| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 4/29/2008 8:50:46 PM | Guys, why are you so insecure about women who are friends with their ex husbands, or ex boyfriends???????
I am proud to say that almost every relationship ive been in , we are still good friends, we were friends to begin with and we were friends at the end 
When your in a relationship with someone, they must have the same qualities as a friend plus more ......
So be confident that she is just a good 'quality ' person , and friendship is important. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 4/29/2008 9:00:39 PM | LOL OP,
Guys, why are you so insecure about women who are friends with their ex husbands, or ex boyfriends???????
I'd guess the same reason a lot of women don't like men to be hanging out with their ex's!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its that whole, "moment of weakness thing" you know "one thing led to another". Now with that said, not all men and not all women feel this way. Some don't have a problem with it at all.
Personally I would wonder about how you could still be friends with every single person you dated, including your ex husbands, but that's just me. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 4/29/2008 9:04:58 PM | I dunno, some people just can't deal with it. I'm friends with all my X's, except for 2 of them. And those 2 were the one's that had the most trouble with me being friends with X's. ? What a coinkydink.... They were always thinking I was still seeing them on the side or they were tring to get me back.
Jealousy/insecurity? That's one of my new measuring sticks. If they can't handle me still being friends with ex lovers/girlfriends then I bail. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 4/29/2008 9:18:07 PM | I could never understand why a person would risk a new relationship over past failed relationships. Remaining friendly and cordial is fine. If you are still going out with them (the ex's) or involving in social engagements with them, maybe you should consider all your future relationships to be your "future ex".
It's not so much about jealousy as it is about disrespecting your new mate. I was in a situation before where her ex came from out of town to see his child. When he arrived we were introduced and all was good.... he seemed to be a nice guy. However, she wouldn't leave the house. We had arrangements for the weekend and she decided it was just as important for her to socialise and drink wine with him as I sat there for over an hour (giving hints) while she laughed, joked and talked about things not pertaining to the child.
Once we left (finally) she carried on about him. I had enough and took her back so she could enjoy more of his company. The following day she called and apologised... not because she thought she did anything wrong. She apologised because her ex agreed that she handled the situation poorly. Needless to say.... I became an ex not too long after that.
Being friends is great. But really... the relationship failed yet never ended. Who wants to get in the middle of that? I'm sure your ex's probably talk about your newest future ex (lol) with you. That's disrespectful, in my opinion. Nothing good can cme of it. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 4/29/2008 9:25:22 PM | well..... the 'sugar'..... you talk of is not even 'in play'.......,
im friends with these guys becouse of their 'heart' and the love that we have shared is very important, im not sleeping with them, we go camping, i cut their hair still, we talk, we share advice...... | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 4/29/2008 9:37:07 PM | | I'm good friends with most all of my ex's also. When a girl I am with is really close to an ex though I must admit it does make me insecure. I try not to let it show because it's silly and if you trust the person you shouldn't have to feel so but it's just one of those things you think about. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 4/29/2008 9:41:06 PM | I wouldn't want my girlfriend camping with an ex-boyfriend and I'm not even a heterosexual man! Seriously. Especially if she's a "sexy princess." I have learned from several slasher films from the 80's that camping leads inevitably to elicit sex, which in itself leads inevitably to hockey masked murderous mayhem. That whole scenario seems an unwise one in which to involve yourself.
Obviously you either need to date extremely "un-jealous types"...or, you need to alter your habits to suit the comfort level of your boyfriends. It's not like there's an easier answer to this. Few people like their boyfriends/girlfriends hanging out with exes. Where genitals have once ventured, they may venture once again. It's a well-known fact. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 4/29/2008 9:51:24 PM |
im friends with these guys becouse of their 'heart' and the love that we have shared is very important
Well, gee, that would make me feel so much better if I was seeing you. Seriously, if it's that important then you should be with them.
Otherwise, get over it and move on...
Essentially you are trading failed relationships for potentially great ones. No wonder you're on a dating site. You might as well get comfortable on here, you'll probably be here for a long time. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 4/29/2008 9:51:50 PM | ok....i can camp, or hang out with, go to the bar with, when im not in a serious relationship..........
if a man that i am dating 'exclusevly' doesnt feel comfortable , then i would respect that and not spend time with the ex..... 
but if im just '"""" talking"""" to a guy, him being insecure about our friendship, is a deal breaker, i have moved on and dating new guys, but i still have strong relationships and care about my 'friends' | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 4/29/2008 9:55:57 PM | Just a thought :
maybe its not the fact that you stay friend with your ex that bother them....maybe has it says in your profile : ''The kind of man im interested in meeting:
I like alot of attention''. Let me guess, are you the kind of woman that have way more guys friends than women friends ?
Maybe you surround yourself with your ex's and your new boyfriend just to get that attention and to keep it, and its probably why its such a big deal. Its great to stay friends with ex, but does your new boyfriend feel important for you ? or does he just feel as ''one of them''...
I dont think its about feeling insecure, i think its more about the way you do it. If you make it clear for your ex's and reflect that in your attitude toward them, your new boyfriend would acept way more easily those friendships...
But if you continu to share that 'intimacy' with your ex's ...cutting hair, hugs, etc... you can be sure that your new boyfriend wont like that. Move on, those relationships didnt work, so work on the new one. Make him feel unique, and you won't have any jealousy problems.
but if you dont, you will be here a long time, you will have alot of guy friends and ex's, but you will still be alone.
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 4/29/2008 9:56:09 PM | | I have alot of ex friends myself and it never goes over well. There is still a slight window of opportunity you will hook up with them in their mind so it only makes sense they are somewhat uncomfy with the idea. Plus dating someone insecure never helps right? LOL | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 4/29/2008 9:57:24 PM | | It's not to me and I've been there and done it. Her ex was cool and he even worked on my house. If a woman's ex is her friend, then I won't get in the way of that. But if an ex tries to sabatoge the relationship, then that's a different story. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 4/29/2008 10:09:43 PM | THANK YOU......JIM
That's just me. I'm not going to chain anybody to the floor and what all my ex's never understood is that I gave them FREE WILL to do as they wanted. Unfortunately some did the wrong thing and others, well lets say they couldn't handle having a guy around that didn't want to control them. Yeah, you women are funky like that. I guess I totally mess with your minds.
Special aren't I? | |
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Ridds
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Joined: 4/26/2008
Msg: 15 | |
| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 4/29/2008 10:19:08 PM | | I've never understood why people "remain friends" after a marriage. You obviously got a divorce for a reason. If the sacrament of marriage isn't good enough and being able to live with him/her, why on earth would you want a friendship? People get divorces just as easy as breathing the air... | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 4/29/2008 10:20:16 PM | I just think it's a bad idea. Sometimes it has to do with insecurity, but not usually (that I have found.)
It's like saying, "You won't mind if I hang out with men I've been intimate with previously and were *ALMOST* somebody I'd still want to be with, possibly on a regular basis?"
I would tell my current other to find new friends or a new significant other. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 4/29/2008 10:21:23 PM | | Listen Ridd. Some of my ex's are friends and some are not. The one's that are know me like the back of their hand and I usually can discuss things with them and won't be judged or made to feel awkward. People like that are very hard to come by. | |
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Ridds
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Joined: 4/26/2008
Msg: 18 | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 4/29/2008 11:01:23 PM | The vast majority of people will cheat or be cheated on at some point. People are more likely to sleep with someone they have already slept with before. Having a lot of exes around is a bad sign.
It is not insecurity, it is forward thinking. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 4/30/2008 9:03:56 AM | Hmmmmm... I'm not so sure it's inscurity or lack of confidence. It's not you that they are worried about. It's the guy(s). How many ex boyfriends are we talking about here? Guys know how guys are, how they act, and how they think. I don't know these guys, but I would think that they stick around as friends because they think there still may be some "potential" there. Another poster mentioned the "moment of weakness" issue. Again, guys know that other guys would be all over that.
Tony | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 4/30/2008 9:07:52 AM | | You know what fellas, give a woman free will to have her friends whether it's an ex or not. She will either be grateful for it and won't ever do you wrong or she will go back to her ex. But either way, at least you know what to do. And trying to control something like that will just make her want to be with her ex even more. The less you care about it, the more the woman will appreciate it. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 4/30/2008 9:23:51 AM | I know that a lot of people hang around an ex as 'friends' because they want to get back with them and just waiting for that one opportunity to manage it. Is it going to happen? No guarantee, but there's also no guarantee it won't happen.
There's also a difference in relationships. If it's a guy trying to say no to it or whatever when it's not even anything then whatever, but if it's someone you're actually dating or whatever, generally it's a good idea to respect them too. And I'm not saying to worry about what they think and respect their feelings if they aren't mature about it and respect you. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 4/30/2008 9:34:42 AM | Stop being insecure fellas. It's not a good way to keep a woman around. Experience has taught me that the more freedom they have, the more they want to stick around.
The person that shows they care less in a relationship is the one who is actually in control. It doesn't mean that you don't love or care for them any less. It just means that sometimes you don't let them know what you're thinking and you keep them guessing. Giving them free will is one way to go about it because if you try and control what they do, they'll turn it around and use it to their advantage and drive you nuts in the process. But if they figure out they can't do it, usually they'll settle in and you'll be alright. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 4/30/2008 9:43:32 AM | For me it the fact that sometimes (depending on the person of course) that I feel like if they are "too close" to there ex, then there is a possibility that they might "relight an old flame." Maybe unintentional but still possible. If the ex is dating someone else or even (re)married then that thought may not cross my mind quite as much.
But with me that happened. I was a re-bound guy. The girl had broke up with her b/f and me and her started talking and the point that I wanted to ask her out she said. "sorry hun me and my old b/f just got back together" so since that its been a red flag to me. But each situation is different.
But no matter what if a woman is "good friends" with her ex then that is a red flag. Who knows my next g/f may just go past that red flag. But its still there. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 4/30/2008 11:07:26 AM | | have to agree with the second poster on this one, at one time you shared something special with that "ex" who';s to say it won't happen again? Something made the 2 of you go out in the first place, i;m not saying its bad to stay friends but in doing so realize that you are putting yourself in a position to possibly ( keyword: possibly) put yourself back in their arms. Now if you are confident that this isn't the case then thats great, but you need to see it from your bf's eyes here, he doesn't know the nature of the relationship you had with that person before, so is it unrealistic for him to be a little suspicious? | |
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