dad's and Mom's (anyone who takes genuine interest in their children) in very high regard.
If someone views children as baggage, just move on. Children are precious. Makes no difference if they live with either parent full-time, part-time - what ever. Children are an important part of a parents life. Respect and nurture that relationship. | |
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 5/4/2008 9:12:11 PM | Before I had kids I had no interest in single women with them.
Now that I do, the natural progression of things would be to date a woman that has them as well. | |
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 5/5/2008 4:08:43 AM | If I were a cynic I would say this is 'oooooooooohhhhhhhhh date me thread', it's the 'btw read your profile your very funny comment' that makes this old cynic look in that direction.....
Now ladies, I am aslo a single parent...As of this morning my off spring sit proudly on Ebay, feel free to ask for item numbers.....
Now wheres my tin hat? | |
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:09:21 AM | Hello,
Well first of all I like to commend you for being a full time responsible parent. I myself am a single parent, and i do not see this as baggage. That’s why i prefer to date another single parent, because folks without kids seem to look at single parents as a "curse" so keep your head, you will find that special someone  | |
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| Single full-time dad
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:25:18 PM | There seems to be a trend... people look for those who resemble them. A single mom is more likely to understand the challenges a single dad has and vice versa whereas those who don't have kids will tend to gravitate towards those who have the same freedom to do as they please.
Obviously there are exceptions and quite few of them I'm sure. This is simply a generalization on my part.
Good luck to you! | |
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