| I need men's opinion on this one.....
Posted: 4/30/2008 9:25:04 PM | Ok so here's the deal....Just over a month ago I found a man from my past on line ....It has been 7 years since I saw him and we only knew each other briefly....So when I messaged him he told me I was "unforgettable" and he was right, he remembered things I didn't think he would after all this time.
So, we talk about the possibility of more eventually, as when we first met 7 years ago nothing was possible, I had a boyfriend at the time. Though he was single and told me he did think of me that way and I must admit even though I had a boyfriend I was attracted to him then and more so now.
So we talk every night or well pretty much.....then it starts to die out a bit as we are both busy and have lives otherwise. We live at the moment in different provinces, but he has talked about flying me out for a weekend....Now here's where the question lies....He is one of those guy's who remains friends and still hangs out with his ex's.....And one of them just told him she wants him back, and finally explained to him the exact reason why she broke up with him in the first place (she never did that and so he never got closure) and so now because of that he still has lingering feelings for her there....Besides that fact, she is already there and close....and the big one is she is 5 years older than him, my age seems to be a hang up for him as he is worried I may wake up one day and want a younger guy (there is 15 years between us he is 42 and I am 27) .....He says he just needs time to figure things out ....In a guys opinion do I stand a chance at all?? | |
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| I need men's opinion on this one.....
Posted: 4/30/2008 9:50:42 PM | | it sounds like he has a lot to think about, and so do you. long distance relationships are pretty well nigh impossible unless you have deep pockets and time to kill. | |
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| I need men's opinion on this one.....
Posted: 4/30/2008 10:04:51 PM | | If he can't make up his mind with the 3 second rule... Then give him the 3 curb kick... You appear by your profile and pics to be an amazing young lady and this guy needs grow up... Wait, he's 42, he's not going to grow up.... | |
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| I need men's opinion on this one.....
Posted: 4/30/2008 11:09:52 PM | Well,I certainly do not have a lot to go on,therefore I hesitated to comment.But based on what you said,in my estimation,you would do yourself a favor to forget him and move.
Best wishes
OFCB | |
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| I need men's opinion on this one.....
Posted: 5/1/2008 3:03:48 AM | Have to agree with the previous posters.
....In a guys opinion do I stand a chance at all??
Why put yourself as second best?
Of course he remembers you, you were a 20 year old who showed interest in him. He obviously likes you but has been sensible enough to tell you the problems involved. Take the hint and move on. In a year's time you will both be glad you did. | |
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| I need men's opinion on this one.....
Posted: 5/1/2008 6:33:10 AM | | I may catch some grief for this but 15 years is quite a bit. The two of you are in different parts of your lives. I also agree with others that you should be true to yourself first. | |
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| I need men's opinion on this one.....
Posted: 5/1/2008 7:20:34 AM | | I have to agree somewhat with the others. I think what he said about the age difference is just an excuse for now, so he can figure things out. At least he is being honest about this other woman from his past though. I have to add, women and men sometimes keep past flames as friends, and this sometimes strains new relationships. I'm not like that, but I have a friend that is. He explained it to me like this. "Always keep ex girl friends as friends when its over. They may introduce you to other women, or may come back into your life for a booty call. You never know when you may need them for something." If your ok with that, go for it. I'm the type that severs ties with ex's. Too confusing for me to sepperate the old feelings. Think about it. | |
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| I need men's opinion on this one.....
Posted: 5/1/2008 7:24:50 AM | OP: "In a guys opinion do I stand a chance at all??"
OP, there's always a "chance", however slim it may be. Depends on how much effort you want to put into pursuing this and whether you feel he is worth that effort. There are sooooo many barriers/obstacles here.
a) the distance (take it from someone who has gone that route)
b) the age difference
c) ex's who remain in the picture
d) "lingering feelings" for his ex
I feel it would serve you well to take some serious thinking time about this. Try to remove your emotions about the whole situation and evaluate it as it is.
Good luck to you!
~ds~ | |
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| I need men's opinion on this one.....
Posted: 5/1/2008 7:44:13 AM | I have to agree with Jaco...15 years is to much of an age difference. IMHO.
I usually make a compete break and don't keep old fames as friends. Makes it easier in the long run for the dumpie. In my few attempts, many years ago, at a long distance relationship it has been a complete waste of time and money. If your going to do it put a deadline and a plan on it that both of you can agree to. Someone has to move and usually find a new local job and that needs to be decided upfront. Don't do it without a plan because you may soon find out why so many people will advise you to NOT to attempt it.
This guy doesn't sound like someone who has enough interest to even attempt this with. Good luck fishing...... | |
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| I need men's opinion on this one.....
Posted: 5/1/2008 7:49:26 AM | Stand a chance??? Against what???
You are a woman who he has not forgotten for 7 years. He has obviously shown intrest and willingness to take the risk/expense of travelling to see you. Really the ball is in his court...if you kids wanna keep in touch...and it's him calling you too...and he wants to see you in person...let him...but I'd let him do the heavy lifting. With the situation as you described it...nothing wrong with letting this be fun, and a lil somethin in the back of your mind that either may or may not pann out to be anything more than just chatting with an old friend (w sexual tension). Don't let this keep you from pursuing your life as you had before...keep lookin...honestly...the odds are against it...way against it...but it's fun to play the odds too...somebody gets struck by lightning, somebody wins the lotterly...but don't bank on it. | |
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| I need men's opinion on this one.....
Posted: 5/1/2008 7:56:14 AM | | I'd say you have a good chance.Your young and beautiful.It wouldn't be to hard to point out to him that his ex is bad news for him cause she already hurt him.But,on the other hand,there is the distance.You cant put in the time you need to to have a realtionship.I'm afraid if you fly out there once in a while you'll just end up as his weekend play thing. | |
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| I need men's opinion on this one.....
Posted: 5/1/2008 8:59:53 AM | About as much chance as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.  Unless you plan on moving out there or vice versa, you are always going to worry about his harem of women.  | |
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| I need men's opinion on this one.....
Posted: 5/1/2008 11:25:43 AM | From what I read into your words, you shouldn't get more involved with this guy. Too many other things going on in his closet - he likes being the young guy for an older gal, he likes having a younger gal interested in him, and he is worried about you leaving him for a younger guy some day. Me'thinks he is not into developing relationships but more into having a trophy gal on his arm and being a trophy guy on an older gal's arm.
IF YOU HAVE DOUBTS, ALWAYS GO WITH YOUR INSTINCTS AND LEAVE! There are too many good guys out there to take a chinca with this one. | |
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| I need men's opinion on this one.....
Posted: 5/1/2008 7:03:53 PM | Thanks to all of you for your opinions.....some made me laugh....
Funny the one that said "like a 1 legged man in an ass kicking contest" I have already told this guy that is how I feel. Cause that was one thing we agreed on, was to be upfront about how we felt. And those were my exact words
There is a possibility it could work, if I keep on the.....she already hurt you once and I actually had planned on moving back to this province before he and I were communicating as my family is all back there.........So him being there is a bonus. Basically I am aware there is a risk, but there is a risk in anything really. That's what life is about. Rolling the dice and hoping you come up with 7's.....I moved out here knowing nobody but my ex 6 years ago, that was a risk knowing that it possibly may not work out between us. And it didn't, I have lived here for 2, unhappily though I have made friends and such this isn't home for me. | |
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| I need men's opinion on this one.....
Posted: 5/2/2008 6:42:48 AM | You are curious. He is curious. Of course you have a chance.
OR you could wait around until YOU are 42 looking for the non-existent
“Sure Thing” and always wonder “What could have been”. | |
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| I need men's opinion on this one.....
Posted: 5/2/2008 7:35:17 AM | > as when we first met 7 years ago nothing was possible, I had a boyfriend at the time.
So he was 35 then, and you were 20?
> Though he was single and told me he did think of me that way
Ya sure this guy isn't gay, or a eunuch? Maybe that's why his ex wants him back so much.
> ...He says he just needs time to figure things out
A bird in the hand, two in the bush... a bird in the hand, two in the bush... a bird in the hand, two in the bush... a bird in the hand, two in the bush... a bird in the hand, two in the bush...
He's gonna be hung up here for a long time.
> ...In a guys opinion do I stand a chance at all??
IMO only if you take decisive action. If you're waiting for it to happen all on its own, it almost certainly never will. For you, at least. | |
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| I need men's opinion on this one.....
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:24:05 AM | OP,
This woman just sees someone else around a man she wants to keep hanging on the back-burner, so she's quickly thrown him on the front burner and turned up the heat for awhile, to keep him where she wants him, at a simmer. Yes, he and you have a chance, but know this; the minute she thinks you're out of the picture again, she'll lose interest, too. The question is-what are you going to do about it? | |
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| I need men's opinion on this one.....
Posted: 5/3/2008 7:28:36 AM | | Well, all is fair in love and war......she is my competition, so if I want to be with him really then I gotta stay in the game. | |
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| I need men's opinion on this one.....
Posted: 5/3/2008 8:23:21 AM |
Well, all is fair in love and war......she is my competition, so if I want to be with him really then I gotta stay in the game.
And nothing makes a guy infinitely more attractive to a woman than him having another woman! lol
Seriously though, what do you want from him? Are you looking for a long term relationship? A fling? A 'let's see where this goes"???
You have to decide what you want first, and then if he is remotely on the same page, then let the chase begin. With you two being from different provinces ONE has to be 100% open to moving else why bother? | |
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| I need men's opinion on this one.....
Posted: 5/3/2008 9:45:33 AM |
do I stand a chance at all??
she is my competition, so if I want to be with him really then I gotta stay in the game.
You make it sound like a competition with winner taking this guy. Forget that! He's not the prize you are! He needs time to figure it out? So he expects you to be what? waiting by your phone to see what his decision is? No no no. You are way too good for this. Tell him you gave him his chance and he blew it because you aren't about to play second fiddle to anyone. Ugly people and people with bad personalities have to share you don't! | |
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| I need men's opinion on this one.....
Posted: 5/3/2008 10:34:08 AM | | Well I talked to him last night and he told me for the last 2 weeks he has been avoiding both me and her because he knows somebody is going to get hurt and he dreads that. He does sound confused and isn't used to having women want him like this, says he is overwhelmed. Says I could do so much better than him, and he doesn't understand what I want with an old man since I am so young and beautiful. Tells me I can have a younger guy. And is afraid that I may wake up one day and want a younger man, that I may wake up and say, what am I doing with such an old man. | |
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| I need men's opinion on this one.....
Posted: 5/3/2008 10:54:15 AM |
Well I talked to him last night and he told me for the last 2 weeks he has been avoiding both me and her because he knows somebody is going to get hurt and he dreads that. He does sound confused and isn't used to having women want him like this, says he is overwhelmed. Says I could do so much better than him, and he doesn't understand what I want with an old man since I am so young and beautiful. Tells me I can have a younger guy. And is afraid that I may wake up one day and want a younger man, that I may wake up and say, what am I doing with such an old man.
Well I'd have to admit his fear is fairly well founded. Your definitly the exception to the rule with regards to younger women/older man relationship. If I were the guy I'd forget the fear and go with it till it ended. He shouldn't worry about what "might" happen. He might be thinking about long term where he's 50+ and your still considerably younger. Might be looking for a comfortable place when he gets older and not be worried that his wife/girlfrend might leave him. He sounds like he is serious about a long term relationship at least. | |
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