| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:13:21 AM | | I am not sure if this has been posted before but I am wondering something. How can a man tell you one day he cares for you or loves you and then the next day you have an argument, break up and they completely lose all feelings they had? Or is it they just do not show them. Are break ups really that easy for men? How is it so easy for them to forget you and move on? | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:18:11 AM | From my experience men do seem have a better ability to compartmentalise.
They may be hurting about a break up but they are able to appear to be able to get on with other stuff and other parts of their lives. Their friends may not know they have ended a relationship with a partner until well after the fact. Their parents would probably not know for months and months. And so on...
I really believe they are able to 'just not show' their feelings as much as women.
My post relates men I have had relationships with - not men en mass. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:20:32 AM |
break up and they completely lose all feelings they had?
That's not true, we're just raised to be men and to hide our feelings. Once we break up we're taught to just move on and act like nothing has changed even though it may be killing us inside. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:29:08 AM | | I tend to show it in other ways. I get edgy and angry, I don't get weepy. Men just don't show feeling like women. That's probably why we just can't understand women. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:32:02 AM |
Yes...men do not attach as easily as women do....
Some say that when you receive a man's semen it's energy stays with you for seven years...
A hormone is released so that you will bond to him in order to protect the young that may be the result of your union....
Some things are programmed into the matrix of our cells no matter how much we wish they weren't. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:35:34 AM | | It seems like men hide their feelings from themselves as much as from society. It doesn't seem healthy, and as Thymekiller already mentioned, they tend to get angry and bitter rather than address/deal with their feelings. But I cannot believe that men don't FEEL the same, they just don't admit it out loud. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:38:37 AM | | Ya going off what Cass said, we don't admit it loudly. While you may talk to all your friends, co-workers, hair stylists, etc.... we'll talk about it with a couple friends maybe and then hold them to a vow of secrecy. You might notice we'll sulk a little but what you're seeing on the outside is nowhere near what we having going on inside. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:40:18 AM |
I am not sure if this has been posted before but I am wondering something. How can a man tell you one day he cares for you or loves you and then the next day you have an argument, break up and they completely lose all feelings they had? Or is it they just do not show them. Are break ups really that easy for men? How is it so easy for them to forget you and move on?
I wish I were one of those men... dammit... | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:41:18 AM | Hi there,
Some men play games and tell you exactly what you want t hear.
It's hard when you really like someone and have nothing to hide.
The best thing any woman can do is really get to know someone without being intimate and you will see them for who they are a lot quicker and will be stronger in the long run.
Let them talk about themselves and don't be too inclined to tell them a lot about yourself in the beginning.
All the best
Hail1  | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:41:26 AM |
Why is it that men show anger instead of hurt? It makes the situation worse.
We're taught to fight, you never saw GI Joes's sitting and talking through their problems did you. No they went and kicked Cobra's azz. Anger is hurt in that situation. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:44:44 AM | Speaking to my male friends about this very subject, they mostly say that they can quickly forget someone ever existing after a break-up. I thought this was a harsh thing to say but I think that men's ability to compartmentalise things means that they can literally put painful thoughts to the back of their mind - especially if they are convinced that they can do nothing about it.
I have known some men however who seem unable to move on after a particularly horrible break-up, this indicates to me that the 'blocking' of this painful time might be preventing them from feeling the vulnerability of love again. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:44:53 AM | I would suspect the answer is easy, they didn't have the feelings to begin with, and this is not a man thing, women do it too. Sometimes, depending on the situation, it is also possible to really care for someone and have them gut you so badly that the feelings almost evaporate.
Others also make a valid point, men are taught not to show feelings to the point even as Cassgo said, they don't recognize them themselves. Anger and love are strong emotions. When I get really, really angry I cry because I am so frustrated I don't know what else to do. Men don't know what to do with the feelings so they get angry because it is okay for them to be angry while it is not okay for them to cry and show weakness.
I had something similar happen to me. The man said something so horrid that given my history it was like throwing cold water on things, and I realized that this man was not who I thought he was. I didn't end things right there but I did think that if things were so hard at that juncture, it would get worse and it was not terribly difficult to walk away.
I think realistically, while the feelings did not evaporate entirely, I realized I fell in love with someone that did not really exist so it is quite logical that I no longer had feelings for the man that really was. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:50:49 AM | Men say I love you to get into the bed room and forget as soon as they walk out
if you do as they say all the time, on time, they will keep loving you
but get it wrong once - and you are out of the water with no fishing rod | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:52:22 AM | | i wish i was one of those guys too 25 yrs. married to my wife and would of died for her and one day she walked out and was in bed 2 1/2 weeks later with a stranger she found on pof,4 months later i still hurt like it was yesterday , | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:52:46 AM | Well..in a nutshell, from birth, we are taught "big boys don't cry" Showing a feminine side is deemed being weak, lame, or gay. We are taught to "suck it up", we are taught to solve our problems with confrontation, anger, physical exchanges. When we do bond, it's all good until it comes to confrontation, or rejection. Then, most males try to comprehend & understand using the limited emotional tools & resources we are allowed to use... and they are woefully inadequate. That's why suicide is high in men. kinda like "I'll show you!...BANG!" Most men don't have the training in emotional outlet to deal with a problem that shakes them to the core. The usual answer is suicide, drugs, alcohol, (drugs & alcohol give you an excuse to cry.."hey Man, I was all f--ked-up!") or anger/physical violence to deal with serious emotional issues. But,.. "what does not kill you, makes you stronger" does work. If the average male flubs his first few suicide attemps, and he gets off the bottle, or needle, or doesn't go to jail for beating someone to death...EVENTUALLY, they become a well-rounded individual, like myself.    | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:54:00 AM | | Well I think some men are not as caring and as compassionate, as the ladies are. IF you want to forget about him, do what I did with my last ex-boyfriend. Think about all their bad habits, and all the their nasty little quirks, my last ex was rather verbally abusive towards me. I am so much happier without my ex in my life. My pet Holly didn't even like him, she always ran and hid under the coffee table, when he was around. Just try to look forward and not back, you can do a lot better. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:54:19 AM |
Men say I love you to get into the bed room and forget as soon as they walk out
if you do as they say all the time, on time, they will keep loving you
but get it wrong once - and you are out of the water with no fishing rod
Thats a pretty inaccurate generalization | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 9:04:13 AM | Loz;
Well sorry I'm wrong then, obviously since you both saw a man trying to hide his hurt feelings instead of telling the world about his broken heart that must mean we're all looking to just sleep with a girl and leave her. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 9:08:28 AM | | If a man feel hurt, a lot of times it manifests itself as anger. Being able to BE hurt means you've allowed your self to become vulnerable. This often is an emotional netherworld for some of us guys. No guy wants to admit vulnerability, sometimes not even to himself. What you perceive as losing feelings could very well just be a front. Men do hide thier feelings. Now on the flip side. He may have never loved you at all, and just said that in an effort to get a little bit. His feelings may have never been as deeply invested you believed. As a result, turning the lights out on the relationship would be no big deal if that was the case. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 9:13:49 AM | | I just wish I could shut off my emotions. It has been several months but it still hurts. When you think you found the one and then they suddenly shut you out and dont want anything to do with you after you thought they cared it is very hard. It is a little comfort to think that maybe he is hurting just as much but not showing it. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 9:17:45 AM | | I think what yur seing from the varied replys is that you can't throw a blanket over the whole gender. Like women, we are different as well. Admittedly, there are players that will say wonderful things about deep felt emotions to get what they want, but there are also the others that are here for all the right reasons. This group will display a far different set of emotions when there is a break up. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 9:17:48 AM | I have been wondering the same thing. One minute, men love you and are attached, the next men they disappear. I do believe that they don't feel things the same way as women do. I don't know how one minute they love you, and the next, it's like you never met them at all.
And when they break up with you, they say very hurtful things that I personally wouldn't even say to an enemy. They make it clear that it's you, and not them. If you were better, and not you, they would still love you. Maybe I just have been dating the wrong men. I've just had bad luck in dating men. Sometimes, I wonder if there are good men out there. | |
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