| can anyone shed any light on this situ for me
Posted: 4/28/2008 1:05:33 PM | | well this might be a bit long so apologies if it is lol. I have a male friend who has been a frind for 6 years last year we nearly got togeher but I decided that I wanted to stay friends with him through fear of loosing friendship . This year we have been seeing a lot of each other again every weekend for a few months. We got drunk one night and eneded up kissing and he stayed the night can i just be clear that I have not slept with him i made that clear to him as wasnt sure where things stood. Anyhow he has still been seeing me every weekend but when i mention that i like him more than just mates he says he just wants a plutonic friendship yet he still wants to see me all the time . i am slightly confused wondered if anyone can shed some light on this | |
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| can anyone shed any light on this situ for me
Posted: 4/28/2008 1:19:27 PM | You've already got a 100 watt bulb shining on this.
He just wants to be friends.
Don't take it as anything other than you're not exactly what he's looking for in a mate. There are many levels for a match. It DOESN'T mean you aren't attractive, funny, smart, interesting, etc. You ARE his friend. If you find this hard to accept, you might consider telling him and start changing the relationship dynamics because heart ache will follow in that case. Best to start the process of removal now.
All the best to you -- | |
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| can anyone shed any light on this situ for me
Posted: 4/28/2008 1:23:11 PM | | think that from what he has told me so far that he just doesn't want relationship full stop maybe I should say though he has tried to get with me for a long time so why now when i have got used to the idea does he change his mind | |
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Posted: 4/28/2008 1:57:39 PM | Ok, you've been friends with this guy for 6 years already, I think its very safe to say the friendship wont be ruined considering the time you've spent getting to know this guy. I say give it a shot, tell him again how you feel. Just to give him another chance to change his mind about it, and if his views on your relationship are unchanged then you pretty much have your answer. My take on this guy wanting to see you all the time is indicative of a mutual feelings for you.
Best of luck to you,
V! | |
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| can anyone shed any light on this situ for me
Posted: 4/28/2008 3:05:42 PM | He got bored of pursuing you, and eventually clued in that no matter how long he tried, nothing would've changed, so he friend-zoned you. He still wants to hang around with you, and possibly move things towards a friends with benefits situation, but as to a relationship, the clock has stopped ticking.
I was involved in a similar situation.
When he stopped pursuing you, it appears you started to get interested in him as more than friends. Next time you might just want to avoid the lengthy "friends only" phase, and give it a shot. You have to either decide whether it's more important to be platonic friends with someone, or take a chance that the friendship might come to an end if things don't work out.
You can either keep the friendship as is, or go to him and tell him exactly what you want. If the fires of interest he felt cannot be re-ignited, move on and find someone else for a relationship. | |
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| can anyone shed any light on this situ for me
Posted: 4/28/2008 3:07:16 PM | | You've had a 6 year friendship ,that at one point he wanted to take to another level and now that you do hes balking? I would say after 6 years you know him well enough to sit down and have a discussion with him. Ask him what his concerns are in trying to see if you can take it to the next level. | |
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| can anyone shed any light on this situ for me
Posted: 4/28/2008 3:10:20 PM | Just enjoy his compamy...PERIOD!!!
But, know that the door is open for YOU to explore other avenues. YOU SRE STILL SINGLE...don't limit yourself to this guy. Obviously you are great company.  | |
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Posted: 4/29/2008 2:01:45 AM | | not limitiing myself to him at all its just things happen now and then with him then when i question him about he either ignores it or just says he wants to be plutonic friends so I have said to him now if that is truely what you want then nothing can happen anymore and it must stay plutonic | |
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Posted: 4/29/2008 3:00:31 AM | You can't always have what you want, and you can't always not have what you don't want.
He doesn't want a relationship just now but like it or not he's getting into one anyway. | |
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Posted: 4/29/2008 3:05:13 AM | Wow. You two got drunk together and ended up kissing? GREAT start to a romantic relationship.
He wants to be FWB's.
~Welder's Girl~
not limitiing myself to him at all its just things happen now and then with him then when i question him about he either ignores it or just says he wants to be plutonic friends so I have said to him now if that is truely what you want then nothing can happen anymore and it must stay plutonic
Is this a run-on sentence if there are no periods at all? | |
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Posted: 4/29/2008 3:40:10 AM | You obviously have a good thing going, you both know each other pretty well. He appears to have respected you as a person, and hasn't crossed any boundaries. He and you are comfortable with each other, and enjoy being with each other.
My step-dad and mom were together dating for almost 10 years before she put her foot down. He did not want to commit due to the financial responsibility of caring for 4 new kids (my sibs and I). They ended up just celebrating 25 years of marriage. They are still good friends, and have now known each other for over 35 years.
Reel him in !!!
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Posted: 4/29/2008 3:41:50 AM | Wow. You two got drunk together and ended up kissing? GREAT start to a romantic relationship.
He wants to be FWB's.
oh please . not slpet with him plus he respects me too much for that we are adults | |
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Posted: 4/29/2008 4:58:00 AM | | but he keeps telling me he wants a plutonic rfriendship so now I have said if thats def what you want then it has to stay that why so cant see much changing now but what i find odd is that even after everything said he still wants to see me as much | |
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Posted: 4/29/2008 5:06:19 AM | Re the Opost
If he says he wants a plutonic relationship, by all means ask him WTH he means. If he says he wants a Platonic relationship, well, it sort of makes sense, if it took someone 6 years to finally want to have a non-Platonic rel with him. A tad too late, I would say. Firmly embedded in the friends-category, well by now, after 6 whole years of "pure" friendship. | |
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Posted: 4/29/2008 5:19:07 AM | | He just wants to be friends. Friends. Friends. Get it? Jumping into sex will ruin your friendship. Go ahead.... lose both him and the friendship for a one night stand. | |
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Posted: 4/29/2008 7:40:40 AM | If he says he wants a plutonic relationship, by all means ask him WTH he means. If he says he wants a Platonic relationship, well, it sort of makes sense, if it took someone 6 years to finally want to have a non-Platonic rel with him. A tad too late, I would say. Firmly embedded in the friends-category, well by now, after 6 whole years of "pure" friends
why is everyone reading this wron i only found out last summer that he like me as in more than friends | |
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Posted: 4/29/2008 7:47:20 AM | Re post 21 as it relates to the Opost
OK, OK, indeed the Opost says "last year", maybe it was ... Pluto that threw "us ("everybody")" off. But still, one year later may not be 6 years later, but it still is ... one year later. So point in prev post still stands.
Best of luck.
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Posted: 4/29/2008 8:22:47 AM | I agree with the posters who say it's too late. For him, the "thrill" has gone.
He likes you as a friend and wants to spend time with you the same way he has for the last six years.
My question is what has changed? Why would you be interested in him after six years? I don't want to sound skeptical but something doesn't add up here. | |
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Posted: 4/29/2008 8:55:06 AM | | ok i get most peoples points my my thing is i didn't even relize he liked me as anything more than just friends until a year ago . Then the same thing happens again and now he saying what i said this time last year its pretty ridiculous really so i understand that he just wants to be mates but what i dont understand is why after him knowing that i like him bla bla why he still wants to see me so often as its only been the last few months that we have been seeing each other so often other than when he lived with me on a oure house mate basis . I dont think people got the jist of my first post | |
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Posted: 4/29/2008 10:44:51 AM | Actions speak louder than words. He tells you that he doesn't want a relationship but then spends more time with you.
IMHO he's scared of commitment. I'm wondering whether he is even shy......
His "problem" is that other women aren't likely to be impressed with this special plutonic relationship so he's stuck with you, and he's perfectly happy that way.
Sounds to me that you two are going to finally get hitched in your seventies after a wonderful plutonic relationship lasting decades. | |
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