buni
| | Joined: 12/12/2003
Msg: 1 | |
| | Can a person be too honest when getting to know someone?Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | If you are getting to know someone,you know,like emailing or IMing or whatever...Are there things you feel you shouldn't tell the person you are getting to know.Or are there things you wish you hadn't told them.Or maybe there are things you would like to tell the other about you,but you don't know when the time is right.Such as a criminal background or a wierd fetish or something like that?...(hypothetically speaking of course)
I guess the question is not really can a person be too honest,but when is being too honest a bad thing?Or is it a good thing to just spit it all out right off the bat? | |
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| Can a person be too honest when getting to know someone?
Posted: 6/1/2005 11:38:23 PM | NO bunny I think for me anyways someone has to earn my trust, the more I know and trust them the more I divulge. Any yes you can be too honest....remember the person is a stranger until you meet them for real and know them. I am pretty open , but about some things to protect them (kids) I say very little. I don't have any real deep dark secrets that I'd reveal and be worried about what they might think, but if I did I'd say no!! Unless for u talking about them is your therapy then go for it girl! Just my 2 cents | |
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| Can a person be too honest when getting to know someone?
Posted: 6/2/2005 4:31:46 AM | | HELL YES! Nobody wants to be crushed by your bad experiences or bitterness on a first date... but, really, if you're into a weird fetish and it's a deal breaker if you can't have it in your relationship, you HAVE to get that out in the open! Better find out if your date is into it now before wasting a lot of time. It's better to go looking for the fetish and sorting out those who apply. | |
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| Can a person be too honest when getting to know someone?
Posted: 6/2/2005 6:40:23 AM | I think you already know the answers. Even my prior girlfriends never wanted the whole truth.
"Can a person be too honest?" YES
"When is being too honest a bad thing?" ALWAYS
"Is it a good thing to just spit it all out right off the bat?" NEVER A GOOD THING | |
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| Can a person be too honest when getting to know someone?
Posted: 6/5/2005 6:09:16 PM | I tell nothing. I am a private kinda person, and past details just stir the pot withme and dredge up crap I would rather forget mostly.
I do however answer direct questions.
I keep my closets closed. Too much of a checkerboard in there to let loose on anyone (no criminal acts, or crazy fetishes.....unless big crowds, cars, and daylight....uh well nevermind....
Doc | |
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| Can a person be too honest when getting to know someone?
Posted: 6/5/2005 6:51:58 PM | | There is such a thing as too much information. There is also such a thing as not enough. It is always best to tell the truth. I guess it's more of timing and how you relay the information that matters- the fine balance. | |
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| Can a person be too honest when getting to know someone?
Posted: 6/5/2005 9:03:59 PM | I think airplane geek hit it on the head, it's all a question of that fine balance. There is a time and place for laying bare your soul. The initial email/IM/first date portion of a new relationship really isn't that time. Take things slowly, build a rapport, build trust...and if it looks like it is going anywhere - then slowly introduce items.
Having said that, there are some things that warrant an immediate disclosure. I once stopped talking/IM-ing with a match from a speed dating event simply because he waited a full week (of us talking every day and often several times a day) to finally admit that he had given me a fake name. I felt if he couldn't be honest with me in the beginning with something as basic as his first name, then I really didn't have time for him in my life. | |
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| Can a person be too honest when getting to know someone?
Posted: 6/5/2005 9:24:17 PM | Well, I'm sorry to say I opt for rigourous honesty in all my affairs. Not that I had that many! 
Seriously though, if anything comes up, then you better be real straight up about it. People hate having their time wasted on liars. We hear that repeadly on this site all the time. There is no need to lie anyway. It's the Net! Who's gonna do anything if your simply honest? Just start out that way, and never look back.... | |
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| Can a person be too honest when getting to know someone?
Posted: 6/5/2005 9:40:31 PM | Well by the replies so far I guess it depends on the other person. However how do you know what that person is like?
So, I say just be yourself and if you're the ones that are upfront from the beginning than there is no reason to change. If you like to move slower then do that. In the long run you can only meet people that agree on the matter with you. So it should work out for you the best way by just being yourself. | |
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buni
| | Joined: 12/12/2003
Msg: 12 | |
| Can a person be too honest when getting to know someone?
Posted: 6/6/2005 8:56:18 AM | Well, before everyone thinks that I have a weird fetish or am a hardened criminal I guess I can tell you all why I asked this.
I take care of my mom9she has a lot of health problems.) and always live near her,usually in my own place on her property depending on where we live.I don't plan on ever putting her in a nursing home....I also have a cat sanctuary/shelter type of thing.I have a ton of cats that I take care of,get medical help for and find homes for.By letting men know this it seems to scare them off right away,so I was wondering if it would matter if I am honest from the get go,or should I get to know them a while and then let them know about those things later.
I have had men tell me I should put my mom in a home,and get rid of all the cats.I can't do either of those things.I love my mother dearly and I also love most of the cats,and am passionate about them.I'm not fanatical,but do care a lot about animal rights... | |
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| Can a person be too honest when getting to know someone?
Posted: 6/6/2005 9:51:34 PM | buni....
you are doing the right thing...Take care of your mom and keep the cats....it's what you want and enjoy. Don't change yourself for anyone because then you have no idea who you are. The right person is out there, someone who loves animals as much as you and values family. I know it gets fustrating looking and not finding (been looking all my life) but don't give up hope. Some time when you least expect it, he will sneak up behind you and hug you, just don't deck him for the hug....lol. | |
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| Can a person be too honest when getting to know someone?
Posted: 6/6/2005 10:00:18 PM | Buni, that's definitely something that you shouldn't keep hidden for long. If you're going to date this person, they're going to find out soon enough. I just think you have a unique situation that only the RIGHT man is going to understand and accept. This actually should weed out all the**** who just want to get laid. Just my opinion. | |
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| Can a person be too honest when getting to know someone?
Posted: 6/7/2005 11:01:58 AM | Hi, new to POF and the forums but hope to participate now I am here. (g** knows I have enough opinions - lol). I have been a single mom for over 10 years and have had experience with the phone chatlines and online sites like this one, so have developed some guidelines for myself over time. I think they have been successful, since I have not had any really bad experiences and have met guys that were promising for a while but just didn't end up being LTRs due to various reasons.
My thinking is that any prospective dates should be aware of the important things about me, those things that set me apart from other ladies, and those that I am looking for in my men. I happen to love dancing and so put that front and center in my screening information. If I had a medical condition, that should be admitted early as well, but ONLY if it affects the other person directly, such as a sexual or physical impairment. Background stuff that does NOT affect the partner can be divulged over time as the relationship deepens and intimacy becomes important, after all it is your history that makes you who you are. But if things do not go far it is better not to have given sensitive information, sometimes people are mean rotten and nasty when they feel rejected and you don't want to give them any ammunition.
But in general, I think that if you want to find a true soulmate, you have to put your real self out there for consideration. So honesty is paramount in my opinion, no matter what level of information you are sharing. I need to feel the same about any person I am trying to get to know, or what is the point??? | |
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| Can a person be too honest when getting to know someone?
Posted: 6/7/2005 11:07:24 AM | | I think it depends on how many mistakes they will admitt to, how judgmental they are (not admitting their own mistakes, and being judgmental seem to go hand and hand with a lot of people today), how understanding they are, and how you word your honesty. | |
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| Can a person be too honest when getting to know someone?
Posted: 6/11/2005 4:57:44 PM | If they need to know they can ask and I'll answer with an appropriate response. If I feel they are overstepping my private line then I let them know I am not ready to divulge that kind of information because we aren't there yet or I don't feel comfortable with it yet.
The past is gone...dead...over...finished and can never be changed...make the now as fun as possible and the past won't matter...if someone is loading the bases to judge you by your past you have just incriminated yourself and punished yourself for mistakes you may never make again and that's not cool...for you or the other person...
Stick with the now...and that is open. | |
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| Can a person be too honest when getting to know someone?
Posted: 6/11/2005 5:29:31 PM | | Sometimes you have to spill your guts about somethings. Like for instance if you have never dated anyone before, and have limited experience being with the opposite sex. That might be helpful for the other person to understand why he is not making any advances or is stumbling or just seems to be too nervous etc... ??? | |
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| Can a person be too honest when getting to know someone?
Posted: 6/11/2005 8:51:33 PM | | I am new to this site but I love to add my input.I was raised to be honest no matter the situation.So my answer is eveyone needs to be honest.I an very honest and I always tell my mind.So I think people can be someone they want to make up or be.And you should be yourself.If you want to be nasty be nasty if that is you.If you want to be caring be caring if that is you.If you want to be helpful be helpful if that is you.I want to meet the person you really are. | |
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Japhus
| | Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 22 | |
| Can a person be too honest when getting to know someone?
Posted: 6/11/2005 9:59:50 PM | Sure you can be too honest...
Let's see now, talk about your X's in gory detail, you're intimate bedroom habits, or let them know you sleep in the raw and watch your date run...or maybe not.
Last time I was in that situation it was a girl telling me she was manic-depressive on the first date. Having just broken up with a paranoid schizophrenic / manic-depressive that really turned me off seeing her some more. I tried but my heart wasn't in it after that. Mental illness isn't something I am going to deal with again, period. | |
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| Can a person be too honest when getting to know someone?
Posted: 6/12/2005 12:13:43 AM | omg...my ex had paranoid schizophrenia as well...
never a dull moment but too much of a roller coaster ride...
OT i let ppl. earn my trust gradually now...which is not in my nature but nobody wants to hear every little detail... | |
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| Can a person be too honest when getting to know someone?
Posted: 6/12/2005 7:45:04 AM | I just let the conversation flow. I am an honest person, but I'm not going to pull something out of thin air just to say it, let the relationship grow and see where it leads.
Telling someone you're manic depressive on a first date will definitely scare them off, however if you seem to be hitting it off well you need to make sure they know before you have an "episode". Basicly, I feel if there is a second date, and you have something about you that the person can learn in a negitive manner, it's best to be up-front about it.
I have forgotten to mention the fact that I wear hearing aids to some people, but they find out as soon as they meet me in person. It's just such a part of me I don't think of it sometimes. Besides, the only way it changes anything is if we go somewhere noisey, I can understand them better than they can understand me, because I also read lips....lol. | |
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| Can a person be too honest when getting to know someone?
Posted: 6/14/2005 7:18:26 PM | | The level of honesty should be equal to the importance of the discussion. If what a person is withholding is a deal breaker and they know it, that's bad. Many of us wound up on this site due to people who weren't honest at the outset. By the time we realized what was going on it was too late. Tends to make people cynical and very slow to trust again. If you read a lot of people's descriptions or what they are looking for in another person, honesty is right up there at the top. That says a lot. | |
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