| Animal Crackers
Posted: 4/29/2008 9:31:11 PM | Animal Crackers
The urbanization of animals in the United States, no one speaks about it. Laws are passed daily in congress to control wild animal rights such as having them register to receive affidavits to prove they belong in cities if approached by animal control personnel. The integration of wild animals into society as a whole has not been too successful. They cannot just stroll into SF during the day and enjoy the wharf and its wonderful offerings like the rest of us. While every group from Furries to Plushies seek acceptance legally and morally into our society (I hide my stuffed animals, no one is humping Eeyore!) animals, the true original entities that existed before man are forgotten, Jesus that was long and preachy! I can tell when I have not had enough sleep. Eating a linguica and hot pepper sandwich and washing it down with a Grolsch beer right before bed is NEVER good. No wonder I had the dream about playing Texas holdem with Jesus Christ and Adolf Hitler, and Jesus was the one that I caught CHEATING! It is just not right to see Jesus gunned down in a card game!
Yesterday I had the good fortune to emerge from my cave and see that it was a lovely day. I am in hibernation mode for some reason and need to work off my winter fat. Damn I sound like Yogi Bear except I do not live with a small MALE bear year round and sleep with him and his name is BOO BOO Bear. Even as a kid there was something not right about that. If I were the ranger I would be more concerned with that then Yogi being a picnic basket kleptomaniac. So what is one to do on a beautiful sunshiny day? If your answer has the components "naked" and "Crisco oil" and "the zoo" in them I really do not want to hear it. I decided to go for a hike, enjoy nature and good company and conversation.
I was introduced to a very nice location to hike in the Bay Area that I was not aware of, a park near 280 and Foothill Expressway. The one drawback to hiking in this area is that you have to find a place to park first. Parking is at a premium. I arrived just in time to join the 43 cars driving around in a circle attempting to find a parking space. At first this is what appeared to be transgressing until I realized I had mistakenly encroached upon a re-enactment of a wagon train attempting to create a circle for protection against an unseen foe. Fortunately I broke out of the pack before they all decided to head out to Abilene to sell their heads of cattle.
I was able to find parking in a lot which was a 3 minute walk away. Of course my compatriot had the parking Gods smile upon her and she was able to park 15 feet from where we were to meet. She had mentioned to me that she had prayed to the God Parkius but since I have no clue what religion that God belongs to I thought it best to continue to wear my Norse helmet for I know Odin would strike me down if I were to pray to some pagan God. Hail MIGHTY ODIN!
The hike on dirt trails was quite pleasant. I had on my Oakland Athletics colored hiking shoes which on occasion blinded passerby's, it is why we were wearing sunglasses. One disconcerting aspect of this hike was at the beginning. There was a gentleman attempting to push a baby carriage up a steep grade and the carriage was large. It could have been pulled by a small pony. This made it impossible to get around them and he had also collapsed from the exertion. As he gesticulated on the ground gasping for air, a pack of coyotes which no one was aware of, which had been paralleling the carriage, moved in and dragged the body into the bushes. DAMN! What good fortune, now that the path was cleared everyone was able to continue on with their hike! Thank goodness for nature's scavengers.
Soon the cries for help were behind us and we were marveling at nature's beauty. We came to a portion of the path that seemed like it was taken from the movie The Wizard of Oz. Of course the insane axe wielding maniac chasing people around the forested area added to that feeling. The only thing missing were the creepy monkeys. Those monkeys remind me of a quote "There is nothing as funny as a drowning clown." This was coined by Ben Franklin; though not as sage as "A penny saved is a penny earned" it proves Ben was a damn funny man!
The rest of the hike was quite enjoyable, with gorgeous weather, lovely scenery, delightful conversation and a rabid flock of wild turkeys chasing screaming people to their cars, up trees and into the bathrooms. No rest for the wicked I always say! They could still smell the flesh of their brethren that had been consumed on Thanksgiving.
As we were leaving my companion spotted a buck in the field. We stopped to admire its majestic pose when it suddenly stood on its hind legs and lit a cigarette. DAMN FURRIES!!!! | |
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