| Did this happen to anyone else?
Posted: 4/27/2008 1:13:35 PM | Anybody else have a former spouse who turned out to be gay? Not that "I'm 'just' BI crap." The ex actually prefers gay sex, but wants to stay married to a heterosexual partner. Oddly enough, I have a acquaintance who just learned that her husband of 30+ years was gay. At least she got the closure of knowing for a fact what was "wrong" with her marriage.
It's a very emotionally draining situation. I was wondering if any one here had been through it - and how long it takes to get OVER it?
I mean, honestly, I have nothing against gay people; I just don't want to be married to one. | |
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| Did this happen to anyone else?
Posted: 4/27/2008 1:30:06 PM | My little sister married someone that SHE met at a gay bar...
She has a narcissistic personality so she figured her beauty and charm would make him straight since in her mind being gay was only something a person thought about being, and could easily unthink.
They finally got divorced, and he married his lover, in Canada.
It has been 6 yrs, and for her she is still not over it.
I don't know how someone that has been married for 30 yrs would deal with it...
It all depends on the person, and what they think about or feel about their situation. I personally have never been in a situation like that, and would NOT want to be.
It would seem if a person understands the dynamics of homosexuality, and understand that for most people it isn't a matter of choice, but how their brain is wired, that they could understand it really isn't anyones fault.
MEANING, that the person was doing everything he could to deny what sexual preference they had.
On the flip side, it seems like it would be horrible for any kids to find out after that length of time, then again some kids already know what the score is...
Ultimately it is something that is individual...I'd be relieved to know it was something that was inside the other person, and wasn't something wrong with me. As you stated, giving a closure that may have lingered.
Staying married, NO THANKS... | |
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| Did this happen to anyone else?
Posted: 4/27/2008 1:33:23 PM | | That happened to a neighbour of an aunt of mine! She was devastated and it was hard on the kids! Not to mention it was embarassing for her since she never knew! I don't think you can ever really get over that - you just have to move on! Like any relationship that is built on lies - it can devastate you for a very long time! | |
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| Did this happen to anyone else?
Posted: 4/27/2008 2:00:12 PM | There are people who actually CHOOSE to stay. "They" say that they still love the partner. I know that once I finally figured out that there was no way this guy could be a husband to me, I wanted nothing more to do with it. But the feeling of stupidity and/or naivete lingers.
Sometimes, again, "they" say that a gay man, for example, will stay in a marriage b/c it looks right. Look at Governor McGreevey --- but I've got to say, once you finally figure it out, as the str8 spouse, it sucks! | |
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| Did this happen to anyone else?
Posted: 4/27/2008 2:11:14 PM | | It happens all the time.Back in the day many men and women felt like they couldn`t act on it.Its different today .Even gay people have a right to be happy so why not live their life the way they want to.It sucks when they spouse gets hurt but things happen. | |
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| Did this happen to anyone else?
Posted: 4/27/2008 2:16:52 PM | | Like I said, I have no problem with people being gay. I just don't want to be somebody's beard anymore. That's all. | |
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| Did this happen to anyone else?
Posted: 4/27/2008 5:30:16 PM | | A dear friend of mine in FL went through that. When their youngest turned 18 he came out. My friend was devastated & talked to several of us about it. We had to honestly reply that we all thought she knew & was OK with it. This fella was a real flamer, but we figured if it was OK with her, it was OK with us. Many of our mutual friends are/were gay & being gay is no big deal. I'm still surprised she didn't notice & it's been years. None of us were heartless enough to speak the obvious, How did ya miss that!!!? Bless her heart... Last I heard, they were working on remaining friends as both are very sweet people. | |
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