| why would my male friend flirt yet not want to be more than 'friends'?
Posted: 4/27/2008 5:12:14 PM | | i have become friends with a 37yr old guy over the past ten months (i am a 33yr old single mum with a 4yr old son).we met on an internet dating site and he initiated the contact at first with a nice email.we continued emailing for several weeks before txting, ringing and deciding to meet.let me add i was upfront about having a son and i'd posted recent pics of myself (i am overweight by 3 stone but still look reasonably attractive) as did he (he is quite attractive).we met first in june last yr and the date was a 2 and a half hr coffee date that went well, at least, i think so.we shook hands at the end (i thought that strange but he is a polite sort of person) and he txtd he had a lovely time, i asked did he want to meet again (as i hadn't much luck with dating before i thought 'why not' as i enjoyed his company and was not bothered either way) but he said he'd like to remain friends.my question is this:for 10 months we have done moonlit walks, long coffees+chats, watched films in my house etc. and i have gotten to really like him the more i see him.we even spent christmas eve in my hse watching comedy, eating mince pies and wishing each other merry christmas with a mutual hug and kiss on the cheek (he was alone as he was going to germany after st. stephens' day).we have an awful lot in common (studied similar degrees, in simliar area of work, like same types of films etc.)and get on great.i think we are flirting (from previous expeience with guys we are!) and he sometimes looks at me a little longer than needs be.i made it clear i wanted more than friends after christmas by a few texts and one email i sent,but he hasn't made a move.or replied in the negative either which i clearly yasked him to do.he did not reply.nothing.just replied to other msgs afterwards.yet he lives an hr away, drives to see me if i cannot get a sitter to meet up,asks thoughtful Qs about my son and things happening in my life etc.i just discovered he has several other female friends, lived in a flatshare with one, worked with another and he has gone to see them some weekends too.he sometimes initiates texts to ask would i like to meet up when he hasn't heard from me in a while.what is his story? does he just want another female friend? do some men want to be 'just friends' this way yet they flirt with a girl when they meet up and they usually meet on a fri or sat night? is he lying about being single?maybe shy? was i not direct enough and should i make a move or what, as i am afraid he will reject me? other guys say i am pretty and i have had some other interest from online dates but i don't want to meet any of them as my dating time is limited.he is a good male friend, all my female ones are in relationships and busy and my best male friend has moved to the US.i don't know what to do as i feel like i might blurt out something the next time i see him,as my feelings are becoming so strong for him!help...! | |
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| why would my male friend flirt yet not want to be more than 'friends'?
Posted: 4/27/2008 5:17:18 PM | | Bottom line is that it doesnt matter why he does what he does. He has already told you at this time he wants friendship only. When you told him again that you wanted more than friends he chose not to answer you(my apologies if I misread what I thought you typed). The real question is how far are you willing to let this go on? You want more than what he is willing to offer at this time. Can you just settle with what he is willing to offer? | |
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| why would my male friend flirt yet not want to be more than 'friends'?
Posted: 4/27/2008 5:21:20 PM |
i think we are flirting (from previous expeience with guys we are!) and he sometimes looks at me a little longer than needs be.i made it clear i wanted more than friends after christmas by a few texts and one email i sent,but he hasn't made a move.or replied in the negative either which i clearly yasked him to do.he did not reply.nothing.just replied to other msgs afterwards.
While he may indeed be flirting--and I flirt with friends on occasion--the fact that he didn't answer your direct question about wanting more tells me he doesn't want things to change. If your feelings are becoming so strong for this man without any sign of ROMANTIC reciprocation on his part, perhaps it is time to step back and let your ardor cool a bit. Try being friends by phone and e-mail for a while. And date some other guys!
--Ms. Flis | |
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| why would my male friend flirt yet not want to be more than 'friends'?
Posted: 4/27/2008 5:25:55 PM | Love it Ally... "attention without intention".. great way to put it..
I have had this happen to me.. happened to me with a guy who lived in my apartment building.. strung me along.. gave me double meanings... I sure did waste a lot of time on him..
OP, I think you have let fantasy over ride reality. Women are bad about that.... we create an alternate reality.. the guy has let you know he only wants to be friends..
If it were me in your shoes.. I would move on..but flirt like crazy with him.. give it right back but be involved with other men.. | |
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| why would my male friend flirt yet not want to be more than 'friends'?
Posted: 4/27/2008 5:35:36 PM | I will add for what it is worth...
I dealt with something like this recently…
I had developed a good friendship with a woman I thought highly of and with time developed a crush on her as I got to know more about her. I told her eventually and she did not respond to my questions about potentially having more. I pressed for an answer and I think that this made her very uncomfortable. Thus I now have a definitive answer but I miss my friend. In the end I would say silence probably means that they could very well be interested but it may be the wrong time in their life. | |
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| why would my male friend flirt yet not want to be more than 'friends'?
Posted: 4/27/2008 5:56:31 PM | Seems he wants friends only.
Thats good though at least you have him as a friend, friends are important in our lives.
I have awesome male friends that have always been there for me.
I can get male advice, a hug, they accept me for who i am.
One even took me out all day yesterday as I was feeling down.
He had me in stitches of laughter all day, spolit me rotton.
I wouldnt trade my friends for anything.
Start dating again ,but let go of hoping to be a couple, From what you have said I dont think it will Happen.
Best of luck to you.
Remember the song love hurts
Who needs that | |
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| why would my male friend flirt yet not want to be more than 'friends'?
Posted: 4/27/2008 8:10:36 PM | Sometimes people make close friends in life and don't want to do something that may jeopardize that friendship. People can be physically and mentally attracted to their friend but know that there is just something missing from it being something longterm. Once the lines are crossed it has completely changed the whole formula of that friendship and the moment he has to come back and say "Hey I just want to be friends" you are going to feel even more rejected, used and a complete distrust for that friendship to ever have it restored to where it was.
Perhaps rather than feeling rejected at love feel honored that he thinks highly enough about the friendship not to risk losing it.
I do recall a close female friend in college who I found sexually appealing. I even had those sexual fantasies about her. However, I just could not picture being settled with her longterm. I had too much invested in the frienship and also we had mutual friends as well to have anything intimate together. I knew she really liked me and wanted more. I remember going out and drinking with her. At the end of the night while we sat in her dorm room she wanted to tickle me and get all close. I called it the night and left the room. Physically I wanted to but mentally I knew better even while being drunk. I could not risk losing her as a friend nor did I want to cause a division in the clique of friends we shared. | |
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| why would my male friend flirt yet not want to be more than 'friends'?
Posted: 5/5/2008 3:41:35 PM | WINDSORONT2, you were right on the money.
he has just told me that he is gay.
well you could knock me down with a feather.i am a bit confused (though quite relieved).why the HELL did he contact me on a dating site where his profile clearly states, in Ideal Match, searching for Females????
men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| why would my male friend flirt yet not want to be more than 'friends'?
Posted: 5/5/2008 5:05:52 PM | oh,so sorry about the paragraphs.
here you are.
last point:he is leading women astray on the dating site and thats not very fair.if he just wants female friends he should have said so.it would have worked out better than lying.
and if he met someone else, that could have been explkained too without hurting me.
yes i am hurt.thats allowed.its been almost a year of 'getting to know him'.it hurts that a potentially good male friend (my own best male friend will be in brown uni for 2 more yrs) didn't tell me the reason he was not attracted to me before this.
i was getting worried i was dog ugly or something!
thanks everyone who wrote back. | |
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| why would my male friend flirt yet not want to be more than 'friends'?
Posted: 5/17/2008 2:54:32 PM | Only today I was telling a friend of mine how I loved walking along behind her. She has some beautiful moves. Of course I was flirting. I buy flowers for her on occasion -- surely a flirting gesture. She is my friend. So is her husband.
My conscience would not allow me to do any more, and her demeanor would not allow me to do any less. | |
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| why would my male friend flirt yet not want to be more than 'friends'?
Posted: 5/17/2008 2:57:10 PM | Dee,
Been there done that. I got mad at him because I felt he was leading me on but now that my crush on him is gone, I sincerely miss my best friend and wish I had handled things a bit differently. Good friends are hard to come by and I miss his company, and advice.
Maybe you could salvage the friendship?
Good Luck! | |
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