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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 4/30/2008 11:49:23 PM | I keep trying to find that holy grail of a women - an attractive, in-my-age-range, educated woman who does not want kids. Every woman I've met seems to want kids - the only ones that don't are all the older ones over 35 who are single mothers and have been divorced.
Seriously, why DO women want kids. Most women are emotional creatures who only visualize a cute smile, and look of a baby, and immediately want kids, or they want to have them, just because they don't feel like a "complete woman" or because they fear what society might think of them. What the don't think about it:
1) It costs $2M to raise the average kid
2) Your life expectancy reduces by 8 years if you have kids
3) They're messy, you have to wipe their ass, stay up all night when they cry, etc.
4) They go through turbulent teenage years and you have to stress over that
5) And at the end of it all, they may turn out to be total failures or at best, a mediocre individual. Very few kids actually grow up to be successful - the vast majority are either equivalent to their parents' careers or worse
6) Every kid you have adds to the world population which means more competition for finite resources. Do you really want to bring in a child to a world where he/she has to struggle to compete, even more so than you did? | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 4/30/2008 11:57:29 PM | Well. They say the two most fulfilling things in life is to have children and travel.
1. It is expensive so what. You apparently think your life was not worth you be here. To have a child like me for $2mil would be cheap. My kid would far exceed myself as far as appreciating what life has to offer and their contribution to society.
2. I don't need to live that long.
3. Their only as messy when untrained. You got to wipe someone's ass. It keeps you humble. It gives you something to take your concerns off yourself. Self-centeredness has never been that attractive or fulfilling.
4. I had turbulant teenage, and can only justify going through it to see what I put my parents through.
5. Are you speaking for yourself. Every adult was a child. Very pessimistic I see.
6. Some people actually find competition stimulating.
I am almost one of those older women, however not a single mother (but seriously considering it) and never been divorced.
OP-Everyone is different. It seems so easy to lump a certain sex, or stereo type to explain what is wrong in ones own life. In the mean time I will just travel.  | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/1/2008 12:08:40 AM | If every woman thought that the human race would cease.
I dont have kids yet, i want kids and i know a equal amounts of people who do want and do not want them.
Its not about competition, a child brought into the world that way is not well planned and thought out.
Its a preference which is a basic right, in Western society anyway. | |
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T474T
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Joined: 3/10/2008
Msg: 4 | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/1/2008 12:14:13 AM | I'm super young and I suppose my outlook on this could change but it's doubtful.
I don't have any kids. I don't want any kids. I say in my profile I am open/undecided because I would be interested in adoption.
Basically my reasons for not wanting kids are as follows:
-9 months of hell. Not really exciting for me. Things weighing in at 6-9lbs+ are NOT meant to come out of me.
-I'm selfish. What if I wake up at 1am and want to fly to France or something? You can't get a babysitter at 1am in the morning.
-I'm selfish. What if I want to have sex right there, on the kitchen table. We can't do that if the kids are home... or if their friends are over.
-There are already millions of children out there that no one wants, why not give them a home?
-What if the kid is born autistic or has some other disability or health problem? I don't think I could handle my child dying, and if the child only had a disability, again I am selfish. I don't want to be stuck with a kid for 40 years, and what happens when you die? Who will take care of them when you are gone?
I don't want kids. Child birth doesn't appeal to me at all. I guess it's never been a huge push in my family. My parents don't care whether or not they have grandkids. My sister is 42, married, and doesn't have kids nor did she ever want any. My brother is 40 and thank god, has no kids. I think I'll stick to dogs and cats and horses. At least all three of those can be locked up in a kennel or stall... you can't do that to kids  | |
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T474T
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Joined: 3/10/2008
Msg: 6 | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/1/2008 12:21:43 AM | I have 6 brothers and 3 sisters. And, about 14 or so nieces and nephews. My Mom is 66 and Dad is 73. Oldest brother is 40 something and youngest sister is in school in her early to almost mid 20's. I'd still like to have children. I want to settle down and focus on something outside of myself.
Plebayo: Kids are home sometimes. Sometimes, they go to school. Sometimes, they are asleep. Nothing has every really stopped me to have sex any where or any time I wanted. All it takes for me is a partner that gives me that desire or if it comes from within myself. And, even though I have never been pregnant or had kids. I don't really think having children will reduce my sexual desire for a man I treasure and love. You can't lock the kids up but you can still send them to their grandparents. And, there are aunts and uncles too.
I want three children. I will have them one after the other. That is, when I do actually have them. | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/1/2008 12:46:57 AM |
Things weighing in at 6-9lbs+ are NOT meant to come out of me
Ummm....actually they are. That is why a Greater Being made our bodies this way.
What if the kid is born autistic or has some other disability or health problem? I don't think I could handle my child dying, and if the child only had a disability, again I am selfish. I don't want to be stuck with a kid for 40 years,
It's part of life and you handle it. That's the WHAT IF. My daughter was born 3 months premature. She dropped all the way down to 1 lb 10 oz. She could have died at any given moment. Ya know...I've always considered myself a very selfish individual. But when I had to start driving 2+ hours to go see my daughter every day for 75 days...well I guess that was God's way of taking all that selfish shit right out of me. But, I'll have to agree with you...with your outlook, you don't need kids. 'Stuck'....you could never be 'stuck' with a child. And locking animals up in kennels/stalls is quite cruel also. I say you need to stay away from those also.
OP: Someone should have obviously had this conversation with your mother before she introduced yet another ignorant person into this world. You don't want kids? Fine. But take your negativity about them somewhere else. MOST women want children because it is a natural instinct. Again, MOST women have a nurturing aspect of their personality...thus feeling the need to have children. I would love to have another child, but doubt that I ever will due to the fact that I am scared of having to go through again what I did with my daughter. MANY sleepless nights wondering if she was ok at the hospital...wondering in what condition I would find her in the next day...and I still lose sleep. Not because she keeps me up all night but I wonder if she is going to have major developmental delays (luckily she is not showing any signs of that yet), and I have an almost compulsive need to make sure she is breathing (apnea of prematurity is common in micro-preemies). Even though she did not leave the hosp. for 10 days after her last apnea spell, it still scares me to death.
But you know what? I wouldn't change it for the world. It's given me a whole different outlook on life. Used to be life was about having fun, being 'free' from all restraints, doing what I want when I want. Now I realize that life is more about the little things.
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/1/2008 12:59:45 AM | Firstly, I don't want kids of my own - never have wanted kids of my own and am not too likely to change. (I'm quite keen on the idea of fostering/adopting older kids/teens).
However, I found your post to be pretty ignorant.
This assumption
Most women are emotional creatures who only visualize a cute smile, and look of a baby, and immediately want kids, or they want to have them, just because they don't feel like a "complete woman" or because they fear what society might think of them. is pretty absurd to my mind. What is it based on - your beliefs about women... Pretty sad beliefs. You put most women at the intellectual level of animals, incapable of thought. I wonder if that has anything to do with the kind of women who you find yourself involved with.
1) It costs $2M to raise the average kid And we value our families and loved ones in terms of $ since when? When your mum gets old perhaps she'll cost you some money to support, so will you resent that and wish you could be rid of her in order to spend your money on... treats and toys for yourself?
2) Your life expectancy reduces by 8 years if you have kids Is this due to the number of women who die in childbirth? Is it a statistic for our society or the whole world? Most of the population does not have enough food so sharing it with children would obviously be a factor in decreased life expectancy. In any case, I suspect that most parents would willingly shave 8 years or more off the end of their lives rather than lose one of their children - so is this really supposed to be enough to put someone off?
3) They're messy, you have to wipe their ass, stay up all night when they cry, etc. Oh the intolerable sacrifices... This is like saying "Why would anyone want to build a house, they have to carry bricks around and mix cement... Most worthwhile endeavours do require effort of some kind.
4) They go through turbulent teenage years and you have to stress over that Not all teenagers are turbulent and not all parents will find or expect to find teenage turbulence to be stressful. Stress is a pretty minor factor really - that's like saying why would you want to own a car when you'll have to worry about people trying to steal it the whole time. The expected level of stress is small in comparison to the expected benefits.
5) And at the end of it all, they may turn out to be total failures or at best, a mediocre individual. Very few kids actually grow up to be successful - the vast majority are either equivalent to their parents' careers or worse A parent is relatively unlikely to measure the value of their child in terms of their career status. It is pretty sad for any human to evaluate any other human on this basis and it is a strange point to raise. Few parents will regard their children as anything other than special, because they know them intimately as human beings and know how superficial the other stuff really is. Their child will never be just another factory worker to them.
6) Every kid you have adds to the world population which means more competition for finite resources. Do you really want to bring in a child to a world where he/she has to struggle to compete, even more so than you did? World population is the one point I think is worth making. However, even governments (e.g. Australia) still promote for their population to have families so it is unrealistic to expect that every individual is keenly aware of the population problem and considers it important enough that they should sacrifice their very personal desire to have a child in response to an issue that seems to be on such a huge and impersonal scale that one child more or less really will make no difference. The same kind of thinking means that most people still eat meat and drive a car.
I think you're wrong in imagining that people/women don't think about it. There is a strong instinct to reproduce and as such the pleasures and rewards of reproduction for a human are naturally designed to encourage it. I think that women actually think more than men about the issue because if you do want children, you have a relatively small window of opportunity where your age is optimal for the health of those children. You also have to go through what sounds like 9 months of torture followed by hours of absolute agony. I doubt that women fail to contemplate this element. The fact is that the human being, like other animals, has this desire to reproduce and it is insanity to look at motivation for choices without factoring in this emotional element - after all, being motivated to do something is an emotion at the end of the day - we are not robots and every possible factor carries different emotional weight with different people. | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/1/2008 2:52:37 AM | | Well, I am not going to say a lot about this except this, I am raising 2 boys. 10&6. I wouldn't take anything in the world for them. If anything they did teach me one thing. What a self absorbed a$$ hole i was. To me if a person can't have kids that's OK. If they never met the right man or woman that's OK. If they don't want to have kids for the right reasons that's OK. If they don't want kids for the reasons i have seen here on this forum, Well, I say this. Your right. You don't need kids. What really screws up a kid is people that think like this. Nuff said. | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/1/2008 3:43:11 AM | I really don't have the answer to your question, but I do find it refreashing to see that there are young men, that are interested in finding a woman for something other than having babies.
You are only 26, so don't worry, you will find a woman like you want. They are out there, just keeping looking. | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/1/2008 4:15:51 AM | | i dont have any, and i most 100% dont want one now! im interested in adoption, that may change seeing as i am quite young, but id like to have my own first, then adopt, i have just gone through a phase of really wanting a baby! but im hoping thats passed now lol cos realisticly i dont want one. i want a dog first :) | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/1/2008 4:31:52 AM | | I think we ned to honor men who dont want children with a vasectomy. If we look at how many noninvoved dads there are in this world ( kudos to you men who are really there for your kids) we see many men ddint actually want to be fathers. This also extends to many women who have them and then neglect them or abuse them. Perhaps we should require people to have a license to have a child? Some people change after having a child and becoem great parents. Others so not. I am the parent of thirteen children, twelve by adoption, and as much as I love my kids, their spirits were damaged beyong measure by their birthparents who should never have had them. | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/1/2008 5:52:48 AM | ^^^^Island....I SOOOOO agree with you. Welder was adopted. His biological mom was a junkie and an alcoholic. Well, honestly his adopted mom isn't much better. She doesn't abuse substances, but she emotionally abused him. Still tries to. I think there should be a license for children and also a license for relationships. ;)
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/1/2008 6:00:11 AM | young and educated? that may be a problem as to become educated it can take a person awhile, maybe into their 30's.
I know few phD's and masters degree people in their 20's and only one or two in their early 20's......... your going to have a problem finding a woman who is young and well educated.
Add to that attractive, healthy and you have even less in your favor.
Not all women want kids but many are raised in a way that they think that is what they are supposed to do, at least with a part of their life ( parenthood)...
after what I have seen, many of those women should not have had kids as all they do is end up raising very dsyfunctional kids that grow into dysfunctional people...
many of them stay home forever, unable to face the real world as an adult and function like one.
Your going to have a hard time finding a woman who is EDUCATED, YOUNG AND ATTRACTIVE... but therer are a few...
most of them because they are young, educated and attractive get the best of the best of men who are also educated, young and attractive... or the top 2% of the population, so good luck to you in finding her. She isn't looking for bald heads, baggy pants and pot belly guys. | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/1/2008 6:16:41 AM | lol
1) It costs $2M to raise the average kid
2) Your life expectancy reduces by 8 years if you have kids
3) They're messy, you have to wipe their ass, stay up all night when they cry, etc.
4) They go through turbulent teenage years and you have to stress over that
5) And at the end of it all, they may turn out to be total failures or at best, a mediocre individual. Very few kids actually grow up to be successful - the vast majority are either equivalent to their parents' careers or worse
6) Every kid you have adds to the world population which means more competition for finite resources. Do you really want to bring in a child to a world where he/she has to struggle to compete, even more so than you did?
1. What planet are you from.
2. I can make you live to 120. But it'll be a boring life in your bubble eating from a tube.
3. You forgot sit by their bed side when they're sic and a whole slew of things. Too many to mention here for sure. But trust me on this one: Have a kid, and you'll die a thousand deaths.
4. Yup. They'll wreck your car, eat all the cake, not do dishes or laundry, and will never thank you for anything.
5. With your attitude, I can guarantee it.
6. Go back too school. Why do you think we ENCOURAGE immigration and discourage emigration?? People ADD resources. We also had to compete with lions for food at one time. Competition is why we survived as a species. | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/1/2008 6:36:40 AM | > I think there should be a license for children and also a license for relationships. ;)
There used to be such a thing. It was called a marriage license. But they did away with that, even though the requirements to get one were not high.
> How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Probably something less than 15-20%.
But very few who are young go and get sterilized, so it hinges somewhat on exactly what you mean by "don't want", which doesn't necessarily mean "will never want". I.e., they may just not want kids 'now'.
What we do know is that as birth rates have continued to fall, a big factor has been a large decrease in the birth rate to women in their twenties. Some are just delaying starting to have children until their thirties, but some will end up never having kids -- some 40% these days, a factor of two higher than a couple of decades ago. Many of these may have wanted children but just never found the right guy to have them with, or they may have waited until it was too late. There are several possibilities. Some numbers are fuzzy because they're difficult to measure, and some are not. Your query falls in the latter category. | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/1/2008 6:38:33 AM | | I don't understand why some men and women want children either. I know i don't feel the need to have them. I still feel like a complete woman even though i never got married and had any and even though i never will have any i am still a complete woman. | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/1/2008 6:49:56 AM | first of all.. your statistics are messed up.
It does not cost $2 mil to raise a kid. (even with the overspending in public education)
Second... Ask your mom why she bothered with you. Were you REALLY worth staying up all night for? Was your butt worth wiping a few thousand times?
I;m sure you were "the perfect" tenager and caused nop grief to your parents.
************
Do the right thing... get the "Voluntary Darwin Award"... get clipped. | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/1/2008 6:54:24 AM | I've always been on the fence about kids, for I see some people who legitimately want children as an extension of the love they've been so lucky to discover, and I've seen others that have them for lack of anything better to do, a cute pet to play dress up with, a government cheque, or numerous reckless "accidents" in the bedroom... 
Personally I have no burning desire to reproduce, though I'm not against the idea - I simply want to try and achieve the first major obstacle, i.e. find someone to love and that loves me. 
If I'm lucky enough in life one day to have achieved that, THEN we'll see if that's something on our horizon.
However the one thing I do scrutinize for is a person's REASONING for having children, and it's a simple subtle difference in wording of their reason that either gets me on board or sends me running for the hills:
a) They want a child in order to have someone to love unconditionally
b) They want a child in order to have someone to love THEM unconditionally  
The former is a beautiful sentiment in my opinion, and the type of attitude that will produce a loving wholesome foundation for that child. The latter is the penultimate selfish breeder mentality that I will belly-crawl over broken glass and hot coals in Hell to avoid...  | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/1/2008 6:56:43 AM | Ask your mom why she bothered with you. Were you REALLY worth staying up all night for? Was your butt worth wiping a few thousand times?
I know this was directed to the op but i am going to make a comment anyway. First of all i did not ask my parents to bring me into this world. Second of all my parents actually wanted to become parents. They chose to become parents and bring me here. They obviously thought that i ,my sisters and brother were worth staying up all night for and wiping our butts a few thousand times. I don't think a kid is worth this and here in lies the difference between myself and my parents or any parents. | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/1/2008 7:05:02 AM | daizonjerome .... my answers are in caps.....
1) It costs $2M to raise the average kid
OH PLEASE... SOMEONE HAD TO RAISE YOU DIDN'T THEY? ARE THEY BROKE, STUCK FOR LIFE LIVING ON THE STREET? WHAT YOU PAY OUT FOR A CHILD IS A LITTLE HERE AND A LITTLE THERE AND IF YOU WEREN'T SPENDING IT ON THEM, YOU'D BE SPENDING IT ON YOURSELF.
2) Your life expectancy reduces by 8 years if you have kids
UM... EXCUSE ME, BUT TAKE A LOOK AROUND... YOU DON'T SEE TOO MANY MEN LIVING TO THE SAME RIPE OLD AGE A WOMAN DOES. MOST WOMEN LIVE TO BE WHAT.... 87? THAT'S A GOOD LOT OF LIVIN'!
3) They're messy, you have to wipe their ass, stay up all night when they cry, etc.
YEAH, SAME WAY YOUR PARENTS DID FOR YOU. WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE, I GUESS YOU MAKE SOME SACRIFICES.
4) They go through turbulent teenage years and you have to stress over that
LIFE IS SOMETIMES STRESSFUL WHETHER YOU'RE WORRYING ABOUT YOUR KID, THE PRICE OF GAS, THE BOSS DOWN YOUR BACK AT WORK, IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU NEED TO WORK AT, ETC. LIKE I SAID, LOVE MEANS YOU STICK IT OUT BECAUSE THE END RESULT IS WORTH IT.
5) And at the end of it all, they may turn out to be total failures or at best, a mediocre individual. Very few kids actually grow up to be successful - the vast majority are either equivalent to their parents' careers or worse
DID YOU TURN OUT TO BE A TOTAL FAILURE OR MEDIOCRE INDIVIDUAL? DO YOU THINK YOUR PARENTS WISH THEY HAD NEVER HAD YOU? ECONOMICS GOES IN WAVES DEPENDANT ON THE CURRENT TRENDS.... FOR INSTANCE, SOMEONE WHO LIVED PRE-DEPRESSION MAY HAVE DONE VERY WELL FOR THEMSELVES, BUT THEIR CHILDREN WHO HAD TO LIVE THROUGH THE DEPRESSION MIGHT HAVE BEEN DIRT POOR, THEN CAME BETTER TIMES ONLY TO BE HIT WITH A RECESSION WHERE JOBS WERE SCARCE AND MONEY WAS TIGHT. AGAIN THINGS PICKED UP AND AGAIN THEY FELL. THAT'S LIFE. MY DAUGHTER WORKED FOR NASA AND THE DEPT OF DEFENSE WHILE MY SON WAS IN CUSTOMER SERVICE. THEN, THEY SEEMED TO SWITCH, BUT I THINK IT HAS MORE TO DO WITH YOUR OWN DESIRES AND SOMETIMES IT TAKES AN INCREDIBLE DRIVE TO BE WHO AND WHAT YOU WANT TO BE IN SPITE OF YOUR ENVIRONMENT. BUT THE POSSIBILITIES ARE OUT THERE.
6) Every kid you have adds to the world population which means more competition for finite resources. Do you really want to bring in a child to a world where he/she has to struggle to compete, even more so than you did?
THERE HAS ALWAYS BEEN AND WILL ALWAYS BE STRUGGLE. STRUGGLE AND STRESS ARE EVERY BIT A REALITY IN LIFE AS LOVE AND NURTURING, KINDNESS AND CARING.
I WAS SO SURE I DIDN'T WANT CHILDREN. BUT ONE DAY SOMETHING MIRACULOUS HAPPENED AND I DECIDED I DID WANT A CHILD. I WILL NEVER BE SORRY THAT I HAD MY KIDS. THEY MAKE ME PROUD EVERY SINGLE DAY, AND TAUGHT ME WHAT IT WAS TO BE UNSELFISH, TO GROW AS A PERSON, TO CARE ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE SO MUCH THAT I WANTED THE WORLD TO BE A BETTER PLACE... FOR THEM.
I AM SO GLAD I DIDN'T STICK TO MY ORIGINAL PLAN NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN. I AM A FAR RICHER PERSON HAVING HAD THEM.
SHARZI | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/1/2008 7:17:41 AM |
I know few phD's and masters degree people in their 20's and only one or two in their early 20's......... your going to have a problem finding a woman who is young and well educated.
Add to that attractive, healthy and you have even less in your favor.
Depends on where you go. I had an undergrad in Finance (BBA), A BA in Pyshcology, and my MBA by the time I was 24. My girlfriend has her last day of residency as a foot surgeon and she is going to be 27. They are out there. And, you can add attractive and healthy (for the most part) to the mix.
But you are right. I am not looking for "bald heads, baggy pants, and pot belly guys". | |
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