| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 4/26/2008 7:33:36 PM | | Okay, so I haven't really dated since I had my son, but i'm just curious on wether or not I should bring him into a new relationship or if I should wait to see if me and the other person could actually work out before bringing him around the baby. I feel that I shouldn't be bringing my son around a bunch of different men, however I don't want to be with someone and then after I bring the baby around they realize they can't handle it... any opinions? | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 4/26/2008 7:37:42 PM | | maybe keep your kid out of the equation for the first little bit, just be upfront that your a mom. i don't feel it necessary for every woman i meet or date briefly to meet my son right off the bat. i would say bring your son into the equation when the relationship gets to the point where the two of you are seeing eachother exclusively | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 4/26/2008 7:41:14 PM | | How old is your child? Up until a certain age any poisitve male influence is a good thing. I say this as they dont understand the dynamics and would only think of them as friends, same as you have female friends. Just dont be all passionate with the guy in front of him | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 4/26/2008 7:43:56 PM | try focusing more on ur son (u stated in ur profile that he`s 7 months old) & ur career.. single men will always be around after u get urself established!..  .. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 4/26/2008 7:46:27 PM | I would agree with joejoe
no need to bring kids into the equation right away..it's actually better to keep them out of it as much as possible. it gets harder the older they are. You can have friends over and such but try to keep any intimate acts (such as hugging/kissing etcetc) for times when the kid is not around/watching, even at a young age they can pick up on it...and until u are in an exclusive relationship, I don't think it's proper. Just my opinion tho, other people do it all the time. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 4/26/2008 9:47:27 PM | My goodness........... your baby is less than a year old and you are thinking about dating ???
Hmmmm..................... so much for priorities..........
Baffled | |
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TLC_
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Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 7 | |
| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 4/26/2008 10:14:33 PM | op, be open and tell the guy from the very start you have a son.
just think how hard it would be on you both if after starting to develop feelings, you find he doesnt want a family | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 4/27/2008 2:11:45 AM | | You should let guys know it's a package deal, right up front. Get them used to the idea that you're responsible for a very young life, and that sometimes you aren't going to be able to pay as much attention to a man friend as he might want. If this puts some off, you're better off without them. Any man so needy that he can't share you with your child is nothing but trouble. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 4/27/2008 5:49:20 AM | Probably the same as a man with a child.
Make sure the other person respects it, and that they respect your child.
I have a daughter myself. Almost 3 months old. And so far, the one woman that has caught my attention loves my daughter. That means more to me than anything else in a relationship.
Dating, sex, movies, blah, whatever.... yeah, all are great and fun.
But if they don't have the ability to be a parent because they want to be, not because they have to be... then I don't give them a 2nd glance.
You should do the same for any man. If he doesn't have the ability to willingly learn to be a parent, then he isn't worth your time and effort. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 4/27/2008 10:54:28 AM | | A woman with a kid is a package deal. If you tell a guy this and he's a a-hole about it afterwards, he's not the guy for you. Simple as that. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 4/27/2008 11:24:57 AM | ^^^ agreeing with musicjunky...
You're a package deal - be upfront about it, and don't be too quick to introduce him to the baby. I feel that if the relationship were to 'go south' after he had been around your son, it may hit you hard emotionally. (He's still very young, and I don't think he'd have any impact if your relationship ended. But I could be wrong, I don't have kids).
Remember to be honest about your son and your life. If he isn't up for that, then that's his right. Good luck!  | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 4/27/2008 4:30:13 PM | Of course, the thing with babies is he won't remember if this guy is out of your life in a month, but that is not always going to be the case. To be consistent, I would work off the idea that you do not bring someone into yrou child's life that you are romantically involved with until you are pretty sure the relationship is going somewhere. You have talked about the future and are both on the same page.
Though, IMHO I would focus on the little guy for now and worry about dating when he gets a bit older. They grow up so fast and this precious time is going to go in a blink of an eye..Again, JMHO. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 4/27/2008 4:40:59 PM |
Um.. I'm pretty sure I never said ANYTHING about lying about my child... What I asked was when should I bring a new guy around my son.
Oh, sorry. In that case, I would go out with him a few times to see what he was about first. I had a girl actually try and bring her kid on a date with me once. I told her, "if you can't find a babysitter and you have to take the kid on a date with a stranger, YOU should be at home with the kid first." I'm not a bad person but you have to consider what kind of person/Mom she is if she's taking her kids out on dates with her when she doesn't even know that person. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 4/27/2008 5:06:50 PM | | I'm going to have to say go with your gut. Don't set a timeline to it. Whether it's a month, or six months, or a year or more, whenever feels right for you. Just be upfront about having a son, always put your son first, which I'm sure you will, and let life happen. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 4/27/2008 6:25:32 PM |
I had a girl actually try and bring her kid on a date with me once
these stories make me laugh. I mean it'd be different if it was like a 3rd or 4th 'date'. Previously arranged that the kids would be there, like a park date or something like that, where you want to see someone on a sat or sun afternoon and spend sometime with them but have the kids. I have met someone casually at the park before, meeting them in person for the first time, but I had talked to them for quite a while before hand, and she knew my kids were gonna be there (obviously), it was more of a convience thing than anything - and I would probably never do it again because it's very hard to pay attention to what the kids are doing while trying to pay attention to the other person as well. DEFINATELY not a thing to do on a first date tho - that's just wierd, lol. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 4/27/2008 7:12:34 PM | Well you are a mother, act like one. You have a baby, I'm assuming, not that old. I suggest you work on you and your child for a bit, but if you absolutely must get back out there, then make sure the person you want to date is fully aware of your son.
I don't recommend bringing around a bunch of different men either, but since you are worried about your attachment to the guy, only to have him run away after meeting your son, then you must absolutely put your needs in front of your defenceless child's,, right? LOL
You are a package deal, he needs to know that from the start. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 4/27/2008 8:52:17 PM | Your a package deal; your a kid that had a kid; honesty is the best policy; if you get attached with a person and they aren't into your kid then there will be pain.
Most people your age are going to have a problem with it. They will try to spend time with you only.
Your in a tough spot. Obviously your focus is not getting a relationship but creating a stable life. And please, not to be mean, but use protection; there are a lot of guys out there having kids and they are no where near father material. good luck. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 4/27/2008 9:27:09 PM |
What are you talking about? Nobody said anything about taking a child on the first date. Stick to the topic.
In fact someone did say something about it. (hence the reason I had it quoted in my post) I will admit I was a little off topic, but it wasn't totally offtopic to the post I was replying to, and I had already given my opinion on your situation. I am soooooo sorry if I have hi jacked your precious thread in any way...I feel really bad, really I do, right from the bottom of my heart. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 4/28/2008 6:18:27 AM |
What are you talking about? Nobody said anything about taking a child on the first date. Stick to the topic.
OP he is looking at your picture, thinking of a story that he thinks will make him sound all concerned and level headed and then throwing it out as a pick-up line to you... Nothing more and nothing less...
Now, for the topic you started... Simple, take advantage of the opportunity to date and relax. You are being very upfront about being a mom, so no harm no foul on that one... It will be time to introduce all after you have dated for awhile and feel completely relaxed with the individual.
Just take your time and enjoy dating... You will know when the time is right for someone to meet your son... | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 4/28/2008 7:54:57 AM | DaveB951...
You're allowed to date after having a child. As long as you aren't neglecting your child to date, then it is not a matter of priorities. For all you know, she could have dating clear at the bottom of her list of things to do. Just because someone has a baby doesn't mean they aren't allowed to look for love. My daughter is almost 3 months old. I am totally fine with dating. It isn't my number one priority, by any means, but it is still something that I enjoy doing.
Good luck finding a decent girl with your close-mindedness. | |
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| Bringing a baby into a new relationship??
Posted: 4/28/2008 8:16:12 AM | ^^^so where are these guys that you loved enough to have the baby with, hm??
Single moms are busy and as a guy dating them, you have to look at the relationship a lot differently. I'm 37 and can accept her and her children. But when I was in my 20's, it was a different story. | |
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