| Have you ever been together with a compulsive Liar?
Posted: 4/28/2008 1:19:36 AM | And if yes, how did you find out? What did you do? Did this person lie no matter what evidence you showed her/him?
I have met one and don't know how to handle this situation? All evidence shows she's lying but she insists that she isn't.
What shall I do?
She has apparently been texting and emailing with a man.
In one email the man said its hard for him because he has been married with his wife for so many years and they have two kids together. And in another email he cancels the lunchdate they had because he couldnt find an alibi. In yet another email he writes that she says she is so unhappy with me but yet she spends hours on the phone with me every evening which is hard for him to believe if shes so unhappy with me.
And now she claims that all they had was a flirt and nothing happened or will happen and that she just likes him, he has a dog that he takes for walks every day, i guess thats how they met. He has her workemail, workcellphonennumber.
And she expects me to believe nothing happened between them after reading those emails???
They even had the nerve to invite us (his wife and me) to the apartments.
How they can even sit there in the same room as her and me and pretend like nothing. I understand now why he has been a bit b i t c h y" towards me and saying humialiating comments and been trying to start conflicts between her and me. Geez i always wondered why he was so mean to me and asking all these personal questions about my family and me. One time he said his son is going to have perfect teeth when the railway is taken off from his mouth and he said he hates people with bunnyteeth, thing is that I have a perfect smile but my two front teeth is a bit wide (not long though) and some people has tried to use this against me that dont like me but I know its really nothing. Just that they cant find anything else to complain about my apparence....
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| Have you ever been together with a compulsive Liar?
Posted: 4/28/2008 1:27:13 AM | For me, trust is a basic component of any relationship... she would not be considered for further opportunities. You haven't said how long you've been "together", but if it has only been a short time, be warned.... it generally only gets worse.
best wishes.. | |
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| Have you ever been together with a compulsive Liar?
Posted: 4/28/2008 1:36:13 AM | God gave us instincts for a reason. If you can honestly look inside of yourself and say that you believe that she is lying then guess what? She's definatley lying. I mean come on you can tell she's lying. If you couldn't then your instincts wouldn't tell you she was. How do you handle this situation? It depends. If she's lying about something that should end the relationship then you need to end the relationship. If she's lying about eating the last cookie then maybe just let it slide. | |
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| Have you ever been together with a compulsive Liar?
Posted: 4/28/2008 1:44:24 AM | She has apparently been texting and emailing with a man.
In one email the man said its hard for him because he has been married with his wife for so many years and they have two kids together. And in another email he cancels the lunchdate they had because he couldnt find an alibi. In yet another email he writes that she says she is so unhappy with me but yet she spends hours on the phone with me every evening which is hard for him to believe if shes so unhappy with me.
And now she claims that all they had was a flirt and nothing happened or will happen and that she just likes him, he has a dog that he takes for walks every day, i guess thats how they met. He has her workemail, workcellphonennumber.
And she expects me to believe nothing happened between them after reading those emails???
They even had the nerve to invite us (his wife and me) to the apartments.
How they can even sit there in the same room as her and me and pretend like nothing. I understand now why he has been a bit b i t c h y" towards me and saying humialiating comments and been trying to start conflicts between her and me. Geez i always wondered why he was so mean to me and asking all these personal questions about my family and me. One time he said his son is going to have perfect teeth when the railway is taken off from his mouth and he said he hates people with bunnyteeth, thing is that I have a perfect smile but my two front teeth is a bit wide (not long though) and some people has tried to use this against me that dont like me but I know its really nothing. Just that they cant find anything else to complain about my apparence....
And btw. her apartment and his house.... she can see his house from her kitchenwindow... And we have a distance relationship (meet like 10-15 days every month). How am I going to trust her after this? | |
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| Have you ever been together with a compulsive Liar?
Posted: 4/28/2008 1:56:24 AM | better find a place where you can have peace ,and take your time to find a honest girl
there are many women who are living with a man just to pretend they have life ,even so
they are half dead ,
it has been 14 years for me been alone in this country and hadn't been able to find a decent one,I may end up single for ever ,but with the freedom that I deserve,
may G O D give them the opportunity to clear their mind and find the man of their dreams
and have a happy life forever . | |
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| Have you ever been together with a compulsive Liar?
Posted: 4/28/2008 2:54:24 AM | Yes, I have been with one and after you find out it can be devistating. The one I was with was in a 2 year relationship. I had found out things about her after it was over that I would have never suspected. The biggest one though was the ultimate lie in that she had been cheating for 3 months. That is why trust is so important in a relationship, but at the same time is hard to have after you have been burned.  | |
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| Have you ever been together with a compulsive Liar?
Posted: 4/28/2008 3:28:36 AM | OP,
She's lying to you. Bad sign. Get out and find someone new. Maybe they are just flirting or, maybe they are planning something but just haven't had the chance yet. Either way, she's not a good woman.
But this did draw my attention:
Did this person lie no matter what evidence you showed her/him?
And she expects me to believe nothing happened between them after reading those emails???
Did she show you those emails or did you show her? If she did, she was trying to be honest, however, since the emails revealed something negative she stated about your relationship, I would hazard a guess you did a bit of snooping. That's not a good sign either.
She's a liar and you are a snoop -- neither are worthy of trust, IMHO. | |
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| Have you ever been together with a compulsive Liar?
Posted: 4/28/2008 5:34:24 AM | Oh yes, for 2 1/2 yrs, he was that good. There were a couple of things that didn't quite add up but I guess I was too scared of finding the truth. And when it was exposed, he still twisted the situation to eventually turn it around and make it my fault. See, he did it because of me lol thank goodness we were on the phone otherswise I'm not sure how it would have ended, probably front lines in a newspaper.
I'm well rid of the jerk and I suggest you do the same. Life is too short for that kind of crap. Don't try to get the truth out of her, you will only waste your time and delay the inevitable. Let her to her drama, life and what not. You deserve better. | |
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| Have you ever been together with a compulsive Liar?
Posted: 4/28/2008 5:45:19 AM | Yes, I have been with one. The way you find out is that they will "out" themselves, there's no need for you to do a thing.
These people will lie even when the truth would serve them better. They will lie about little things that don't even matter, just for the sake of lying. They get so they don' t even know they are doing it.
They lie so much that they believe their own lies.
There's absolutely nothing you can do if someone is a truly compulsive liar to make them change, they are who they are.
That said, it just sounds to me like your wife/gf is lying to save her own hide at this point. That doesn't necessarily make her a compulsive liar. A compulsive liar lies about EVERYthing. If she stopped at Publix on her way home, she'd say she stopped at Kroger, no reason for the lie, just lying for the sake of lying.
Lying to get yourself out of trouble is "situational" and not necessarily compulsive. "Compulsive liar" is IMO way over-used by people who just want a "label" to put on someone who has done them wrong. If she was truly "compulsive" you'd have known about it long before this situation arose.
As for your situation, you can stay with someone you KNOW is lying to you, or you can leave the relationship. I couldn't stay in a relationship where tiny, insignificant things were being fabricated and lied about, because what would happen if there was ever a major situation? There's no way I'd ever get the truth out of them, even if, like you, I presented them with cold hard evidence. So it's easier (in the long run) to get out of it and cut your losses before they become even greater. | |
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| Have you ever been together with a compulsive Liar?
Posted: 4/28/2008 5:47:32 AM |
And btw. her apartment and his house.... she can see his house from her kitchenwindow... And we have a distance relationship (meet like 10-15 days every month). How am I going to trust her after this?
Ah, the plot thickens.
You already know the answer to your own question. You aren't going to trust her after this, why is this even a question for you? As far as trust goes, your relationship is over. | |
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| Have you ever been together with a compulsive Liar?
Posted: 4/28/2008 5:58:33 AM | We have all met compulsive liars at one point or another in our lives. The problem is recognizing we are dealing with one. This behaviour is usually associated with other psychiatric/psychological problems/issues. These people are usually psychosociopathic in some way or another. Lying works for them, and has become a learned behavior to successfully managing what is usually very covert lives. It diminishes their accountability by keeping all around them "in the dark" so to speak. This ensures them freedom to do almost whatever they want as long as their activities are not exposed. They are obviously very hard people to get to know - often very closed, private, and suspiciously secretive. They lie on a constant basis, and often over very irrelevant issues. Sometimes they will create/contrive fictitious experiences just to enhance their image of themselves in the eyes of others.
Over time, inconsistencies in their stories will reveal themselves. They do make slips. Confronting them is often quite difficult, if not useless, because they will continue to lie often lying blatently and convincingly despite any evidence you may confront them with. They will always make you look like the "bad person" for not trusting them, and even if somehow you manage to get them to admit they lied (Good Luck), things probably won't change that much. These people are very skilled and experienced at doing this. It has worked for them. They see nothing wrong with it and will justify their actions any way they have too from minimizing and/or absolutely covering or hiding the truth.
In a relationship with one, it may take a while to find out exactly what you are dealing with, and "love" can make you a fool, but these people are ultimately self-destructive, and others-destructive, and they are not about to change. Once you see it, establish it, and know it, the wisest move you can make is to get away asap. The likelihood of them changing is slim to nil. You will always have trust issues, and any relationship without trust is a horrid one. Good luck. | |
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| Have you ever been together with a compulsive Liar?
Posted: 4/28/2008 6:06:45 AM | Yep, I have been with a compulsive liar. Mine believed the lies, had no real awareness that they were lying... I assume that is true of liars of this type. Almost as if, if you keep restating the lie with conviction, it will become the truth. Yeah, mine also developed cover stories... like inviting the two "other" people out so it seemed more aboveboard. Muddying the waters. This is real crazymaking behaviour because, once caught in their wake, they are robbing you of one really critical thing - your own judgment.
Kind of fascinating, but not at all someone you want to be in relationship with. Or even someone you want to spend the next :30 seconds of your life with.
Walk on by and leave her to her flirty dog walking drama filled life. | |
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| Have you ever been together with a compulsive Liar?
Posted: 4/28/2008 10:08:11 AM | Confronted the man today. Lied of course. Said shes been flirting with him and asked if they couldnt go out on lunch but he turned it down because hes married....
And i confronted him with what i read in the texts and emails and all he said is that he hasnt written that and they havent, more or less that i am lying.
So now we got two compulsive liars it seems.... And what shall I do? Should I tell his wife? Seems like noone would believe me anyway. She deleted all his texts and emails and unfortunately i didnt forward them to my email/cellphone:( | |
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| Have you ever been together with a compulsive Liar?
Posted: 4/28/2008 11:14:34 AM | Well, my cheap advice is just to walk away from it. Sometimes when the hurt is fresh there is a need to find fault, to prove that they are doing you wrong. It really just keeps you stuck in a painful place.
You know it, and you'll soon know that it is enough that you know it. Let go of the turmoil and move on. | |
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| Have you ever been together with a compulsive Liar?
Posted: 4/28/2008 12:14:38 PM | Yes I have been with a compulsive liar. Took me way too long to figure it out. (He did me SO wrong) You just don't expect it. (Or maybe I didn't want to accept it, or to deal with it.) They can look you right in the eye and spin their tale and not bat an eyelash, but usually will shed some tears. Just know the tears are not because they are sorry, that they won't do it again....it's because they were BUSTED! I read everyone's replies and agree with them all. Mostly BowWow's. It won't change. Now that 'they' know you are on to them things will just become more secretive. They will cover their tracks better. You won't see anymore emails etc. Very hard to live with someone not trusting them completely. Always watching, waiting to bust them again. It's not worth it. A lot of wasted energy you could be applying to bettering yourself and your life.
Get out ASAP! Once your mind clears, you will be SO glad you did.
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| Have you ever been together with a compulsive Liar?
Posted: 4/28/2008 8:59:02 PM |
She's a liar and you are a snoop -- neither are worthy of trust, IMHO.
I think when you trust someone and they violate that trust, they no longer have a right to privacy. One must be trustworthy in order to be trusted. You reap what you sow.
OP, I would kick her to the curb and move on. You deserve better. | |
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| Have you ever been together with a compulsive Liar?
Posted: 4/28/2008 9:06:04 PM | using the words compulsive liar is very judgmental and just shows great disrespect by you.
consider this,if a lady is seeking to find her oats elsewhere,would you rather she be honest and say you dont measure up in bed,as an example.it is in fact very tactful of her.what you mean is not `is she a compulsive liar` but `is she cheating`
so i will answer this question:you and she set your own parameters for acceptable behaviour.i think if you have not ever discussed this topic she is NOT cheating on you.
in fact it is you who is behaving badly by accusing her of lying when she is just displaying good etiquette,please refer to debrettes for further information | |
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| Have you ever been together with a compulsive Liar?
Posted: 4/28/2008 9:13:51 PM | [[In one email the man said its hard for him because he has been married with his wife for so many years and they have two kids together. And in another email he cancels the lunchdate they had because he couldnt find an alibi. In yet another email he writes that she says she is so unhappy with me but yet she spends hours on the phone with me every evening which is hard for him to believe if shes so unhappy with me.]]
I hate to say this because you seem like a nice guy, but for your sake I will. Granted you'll dismiss it and claim I'm crazy/off base/don't know all the facts/etc.
This is your fault. I can't stress this enough. I'm not saying you're a bad guy(that would help) or unworthy of love or anything that dramatic. But, you must face the facts. You're a confort zone for her and nothing more BUT only because you designed the room yourself.
[[And now she claims that all they had was a flirt and nothing happened or will happen and that she just likes him, he has a dog that he takes for walks every day, i guess thats how they met. He has her workemail, workcellphonennumber. ]]
The fact that you asked about it (i'm sure you couldn't control yourself) only ensured that she stays in this state she's in. If you're going to try to "logic" her into a corner you're only wasting your breath. (as you've already found out, much to your confusion)
[[And she expects me to believe nothing happened between them after reading those emails???]]
if you find any of this to be your fault, if you can truely look at what you've done and decide that it was your lack of action/knowledge/daring that put you there then you have hope. Send me an email and i'll detail how you can control this guy at work, without getting fired, without getting in a fight and without losing points with anyone involved (you'll gain points!)
I can't even tell you what you should have done when the other couple invited you over but it could have been great! Your mistake is that you're trying to fix the thing that happened instead of fixing yourself. Think about it.
"If you keep doing what you've always done you'll keep getting what you've always gotten." | |
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| Have you ever been together with a compulsive Liar?
Posted: 4/29/2008 1:49:41 AM | "And if yes, how did you find out?
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She let it transpire a few months after we'd been together.
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What did you do?
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Re-activated Plan B, the escape.
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Did this person lie no matter what evidence you showed her/him?
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If she happened to feel like it. This one happened to be a well-off heiress who had never had to cope with anything, and she believed she was a higher species than the rest of us, and didn't owe us anything.
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I have met one and don't know how to handle this situation?"
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You get out of it, as soon and clean as possible. Don't mix it up with the "other" man right now. Maybe 5 years from now you and he can swap horror stories in a pub, but do not let testosterone rule right now. | |
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