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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 4/30/2008 9:27:52 PM | My son is getting married this summer. I don't have a steady mate, while his father does have a long-term relationship (we've been divorced several years).
I'm agonizing over what to do at the wedding. If I don't have a best guy chum by then, would it be horrible to hire a professional escort? (Someone with gray hair or maybe none - NOT a boy toy.) I've also thought about asking an ex-boyfriend of mine with whom I remain friendly, who knows my kids, but who has a steady gal. Since the wedding would be on a Saturday, I feel awkward asking him to miss prime social time with his lady, so I wondered if I should compensate HIM.
I suppose I could go alone, just socialize with family. I don't dance, so that's not the issue. I kind of dread weddings in the first place, but I certainly don't intend to skip my son's. What to do, what to do? Anyone else been in this situation? Have any suggestions? | |
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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 4/30/2008 9:57:11 PM | | Why do you have to have a date? Go alone and enjoy the wedding and your family, without the pressure of having to entertain an escort who doesn't know anyone. | |
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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 4/30/2008 10:00:06 PM | | I've been in this situation. In my case, I was recently widowed and I knew my son's father would be there with his second wife. All I can say is, this is your son's wedding day and a special milestone in your son's life. This day is not about you or his father. It's not about whether or not you are unescorted or not and his father isn't. It's about him and his bride and their future together. With all due respect OP, take the high road, as uncomfortable as you think it will be. It's not important who you are sitting with. What's important is that he's your son and you are his mother. Take your rightful place and hold your head high. Afterall, you raised him to be the wonderful man that he is and you're responsible for part of that. I, personally, would not even entertain the idea of renting a date. But, that's me. | |
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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 4/30/2008 10:02:20 PM | edited ^^^^ Phobe48^^^ Much better advice than mine.. but I will leave it for you all to see...
ARE YOU READY to mix it up:
Here is a really outlandish Idea! Brought to you by the makers of stolen candy
HOST A POF Get together for the occasion.
sandwiched between the really great thinkers!
edited *****Oregondaisy***** | |
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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 4/30/2008 10:05:21 PM | | My son is getting married this summer too. I never even considered it to be a problem whether or not I have a date at his wedding. Just enjoy the day with family and friends. | |
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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 5/1/2008 4:41:06 AM | | I think Phoebes gave you the best advice OP. Truly, do not worry about a date. Just attend your boy's wedding, share in his happiness and have fun. Does not matter if you have a date or not. Who cares about impressions or what others think on this special day. Think about it for a sec. When birthing him, did ya have a date, did ya want one? This may seem like a silly comparison, but think about the intimacy between yourself and your boy way back then? You are priviledged to again share a very very special moment with him! So go g/f and enjoy! | |
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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 5/1/2008 4:56:58 AM | Funny this should come up, I was just talking to a friend about this last night.
I'm in that situation too, and I'm completely fine with going alone. If I happen to have an escort, great, if not, so be it. Let's just say I'm not actively looking for one.
It's my poor wee daughter-in-law who thinks I need to have one, and doesn't understand why I don't take advantage of my options... Both my son and I have tried telling her how I am not bothered by things like this.I think it's just because she's so happy and in love, that she wants to see everyone else like that too, lol.
Times aren't like they perhaps once were, when an un-escorted person stood out from the crowd. But I don't think there is anything wrong with getting an escort for the event, if it would make you feel more comfortable there. Could you draw upon your pool of male friends for one?
All in all, just do whatever feels right for you, go have fun and celebrate with your son and daughter-in-law - remember it's their special day.
Good luck, hon!
hnh
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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 5/1/2008 5:33:23 AM | Phoebe48 said it best.
This is your son's and his bride's day. There is nothing in this day that says you need, OR should have a date or "significant other" for this wedding. That being said, I ALSO agree with "hugs*n*kisses... If you juist can't BEAR to be alone on that day, then by all means, take advantage of the pro-escort. Just do yourself a favor, and meet him prior to the "big day"... lol - it might also make YOUR evening a bit more interesting, if not "fun".........
Go, Enjoy yourself, and revel in your son's and his bride's happiness and joy.
Also, please remember to put your differences with your ex away for the entire day. Even ask him to dance, if he isn't man enough to ask you to. | |
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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 5/1/2008 5:40:44 AM | | ^^^I like your post Mr. Dog! Especially about the part of the OP asking her ex to dance. Family harmony is such a worry for the bride and groom on their special day. A lot of time, effort and money is spent making everything "just right". I think it is wonderful to put one's personal feelings aside to make their child's day perfect and the true definition of love! | |
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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 5/1/2008 9:05:20 AM | If you take an escort, then the hot doctor dude that is a friend of your future in-laws' won't know it's okay to sweep you off your feet.
When my time comes to attend my own children's weddings, it will be an Ice Age in Hell before I ask their mom to dance. If the kids want us to participate in pictures with them together, that's cool. But let's not go overboard here. | |
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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 5/1/2008 10:04:29 AM | I sure do have to agree with the consensus of opinion in this thread, Ms. Royal. DON'T miss your son's wedding under any circumstances and do everything in your power to show peace and harmony in relations with your 'ex' for that day. Obviously, going alone will be extremely difficult -- not many could 'pull off' such a thing with any type of ease. There have been suggestions about using a pro-escort and meeting him a day in advance, which is certainly one avenue. If you don't have a 'steady' by that time, perhaps a 'friend' would accompany you. Yes, of course it will be difficult for you, but by all means, do NOT miss your son's wedding under any circumstances you may have to plan to be there. For long after you've found a relationship with someone (or not found, as the case may be), long from now after your life has become this or become that, you'll always remember back to your son's wedding that you missed -- something you won't be able to change. Do you want to have that in your memory, permanently ??
cdn guy | |
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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 5/1/2008 10:21:00 AM | Be the Mother you know you are, hold your head high and walk with that authority that helped him get to where he is now. This is all for him now, and you will bask in the warmth of your son's ability to be the man he is because you were the Mother you were.....
There is no need to bring a date, unless you want someone with you that you really care to have there, and there is nothing wrong with being a family member among all the family there.
I have also gone out of my way to not include others when doing things that are family oriented with my son, just to keep the family get together for the purpose it was intended to be, and not a circus around who is dating whom, why, and did they have to include others when your "ex" is there as well.
My son was not the reason for my divorce, and should not be put in situations where he would be uncomfortable, or have to pick a side to support because others forced it to become that. I would hope that your "ex", unless remarried, would consider coming alone as well, and just enjoy the product of your marriage as intended.
Just my opinion.......   | |
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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 5/1/2008 12:51:03 PM | | Your son is getting married! Go, with or without an escort and be supportive of your son on HIS SPECIAL DAY!!!!!! | |
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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 5/1/2008 12:56:23 PM | | Yep, been in the same situation and I went alone!!!. Being mother of the groom, you are escorted to the front anyway. | |
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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 5/1/2008 1:17:31 PM |
I'm agonizing over what to do at the wedding. If I don't have a best guy chum by then, would it be horrible to hire a professional escort? (Someone with gray hair or maybe none - NOT a boy toy.) I've also thought about asking an ex-boyfriend of mine with whom I remain friendly, who knows my kids, but who has a steady gal. Since the wedding would be on a Saturday, I feel awkward asking him to miss prime social time with his lady, so I wondered if I should compensate HIM.
Instead of hiring an escort, just send the 1/2 the money to me and get yourself some hand held games or a book. When your at a table by your self you can have something to do to keep from looking bored or like a cougar.
But wait, if you're a single girl at a wedding, do you get in the crowd to catch the bouquet? Maybe an escort would be the way to avoid that decision.
Then you're son's kids can ask "Who's the guy with grandma in the wedding pictures?" | |
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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 5/1/2008 1:49:06 PM | | Your son has found someone that makes him happy and is getting married...that's a cause for celebration...not for worrying about whether you should bring a date to his wedding. Unless you're in a serious relationship with someone, why would you care about having a date for your son's wedding? Just because your ex will be there with his long-term (operative words here) partner? IMO, that's thinking more about yourself than about your son...and it's his day. So think about him, and go have a wonderful time at his wedding, without bringing a date - or an escort. | |
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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 5/1/2008 3:45:26 PM | I wish I could say these answers have been a big help, but so far, few have sensed my plight.
First, who started the rumor that I wasn't going to my son's wedding? I said in the OP that I wouldn't miss it. Second, to those who advised me to walk tall or dance with my ex (my son's father), you missed that I don't dance, which is mainly because I can barely walk, and not tall at that.
I actually think I will find myself bored and distressed without a partner. I *know* the wedding is not "about me," in fact I expect bride and groom to be rather busy. Sitting alone, not dancing, not able to mingle easily, I will be bored and lonely. As to other family, I don't yet know how many from my own side of the family are coming (all live out of state, some a great distance away), and I don't know the bride's family very well.
In this scenario I am likely to find an excuse to leave as early as possible. Having a companion might actually benefit the showing I do make. | |
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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 5/1/2008 3:50:24 PM | Walk in “head held high” ......... proud.
Proud of your son - his bride to be and proud of yourself.
Make EVERYONE wonder ............ “why is she so happy/proud”
BTW ........ look GREAT .......... | |
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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 5/1/2008 4:07:47 PM | | Royal - don't take someone just to have "arm candy". This isn't the day to impress anyone, except to impress your son with your presence. Be grateful that you can be there, and that you and his future wife are on good terms. Think about what you DO HAVE, not what you don't have. Go and have fun. Besides, you never know who you might meet! | |
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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 5/1/2008 4:31:28 PM |
Sitting alone, not dancing, not able to mingle easily, I will be bored and lonely. As to other family, I don't yet know how many from my own side of the family are coming (all live out of state, some a great distance away), and I don't know the bride's family very well.
Talk to your son and daughter-in-law. Although Mother of the Groom is an honoured position, you will not likely be seated at the head table, as that is traditionally saved for the wedding party.
Ask them to seat you with people you will feel comfortable with, as soon as they know who is coming - they are in charge of the seating arrangements.
Don't know the Bride's family that well?
I'm guessing if you don't know who will be attending just yet from your side, that the wedding is still a few months away.
That's time to get to meet the 'out-laws' on a couple of occassions, bridal showers, Stag & Doe, etcetera... ask to be part of the rehearsals, in order to mingle.
Again - ask your son and daughter-in-law for help with this.
Don't fret, you'll have a lovely time.
hnh
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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 5/1/2008 10:45:47 PM | I wish I could say these answers have been a big help, but so far, few have sensed my plight. ...
I actually think I will find myself bored and distressed without a partner. I *know* the wedding is not "about me," in fact I expect bride and groom to be rather busy. Sitting alone, not dancing, not able to mingle easily, I will be bored and lonely.
Oh, oh, dear...!! Bored at a wedding, like 45% of the men in attendance, yes, you are the ONLY one. Hmm....do you have a phone? Use your minutes talking to a friend while you wait for all the "boring" rituals to start. If the reception is elsewhere, just don't go since it's "boring". Visit your son later when you can spend quality time with him without interruptions from "boring" in-laws.
Really, if you're not going to mingle and socialize, there's no point to bringing an escort, because you don't plan to talk to anyone. Make your appearance and leave as soon as possible. If someone gripes, tell them you had an "emergency" (boredom) and it's none of their business.
IT'S ONLY ONE DAY! .......................If it's this tough to get you to a family wedding, any potential suitors better call the National Guard to blast you out of your home if they ask for a date.
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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 5/1/2008 10:53:04 PM | Good grief...go to the wedding, (which usually lasts all of 25 minutes tops, unless you are Catholic, and then you are in for 45...then go to the reception. You have duties as mother of the groom..read up on them.
You might be bored without a date? So, what did you do when your child had to be driven to soccer practice? What about baby showers, and mother/son functions..and cub and boy scout badge ceremonies? What about recitals, and band practice..and spelling bees? Did you not go to those without a date?
Sometimes you have to smile, and pretend to be having fun. | |
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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 5/2/2008 5:55:10 AM | No date required. There are plenty of single people out there. So you are single. Enjoy the event, the people, the food and mingle!
Go solo! | |
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| Divorced mom at son's wedding
Posted: 5/2/2008 9:18:44 AM | | ok I'll say it, find, buy, rent or otherwise procure an escort, date, friend etc and a new hair doo, and dress , hold your head up, and look like you got the world by the,,,er uhm,,,tail, that's it tail, have a blast, leave early with a wink to the chin droppers, yes it's the happy couples day,,, so be happy make their day | |
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