| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 4/29/2008 12:59:46 PM | A recent thread talks about older men who have let themselves go, physically, yet expect to attract 25 year old fitness instructors, super models, and otherwise hot chicks. Some people are angry at such men, others feel sorry for them.
I suspect such unlikely Lotharios are in fact afraid of truly connecting with someone appropriate to be a match for them (same age, carrying same lipid baggage, lifestyle not as healthy as it should be, etc.). By setting their sites on unattainable mates, they avoid dealing with true intimacy. Their fantasies fulfill them, at least for a while.
What say you? And ... do women sometimes do the same thing, in your experience? | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 4/29/2008 1:33:56 PM | | I think your right in some cases both for the guy's and ladies. Depending on either it could be a sign of shallowness in the fit trim person as someone that is a bit out of shape and flabby could be fun to be with. | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 4/29/2008 3:36:03 PM | | From my observations during 14 years on the middle aged and older dating scene many but thankfully by no means all women 40 and over set their standards far too high. They fail to recognize they are no longer princesses in age, appearance or temperament. Men are no longer drawn to these women as they were in their younger years. Consequently such women are repeatedly disappointed and frustrated by being consistantly turned down by men they want and over time frequently become vitriolic and hostile towards men. They blame their inability to date the men they want on the men and engage in male bashing rather than recognize they were not being realistic in evaluating themselves in the first place. Few of these women seem to be able to reset their standards to reasonable and achievable levels and end up alone while other more realistic women end up with mates. | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 4/29/2008 4:41:35 PM |
Men are no longer drawn to these women as they were in their younger years.
I disagree. I get asked out more at 49 than I ever did at 20. And jetlag..I'm alone because I wouldn't even attempt to "settle" for a blowhard like you which seem to be the norm out there at my age. I would rather collect 18 more cats than to end up with the likes of you. If you're the "reasonable and achievable" standards that you seem to think that women have to "settle" for...we'll pass, thank you.
On topic: I set my standards high because...welp..I simply can!!!!
And do have a nice day!!!
Sans
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 4/29/2008 5:03:22 PM | As always, it depends on the man or the woman.
And on those to whom they are attracted.
I like to think I'm aging gracefully. Maybe not - eye of the beholder and all that...
All I really know is that I'm just not attracted to those who seem to have "let Nature take her course" without checking to see if Nature offered an alternative path that wasn't completely downward. 
Annudder | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 4/29/2008 5:18:45 PM |
I like to think I'm aging gracefully. Maybe not - eye of the beholder and all that...
...I have no intention of letting myself age "gracefully", I'm going to fight the whole damn aging process haha
All I really know is that I'm just not attracted to those who seem to have "let Nature take her course" without checking to see if Nature offered an alternative path that wasn't completely downward
hmmm, come to think of it I'm on that path and it hasn't been easy.
...maeflowers | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 4/29/2008 5:25:23 PM | Oh, hush, Mae...you're hardly an example of what I'm trying to say without sounding rude...
Which is nigh unto impossible...
*sigh*...okay, I'm slinking back to my man-hole.
Annudder | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 4/29/2008 7:00:40 PM | IMHO....... I do not believe this to be the case. I feel it is a bonfide case of denial.
Denial is incredibly powerful and believable. How else can one explain an older totally out of shape guy with thick hairy eyebrows and hair growing out of his ears, big belly, sagging butt with the typical comb over to hide his bald spot, hair from his body coming/growing out of his collar as well as thick hair on the back of his neck making a fool out of himself trying to score with a young hottie who has it totally goin on ?
In my opinion.... Its pure denial. Even though when he looks at himself in the mirror and the mirror reflects his true reflection....what he see`s is himself when he was in college.
Kinda/sorta like anorexia.... only in his case it is fatnhairyuglyguyorexia. | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 4/29/2008 7:48:26 PM |
Kinda/sorta like anorexia.... only in his case it is fatnhairyuglyguyorexia
Maybe it's just that his eyesight is failing the older he gets!  That really could be a blessing. | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 4/29/2008 8:12:16 PM | I don't feel I set my standards too high but to me it comes down to chemistry. I can meet 50 men who might meet a lot of my 'standards' but if the chemistry isn't there, its over. I'd rather be alone than in a relationship with a man with whom I feel a brotherly affection.
HR | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 4/29/2008 8:21:09 PM |
All I really know is that I'm just not attracted to those who seem to have "let Nature take her course" without checking to see if Nature offered an alternative path that wasn't completely downward.
Annudder, I have to wonder, have you exhausted all available alternatives to that receding hairline? | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 4/29/2008 8:21:29 PM |
What say you? And ... do women sometimes do the same thing, in your experience? RoyalPain -- I have seen this issue quibbled about many times on POF.
The whole issue whether it be men chasing women or women chasing me, does not bother me a bit, and I don't think there's anything wrong with these men and women, in fact, I think they are more pro-active that most of the couch-sitters on POF.
What I see is just ordinary people pursuing what they want, what they like. I don't know why everyone seems to assume that these people think they are "hot" or can easily score with the people they pursue. It absolutely doesn't matter. What matters is that they KNOW what they want, and they make EFFORTS to contact and form relationships with those people.
Who among us looks for people who are identical in every respect? Why is it assumed that people must be identical in order to match? People look for a mate to complement their interests, personality and lifestyle -- that doesn't by necessity require someone of identical habits and body type.
Give peeps a chance..... | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 4/29/2008 8:43:27 PM | Both men and women who set impossible requirements for a free dating site such as POF or write profiles that show very little thought or effort when writing their profile are just bored attention seekers.
It is a shame that there are not two POF's. One for the people that want to waste people's time. And a POF for serious daters that are not married, will actually respond and meet.
I used to think the problem with POF was that it was a free site and no one had any money to loose or motivate them into puting more effort into dating on the internet. But after a lot of research on internet dating, what goes on at POF also goes on at the paid sites.
So now I think it is now a sign of the times we live in since I have used print personal ads in a local Dallas alternative paper with a lot of success-even got married through an ad I ran. I also enjoyed several long term relationships prior to getting married.
But the print ads are now replaced by internet ads.
The personals DO work. You just have to put effot into it and be serious about meeting someone. And you just have to endure the attenton seekers and those just wasting yor time. | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 4/30/2008 3:36:10 AM | Ah, RoyalPain...hit a nerve, did I? Sorry...
Annudder, I have to wonder, have you exhausted all available alternatives to that receding hairline? Seems you missed the point - I didn't say anything about "exhausting all available alternatives", but let's see...
Hair plugs...too expensive and not natural...
Hair-growing chemicals...also expensive, not permanent, and, again, not natural...
Shaving it all off...always a possibility - but I have a complex about my head shape from when I was a child...
I guess I'll let Nature take her course with the hair.
Now...what was your point, other than to vent your irritation?
Oh, and btw, I'm not particularly attracted to 20-, or even 30-somethings...I don't tend to look at age...
Annudder | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 4/30/2008 3:52:26 AM | Wow! Aren't we all demeaning in here?
Hmmmm.. I have a new SO.. so.. I can honestly say (without the worry of being incriminated and presumed unable to get a "date") that I am VERY glad I held on to the "high" standards of looking for a man that wasn't bitter about his past.. and had a positive outlook on a future with a loving.. caring woman. Lucky? Probably.. but then again.. I sure didn't find him here! | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 4/30/2008 9:26:20 AM | I FIRMLY believe that the reason we have so many bitter, hurt, "difficult", scared, scarred, and scorned women at this age is simply because they haven't set their standards high ENOUGH.
They have let themselves be taken advantage of, been hurt, cheated on, lied to, used, or any number of other issues, simply because they dated beneath what they might have dated 15 or 20 years ago, simply because "he asked", or he showed an interest.
Not that there might not have been an initial attraction, or a strong physical presence in the beginning, but afterwards, when the "red flags" start popping up all over the place, they seem to ignore them.
How many posts or "threads" have we seen regarding "red flags", or that "wall they've built up", or regarding "trust issues"?
Yes, from age 45 on up, the guy might be HOT, or have a great body, or even be a sexual dynamo, or "your friends are impressed", but on the other hand, does all of that really matter when you're hurting, or want someone to talk to, or to just hold you? That other side of the bed isn't only empty, it's downright COLD.
Damnit ladies, RAISE those standards.... and/or KEEP them high - Jade is a beautiful stone, but a horrible personality characteristic. | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 4/30/2008 9:35:45 AM | | ^^^^ bitter women are bitter because they choose so and are so 'blinded by the light' that they fail to look within, rather than blaming others. Most women find it very easy to put blame on everyone else, the poor me syndrome. Many need to get a backbone and accept who they are and change themselves for the better. (Now this does exclude those physically abused and the such) | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 4/30/2008 9:55:41 AM | I'm with you. If everyone would just try harder at being themselves and not what they think others should perceive them as, there would be a lot more happier souls around. I'm very selective in my choices and we all should be especially as we get older. Guys who can't even spell the most simplest words gives us a clue that this guy probably was absent a few days or never made it through high school. And drinking socially doesn't mean getting inebriated and throwing up all over the place. I'm 59 and can still attract 37 year old guys! And I'm not even trying to!!! Some of us women take better care of ourselves and our appearances at 45-up than most men do.
And I really love PEEPS!!! Easter peeps, halloween peeps, Christmas peeps, I just love 'em | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 4/30/2008 9:57:20 AM | > someone appropriate to be a match for them
I love how the Age Police (and other self-proclaimed authorities) think... It's like in the former Soviet Union where anyone who got out of line by thinking in an unapproved manner about what was "appropriate" was convicted of being mentally ill. Charges which are based on psychological suppositions can never be disproven, so one can never prove ones innocence against those who assume the worst except by agreeing with them.
> Their fantasies fulfill them, at least for a while.
Seeing as how the whole OP's post is one big fantasy and false diagnosis... I'm forced to point out that if you can't imagine it, you can't achieve it. An oversimplification, perhaps, but not by a lot.
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 4/30/2008 10:12:51 AM | | I set my "standards" high as I consider a relationship a very big investment of myself. By "standards", I mean what is important to me, not just what is popular. Women seem to think all men go after "Ginger" but the reality is, most want "Maryann". The funney thing is, I would suspect Ginger to be the more intelligent but that's just my guess. At the same time, I'm not interested in a relationship with a closet, I want what's on the inside. I find that hard to quantify as everybody is different. | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 4/30/2008 11:22:09 AM |
I FIRMLY believe that the reason we have so many bitter, hurt, "difficult", scared, scarred, and scorned women at this age is simply because they haven't set their standards high ENOUGH.
Since women control the economy of eros, the Female Mafia keeps the supply of sex low in order to keep the price high, in just about the same way OPEC regulates the supply of oil. So the above statement is like saying we'll love OPEC more when oil hits $200. A clever strategy (no doubt) to get OPEC to love the person who says it, but obviously not very truthful, to say the least. It does have rarity value, so I'll give you that. | |
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