| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/1/2005 6:34:17 PM | Hi!
Have never done this before, but so enjoy reading these forums, and the lovely people on here, and just wanted to share my story and to ask whether anyone else has been in a similar position to me.
About three years ago I met a guy, who at the time was everything I could ever wish for. He was my soulmate in every sense. In the beginning it was wonderful, we had everything in common, complimented each other, and there were no bounds for our love for each other. But after a year things changed, and he started to get very controlling, wanting to know where I was all the time, didn't like my friends, got angry if we were due to go out and I couldn't, for some reason. You have to understand that by this time I was deeply in love with this guy, and so just ignored the things that was happening. He even on occassions started threatening to kill himself with knives!
But then the violence started ... not once, but three times in the space of a year. Twice it happened at home, behind closed doors, but the final one was actually in the middle of the street, where he pulled me to the ground, kicked me in the back ... For this I ended up in hospital for 10 days and literally had a breakdown where I couldn't even walk. I was in a terrible mess, to put it mildly. Because of all the mental abuse I had suffered my doctor said my body had just switched itself off. As I said I couldn't literally walk, get in the bath. It was a total living nightmare. How can one person do this to another. This was the time I got out of the relationship, letting it go on far longer than it should have done.
Since then, with the support of my family and brilliant friends I have overcome everything I went through, even the agraphobia I developed after coming out of hospital. I also read self help books too. It has not been easy, a total nightmare, that I thought would never end ... but it has.
You may ask why I didn't leave sooner, but believe me when you're in that kind of relationship it's not that simple. These kind of people, since I've learnt, are very clever, and it is a gradual process of manipulation they weave over you. It's not something that happens straightaway. It is a mind control game to them.
Anyway, I just wanted to share a little of my story with you, and also with the hope that if anyone out there is reading this and going through the same situation ... to give you hope that there is light at the end. You are not alone. Believe me if I can do it so can you. I am not totally back to myself again, suffering from low self esteem issues, but am almost 100% better than I was.
If you have experienced or are experiencing similar things I thought it would be nice to share on here our stories.
PS: The guy I am talking about was, to my knowledge, never a member on POF, so am not pointing my finger at anyone here.
Best wishes
Tina x | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/1/2005 6:57:35 PM | I really feel for you Tina. It's a shame that we can't see that at first. But the abusive people are very conniving. My ex was very abusive mentally and physically. It took about 2 years, after the birth of our younges son for me to see it. And it took a very long time for me to realize that and that it was not my fault after we split up. The feelings that you experience, low self esteem, worthless, whatever feelings...takes a long time for them to go away. But always believe in yourself and never give up! I am glad that you were able to realize that he was bad for you and get away from him. Too many people have died because of abusive partners. Just always remember......YOU ARE A SURVIVOR!!!!!  | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/1/2005 7:07:43 PM | My boyfriend Thomas is a great man. He's awesome. He treats me great. No bf of mine has ever hurt me. I've had male friends tell me horror stories about their
abusive female partners who hurt them, though. I'm usually the type of girl
to go up to whatever chick is messing with my male friends and tell her
to quit it or I'll kick her a$$. I'm protective of my men and they are protective of me. It's cool. I wish good luck to all the men and women who are
abused by members of the same sex or the opposite sex. It doesn't
matter if you love your wife or girlfriend, if she hurts you, leave her.
It doesn't matter if you love your husband or boyfriend, if he hurts you,
leave him. They aren't gonna change. Ever. They're bad. Leave them.
Quickly. | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/1/2005 7:24:48 PM | yep..........was abused for a long time by a couple of different people in my life. Until I was ready to face what I was getting from them could I identify the "draw" and break the cycle.
Now I am with an awesome fellow that treats with kindness, compassion and respect. Now that takes some getting use too.............looking forward to "getting used to it" for the rest of my life.
Fire | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/1/2005 7:34:02 PM | | The messages here are already so inspiring, and shows that we can and do survive past abusive relationships. There are some wonderful men out there, as fireyice has found, who do treat women with the love and respect they deserve, and it's important to remember that. Trusting someone again does take time, but it will happen when we are ready and healed. X | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/1/2005 8:50:35 PM | I swear I think that was my ex-husband you could have been talking about, I know it is not. I understand you exactly and we can only live and learn and to know when you see the red flags and get out of a relationship like that.
Thanks for sharing your story, and so sorry you had to go through the emotional and physical pain of the relationship. But great to hear you have overcome it. | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/1/2005 10:35:45 PM | I too had an abusive husband..but that was 16 years ago...To this day, if I hear shouting or fighting I just go numb...I seize up...He punched holes in the wall, smashed the TV...threw me against a wall....Those are things I don`t think you ever forget.....At least, I won`t..He has since cleaned his act up..No more drugs, booze etc....But I wonder if that kind of anger ever goes away??? I`ll never get close enough again to find out..redneckgirl133 | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/1/2005 10:51:58 PM | yes, yes, and yes. It was not something that I will ever allow to happen again. You can't balme yourself when things like this happen. You always want to help them, and hope that they will realize how much they are hurting you and stop themselves. But these people need help, that you cant provide. I had to move away in the middle of the night to escape. I am lucky that I did finally wake up and get out.
We all look for someone who loves us and cherishes us, and sometimes we find the wrong ones. Just be strong and confident in the fact that you realized it was not healthy and got out. And say a prayer of strength for all of the people who are not in a position to leave an abusive realtionship. | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/2/2005 1:24:45 AM | Sweettina:
Yes - both emotionally and physically. I think when some men can't win an arguement, they resort to violence, because against a woman(or most women) they know they are going to win. Basically, they are cowards. I'll bet my last dollar that they would'nt try the same attitude with a man(get angry over nothing, then try to beat on them).
Over the years I have learned one very important lesson Sweettina, WHAT DOES NOT KILL YOU - CAN ONLY MAKE YOU STRONGER!! YOU GO GIRL!!!  | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/2/2005 1:40:19 AM | Mentally and emotionally abused, yes. Took a long time just to get over the self loathing, years later I am still working on building the self esteem. The worse part is knowing that I have let chances not just slip away, I have pushed them away since then. I've not yet come to the point where I can rebuild trust in relationships, I'm still struggling with learning again to trust in myself.
I didn't lose my faith in relationships, it was stolen from me, taken for a joy ride, then sent over a cliff, crashing into the rocks below. | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/2/2005 2:32:45 AM | Tina ..... As most people here know, I have experienced every form of abuse.
You have obviously taken the time to refect on and learn from the experience, and for that I commend you.
I have posted personal stories in the forums as well, and would like you to know that I understand the emotions you must have went through while typing your post, and before posting it.
On difficult days, or when your self esteem is suffering, please remind yourself of the courage and strength it took to get out of the situation. You knew you were worth more than that then, you gathered the courage to end the relationship, and you've learned important life lessons. Therefore, you are a better person now than you were even when you first entered that relationship. Remind yourself that you are a better person than he ever deserved to know, that you never deserved or asked for any of the abuse, and that you are a better person than the day you walked away. Remind yourself of the growth that has taken place.
When you are walking and realize you are walking straighter, taller, more proud, and lighter.... that is when you know that no matter what direction your thoughts try to go, it is obvious that the situtation truly was a weight and an anchor, bringing you down and holding you there.... smothering you in the blinding adsurdity of it all.
You will always remember the events, but the scars do fade with time. As they fade the more the victim fades, and the survivor in you is revealed.
Anyone who has read your post can tell that you are indeed a beautiful person, and the very definition of survival.
By sharing your story you have touched people in ways that you can't even imagine.
That in itself speaks to the fact that there can be positive things that come out of a horrible situation or experience.
Thank you for touching my heart and life, Tina.
Here's hoping that you have never ending and unimaginable happiness. | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/2/2005 3:01:39 AM | To Mummy of 2 and everyone here who has posted, I just want to say your kind words have really touched me, right to my heart. I didn't know what responses I would expect when I posted my story as it's not something that is easy to write about and very personal, but now know I feel and share so much with you all, and you are all such wonderful, loving, caring people.
Big hugs and kisses to all of you. x | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/2/2005 3:15:53 AM | Im at the other end of the spectrum..my ex-wife dared me to hit her..when I did not after several occasions...she made false police reports that I did........
mentally tortured me about the affair she was having.
being a former martial arts exponent I can do a lot of damage...but we are also taught self control...physical force is only to be deployed to defend yourself or defend someone who couldnt defend themselves....besides I have 2 boys ...when some days I was tempted to lash out...I remebered that many wife abusers grew up in homes where most likelytheir fathers abused their mums......I grew up in a happy home where mum & dad had the utmost respect for each other..so guys if you abuse your woman ...whatever she does......you need some major help...dont be sorry....I know a guy whos doing time -because he beat his wife so bad she had a miscarriage...hes a sorry sight now.
There is a lot of violence perpetrated by people who are insecure/lacking confidence....to them the only way to feel good is to abuse others. | |
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| Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner
Posted: 6/2/2005 3:44:33 AM | | My ex never beat me but he would say a few things here and there that would make me feel bad. Like one time we went out to eat and I had an alcholic drink. He turned to me and said "My your carbing it today." I felt crushed. He always said he loved me even though I was few pounds overweight but that crushed me. | |
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