| How to let go after a breakup?
Posted: 4/28/2008 7:35:43 AM | Hi everyone. This is my first post on the forum.
I need some hard advice. My girlfriend broke up with me last September. And the truth is, I am still hurting every day over it. I can't let it go, I can't let her go. I still love her.
There is no chance at reconciliation. She has moved on, far and away. She never really loved me, I guess. She made it crystal clear in my recent talks with her...
Anyway. I just don't know what to do. I am in pain every day. I don't know how to get her from my mind. I am so unhappy. I actually think about dying all the time. Because this is a situation that will never resolve for me the way I need it to.
Please help me. Is there something I can read, some mental exercise, some service I could take that can make this go away? | |
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| How to let go after a breakup?
Posted: 4/28/2008 7:39:02 AM | You need to start living in reality and the present. Why do you want to think about what could have been or what was? Time to go out and start meeting people and get the old girl out of your life, your mind, your thoughts...
move ahead with your life, stop talking about her, don't even say her name... wish her well and start living your own life.
Sit down and take account of your life and what you want to do in the next month, next year and start working on those things. Fill your mind with productive thoughts and take some action for your own happiness. | |
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| How to let go after a breakup?
Posted: 4/28/2008 7:50:12 AM |
Anyway. I just don't know what to do. I am in pain every day. I don't know how to get her from my mind. I am so unhappy. I actually think about dying all the time. Because this is a situation that will never resolve for me the way I need it to.
Please help me. Is there something I can read, some mental exercise, some service I could take that can make this go away?
Best thing for you to do is to start doing something different that you may have always wanted to do..... Whether a hobby or a course...
Then the secret lies in your imagination............ You need to imagine yourself far away from present and dream of what you could achieve or want to achieve...then try to picture yourself there. Once you start doing it you get further and further away from her ...... at the moment you feel like a failure and it’s not her love that hurts you but feeling that you have failed… so all that imagination will give you a sense of achievement and will take away the negative feelings you have about yourself.
Good luck | |
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| How to let go after a breakup?
Posted: 4/28/2008 7:56:10 AM | First let me say that I am sorry for your pain. You seem very hurt by all of this, to the point, well as you say,
I actually think about dying all the time.
This is not healthy, and you need to stop thinking this way. I suggest forming a support group, sort of like AA. I know that sounds corny, but having read your post I actually got chills, on the back of my neck, and believe me it doesn't happen often. I got chills, because you sound like the type of person who, if they say they are going to end it they will.
Exercise is a great tool, but only seems to work whilst exercising, which can't be 24/7 I run personally and when I reach my set target range I usually run a mile longer.
After my divorce, I used to drink a 5th of jack Daniels every night, but even that stopped working so alcohol and drugs wont work.
No I am afraid my friend that time is the best healer of broken hearts. You have sought for support which is a good thing. I suggest staying away from sad movies, sad songs as much as possible. Take up a hobby, go on a trip,, visit old friends, anything to help you find peace. I suggest online video games!!!!!!!!!! :)
You can read a self help book, and I am sure that there might be good useful information in that book, but I don't think this is something you can handle without it.
Now OP this is hard I know, but its been since September, that you broke up. You probably have been going through those phases of "I love her" or "I hate her". She probably felt sorry for you and really did care for you, at first, but your unwillingness to let this go has pushed her further away from you, and to save herself, she told you, she never really loved you. I am sure she did that so you would move on.
Whatever you do OP do not jump into another relationship and try to replace this woman, as rebound never work, and you only mess other people's lives up. Get friends, even online friends, it might help. Above all OP take care of yourself, and when you think its so bad that you want to end everything, go visit a cancer hospital, for children. Good luck bro. | |
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| How to let go after a breakup?
Posted: 4/28/2008 7:58:17 AM | Read the book, Eat, Love, Pray. It will help get you through this dark time. I'm sorry you're hurting. Rest assured, we have all been there.  | |
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| How to let go after a breakup?
Posted: 4/28/2008 8:11:50 AM | There's actually a book I read by Bruce Fisher, called "Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends." It's the best thing I ever read. I still get it out and read parts of it from time to time. You'll come to the end of the book feeling completely differently about yourself and your situation.
HOWEVER: The first time I read it, I wasn't ready to read it, because I was still telling myself that my marriage wasn't going to end, I wasn't going to let it go. So I had the mentality that "I'm going to read this, but I don't need it, because this isn't happening." The second time was after I'd accepted that it was over...still in pain over it, but accepting. It was that second time that I was able to accept all that book had to offer.
What frame of mind you are in will determine how much this book helps you...but if you do read it, put it away and reread it every three months or so...you'll see the progress you've made each time you read it.
I urge you to get this book, and start reading it...and journal along the way as you read it. even if you just create a journal in a Word document, write out your feelings after you read each chapter of it. Then as you read the book again, journal again. You'll be able to go back to your first journal and compare how you were feeling after each chapter and see a huge difference! | |
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| How to let go after a breakup?
Posted: 4/28/2008 8:14:45 AM |
There is no chance at reconciliation. She has moved on, far and away
How long were you two together? This is 8+ month old hurt now, buddy. You need to get over it. Sorry to be so blunt about it, but you need to stop wallowing. You need some tough love.
If you are thinking about dying because a girl broke up with you, maybe you should see a psychiatrist. that, or rent some documentaries about people are suffering for real all around the world. it may put things into perspective for you. | |
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| How to let go after a breakup?
Posted: 4/28/2008 8:19:41 AM | | You've gotten some good advice here, however - have you consulted your doctor? You may be suffering from depression. I'm not normally an advocate for drugs, but I know from experience how debilitating depression can be, and there are some very effective antidepressants that may help you take that first step to getting well. And I do agree with the poster that said to do something that make you happy. | |
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| How to let go after a breakup?
Posted: 4/28/2008 8:19:53 AM | Accept it, the NEVER contact or accept a contact (txt,email,phone, or whatever.). This is the best way. Think of this, if someone you love is willing to do this to you, then she's not worthy. Turn it around and let yourself get mad at her.
If you think, and say to yourself, even if you know it's not true, " I don't care", eventually, you won't. It's just how our brains work. Try it, you'll start feeling better right away. | |
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| How to let go after a breakup?
Posted: 4/28/2008 8:21:56 AM | I was with her five years.
Suggesting I am not suffering for real - you can't know what's in my head.
Hobbies, socializing, etc. have ground to a halt for me because I am growing weaker and I don't want to do them anymore. It isn't just the girl. It's a collapse of my personal dreams. | |
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| How to let go after a breakup?
Posted: 4/28/2008 8:22:18 AM | | Depends on.....how serious are you for taking advice????? You have just recieved excellent advice from all the above posters. NOW....it's your turn. Are you going to heed this advice? Or are you here just to whine! | |
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| How to let go after a breakup?
Posted: 4/28/2008 8:38:06 AM |
I was with her five years.
Suggesting I am not suffering for real - you can't know what's in my head.
Hobbies, socializing, etc. have ground to a halt for me because I am growing weaker and I don't want to do them anymore. It isn't just the girl. It's a collapse of my personal dreams.
Then go to a freakin doctor. If you aren't willing to seek help, then you are simply just whining. Trust me, I have suffered from depression. The key is getting help. Being miserable can be comforting, I know this. But if you really don't want to feel this way, you need to seek professional help. | |
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| How to let go after a breakup?
Posted: 4/28/2008 8:42:41 AM | I am a little more sympathetic, going through something similar ,only worse with kids involved.
we all know what 2 do, according 2 the advice given even u do 2, its just very difficult, but we will get through this and we will prevail.
it will hurt less every day and one day we will smile again. i dont really think people like me and u should b on this site, because r ultimate goal may b long term we really need friends right now and even though u stress that from the start they still pressure u for a deeper comitment right away.
we need 2 find a site strickly 2 expand our social circles, a couple backyard bbqs and laughs.
life is amazing buddy its worth it | |
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| How to let go after a breakup?
Posted: 4/28/2008 8:49:46 AM | You're grieving and it's ok. You just need to accept that you are grieving and realize things will get better.
Yes, grieving -- when you truly love someone and this happens it is like they died... because you feel the same way but you'll never see them again. Been there. I can't promise you you'll ever be 100% over her... but with time, understanding and trying to think positively, you'll get there.
In the meantime, go out with friends, start doing things again. You had a life before her and as hard as it is you need to go back to it... heal up and then someday take your shot again. | |
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| How to let go after a breakup?
Posted: 4/28/2008 8:54:42 AM | Life is about choices.......You can sit all cry over the woulda , should, coulda's.....or you can put the past behind you and get on with your life.
Yes....you are entitled to your feelings........its what you choose to do with those feelings that count. Your dreams with her will NOT become a reality. Make new ones!!!!!!!!!!!
Let the past where it belongs...in the past...
If you cant get past this on your own... seek some help, rather than go deeper and deeper into a depression over something that you have no control over changing. You can only change YOU.
And by the way........you are not ready to date............ get yourself healty mentally first | |
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| How to let go after a breakup?
Posted: 4/28/2008 8:55:58 AM | | I know you probably don't want to hear this but everything in life happens for a reason. Believe it or not she was not for you and there is something better out there. I feel for you and have been there myself. Once I was able to relize that he wasn't for me I was able to let go but I will be honest it took a while. I also got myself into the gym which helped alot in more ways than one. I wish you the best of luck. | |
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| How to let go after a breakup?
Posted: 4/28/2008 8:58:40 AM | my advice: Break clean. No hitting on the break. Protect yourself at all times...
Try to invest as little sorrow as you can into her. She's gone. She doesn't deserve it.
Being in love is like that. In fact, every time you find a lover that doesn't turn out to be someone you're with for the rest of your life, it's going to end sometime. Live to love again. Don't let her opinion of you devaluate yourself. Think about the good things you do and strive to do better.
Listen to the Beatles song "I'll follow the Sun" and keep your chin up. Now, you won't be passing up better chances for happiness.
Your nick indicates you might be a musician. Use the time to woodshed and build up your chops, compadre. Trouble don't last, My Friend.
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| How to let go after a breakup?
Posted: 4/28/2008 9:08:06 AM |
Because this is a situation that will never resolve for me the way I need it to.
You don't NEED it to OP, you WANT it too, and there is a big difference.
Please, get some counselling to help you move on and enjoy life. | |
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| How to let go after a breakup?
Posted: 4/28/2008 9:22:46 AM | listenherehoney, life is to short not to enjoy it. and let me tell you something where she came from and how you got her you can get another one. if you love something set it free and if its meant to be then she will come back. sometimes people know in there hearts when it is time to pack up and leave and go on with life. keep you head up high and think of only happy thoughts. there are more fish in the sea as i've always been told so go fishing | |
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| How to let go after a breakup?
Posted: 4/28/2008 10:11:38 AM |
I was with her five years.
Well five years is certainly a long time, but you have to look at it this way, it took five years to finally see that it wasn't/isn't going to work. You know in your heart that throughout that five years things led up to the ultimate breakup, thus putting you where you are now. It doesn't have to be your fault or hers, just know its not going to work anymore.
Suggesting I am not suffering for real - you can't know what's in my head.
This is something that you have to work on. Its hard, I know, and I am sure everyone else knows. The degree of which you are heartbroken can't be measured. Lets face it, 8 months is a long time to still be thinking you might want to end your life. You have stated, that you have grown weak, probably because you have been depressed for so long. You need to wake up now!!! Even having 1 thing that makes you laugh is a start, focus and build off that.
There isn't going to be anyone here to hold your hand through this, whilst many of us sympathize with you, that is going to be the extent of it. We have offered advice, and for the most part I would have to say sound advice, whether you decide to muster up the courage and energy to use it is up to you. | |
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| How to let go after a breakup?
Posted: 4/28/2008 10:28:27 AM | Will drugs help? Antidepressants? Seriously, help?
I have never used them because I've heard of horror stories of what happens when you try to go off them, or while you're on them your brain turns to fuzz. | |
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| How to let go after a breakup?
Posted: 4/28/2008 10:47:07 AM | | I'm going to disagree with all the people who will tell you to FORGET her and everything about your relationship for those 5 years. You NEED to be able to look at that time from a different perspective, that's all. It's OK to remember all the great times you had together...you should! You should also look realistically at the bad times. Those 5 years made y0u who you are and by no means should you forget any of it. You will never be able to move on unless you can look at that time, appreciate that it happened and most importantly, LEARN from it! | |
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